I wonder how you might define the term self respect.
The generally accepted definition talks around being, true to oneself and living life around one's sense of values and beliefs. It's about setting parameters for one's own thoughts , attitudes and behaviours and to be understanding of oneself, self-compassion and setting boundaries and it's a sense of worth, value and validity.
Many feel it and many do not, the latter is quite sad really, but it can certainly be easily shaken and broken - life has a way of dishing out some challenges and those can rock a person's sense of self respect to the foundation.
An example of this could be a person in an abusive relationship which they fail (for whatever reason) to confront, address or fail to stand up for themselves. The longer that goes on the worse the person's sense of self respect may get and it's a slippery slope.
Last week I had to address a situation in which an individual who's sense and feeling of self respect had ebbed to a very low point and their behaviours were descending downward rapidly because of it. It was terrible to watch and worse to have to deal with because I felt somewhat out of my depth with the person's core issues. I tried though and I think it's moving in a better direction or, at the least, the slide has arrested and the person is a little more stable. I'll watch closely for signs of a backward slide.
I use the word discipline a lot. Why? Because having discipline is one of the main reasons my life hasn't been a fucken mess.
I'm not impervious to the rigors of life, the stresses and complexities and all the other shit stuff that can happen, but through having discipline, the discipline to see, acknowledge and work on things that need fixing, improving or changing,
I've been able to find better ways to move forward, better paths, better futures and a better me. Have those things always worked out perfectly? Of course not, but having had the discipline to seek solutions and improvements, made a genuine attempt and effort to grow and develop and move tings towards better results, certainly gave me a good feeling of self respect and that counts for a lot. Win or lose, showing discipline and actively working towards something is a solid way to increase the feeling of self respect. Doing nothing, wallowing, being lazy and such behaviours will help one do nothing but slide backwards.
I wonder about others, you folks for instance, and thought I'd pose a couple questions that you may or may not like to respond to.
Have you felt a lack of self respect and if so what caused it, how rapid was the decline and what did you do to address it; also, what results came from your effort to reverse the negative situation?
I would you would like to comment feel free to do so below, I enjoy seeing people's thoughts and like it when they share experiences because we can learn a great deal through other people's success and failures and how they dealt with them.
Design and create your ideal life, tomorrow isn't promised - galenkp
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Image(s) in this post are my own
I really like this framing. When I think of discipline I think of being stoic and unrelenting and putting your long term goals above short term comforts, but you're absolutely right that it's also about doing the hard work to fix things in order to remove hurdles and barriers. That's a really awesome way to think about it.
Men's mental health has clearly worsened over the decades and I think a large part of that is self-inflicted because we've convinced ourselves that getting help is weakness. We have no problem asking a mate to help us move a couch or an accountant to look at our taxes, but getting an expert to help us through trauma isn't cool?
I don't know enough about this stuff, but I'd guess 'Doing nothing, wallowing, being lazy' are symptoms of mental health issues more than the causes of it.
Thanks mate, and yeah, people often see discipline as being forced into doing something against one's will, as well as stoicism and so on...in reality it's so much more and the "correct" application of it can bring so much more to a person's life than a lack of it. I've been a disciplined person for most of my life (even as a child though I didn't know it as that at the time) and I can't see myself changing.
On the men's mental health comment,you're right. I have nothing to add except that blokes have to fucken toughen up and get over their fear of being perceived as weak. In fact, I see fear of being perceived as weak as a weakness in and of itself. A true man has the strength of character to see and acknowledge what needs to change and should take the fear of looking weak and use it to find their strength.
Thanks for commenting.
Totally agree... I really do think that policing on masculinity has caused so much harm. I can't imagine how many suicides or destructive behaviour could have been avoided if people weren't so scared of the perception of others preventing them from getting the help they need.
I'm not sure if it counts, but there was a time when I did not respect myself enough, and it lead to a burn-out. I exploited myself to a level that got quite unhealthy, and it took me quite a while to get out of that - which I did through discipline. Changing diet, lifestyle, even my thinking. Especially the re-balancing between different aspects of my life took a long time and much discipline until it finally became a habit. Now, it's easy to keep it up. I don't need as much discipline anymore.
So, I think I see discipline a lot as a tool to create healthy and positive habits. Maintaining them takes some effort, too, but a lot less than the adaption process to it. Now, while thinking about it, there's still a few habits that I want to establish. Gotta get this discipline going!
On a positive note, it seems like the strike here is finally over after 30 days of not being able to leave town. Hopefully, I can resume my usual schedules and habits (including reading & curating) again, soon.
Yep, that's discipline for sure. Well done and while you say you don't need as much discipline now, it's discipline that keeps you on the right track and from lapsing into your old ways.
