I have been told by my hubby that I'm a Smokin' Hot Wife.
I can tell you this shamelessly, because I - in fact - am not. But it's nice to hear, now and then. Makes me laugh every time. (also makes me sliiiiightly suspect. lol)
But, as I sit here typing this... I am burning up. hotter than hot. one might say, this wife is SMOKIN'.
So, my sister and I exchange funny reels (the only thing I know how to do on Instagram lol). And every day, I die laughing, and then swipe for another and another. And in the search for a good laugh, I continue to see these ads....
(cue ominous music)
...and they keep telling me that I can rewind the years and look like a supermodel with their creams and lotions.
Vanity, thy name is Dreem.
I blame it on not having TV.
Allow me to explain. See, people who have TV are so desensitized to commercials. They have been trained to ignore. but meeeeeee?? nooooooooo! I haven't had TV in 8 years so those Instagram ads are like FREAKING CRACK to me.
So I buy the lotion. 😆
not just one.. because how do you choose which body part needs to be young again?
"I'll take all six please" 😒
THE BOX ARRIVES. AND THEY ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE. FUN??? I LIVE THERE, DUDE.
I so excite. Much joy.
And oooohhh....look how pretty!!!
All the yummy colors and such nice nice words. Happy, promising words!! Marketing gurus, I tells ya!!!! 😜 (it's like they search my trash for all my triggers. LOLOL)
I rip open every box
and proceed to.... of course, read directions carefully on each one. This one is "apply a thin layer", that one is "use circular motion", next one is "rub in", other one is "do NOT rub in".
They are different lotions (I think the same but just in different containers with different colors hahahaha) but....they all say something like this:
perhaps you read that quickly? as I did. Here - let me help you. Me show you!!!! Here is how I read 😆
I don't know about y'all.
But all I read was "just go and live your best life"!!! 😆
And I am all about that!!!! Just slather that lotion on and send me to my happy place. Next stop, BEST LIFE. Can I get an AMEN??? Hallelujah! 🙌
HOWEVER....perhaps WE should take a closer gander... You know - just for those of you who MIGHT have glanced STRAIGHT RIGHT past other more cautionary words...as I POSSIBLY may have done.
ahem
- You may start to feel a WARMING SENSATION.. ok. check!
- that SLOWLY INCREASES IN STRENGTH. mm hmm. mm hmmm. tracking.
- and can be felt for up to TWO HOURS. *sure sure. Words finished. lotion now???
yes can apply the lotion, but did you see the....
And so. In conclusion...
I am writing this to you on my phone. Leaning over my bed with the glorious feeling of the fan blowing directly on me because my body is currently BURNING UP.
like pain?
like hellfire and brimstone?
like scorched?
Strangely enough, I touch my skin and it's cool. like minty cool.
But internally, I feel 140 degrees.
"Well, that's oddly specific Dreem. How do you know what 140 degrees feels like?"
Because I have a sauna that goes to 140 degrees and this feels like I am IN. THAT SAUNA. RIGHT. NOW!!!! which doesn't actually feel BAD. TO ME....in fact, that sauna feels amazing!!!! ALL 140 DEGREES!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥
But when I experience this 140 degree temperature...I am actually IN A SAUNA.
To be standing....in my own body....and feeling the heat of a sauna... WITHOUT said sauna....is ...um.... slightly alarming?
INTERNAL DIALOGUE:
BRAIN: perhaps you might recall reading the words "warming sensation"?
ME: Wellllll, sure I read it but- 
this is getting hotter!!!! 
BRAIN sighs: Hm. yes. perhaps "increasing for two hours" was the first clue.
ME: gasp! 
hmmm yeaaaaah...there was thaaaat. right.
ME ALSO: ....but I smell like candy!!!
BRAIN leaves the roomAll this to say...
And it's sooooooo worth it
p.s. I do buy these things from online ads - but you know what? The last three things I bought actually WORKED. hahaha so.... go figure! LOL I will keep you all updated hahaha
All images mine - or my awesome emojis from my awesome phone LOL
Hahaha!!! Hehehe!!!
What fun!!!
