I don’t know if it is just me, but sometimes I feel like I could be related to a rollercoaster, lolz! My thoughts, ideas, moods and plans will swing in one direction and then just as suddenly swing in the other. Although, this is probably more like that pendulum swing thing at the carnivals, LOLZ! Either way, as much as it can keep life interesting and spontaneous, it can also make it really hard sometimes because one second I am going left and really excited about it and then I blink and I am going right because left didn’t really appeal to me anymore, or something about left just didn’t feel right after a bit.
I have really enjoyed the time I have spent here on Hive since joining recently and have loved learning about a LOT. It really re-ignited my love for reading as well as writing and the excitement has had me all fired up! Then, a few nights ago, I sat down and started writing a post about a really incredible experience I had with a psychologist a few years ago. I have not published the post yet, because I didn’t finish it yet.
Just over 1000 words in and I de-railed emotionally. The experience I was writing about was one which had a deep impact on me as a person and I suppose writing about it threw me back and triggered a whole lot of feeling which I was not quite prepared for. I went from being really excited to write it, allowing myself to share the story fluidly and openly to completely shutting down.
It left me feeling so down. Not because of the experience itself, but because of the things I realized during. It felt like I had been catapulted back in time and I just could not shake the feeling. I began second guessing myself, whether I should share it and if anybody would even care to read it.
From that moment, I walked away from it and haven’t touched it since. I basically crawled into my safe cave and avoided everyone and everything for a few days, which is why I have not posted anything for a bit.
I guess we all go left, right, up and also down sometimes, don’t we. I have noticed that when I go “down” (or inward) I tend to slow down the most, which is probably not a bad thing. Some of it can be, because I tend to get stuck in my head a little and that has a tendency to run away with itself, and then I have to make a real effort to remind myself that I am actually allowed to feel vulnerable, sad and any other wave of emotion which might come over me.
I say it is not a bad thing having these little reflective interludes in my life because they allow me to reassess myself, to keep in check with what I am doing and where I am going and also to make sure my head is still screwed on properly, although I don’t think I have ever been completely sure about that last bit, LOLZ!
So, after a few days of inward reclusion and little to nothing happening in my outside world, other than what was absolutely necessary to keep my boat floating and pay my bills, I decided to go out for an early morning coffee yesterday to get myself out of my cave and also back into the swing of a positive routine. My favorite is always breakfast at or near the beach and this time I ventured a little closer to home. It was still near the ocean, but not really the beach. Either way, my heart was happy and so were my eyes, because it’s always nice to have a good view!
I took the time I needed to move through what I felt because of writing that post rather than ignoring it and pretending I was fine. There was obviously a reason for it, and I needed that time out to work through that.
Sometimes I wonder if I spend too much time by myself, but the thing is, I really don’t mind being alone, because I never actually feel alone, or lonely. I actually enjoy my own company, even though that might sound a little strange to some people, for me it is pretty much a normal thing. I sat and enjoyed my coffee, got lost in the view and began making notes about some of the things I would like to get done with the rest of this week. One of them is to finish that post I started. I have rekindled my enthusiasm to share it and that is exactly what I am going to do!
I will post it as soon as it is done!
Eliza xxx
PS. I also got myself set up on Twitter now, so I can join in with all of you over there, so it would be lovely if you came to say hi to me, if that is something that you use. Here is my link. https://twitter.com/elizaannetweets
I think you have the maximum level of freedom :)
I like the way you think! :)
You know that monitor in hospitals, the EKG, hooked up to the heart with the line moving up and down? Life can be like that sometimes. It's just letting you know you're alive and well.
HA! I love that! What an awesome way to look at it! and yes, totally agree. I would far rather have ups and downs and KNOW I am alive and LIVING than the alternative of nothing but the constant monotony of just existing.
Ups and downs. Look how much more interesting that water is when the waves are rolling in.
It all has a purpose. Without downs, there can't be ups, since you wouldn't know they're ups without having some downs to compare the ups to.
I probably could have worded that better... lol
LOLZ! I think you worded it just fine haha!
Perspective in a word I suppose :)
In a word: yeah.
I can't believe this dog just made my day. Well played.
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Writing is a brilliant way to actually stop and deal with something that remained unresolved even though life moved forward. obviously there is a wound there that needs proper healing.
I can only speak for myself, but I would love to read it. I trust that the comments to this post, can already start a process in the right direction, maybe even in a surprising way. we are all humans, and we all go through a very similar experience in life.
lastly, I totally resonate with your last paragraph about enjoying your own company. so do I. so much so, that I always say that for me to want to go into a relationship, it has to be a really one. something better then the alone I am so comfortable in.
life is a rollercoaster. by the way rollercoaster in Spanish is "Montaña Rusa"; a Russian Mountain.. go figure ; )
glad to sense you cheered up already and looking forward to reading it.
