It is the first day of preschool for Smallsteps and at these points, I am always reminded of how far we have come in the last six years. Suffice to say, it was a rough start from a few months before she was born and for the first few years, and I am not sure if it was because of the circumstances, or because of the parents, as sometimes I feel that we struggle in ways that other parents don't seem to, but isn't this always the way? Don't we always feel that our situation is unique, exceptional?
But nowadays, we are doing relatively well after all of that, but I think it has taken a toll on us in many ways, including our relationships with friends and family. So much of our energy was spent in making sure Smallsteps was taken care of, that we didn't actively engage with others and when we were with them, our attention was constantly pulled to attending to one thing or another and without any distance, all we really had to talk about was her, her diet, the reactions, the doctors appointments...
We tried to get space at times, but because of the challenges, we weren't able to, because people were worried about taking care of her, even for a few hours at a time and especially in the first two or three years. The shame is, that she is awesome.
Yes, the diet conditions needed care, but she is a joy to be around once she is comfortable with a person, clever, caring, considerate, thoughtful, kind, attentive, funny, imaginative - the list goes on and on. But, it is the "once comfortable" part that is also required and I feel that a some people who had the opportunity to get to know her, didn't take it because it was inconvenient and challenging in those early days and of course, they had their own lives to. And, it is not that it is too late for them by any means, but I do think they missed out a bit.
It was strange walking her to the school this morning, as she was skipping along and so happy, whilst also being nervous because she knows she won't have any friends there from her daycare. And, it was also strange because I remember my first day, and I was dreading it, as I was dropped at the gate from the car and then left to "fend for myself" after a very terrible kindergarten experience. There is something to be said about making children feel supported.
I hope that Smallsteps feels supported as she grows, that she is able to come to either of her parents with any concerns or questions she has and, that we are able to listen and address them without judgement first, but I also know that we are going to fail at this, at least I will.
The listening isn't the problem, the judgement is.
I am pretty judgmental by nature, which likely doesn't come as much of a surprise for people here. But, I see it as a continual improvement process and it works very well in some circumstances. The challenge is, not all circumstances and in many, it is detrimental, but it is not one of those things I can just turn on and off, it is always with me, so I have to try and catch it before it slips out and shows and I often fail to catch it in time.
Introducing disappointment is part of parenting, so having disappointing parents is natural. Just like good cop and bad cop, I am that disappointing parent. It is all about teamwork.
But, parenting is also a challenge because it requires taking care of oneself too and for example right now, I am sitting in a hospital getting treatment for a chronic illness. This also has an impact on Smallsteps and her experience, as well as my own abilities to be a parent. And it is because of all of the many factors of influence that even if we were "blank slates" at birth (we are not), we are going to end up increasingly unique as we age and grow into who we are to become.
It is how I ended up bad cop and disappointment manager.
Smallsteps is lucky though, as despite the shortcomings of her parents, for now at least, she is such a lovely person and I hope she will grow her personality to become even more so and onto much greater things than being the shining light in her parents' eyes.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
I have two daughters, so I did get to do this and almost everything twice, 4 years apart. This first day of school have been etched in my memory forever. Especially, true because, my wife and I are both a big proponent of school system (yes, even American school system with all its flaws).
Just one thing I must say as a friend and fellow dad. This is time you might want to slowly step out and make her take the small steps on her own. Helicopter parenting is common and rampant everywhere, and before you know it, you might end up at least doing some of that.
Recently my 11 year old just came back from a 'sleep away' summer camp for 2 weeks. It was a big step for us parents. It was totally easy for her, and she can't stop talking about her 2 weeks yet. Her sister will do the same camp next year as a 9 year old! Lia, the elder, (as we call her these days!) will take a trip of her own to Italy for 12 days without parents next summer!
We are ready!
You will be ready too! Soon!
PS. Wonderful picture of Dad and Daughter!
For sure. We aren't overly "hover-y" and even with the food, from a young age, Smallsteps has taken the responsibility herself to double check and if unsure, she will not eat it. Today, it was meatballs and she wasn't guaranteed they were gluten-free, so she skipped.
Two weeks away must be a huge step for everyone - no wonder she is still excited about it. At that age, I think the school trips were three days at the longest. And then Italy! :D
Italy will be next year.
There is an organization here called EF Tours, they do these overseas tours in association with the school districts. It is popular here. You can look it up...
https://www.eftours.com/
Ah, they do that here too. One of my friends works for them :)
There you go. That’s the secret:)
Your first day sounds like my first day. Probably lots have similar. Hope it goes well for her as I am sure it will. It is a tough time for them. The Little Boom goes back to Pre-School next Wednesday and has professed many many times how he doesn't want to and he is sick of it now. I am like, fark, you have many more years of this twoddle to go!
I wonder if it has an effect on future performance.
I think Smallsteps will at least at first, like all the "tasks" to do. After a while, more like me... hate it.
Yeah, when they have a good sense of self and determination they do that. Think its great then go off it! Still, it really does help with their advancement. I really do like the model of school age going to in Finland and surrounding places. Here they try and force them in at 5 bit often 4 years old to School. Fortunately in Scotland we are a bit more progressive and have the option of delaying that but you still have to jump through hoops for it
It is better here to go later. Australia it is 5 also I think still. Though, most use the daycare system too, which is heavily subsidised so people can keep working. It helps them get used to being away from the parents though.
It has its advantages in getting them used to that I suppose as it is a bit of a wrench when they start going. Both of ours were fine until about two weeks in when it finally dawned on them that this was it There was no going back!
It is like getting that first paycheck - and then the second and then realizing... all that work for this?
Yup, that's exactly how it goes!