I love your internal dialogue!
!LADY 😍🌺🤙
hahahahahaha i'm glad you enjoyed this! LOLOL i had so much fun writing it LOLOL
now... I wonder how long it will take until I see the results to become a supermodel?!?! LOLOLOLOL😆
ssshh... tell me if it works so I can buy it too!!!!
LOL 😁😂🤣
!giphy slim and sexy
https://www.maelyscosmetics.com/
hehehehe I will definitely let you know!!!!!!!! hahahah
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😂😂😂😂what did I just read? I wonder what spending a day with you would be like😂😂. As for the burning sensation, it stops eventually, trust me (don't ask me how I know)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA do you have this lotion too?!?!?!?!?!?
oh my gosh - yes it finally went away right at the 2 hour mark hahahahahahahahaha
ok but if you h ave this lotion - tell me -is it really working?? hahaha or should i go get my money back right away! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
and for your entertainment... hahahaha if you would like... LOLOLOL
here is what spending a day with me is like
let me tag @ckole, @tezmel, @ebingo and @nelson-george in this too... cuz I see they enjoyed this silly dialogue of mine hahaha
so now you can see how it REALLY is in real life! hahaha
(enjoy) LOL - hope you can see it hahahah
https://ecency.com/hive-150329/@dreemsteem/oaisixgo
EDIT: lol i forgot i had it on youtube for when the 3speak errors hehehe
😂😂😂 when last did you see a doctor?
what kind of doctor?
a psychiatrist?
that voice is also inside of me. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
I am dying... 🤭😂😂😂
Are you me? Is me you? Because I relate to some on a very personal level! You are a queen... I definitely needed that 🧡
hahahahahaha i'm so glad that you enjoyed!!!! its spreading this kind of laughter that is critical to the human race hahahahahahahahaha
and maybe we are we?????LOL
The dialogue got me laughing 😅 your brain left the room... That's black out!!! 😆
I'm also guilty of not reading the whole precautions before making use of new cream product.
Well, that happens only when it was recommended to me.
Being that hot without a sauna around is not just alarming... You should go dive into a pool already! 😂
A smokin hot wife?! Suits you so well when you use the cream... That makes sense 😅
Thanks for posting to the community! 😊
hahahahaha Merit - i was like... um... my legs is BURNIN. hahahahahahahahahahaha
but guess what - i'm about to put some more on soon - cuz they said twice a day - and i need to keep puting this lotion on until something changes.
or... i melt.
either or hahahaha
Hahaha why am I so sure it's until you melt that is the correct one? 😢😂😂🤣
ROFLLLLLLLLL i just need to melt all the right places. hahaha
Oh great! All the best with that... Just make sure the fan is on always!!!
hehehe and i thought - can i like... put clothes on with this stuff??? LOL
but then i felt my skin - and it was totally normal.
i dno't know why i expected my clothes to burn??? ROFLLLLLLLLL
Expecting your clothes to burn just shows how hot you feel... Super hot!!! I can feel it from here 🤣
Maybe you should only use it in winter? LOL
but summer is when we wear shorts and show more skin! hahahahaha
Lol...me and your brain left...jeez this was so funny.
I'm considering making comedy illustrations might use your story. In it.
hahahahahaha sure... have fun with it!! LOL
i used to do whole videos with lots of characters in it - but it just became much easier to do the emojis hahahaha ( i tagged you in a comment with the video - hope you can see it.. hehehe)
Lol...alright. writing is easier than video editing to me. With writing just about any laptop will do. With video editing you have to learn your software and the laptop might not be high tech enough
ah- i do all my video editing on my phone hahaha
i hated doing the editing for videos on my computer - it really is so much easier with a video editing app!!! goes so much faster and the options seem to be better too! LOL
I totally agree. Even when I got a phone emulator on my laptop it was still slow.
Adobe After effect works wonders though but its expensive.
I use this free app on my phone - i bought one called Viva Video - but the free app is even more wonderful than the paid Viva Video hehehehe
but its just called like.. Video Maker or something hahaha so generic - but its AWESOME
I love it when the free free ones are better. I'll Viva I think I've seen their ads pop up a few times
Haha classic!
hehehehe glad you liked it.
i am still currently on fire.
ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLL I guess I am also on a path to fire.
Lol, you took the path to fire 🔥 😅🔥
i think i took the nosedive straight into it LOLOL
Ha, ha, ha, ha, this is very entertaining to read about the candle, and the grace of the lotions whose bottles are the difference because the lotion looks the same.
LOL
looks the same - and scalds me. and i paid for this lol
You really are hotter than fire 😂 Your internal dialogue threw me off my couch.🤣🤣
Just with time, the burning sensation will subside. Maybe you would have to remain hot for the next 2 hours🤣🤣🤣
Nice one from you 👍
hahahahahahahahaha the internal dialogue was so so so real. hahahaha
I actually have some videos of me doing a whole act with me and all the voices inside my head -hahahahaha
i have like 4 videos like this - but you know what?? they take a long time to make hahahahahahahaha
so it was a little bit easier to just make emojis LOLOLOL and type out the conversation.
but wow - these conversations happen all day long with me. My brain is really just constantly shaking her head and leaving the room ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
thanks for visiting!!! hahahaha
i better go put some more lotion on now.... i'm cooling down LOLOLOL
Like seriously...🤣 Just coming across such hilarious character. You know what? I think your brain is really connecting with everything in you asap 😂
I tried checking the video, but it's putting out error. I will recheck. I need to see with my eyes how your brain controls the while video. And whaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!! 4 hours to make a 2 minutes video..... Ooooopssssss! Plus you don't sleep well too. 😂. You are a character @dreemsteem. Can't wait to see the video play.
hahahahahahaha i sleep very little hahahaha
see? it's that brain again. hehehe it prefers to keep me awake and thinking LOLOL
oh i do hope you get to see it.
I think if you watch it on 3speak it might work
OH WAIT.
I JUST REMEMBERED..
i have it on youtube also hehehe
Notice how if you only read the words on the images, it could be mistaken for nsfw?
LOLOL you made me go up and look!! hahahahaha
DREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM!
insert strong talking to
More strong words later after I can sit up for more than 4 minutes LOLLL
hahahahahaha noooooooo - don't worry!!
this was just a fun post!!! I am doing very well in my head - and the lotion is supposed to get warm. no harm was done. just - was a funny situation that i was busting up over - telling Sam - and then i was like - ok - this is seriously a post!! LOLOL
Okay, take a a deep breath, back it up and face reality sista.......your husband is bang on the cookie head that you are smoking hot inside and out & deserves you to lean over and peck his cheek as he snores. Don't dare reply to to this in 3 days time saying you fell asleep before I finished typing this encyclopedia reply way past my beauty sleep time.....I will haunt your dreams worse than the the recent dream s you had & then left me in suspense about without telling my walrus curiosity about hahaha. On top of that you make world rocking cupcakes........put yourself down again and I will smear stale icing in your face......capiche?..... hehehe.
As for tv.....booted mine out the window 6 years ago so totally with you politically on sticking it up the cable guys butthole with no toilet paper on offer hah! lol.
Eyes are sea blue as my favourite colour but not into pinking my nails although though they sometimes sorely end up black from a misdirected hammer in my profession of construction "hands over eyes cringing face....picture it lol".
As for burning up.......unless it is from that metamorphosis female life changing life experience thingie ( for which I would give you my cheese kingdom to recover from...) then I challenge you to a duel in Vegas gunslinger.
Currently one of the coldest winters I can remember in the Cape here and the ten layers of clothes I own aren't keeping me sain......might break into the charity shop down the road just now (9.30pm) to get some more lol.
Okay, probably talking to a dreamland cookie so will sharrup, take my btite pill & huff breath steams of air into the frosty air I am sitting here on my porch with the Lions roaming the streets outside in deepest Africa.
Sleep well :)
P.S.....if any writing must be done for the dreemport party then please take the above & copy and paste it as my reply on my rsvp as my fingers are back & blue from one finger typing already and I just want to sit in a corner listening to the good music and observing the beautiful people.