Only after reading you write this, did I actually stop and take a second to contemplate just how very true that is, even if we are doing it unconsciously.
Thank you! I appreciate that! I definitely will finish it soon! I was actually hoping to do so today, but I am anticipating a handful of interruptions so it might have to be tomorrow. :)
YES!!!! I think in many ways, one can become quite selfish with being alone, lolz!
And now I learned something for the day!!! Thank you!
Thank you also, for the lovely comment and for taking time out to read my little ramble about my own Montana Rusa haha!
Hop you have a brilliant day @bigorna1 xxx
while I can not help you with Italian as mine is rather basic, I can with Spanish ; )
Well you are already doing way better than I am, LOLZ! My Italian is basically non existent without my little book, haha and my Spanish is completely ZERO!
I think we could be related!
This is a feeling I know very well, over the years, I've written about quite a few traumatic events in my life and although these moments that I write temporarily throw me off the rails, eventually it helps me get through the emotional state as I can then let it go (or part of it at least) to move on without feeling blocked. So try to look at the bigger picture and know you're helping yourself heal a bit every time you write about it..
Although I never have breakfast at the beach, the best medicine for a stressful day is sitting somewhere to have a tapa (or two) and then listen to the waves. We live uphill and walking down to the sea would be 30 minutes but with a car it's just a few minutes (yes, it's very steep). I think when the summer arrives, I will have more breakfasts there because then it's still fairly cool while in the evening it will be hotter. It's a good way to start the day listening to the waves!
Here's a little tip for you !PIMP
Have a great day and it's great that you joined Hive because I can see we have a lot in common and I will be surely reading your content a lot!
You must be killin' it out here!
@thisismylife just slapped you with 1.000 PIMP, @eliza.anne.
You earned 1.000 PIMP for the strong hand.
They're getting a workout and slapped 1/2 possible people today.
Read about some PIMP Shit or Look for the PIMP District
Thank you so much @thisismylife !!! "PIMP" hehe I love that!! :D
Yeah you need to stake pimp to give the command I will send you the post with an explanation here: https://peakd.com/hive-111011/@enginewitty/pimp-v30
If you have 1000 PIMP tokens (on Hive Engine, staked) you can give 1 command every day, and both the giver and receiver get the 1 token staked, if you have 10k pimp, you get a second command giving out 5 PIMP per person and then with 50k (a lot haha) you can give 3 and so on..
It's actually a great community of supportive people, I will leave you the discord link in case you are curious. YOu can use the pimp tag on your posts to earn pimp btw.
Ok, great! Thanks for that. I need to wrap my head around it all :D
hahahaha!!! This is probably a lot more common than most of us would ever even know, LOLZ!
That is PRECISELY it. Admittedly, it has taken several instances of me writing or sometimes speaking about things to realize that the pain it puts me through is for my own benefit in the long run, but happy to say I did get to that realization eventually. My mom always says we need to "move through the emotion" and when I was younger, I never really understood what she was trying to say, but I guess that is pretty much it. You need to live them again (in a manner of speaking) but with experience and a little more balance the second (or even third) time around.
Ha thats so COOL :D, thank you! I assume that is another coin here on Hive? I have seen a few popping up in my own comments and also other peoples. I need to learn a bit more about all that.
Thank you so much! So thrilled you enjoyed the read and ALWAYS really wonderful to connect with people who you can relate to - it does help the "roads we walk" a lot more enjoyable as well as often, understandable when you have others you can bounce things off!
So great to meet you and I hope you are having a wonderful Monday!
Dafuq @eliza.anne, you gotta stake more PIMP Tokens!
You need Stake at least 1000.000 PIMP power.
(We will not send this error message for 24 hours).
Read about some PIMP Shit or Look for the PIMP District
Ya sabes. Lo dicho... mirror.
roller coaster (me too)
We should take a ride together, LOLZ!!! :D
Maybe... 😂
hehehehehe!!!!!!
Are you born in June month? Just say something random if you don't want to be exposing information. I understand.
LOLZ!!! I do know the zodiac quite well, so realize why you asked that haha!!! I also know that our sun signs are not the only part that influence our characters - so even if I am not a Gemini as a sun sign, I could also be in my moon sign LOLZ! more rollercoaster rides haha!
Happy Monday @forykw :D
I've still never been to Twitter. Heard about it, dew d-dew d-deewww...
Welcome to Hive, you. I see you're getting around just fine in your first months. If you need a hand with anything, feel free. I don't know everything but I'll teach you everything I know.
Glad you found us. Joint wasn't the same without you.
Thanks @dandays, I appreciate the offer. Plenty helpful folks around here I am discovering :)