Over Puddles

in Reflections2 months ago

We probably should have planned more ahead for the coming week of holidays for Smallsteps, as the weather is going to be pretty horrible to be outdoors. There has been a lot of snow in the last few weeks, but now the temperature has moved up above freezing again, and it is just slush, ice, mud, puddles and mess. On Friday, Smallsteps slipped into a puddle on her way home from school, and almost had to swim out. She was wet through to the skin and was frozen by the time she got home.

Probably what made her sick on Saturday.

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She was okay today though, so we continued on painting in the morning, and then we went and had a quick coffee with a friend of mine. He is recently divorced, and his son is now an adult, so I think that he doesn't mind spending a few hours just hanging out and talking nonsense with us. I am hoping that once he is ready and dating again, we will still be able to hangout and perhaps do some "double date" kinds of things.

Never really done that before. Might be fun.

As I have mentioned before, over the last years and especially since Covid restrictions, I feel I have lost a lot of my friendships with people, where the connections have been whittled down. This is also my fault, as since the stroke, I have very low motivation to stay in contact with people. It is akin to getting to the gym - it is easier to stay on the couch, even though I know that it would be better to meet with people. This year, I have been paying more attention to this and trying to be more active, but there isn't a huge amount or reciprocity.

Maybe it is me.

Since the stroke, my personality has changed somewhat, and I am not as fast as I used to be. I feel that I have become less vibrant in some way, as if I have just got old and tired. In my head I still kind of feel like my old self, but then I scan my mind and feel the fog. It is like looking into the mirror, and seeing an elderly parent.

The shine is gone.

In a few weeks I will be turning forty five, and while that is well past middle age, I also don't think it is "as old" as 45 seemed to be when I was a kid. Thinking back to my parents at that age and the parents of my friends, they seemed so much better put together, so much more organized. It was like they were adults. Talking with my friends, even though doing adult things - they don't seem like they are as "adult-y" as in the past.

I think that this has to do with having such a variation in options now on ways to live life, whereas it was far more restricted thirty years ago. There was still the idea of getting married, having kids, owning a house - and not too much more. It was far simpler to choose what to do in life, because the expectations from life were narrower.

Compared to many of our daughter's friends, we are pretty old parents, but not that much older, as people are having kids later these days. I think that this has an effect on the situation too, as back in the day, people started their "stable life" earlier, and in their mid-twenties they were already well along the path. These days at that age, people are still behaving like they are teenagers, living at home, borrowing money from their parents, spending it on going to a Taylor Swift concert.

I don't know - maybe I expect life to somehow be different in ways it can't be. Maybe my own belief that life should be about having solid relationships, being part of a community, and adding value to others in return for a quality society are so antiquated, it just isn't possible. Perhaps, I should just join the army of people marching along to the beat of whatever makes an individual feel good in the moment, must be good.

That doesn't sound right to me.

Maybe I am wrong.

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]

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Remember hearing people say they can't believe they are old now when they turn 30? 40? You just shake your head. Just you wait.

Just you wait til you are looking in that mirror and see someone who is 50! That seems like such a huge blow to me as I identify as a 30-year old! ;) A half a damn century. Just you wait!

Things are different now for the younger generation, as it probably always was in the past, but now we are simply observing it more closely. There are so many people living off handouts, doing things that make them happy in the short term, and not having the patience to see things through......kinda like teenagers. Then they wonder why they are not getting adult results they imagined.

Adulting is tough and aging is inevitable so lets just try and kick as much ass as we are able and stay connected to the universe in whatever form we are currently in. That is what matters.

I have always felt older than I am I think - but lately, I feel ancient. I was looking at some clothes today - there is nothing for me!

To make us feel better, this guy is 46.

WhatsApp Image 2024-02-23 at 00.36.05_f50519e0.jpg

Don't do too many drugs.

There are so many people living off handouts, doing things that make them happy in the short term, and not having the patience to see things through......kinda like teenagers.

And this is what frustrates me - I have never been someone to do this - but I am not getting adult results either! (In my opinion)

I don't plan on giving in though. Mostly because it is too late ;D

Your frustration may be a remnant from our upbringing as a generation. "Shut up. Work harder. You are solely a sum of your decisions. There are consequences for every action so own it and do better." Surely there is merit in there somewhere but it is the not giving up part as well as the fact that the only thing we can truly control is our attitude in the moment.

Adult results are a fallacy and, from what I have learned through a thick filter, you and the family are doing damn fine. You just need to identify as a young man and have fun while battling the randomness of the universe!