Yours humbly,
The quiet Mouse.
its my Mouse!!!!!!!!!!
hehehhe
and he's heading to bed now! hehehehe and its only time for me to eat lunch here... hehehe
yes - i will smile and nod when the hubby tells me these nice things (but i never agree with him!!! LOL)
the burning up - is defnitely not from the mid-life female origins.. it is definitely from this lotion - its got some ingredient called pink pepperslim or something hahahahaha and i have NO IDEA what it does LOL but it is tingly tingly hot hahahahahahaha
i am having fun with this lotion though - and I really do hope it does SOMETHING very magical hahahahahaha i will keep us all informed... with laughter! LOLOL
sweetest dreems, my quiet Mouse :)
see you when I'm chasing the moon, and you're chasing the sun! hehe
Goooood morning......Am I in time for that lunch samwidge? hehehe.
Yowzer that stuff sounds like vindaloo in cream form......you definately have iron fists 😳😅
Sweet dreams over the moon and some goblin stole the sun here and it is pouring with rain.....blegh hehe.
guess what!
GUESS WHO IS MY FINAL COMMENT OF THE NIGHT.
I was JUST about to close my computer (its 1:32 am right now) and I saw your comment come in hehehehe (well I didn't see it when it came in - but I saw it before I shut my cmputer down for the night) hehehehe
rain??? you have rain AGAIN!!
what i wouldn't give for a lovely hard thunderstorm here!!! ohhhhhhhhh how i miss them!! hehehehe
please send! hehehehe
ok - now... time for me to get cozy under the blankets and dream of COOKIEEEEEEEEEEEES
HEHEHEHE night Mouse :)
Hehehe.
Wooohoooo………tonight I made the last cut…….”happy dance💃😅”
Yip, the sun has definately abandoned me this winter and my blow up dinghy is tied to the front door for when I go to the shop later for smoking cookies hehe.
Done deal……I will swop you twenty rains for half a sun…….win win, chicken wings winner hehe.
Sleep well and sweet mozzarella cupcakes dreams :)
i just so happen to love chicken wings.
for real.
LOL
LOVE them.
so - i get 20 rains... AND a chicken wings dinner?!?!?
geez. i will give you like 50 suns for that hehehe
Hehehe.....one full sun from you and you get all of that and chicken wings anytime you ring the bell when you hop on the dragon here hehehe.
did you ever see this hehehe
I am very disappointed this wasn't a post about you being a SmokiM' hot wife.
hahahaah what do you mean?!?!?! if i was any more smokiM hot... I would be ON FIYAHHHHHHH
ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Forgive me but I think I agree with the man that insists on calling you smoking hot... I am sure he can't be wrong :)
That said, I thought I was the only one who holds this kinda internal dialogue with my unimpressed brain when I have excitedly mishandled myself! Lol.
What a hilarious read.
Posted using Proof of Brain
hahahahah - well i'm sure my husband would agree with you... but I will just keep thinking my non-hot thoughts hahahahahahaha
and wasn't that internal dialogue funny??? it's funny to me because it was SO SO TRUE!!!!!!
hahahahahahahhaha
I'm so glad that you enjoyed LOL
You are full of light and it is lovely to virtually see!
And yes, the hilarious part about our inner voices is how we discuss ourselves with ourselves! Hahaha. If many of us did this, I bet the world would be a better place xD
I so agree... out of all the people I talk to - I enjoy the conversation with myself the most LOLOL
The last time sat In front or TV?🤔🤔 Nah! I can't remember that as well. Social Media has replaced that for me
yea hahahaha I went to a hotel the other day and there was a tv - so i turned it on.
and then i fell asleep LOLOL
social media (specifically HIVE hahah) has totally replaced all that for me. but i do love me some instagram reels and ads LOL
You are HILARIOUS, lol. So now I'm wondering if it's like Tiger Balm and has spicy things in it?
I haven't bought anything from IG ads (I too don't have TV, and the last time I saw TV playing at my parents' house it was like being beaten with a baseball bat every time an ad - especially car ads - came on), but I did just buy a robot vacuum from Wish? LOL. You can see him in FS#49 - his name is Peanut.