It's interesting how a strike can impact people in different ways; not just preventing people from physically doing this or that, going here or there, but also how it disrupts routines and habits as you say.
It's true, but the discipline to maintain a habit requires a lot less effort than the one to establish a habit. And even when I slack, it's a lot easier to get back into the habit again with less discipline than before.
And yes, the strike really screwed everything up here. Besides writing a lot about it, I'm now taking quite a few lessons out of it, as my mind is clearer. We'll see if I can turn it into some better writing :-)
Self respect was something I struggled with as a kid, not to a great degree, but just didn't feel 'as good as...'. Things could tear me down or build me up without much input from me. Fast forward to the Army days, and my sense of self worth grew alongside my newfound skills. Nowdays, I tend to simply not put up with too much shit.
What ticks me off is when I see kids cower from their own parents. You know those kids are gonna have a rough go of life until they also learn their true worth.
A familiar story to me.
I was pretty well brutalized for a lot of my childhood, victimised for one reason or another - kids can be cruel - and it wasn't until later when I began to discover my value, believe in it and myself and then things started to change. I threw a few fists in that time also, because I realise that sometimes violence is required.
Later, I became very comfortable with myself and what value I delivered to the right people and I saw what I did to some others as delivering value to other people who could then thrive themselves. I think you know what I mean.
Anyway, protecting the weak and those who cannot protect themselves is something I've done well and with vigor, but like you say, people also need to find themselves.
Good morning, Galenkp!
This is one of the topics I most enjoy writing and talking about. In fact, it is a recurring theme in my posts, precisely for the reflection community.
There was a time, during my adolescence, perhaps due to an eating disorder, when my weight caused my self-esteem to suffer. These are complicated times for a boy who is trying to become a man in a world full of competitors. I didn't see myself as someone an interesting girl would find interesting to hang out with, or even be attracted to.
I can say that this deviation in self-esteem ended up leaving some scars. I'm not an extremely confident person about my presence and self-worth, but nowadays I'm more than comfortable with my physique, and what's more, my whole mental state is something I'm proud of. I've built a disciplined mindset, which, by following a set of rules, has brought me not only emotional but also physical stability, as you mentioned in the first part of your post.
This is an interesting comment and an excellent example of how applying discipline can positively affect a person's life in lasting ways. I see a lack of discipline around me on an almost daily basis but am fortunate to be surrounded by people like myself who apply it to themselves and their work and in general life; it means my workplace is high-achieving and that non-disciplined people who come along do not stay for long.
I'm happy to hear how you turned things around for yourself, you should be very pleased and proud of your efforts.
This is in fact one of the most beneficial parts of getting surrounded by persons that bring something, and not only take away. Since I've practice more and more mindfulness, I can pin point the "dark" spots in in work place, and stay out of them... In a more or less effective way.
Best to soar with the eagles than to stay on the ground with the turkeys right?
And even when we can't fly as high as eagles, just being able to see a creature fly so gracefully and freely gives us a completely different perspective on life. It inspires us to always give our best. Not just for ourselves, but for those around us. I couldn't have summed it up as effectively as you did :)
Better to aim for the stars and hit the moon than aim lower and acheive lower.
Before we were old enough to stop him, my father used my mother as a punch bag. From that, I learned self-respect, and it’s been a guiding principle throughout my life.
A hard and difficult way to learn that lesson but a good lesson to have learned early on and to sustain throughout life.
I lose so much of my own self-respect every time I post "Reply" on "Hive" when responding to people who have written a comment without reading the entire post.
I've simply stopped responding to those comments. :) I have a lot more self respect now.
On the actual topic of your post: ambition becomes outcome because people did the bit in the middle. That's the discipline.
Yeah, those people. Frustrating, lazy fucken assholes.
I generally don't reply, or reply with a downvote.
That bit in the middle, it's what so many people don't want to do these days...they still want the benefits though.
I clearly needed better discipline on my spell check before hitting reply.
You mean those participation trophies at school didn't condition people to always win?
Haha, yeah got to love the way society rewards mediocrity these days. The race to the bottom.
That happens a lot on Snaps. I mean, it's obvious, people are able to read 288 characters. But the comments are so... superficial. I still can't bring it over me to not answer. I don't up-vote most of them, though.
From the end of primary school, as a 14-year-old, when I did not allow myself to be influenced by the comments of the environment, I set a boundary, which later helped me to further build my self-esteem.
I decided not to let myself be influenced by the mean comments of my peers about appearance, height, knowledge, behavior.
Peer violence is dangerous for a young person, and it can leave lasting consequences on self-confidence throughout life.
I stood in front of the mirror, and I said to myself "You're not ugly, you don't have floppy ears, you have a nice nose, the fact that you didn't grow like other peers, you'll make up for later, what you didn't learn, there's time, you'll learn. The fact that a promiscuous girl just avoids you is actually good, you'll find someone who will love you, because you deserve it." And so it was.
