It funny how the way we have been brought up forms a big part of our mentality, psychology, and way of life. And somehow along the line when you see something different or experience something a little weird, our minds react sharply and are already willing to resist the possibility of a change or modification to our perspectives, about life.
For a very long while, I thought Chimamanda Adichie was just brainwashed by the American environment and learning. But very recently, I am gradually taking a look at her words, and sayings, especially about Africa, and the female gender.
It's worse when you grow up in a very strict religious background like mine when it must not be heard that you do as much as wear anything above your knee or even bring a male friend home. I remember when a friend of mine failed a course in University. the only course she ever failed. A maths course. She was in her second year and there was this mass failure for the course and she failed. 32E. She went home after that incident and talked to her mum, and she practically shouted and screamed at her. She told her never to tell her she failed,saying her daughter can not fail, told her to think very well before telling her rubbish. Also said that she did not give birth to a child that will fail maths. She had forgotten that this child all her secondary school days never even had anything short of an A grade in Maths, and something must have indeed gone wrong for her precious maths-guru daughter to fail maths. She only needed someone who could understand what happened and that she needed help. but her mom's reaction made her feel extremely bad. and she killed it. She made up her mind from then that she was never going to say a word about her private life to her mom again.
I have had many crazy experiences, and I have had to pull through myself. Too many secrets, and battles. Of course, I keep going through. I am a survivor... Even in all of my past relationships, I kept some things to myself and made them private. the very first person I told about some of my secrets, later used it to humiliate me. that one is just a mistake. the idea of ever dating him was a big loneliness mistake on my part. that is my past now anyways,
But really, are secrets necessary? Are They? if you keep too many secrets, you will start becoming a regular liar. because in a bid to keep your secrets you will tell lies. The only reason why we keep secrets is so that the people around us won't judge us, condemn us or look down on us. but really, should people's opinions matter?
if you did not create me, form me, you have no right to judge me. Even if you have contributed to my life in one way or the other, it's still not a license to judge me. (that why I hate feeling indebted to people)
But I am not that young teenage girl anymore. I'm a growing lady. I am beginning to care less about people's opinions. When I need help, I seek God's counsel. At least he made me, he knows what's best for me.
Dear Sunshine, Thanks for helping me see this light. Being honest and truthful takes off a lot of weight from your chest. You suddenly spill the so-called secret, and you find out that it was just your secret. People have gone through worse experiences, but they have decided to live happy and truthful, and honest to themselves and anyone who cares to listen.
I don't think keeping secrets take you to so many lies. Why should we let any one know at the first place that something is happening with us.
Everyone has one's own battles to fight and nobody can be in other shoe... being secretive is an attribute of a successful person.at least, this is what I think.
Sent to this post by @dreemport
Thanks for stopping by ma'am.
I appreciate your view on this topic, it's more enlightening.
Keeping secrets is not the best in life as if you want to keep your personality intact, you have to run from keeping secrets.
@dreemport
The idea of rejecting other possible beliefs when it questions ours is cognitive dissonance. We just can’t wrap our heads around the fact that we may have been learning wrong and we need to unlearn many things.
It takes deep understanding to come to terms with that. Most people find it hard to process the reality of others hence, the quickly disregard it.
Growth means being true to yourself despite what anyone says. You really do not owe anyone explanations so keeping your secrets to yourself doesn’t have to lead to lies.
I loved this write up so much. Well done.
Thanks for your contribution.🙂
You may not need to say anything so you don't get to lie. Sometimes, staying quiet solves everything. The moment you try to speak, you may likely tell lies or spill the secrets you were trying to protect, so it better to keep mute.
I am sorry about that girl's mum, she over reacted. I am sorry about that friend of yours that used your secrets against you, he is immature.
I am happy you have grown past everything and that you seek God's counsel instead of human's opinions. Stay positive dear
This is a post that makes people think ang I love that
I think in my younger years initially I felt the need to confirm to the norms or peer pressure that was in society at the time but by my late teens early adulthood I learned it was not good for me or anyone to let themselves be judged by those around us wether actually judged or our minds controlling what we do based on how we perceived people would judge us
Sure you have to respect other peoples thoughts and opinions as their own but it’s not healthy mentally to overdo it and let other peoples opinions restrict what you choose to do
This is exactly what it is.
Thanks for stopping by
My Pleasure to visit your post :)
I think it's better not to say anything rather than telling lies to conceal the secret because it will eventually hurt your conscience. Leave people's opinion and focus on yourself. It doesn't matter what they say or how they criticize you, they didn't form or create you. Instead it is better to tell God your worries. I came through @dreemport
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This is really deep and I don't know where to start from... The fact that if you keep so many secrets, you will soon end up being a liar is just the fact. There isn't anyway you won't keep lying just to keep your secret. However the truth remains that we all have secrets and most times it's necessary to keep secrets...
Just look at what happened to you when you told someone your secrets. The person used it against you which is so bad.
I don't blame your friend who decided never to tell her mum anything anymore. Why would a parents react in such a manner? Guess she has succeeded in pushing her daughter far from her.
I just hope people will respect our wishes of not wanting to share our secrets with them.
I loved this piece.. Keep blessing us with more of this...
@dreemport directed me to your post
Hello @jessicaossom. Lovely article that shows your strengths as an individual. My heart is heavy for your friend who couldn't confide in her parent the reason for failing a class. The things people do when they are young should be learning experiences on how to conduct themselves once an adult.
Your strategy will definitely work to your advantage in the future. Good luck.
Read through @dreemport