It's a beautiful thought isn't it? No fear, only love and living in complete freedom and relative autonomy. That's the world I prefer to inhabit.
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It's a beautiful thought isn't it? No fear, only love and living in complete freedom and relative autonomy. That's the world I prefer to inhabit.
Yes - a gorgeous world is possible. It is actually here. But if and only if we can, and do, see it.
I had a panic attack yesterday (very very rare for me), which, instead of trying to shake myself out of, I allowed myself to delve into. I then imagined my fear and anxiety leaving, and soon felt elated. I had one of the best nights of sleep in a long time. Our minds are much more powerful than we have been led to believe.
That part is very important to remember, it's actually here. There's so much power in realizing that.
Ugh, anxiety is such a pesky thing. I was largely free from it for more than three decades but it's rearing its head again for me too. They say the only way out is through and that is very much true for me. If I try to avoid it or suppress it it only gets stronger. It's great you were able to use visualization to process it. When mine was really bad I would put myself in situations that triggered it and I was eventually desensitized to it. Your way sounds better!
I think there is plenty to be afraid of right now. But allowing fear to guide our actions, only leads to more human fear, which is nourishment for the dark forces, whatever those are. There is no doubt that those forces exist and are now experiencing their death throes. They are afraid, but their fear is as poisonous to them as ours is to us. It won't be pretty for some time now. That's terrifying!
I'm freewriting here. You do that to me.
It really does feel like the end of an era, doesn't it? Like the age of cronyism and corruption is being exposed to the light of day and withering. These next years will be tumultuous, to be sure, but it feels like something better is being born.
Humans will be able to live as this human does.
That's the dream of so many I know! Maybe the days of the ruling class holding our lives hostage (financially, physically, psychologically, spiritually) is coming to a close. With so many people wishing for simplicity, freedom, and peace those in power can't keep their system going forever.
We willingly submitted, because they frightened us into arranging our lives so that we needed them. The days that are coming to a close are those in which we cannot see this. It's so freaking simple. Without our belief in them, they cannot exist here. There will be a difficult transition for sure, but we must stop supporting the ruling class by believing it has the right to rule. That is the illusion, that anyone must rule at all. They've shackled our minds.
If dark and evil forces really do operate (sentient! willful! knowing!), how do we thwart them? Who will listen if we say "Look!" as we pull back the curtain, and "Hear this" --
So I just listen to Latin chants (it's well and good that I don't understand the words, sometimes - I trust they're saying good things, and I say ditto that). "Evil" supposedly hates and fears Gregorian chants. Of course it sounds laughable. Of course I say "Challenge Accepted!" and fill the background with this beautiful noise. (But I'm switching back to the male voices. Can't get enough of that bass!)
YES - " If I try to avoid it or suppress it it only gets stronger."
What you resist persists
Sounds like you were trying "exposure therapy," which did not work for my OCD friend who lives in utter isolation for fear of touching a door knob touched by other humans.
@owasco, I'm not sure I understand how you can "delve into" the anxiety instead of resisting it (which doesn't work) and then work your way into a state of ecstasy. I keep hearing about Lion's Mane mushrooms (!!??) but herbal remedies can be risky and supplements are unregulated and the prospect of choosing which bottles to buy is about to induce an anxiety attack... NOTHING from a bottle, thanks, better to find it straight from the source, in nature, but billions of us live in cities surrounded by concrete (another cause of all our anxiety and despair), not in forests, where we can forage for ginger and ginseng, or meadows all a glow with St. John's Wort.......
A panic attack - you! Somehow I imagine you are so far above the rest of us in your ability to cope, to find beauty, peace, joy, and solace in nature -- and to express it so well in poetry. For you to feel panic may be shocking to me, but no surprise, you work it out without medical intervention. You delve into it, instead of "shaking myself out of it," and imagine the fear/anxiety leaving, and - this is the amazing part - you're not just at peace. You're elated! And you sleep well!
Lately I've been awake half the night.