Everything you said about the differences in adulting now vs in our parents’ generation rings true to me. I agree that the variety of options and our high expectations of life are strong contributors. Used to be that only “kids” — meaning high school and college aged kids ran around trying things. But now that continues on throughout our adult lives. We don’t want to miss out, or be that bring person who has stopped seeking cultural and creative outlets.

As for feeling connected, I was in a bit of a slump a few years ago, as it seems you might be at the moment. What changed was that my husband and I started doing more purposeful get togethers with friends. Like game nights, and going out to hear local musicians. And we focus on a few small friend groups that always get along well and have a lot of fun. We also travel with friends sometimes, get a cabin for a weekend, etc. it has rejuvenated our social lives!

We don’t want to miss out, or be that bring person who has stopped seeking cultural and creative outlets.

We don't want to miss out "now" even if it means missing out later.

We also travel with friends sometimes, get a cabin for a weekend, etc. it has rejuvenated our social lives!

I think this is a great idea. They do it here, but my family don't have a cabin anymore, so it becomes very expensive. Still, heading out more to listen to a local band is possible - if they still exist.

Oh I certainly hope you have local bands, @tarazkp. The world is ever changing, but the need to make music and entertain persists.

🍷 To your continued health and healing.

I don't feel like an adult most of the time and I have a couple years on you. So don't feel too bad about that one. I also feel like I lost a lot of friends because of Covid. Not that they aren't around anymore, but we maybe aren't as close. Like we isolated but they didn't, so they grew closer with the people they were able to hang out with.

I think for us, they isolated, we didn't - but many people isolated here. It became an extended excuse to not make an effort.

We were more concerned about keeping our parents safe since they were in a high risk group. Other's just didn't care. I think in the end we made the right and best decision, but it is what it is.

If you go to a Taylor Swift concert I'm not sure I'd relate at all...

Gah here I am doing yoga and walking to keep my body fit for surfing and I look in the mirror and yep, I'm still a middle aged woman.

My 50 year old sister in law still goes out to parties and drinks red bull and cider and gets home at 3 am. We had one night up to 11 and it put my whole week out. She has gazillions of friends though. She can have em..I'm going for a nice walk in the country side .

Some days I feel 30, some days 878. I'm very conscious I'm headed into my last ten years of good fitness though.

If you go to a Taylor Swift concert I'm not sure I'd relate at all...

A hundred thousand at a concert - how many are over twenty? 80% or more? :D

I'm very conscious I'm headed into my last ten years of good fitness though.

A sad realization - especially since my fitness is not good now :D

I think what people need to realize is that we're all just winging it. I have seen a lot of people say how their parents seemed like they had everything figured out when they were young, and they are lost now. Are they showing their lost side to their children? I would think they did the same things as their parents. Grit their teeth, and do their best. Learn from one's mistakes and ask help from others.

I think there is something to this, but I also think there was actually more stability then - so without all the options on the table, they were forced to be grownups. Lucky, because the late 80s and early 90s were tough.

45 is still not old, as they say, life starts at 40. So continue living your life and don't limit yourself. Enjoy your life, don't worry about tomorrow; focus on what you can do now. Keep fighting. And it's not necessarily a bad thing to lose friends. True friends, no matter what, will not abandon you in times of difficulty or joy. However, if your friends are not contributing positively to your life or well-being, it's not wrong to distance yourself from them. People who bring stress and add to our problems can truly affect our lives negatively.

Not sure if life starts at 40 now - I think that was more when people had children earlier, so by 40, they were nearing adulthood and the parents had far more freedom, energy, and a bit of money.

It has been about 20C in the weekend here and I got sweaty today, not to make you envy :)

20 already! I forget how fast it can get warm there.

I think it has come from Spain and it is more than 20C there.

Your writing and analysis when it comes to writing is very good I don't think the incident has diminished your skills that much in terms of age you are still very young I am thinking of doing a post on the infantilization of society I have neighbors and a friend who treats her 25 and 30 year old adult children like babies it's crazy.

Might make for an interesting post!

Your concept on how we should live life is well articulated and quite amazing. The youths of this generation think quite differently hence the reason for their shallow thoughts about living.

I still think you're doing amazingly great for yourself, smallsteps and the community.

I don't know how old you are, but what do you see locally?

I am ancient. 47.

RIP.

Nah, I still have a bit until 125. In May I go home to spend time with my 98-year-old grandma. 100% mental health, still walking. So, I hope for some good genes from the gene pool.

Having stroke and managing it takes a lot from people just like speed. I’ve seen so many people who had stroke but became slow with things and all but do you have an idea if it is possible for you to increase your speed again?
Are there also some drugs you usually take?