That setting of a limit, below which you will never allow yourself to go and accept less than what is planned, is very important in life.
You gave an example of a relationship in which violence is tolerated, excellent for setting boundaries - well, that's just one mistake, I deserved it, it's my fault, he loves me... No! This limit is not crossed.
Why do you think people tolerate bad relationship situations?
Because they are crazy 🙂
I'm kidding
Maybe it's because they don't have built-up self-esteem, because they don't value themselves enough, because they think they're not valuable and don't deserve or won't find better... And what's really devastating is if they're financially dependent and think they won't be able to survive on their own. And most often, their lives would be better on their own...
And this, from the beginning, can be one of the answers.
I have an anecdote.
My friend's neighbor, a professional boxer, was married to a beautiful, hot woman.
When my friend got married, their wives got together, and they also often drank beer.
And so years later. says the boxer's wife: "My Mickey doesn't love me anymore". "How did you conclude that?" asked my friend's wife.
"Well, je doesn't beat me the same way as before...".
Crazy, what else?
I remember back in the days my parents would tell me I had no self respect because I was dressing not well, of course in a conflicting way so I didn't listen for a while, I changed that when growing up when you are more mature... Self respect also in eating better stuff and not junk and crap food, that changed after leaving parents home
I can imagine that the case you helped in might be some kind of dependency, that really is no self respect at all
It's difficult for people on the outside to look into a situation and understand it fully; I don't understand what a person would stay in an abusive situation. It's the same when people simply don't have enough respect for themselves to do the right things for their own good. It just doesn't make any sense to me.
I guess, I have always has a lot of discipline so I always felt self respect. In my experience women are more affected by lack of self respect and confidence.
You're lucky, not everyone has it, or feels they're worthy of it, which I feel is quite sad. And then, there's the assholes who value themselves much more than others and treat others accordingly.
I was a lot less confident when I was younger. I think a lot of it just had to do with being that awkward chubby kid. Age and wisdom definitely make a huge difference if you are willing to accept what they have to teach you.
Agreed, tha age and wisdom thing is important. The sad thing is some people allow their doubts to affect there here and now in negative ways...or inhibit it more to the point.
Right now, I remember two occasions when I did not respect myself, not valuing myself. One was during my adolescence. I feel that I should have been even stronger, rather than just using indifference against those who harassed me. But at that time, indifference and distancing myself worked.
The second time was at an abusive job I had. I did not think about myself, I did not respect myself, and I suffered serious and negative consequences. Until I made the decision to cut ties with that situation, I reached a very extreme limit. Since then, I have respected myself in every way, and my life has changed for the better.
It can be difficult to see a situation clearly from the inside and sometimes just as difficult to extricate oneself from the situation even if it's seen to be negative and counter-productive. Life can be complex sometimes I guess.
It often is, but once you have a clear understanding of things, strength emerges.
Since I had some understanding of society, a prison cell was a place I had always wanted to go to. In fact, I had only gone to prison to see the prisoners. I had seen their conditions with my own eyes, so I did not expect to commit a crime and go to prison. But unfortunately, a case was filed in a court to recover money from someone else who had mistakenly deposited money into my account. When I went to court for the first hearing, the judge ordered two bails. There, I had to stay in the court cell with other criminals for almost 2.5 hours. At that time, my self-respect was really broken. I had to spend two days going to a hearing. I really felt a mental decline because I was also staying with criminals. I decided to act in a way that no mistakes would be made from this case. To work in a way that the slightest mistake would not be my fault.
I'd imagine that to be a rather confronting experience and one that, for the right person, would bring a great deal of understanding as it did for you.
That’s such an inspiring reflection! It’s true that progress isn’t always about perfect results, but about the effort, consistency, and discipline we put into becoming better versions of ourselves. Your perspective reminds us that self-respect grows from persistence, not perfection. It’s a great mindset to share—thank you for this motivating insight!
I'm glad you found something in my post that resonates with you. How developed is your own sense of discipline and how have you applied it to your general life?
I battle with self respect daily. I find respect easier to give to others than give to myself.
And why is that leggo frog flipping me the middle finger!?
Has He no respect?
Well, you need to find some, there are many things about you that you should celebrate.
The Lego frog fucken hates Americans...I think the cunt is French.
LoL
That line “having discipline is one of the main reasons my life has not been a mess”really hit me. Discipline truly is a form of selfrespect. When we stay consistent and keep our word to ourselves, it builds confidence and inner strength. I have had times when my self respect faded and small acts of discipline helped me rebuild it. It is not always easy but it is worth it. Thanks for this reminder a powerful message about taking control staying grounded and continuously working on becoming better.