So I've taken up listening by day to some peaceful background sounds, namely, one particular Gregorian chant, because, THE BASS omg. Tim had to explain to me that, no, one man does not sustain that note for an hour. Another man comes along and picks it up (seamlessly), perpetuating my illusion that one bassist can hum that note for all eternity. Sorry to derail as always on some weird tangent, but I'm doing the work (kinda, sorta) to achieve clarity and tranquility without Rx meds (my middle child tells me to get medicated to get chill and I continue to resist).
Oh, if you get caught up in cutting carrots in the kitchen and have nothing else you really want to listen to, give the chant a chance - I am seriously addicted to the "one man" (is it really more than one?) sustaining this awesome bass note. (I forgot to ask Tim what this voice would measure in Herz - there's a topic for a whole thread on these gazillions of music videos claiming the "God note" is 999 Hz, or 963, or... which is it? Tim says they're blowing smoke and to pay no attention.) Well, I say "the God note" is this bass line in this chant:
Dear me! I have quite the image you have of me to live up to! But it does give me warm and fuzzies to know someone thinks all this of me. I'm doing something right.
But I, too, am up half the nights lately. I've tried just about everything but Gregorian Chants. My sleep problems have gotten a bit better, but I still have a sleepless night every third night. The other two nights, I wake every two or three hours but do manage to get right back to sleep. I get up when I wake fully up, which is often as late as noon! (The two things I have kept of all the stuff I've tried are Vitamin D3/K2 2000 iu in the mornings, and epsom salt foot baths before bed).
Thanks for the music, I'll give it a shot. I did recently begin down the path of becoming a homeopath, and have ordered a remedy that might help. Another that helps with intractable grief. I think you and I could both use these, and I'll send you some when I know more about how to use them. I think the one for grief might even help a great many of your health issues. Maybe I'll get you started on that right away.
Maybe that note is your note! Keep listening to it!
love
Oh, you live up to it, my exulted image of you - you really do!
(I have this unshakable conviction that Niko is nodding in agreement)
How kind of of you to offer to send this herb for grief. My niece happened onto a field of St. John's Wort one day while feeling alone and bereft. She also sees eagles (often, anywhere!), and rainbows and waterfalls and God light, and dreams of baby panthers which represents her being liberated and free to pursue her bliss. Meanwhile, her cousins all work full time and wearying jobs, or they might have the leisure to wander in the woods and find their bliss among the flora and fauna.
A friend sent me a link (yesterday) to some NATO announcement that was code for World War III being imminent. Meh. On the bright side, I can just not tackle my paper clutter and let the A-bomb take it all away.
The bass note is "my" note - LOL - reminds me of wine experts noting citrus and floral notes (no thanks, I like my red wines really really dry). New dating app question: What's your note?
---Wait, what? I should start decluttering?
Perhaps it was the thought of it that gave me this headache (which is to say, a worse-than-usual headache). Or maybe it was the female version of Gregorian chant. As one of five daughters, I developed an aversion to high-pitched female voices (even in unison, not in discord)....
Words words words
This, I think, is the understory of a headache.
words words words
understories of headaches
I think too much
Your gift for haiku never ceases to amaze me!
Have fun with your posse. :)
I'm glad you don't have to spend most of your time ALONE -- having spent so much of it as caregiver to someone bed-ridden, is it a blessing or a burden to be bereft of this person .... the blessing must be hard to see. We just want all our loved ones, whole and healthy and happy, to surround us.
It is both. I have much more time to use as I please, but I miss him deeply. This is the first time in my life that I have lived alone. In general, I like living alone. I'm very happy, however, that I moved back here, where I have more close friends, and where people are less rabidly devoted to their political parties. If I were still in my last home, I think his death would have been much more difficult. People were still treating those of us who made a certain lifestyle choice that was different from their choice as public enemies. I hope folks remember how easy it was for our fascist rulers to effect that level of hate, and how easily most of us fell into it.
I gots to run! I'm having lunch with my little posse in twenty minutes, and I slept till ten! SOOOO nice to have you here!