Back in the good old days he'd be toiling away in the salt mines...It's not to late to pack him off you know. 😊
Hehe, it's damn true. My grandad was a miner!! I assume threaten them with it 😜
It runs in the family then, the young lad will simply draw on ancestral skills and take to it like...like...a miner with a pick. 😉
Hahahaha! I will beat it out of him with a
pickstick!I have a 5 year old little one myself who started school last year. I was surprised how strong they can be in these nerve wracking situations like starting school. Girls have a bit of metal about them that are lacking in boys. Having read the post I take it your little one was sick in her early years. Things are hard enough even when there is no sickness involved so I can only imagine how hard this was. All good now though I see. Hope daddy is good as well.
Five is the normal age to start there, right? It is the same in Aust.
It was funny. Smallsteps doesn't play with the boys much, because they are "too wild" - even at this age, (and since she was three) she was stereotyping - it is natural :)
All good here.
yeah 5 in Ireland as well . Nice age for them to start I reckon.
Yeah it isn't bad. Here, the "real school" starts at 7ish and goes through to 18ish.
You guys are definitely good and caring parents and that walking to school photo certainly talks to my heart.
I will never forget my first day at school, as I got a big hiding.
We did not have daycare and such things in my day and my mom walked me to school to start grade one.
The problem was that when my mom got back home, I was waiting for her. She grabbed me and started slapping and I screamed like a piglet and then she dropped me at the principal's office :)
My first day in grade I started at the principal's office and I visited his office frequently for cuts after that first day.
Did you learn your lesson?
Day two, you went and hung down at the train station smoking instead ;D
Can you believe that I received a 100% school attendance record every year that I was in school. Ten years of my life wasted.
I don't know from shinola about being a parent, but I do have some observations about school and success there. First off, I think 'success' is way more than grades and 'progress' and that it's relative to each individual.
I predict that smallsteps will succeed simply because she comes of good stock with parents that give a shit AND HAVE PROVED THEY GIVE A SHIT with her problems. I had enough health problems (mostly self inflicted) that I knew at a visceral level that my parents had my back. I think that's important.
I grew up mostly isolated. Nearest kid my age was 2 miles away and that was a girl. Ugggghhh. That she turned out to be a really pretty girl didn't interest me at all for years, and then it was too late :) So I don't think smallstep's relative isolation will necessarily work against her at all.
Worry and self depreciation are part of the human equation. One thing I know is that you guys have ALWAYS made the best choice based on the information at hand. That's a good trend line for anyone.
This is one of my "worry" areas, because she is good at the task stuff and loves it, but it really doesn't account for much in the rest of life - so she will have to find some balance.
What I find is, the kids who live somewhat isolated lives, often end up more thoughtful and self-reliant and directed.
We do have a trend line of some sort :)
So there is that but it might also have been can you imagine if you accidentally killed your friend's kid because you accidentally fed her the wrong thing (or some other innocent event like well-meaning other adult that happened to be over at the time unknowingly handed them something they were anaphylactically allergic to).
Did she have a good first day? :)
For those kinds of allergies for sure - it would be super scary. This wasn't that reactive though, just a few days of rash and upset stomach. I think it was more the trouble of making sure things were okay, even though we would make and take all food with us everywhere we went. The grandparents did take care of her from time to time and when quite young still, a lot during the days when we were working. She is super close with them now and they are already 75. It is going to be a hard hit at some point in the not too distant future.
Oh that's easy (comparatively). Were you first among the friend group to have kids?
Yeh that is going to be x_x
No, it is the same for almost every parents because after a baby has been born, the life of parents is completely changed. It is kinda most of your time is not yours anymore, it is his or hers. If parents have grandparents nearby, thr situaiton might get easy.
I wish the Smalsteeps a succesful education life.
Yep, it definitely brings on changes. For us, they screwed up the post-delivery, then Smallsteps was in intensive care for the first two weeks before we could bring her home, and then there were constant blood sugar tests and then allergy issues, so my wife could only eat plain sweet potato and pork for 6 months. After that, we had to go to a formula (my wife was getting very thin) that cost 700€ a month, almost twice our mortgage at the time! :D It was insane - but it is how I ended up on Hive :)
Everything happens for a good reason ;)
She will be loved by everyone in school because she is the type that likes been around people too. First day at school won't be easy to relate with others though but as time goes on she will adapt.
It'll be interesting to hear her first impressions.
Your definitely right about that because a lot will be said
She'll be just like her uncle G-dog at school! Umm ok, maybe that's not a good thing considering I was a bit dumb. 🤣
Seriously though, it's another step on her journey and whilst it'll bring challenges for her, and you also, it's necessary. She'll be fine; she has a good nature and that'll place her in good stead.
I am looking forward to finding out if she talked to a single person, other than the teacher :D
Lol. Maybe not on the first day. Or the second.
Or third.
Or fourth.
Or...You get the idea.
When parents are always available to give a child the support he or she needs especially at the basic stage of life, it will go a long way in making that child outstanding in life affairs. Glad to know that smallsteps is getting the much support she needs and I wish her an excellent spirit in her preschool journey and going further 👍
Depends on the support I guess. They also need to learn how to walk unsupported, which comes with falling and some bruises from time to time :)
Congratulations once again, today been her first days will be tough she will be happy at first because you walk her to school, and later when you are about to leave then they issue begin, it happen to my nephew and his mum,
Anyway training up a child is not an easy job, it is one of the toughest job, the job that take the longest hours and yet it doesn't pay instantly, but good parenting always has his reward, because at some point in time, the child will be proud to say this are my parents. And that is the joy of every parent.
Good job sir,
Do you have children yourself?
No yet, but my niece and nephew are with me.
She's so cute ❤️, I'll be there in a couple of years :)
Enjoy it. It is easier in some respects - scary in others :D
I still remember my first day of school
Was it a good day?
Not for me I was crying 😂😂