Coffee and I are old friends (coffee is older than me of course) and I do a lot of thinking over coffee. With this in mind I decided to start a little concept called thoughts over coffee which I'll be doing from time to time.
Topic - Be a better you part two (Part one here)
Master your own body language
- Stand up straight with your shoulders back and no hint of a slouch in your back.
- Make eye (appropriate) eye contact (This means don't stare at her boobs if you're a guy and no staring at his dick if you're a girl)
- Smile genuinely, it disarms others, welcomes them into your space and makes them want to smile also.
- Firm handshakes are important, but don't issue hand-crushers like a wanker.
Understanding your body language and how others respond to it or are repelled by it is a very important tool to help you become a better person and to be better liked by others.
Take a pause before speaking
- Listen 70% of the time and talk 30% of the time.
- Listen to hear what's being said rather than thinking up your response.
- Take the time to think before you speak, a small two second pause is totally acceptable.
- Maintain eye contact in pre-talk pauses.
This alone will help "build your brand" as people will perceive you as more intelligent and more willing to hear other people - People like to talk about themselves and what they know and that's ok...as long as you're not doing it.
What do you reckon? If you want to comment below then go ahead, I'm interested in your thoughts and experiences.
Design and create your ideal life, tomorrow isn't promised - galenkp
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And importantly, don't be afraid of sitting in silence with someone. :)
I reckon, don't be afraid fullstop.
Pretty good philosophy.
All of this was great advice, but this one especially gets me a lot. If I find myself about to interrupt someone or waiting to talk as soon as they are done speaking, I know I'm back in a rut of listening to respond instead of just listening.
Another piece of advice I picked up from a book about listening. After someone says something, it's not always good to respond with a "me too" story and put the focus on yourself. It's often better to ask follow-up questions about their story.
I think we all do it, especially with slow talkers, people who aren't very interesting and other such individuals. I do it from time to time but try not to, especially at work.
Yep, that last point you make...that's a good one for sure. It's good in business and also social situations.
I’ve noticed that the more you let someone talk about themselves, the more they seem to like you. It's the cheapest charm strategy there is!:)
You little minxy charm-strategist you!
Little minxy charm-strategist...I think I'll put that on my Tinder profile:)
Fuck yeah, you'll get loads of matches.
Looking into the eyes of the interlocutor, with an upright attitude and correct body posture, makes the conversation great.
When I'm talking to someone who is hunched over, looking at the floor when he's talking to me, I try to end the conversation as soon as possible.
He's hiding something!
Since you mentioned girls and breasts (and looking at them), I have an anecdote 😀
I got off the company bus at the last stop (it means I'm not at work at that time), and stood in front of a colleague who has a lush bust and asked her "What do you say about the interlocutor, when he's talking to you. Where should he look at you?", while keeping my gaze fixed on her chest.
"So in the eyes, Duskobgd, not where you are looking".
"I look in the eyes," I said with a smile, pointing my finger in the direction of her chest, over which she had a beautiful hoodie with a cute little kitten with big eyes.
She laughed and told me I was being silly.
I smiled at her and said: "I know, although you are too, as soon as you didn't slap me for such a comment".
Many times we met in the company with the greeting: "Where are you, kitty" 😀
That's a good trick, disguise your boob-lookomg as a so ial experiment! Smart. That colleague sounds like a good sort,and with Kush breasts? Well, she can work in my department anyday.
The question is, it's distracting 😀
A good distraction though.
You think smile genuinely is good? I do it sometimes, but found it kinda "dumb" since others almost never do it and might make you look like "weak"
I also do a small pause before speak, but nowadays that's not liked either, we are always in a hurry and speed and it's annoying for others if you "waste" time like that
Smiling genuinely is a strength not a weakness or dumb...the weakness (and dumbness) lies within those who think smiling is a weakness. Those people are weak, dumb...and cunts.
Welcome back! Missed your posts!
The listening/talking ratio it was sticks out to me. It's important to get to a point quickly, in the right wording, adapted to the situation (colloquial with some, elaborate with others), and be concise about it. Which isn't easy. Especially the part about not thinking of a response while they're speaking.
I do sometimes take a keyword-note so I remember what I wanted to answer, if the other is taking too long or jumping topics. What's your take on that? It does help me a lot, but takes away the focus for a second. For some reason I'm not good at retaining them just in my brain, which would be optimal.
Eye contact is a funny one, too. Some people get really nervous when you look them in the eyes, and immediately look away, even though I do try to look in a friendly way.
Yeah, I fell into a well and it took me six days to climb out.
Sometimes there's a need to talk a lot, or a person may simply want to and that's ok. Imagine a university lecturer who didn't talk much, or a keynote speaker at a seminar. It wouldn't work so well.
As for eye contact and body language I'm general, it says a lot more than words and certainly backs up, or calls into question, the words being said. If it's mastered then a person communicate better because they can control their own, and read others' body language.
I remembered the moment when I learned about handshakes and how they reveal someone's personality, especially when I was working in sales. Those little tips helped me a lot.
If someone doesn't look me in the eye, I sometimes think they're hiding something from me. For me, the eyes speak volumes.
There's a reason we have two ears and only one mouth... people should listen more.
Standing tall and firm is something I've also learned, like the handshake, and it's very useful in generating reactions from the other side, from the other person, but it also helps with our own confidence.
Or they're looking at your boobs.
I know, it's happened to me a lot😂... and behind my back too.
Haha, yeah I figured. I've looked a boob or two in my day. Still do if I'm honest. 😁
Well... that's not bad, ha ha ha, eyes are made for looking.😃
Indeed.
Hi Galenkp, it's really nice to hear from you. You are right coffee is much older than you and I, coffee is like beautiful loves, like the sunrise and sunset sun, which invite us to the encounter with our thoughts, emotions and actions.
Moreover, when I'm engrossed drinking coffee, I often say to myself, "Mirror, tell me what I'm looking at, as far as I understand, I'm blind." I think one of the laws of thermodynamics is where we put the energy is what we are going to see or where is your focus is where you take the energy. Is this something like when you enter Hive and see a post? Well, more posts with similar topics are starting to appear.Definitely what has no structure, does not prevail.
Receive a greeting from this Lady who appreciates, respects and wishes the best, for you present.
That's a mighty fine looking coffee and cake there, huzzah!
Yeayyy Coffee is one of my must-have drinks in the morning.
Eye contact is very hard for me. Almost to the point where it is uncomfortable. Needless to say I suck at it, and I know it is something I need to keep working on even though I am close to being over the hill now. Your brother questioned if I was on the spectrum a bit the other day and while I don't think so, that could be part of it. I think the real issue is my parents didn't really socialize when I was younger, so I didn't have that example growing up.
It's possible I suppose, many are and I think it goes unnoticed/diagnosed a lot of the time. People just think, this is how I am. I'm not sure though, I'm not a doctor of medicine.
No, me neither. I just know it's something I need to work on. I have a conference coming up at the end of this month where I will likely be talking with a lot of vendors, so I plan on practicing there.
That's a good place to start, with strangers.
'Take a pause before speaking ' is very important , people think that they just themselves need to speak and speak all the time. They don't know listening or they don't care. It's boring and disappointing.
Yeah, I think you have a good understanding of it, I agree with you too.
Listen to understand what the other person is saying, by doing that you get to give a befitting response. This is an interesting prompt you got here.
For sure.
Taking a pause before speaking is very necessary in our lives, it helps us not to speak what may later hot us and we end up regretting, but since I have mastered myself I no longer speak any how
I agree.
Coffee completes my day.