I know Wish is hit-or-miss (my mom didn't know what it was so I called it "the dollar store of the internet") so I actually chose the vacuum that looked like one I had seen in a viral video. xD I don't know if it's the same brand naturally, but my logic was "well maybe that's proof that this one works" (and yes, it works). ;)
hahahahahaha oh- i'm glad that you just commented - because I saw your tag!!! and then I got distracted and didn't end up going to see the new video! hehehe so I will do that RIGHT after I comment here!! hahahaha
and yes yes yes - those commercials on tv are like - non STOP. its insane!! I can't believe that I ever got used to those?!?!?!? they just keep coming and coming and comign!! LOL
I didn't ever buy from Wish - but it did make me curious so i peeked at it - and it is like the dollar store of the internet!!! its totally a great description of it hahahahahahaha.
i'm glad that you got somethign that works -its great when we can actually get some good finds - right??? so far - i've done ok with the IG ads! hahahaha so.... we'll see if this one works too
and yeah - its KINDA like Tiger Balm - but like 10 times hotter ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
i have NO idea what is in it - but I'm not kidding - I was seriously thinking... if i'm ever cold in the winter???? i can use this stuff on my body!!!!! FOR REAL. it literally made me feel hot hahahahahahahahahahahaha
One of the things I have found having been in my own space now for many years is that all that tolerance I had built up to things like TV I have lost, because myself, I like quiet. I don't blast music (I do listen to music, but almost always on headphones), I don't watch TV, I don't like "background noise." But I grew up in a VERY noisy family with loud TVs and radios and whatnot blaring almost all the time, so it was like ...I had developed a thick skin about it, I guess. But now that I am in my natural state of quiet, I'm like HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE LIVE LIKE THAT?!!
Holy cow, you have like, ghost pepper cream! LOL
Hotter than hot 😊
LOLOL on fire -hot 😆
Hilarious... I'm literally wetting myself here!
hahaha u do have a fairly decent track record... let's see how this one works out for you... regular updates required pleeeeez 😂
😉
!LOLZ !ALIVE !LADY
hehehe my brain was so done with me. LOLOLOL
and yes -my hair is longer than it ever has been! thanks to social media ads (but that one I didn't find myself - that one was found by @snook hahahah) so thank you SNOOK and thank you... whatever social site she found it on hahahahaha
but i have several good finds there! hahaaha
dont' ask my mom to recommend stuff from facebook though ahahaha she always gets mad and sends it back LOLOL
but you know every word of that post above was true - cuz i was writing it WHILE I WAS BURNING UP in text with you hahahahahahaha
You need some cooling down...
!PANDA !LUV
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I THOUGHT FOR A SECOND THERE REALLY WAS A NEW PANDA COMMAND!!!!!!!!!!! lololol
Nope .... !LOLZ ... but we can pretend in the meantime that one exists... and just get creative hahaha
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Indeed Ma we should Live our best Life 🙏
hahaha and maybe not believe all the marketing claims out there? LOLOLOL
Hahaha
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I know how your brain felt😂😂😂. It got tired. Quick one, do you think it's back???.. I have a solution for the next time you fell like 140 degrees on the inside, didn't nitrogen, works everytime but if anything happens to you, I was never here
my brain had enough of my nonsense! hahahahahahahahahaa
nitrogen... hmmm let me ask my brain if this is ok.
my brain just said this.
😤
do you know what that means??? haha🤣
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
i see you know what it means LOL
let's see...
B-Perk
B-Tight
B-Flex
Care to define B? Could be a couple of interesting spots ..
Lol. You really are a smoking hot wife😅😅 140 degrees, you say? Ahhhhhh😂😂😂
Too much fun to read when those things happen to others. Ha, ha, ha.
I also have a hard time reading the instructions, they are very small letters and I have to put on my glasses. That can cause unexpected accidents.
This is epic! 😂
Sighs Dreem, what am I going to do with you? 😂 This is just hilarious! One good reason why I hardly check my Instagram. The ads there are too inviting!
Keep your readers updated on the effect of these lotions! 😂 !LADY
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