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Alas, this weekend I was engaged in a spot of Bunburying and thus unable to join the weekend-experience proceedings. Rather than deny my regular readers their weekly glimpse into the mind of a self-declared genius, I am taking the forbidden, perhaps reckless, step of posting in the right community on the wrong day, well after the deadline.
I do so in the belief that:
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest;
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
And so, my esteemed reader, I will begin as I so often do — with my father. A more generous man you could not wish to meet. He would give anyone your last penny. He spent everything he ever earned, and more. He owned nothing, and he was happy.
“Money is for spending,” he would say, and he meant it. He would quite literally throw money around if it meant getting what he wanted.
Before the curse of mobile phones, if we needed to make a call we’d go to the GPO, where there was a long row of phone booths. They were always occupied, but my father, a man with little patience, had a solution. He would casually toss a handful of coins onto the floor and as doors would fly open with people abandoning their calls to grab the money, he would slip into the nearest vacant booth, victorious.
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I have much the same attitude to money, though fortunately not his penchant for alcohol and floozies. I have always regarded cash as something to be spent. Not that I am extravagant, you understand, but when it comes to my contentment and well-being, money is no object.
Fortunately, my wants are few. I don’t drink, smoke, gamble, or douse myself in scented substances. I rarely travel, seldom buy clothes, have never had my nails done, haven’t been near a hairdresser in nigh on 35 years, and have zero interest in the electronic nonsense that many — not all, but many — of you spend your money on. In fact, you might say I am a shining example of the lifestyle you should all adopt to save the planet from that nasty carbon dioxide that will otherwise kill us all.
Some might say I was a spendthrift, ferrying my staff around in limousines and helicopters, putting them up in fine hotels, paying for a rather splendid honeymoon for my ex, or even arranging plastic surgery for someone I barely knew. But I prefer to think I was simply making money make sense.
The only money I have ever truly wasted is the vast sum the taxman relieved me of each year.
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Posted in response to Galenkp's Weekend experiences asking you 'Have you watsed money?
The images are mine
Bunburying? You?!
You've paid taxes?!!
You never cease to amaze me. Must be that disguise you wear, Portia dear.
I love your mind!
When I started my first business I paid no tax, then I was caught and fined 60,000 pounds, though I tried to tell them taxation was theft. After that I simply cooked and cooked and there wasn't a better cook in the county. As to Bunburying, I have been known to engage but only when absolutely necessary:)
Soon that kind of culinary trick will no longer be available for gustatory adventurers, if the cabal has its way with us.
My ducking and diving skills are about to become an anachronism. Fortunately I've reinvented myself as a horticulturalist:)
I just sat down with our accountant today and discussed those government grifter tax men and women. A more incompetent bunch you will not find.
The more incompetent they are the better for us, but soon they'll be AI and resistance will be futile.
Ditto: except for the last: I love my iPad...though that was a gift, from my daughter. As a matter of fact, even my phone is a hand-me-down from my husband. Bought a TV once, but that was for my mother. All my hobby money is given away. That gives me the greatest pleasure, although I don't think I would pay for a rather splendid honeymoon for my ex. Then again, I don't have an ex :))
I agree 100% about the taxman. Also about the money I have lost (literally misplaced) over the years.
I'm glad you decided to post. I looked for it this past weekend.
You sound like my kinda gal! I'll allow an iPad, especially as it was a gift, and as long as you don't go upgrading it every time a shiny new one comes onto the market:)
I was so relieved to get rid of that particular ex, that I would gladly have paid for his wedding as well!
I can't say I've ever misplaced money, or anything else for that matter, but my friend is a demon. She hides money all over the house and can't find any of it. She bought me a diary for Christmas that she's been promising me for 3 years, and she can't find that either. She reckons I'm getting old now and need to start recording my doings. Maybe next year!
I'm glad that you're glad that I posted. It's great to know I have two readers😂
😂
The iPad is scratched and tired, but every night it brings me a live feed from the Namib Dessert. It brings me YouTube videos that tell of medieval English kings. All sorts of sleep-inducing material comes across my iPad. Beats any chemical aid available. :)
Who says you're getting old? Pshaw...nonsense.
I read your post about the watering hole-cam. Sounds...em...uh...well, everyone to their own idiosyncrasies:)
Fortunately, I have no trouble sleeping, though one of my exes used to insist of putting a Mazzy star or Dead can dance album on in the bedroom to help him sleep and I couldn't get to sleep until the damned thing finished.
Kitchen appliances are my weakness. It's so easy to spend way too much on an amazing blender! But I found a way out of that weakness - I started making peanut butter in 500$ Vitamix machines, and I kid you not, it paid off so quickly I could buy another machine after 1 year from the profit. Now I had two Vitamix for free. So I started using one to make other kinds of dip. Which is very profitable, too. And delicious. And fun to make.
I tried to be wasteful. I only was successfully wasteful when it came to beer. The amounts of money I could spend on that! But no use. I reduced my drinking to the weekends. So now, my biggest spending is Lily. But that's no waste.
I'm quite partial to the odd kitchen appliance myself. If it saves time, grab it. You can always get more money.
I was going to say well done reducing the alcohol intake, but I'd sound like a condescending old biddy, so I won't.
Since it's not easy to resist the urge for a cool, bubbly brew, the "well done" is very much accepted!
floozie - such a lovely word.
I could think of no term more apt to describe the ladies with whom my father kept company:)
giggling ❤️
everything is making me happy today.
That phone, coin on floor trick is gas 🤣🤣🤣🤣.
That's how we used to amuse ourselves before the internet 🤣
Bunburying was, until just now, shamefully unknown to me, which led me down an Oscar Wilde rabbit hole to an article about The Importance of Being Earnest with this delightful footnote:
Wilde himself evidently took sandwiches with due seriousness. Max Beerbohm recounted in a letter to Reggie Turner Wilde's difficulty in obtaining a satisfactory offering: "He ordered a watercress sandwich, which in due course was brought to him: Not a thin, diaphanous green thing, such as he had meant, but a very stout, satisfying article of food. This he ate with assumed disgust (but evident relish) and when he paid the waiter, he said: 'Tell the cook of this restaurant with the compliments of Mr Oscar Wilde that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.’”
Brilliant! I haven't come across that before.
I was fortunate to be introduced to the fine art of Bunburying at a tender age. Without it, I doubt I would have made it this far with my mind intact.
Fucking hell taxes are indeed such a waste, wage is taxed and with the taxed money you pay products paying taxes on the price
And even when you're dead they want a piece of whatever you had left. If only people would stop voting!
Oh yeah, and even after dead year by year for the place in the cemetery
Shakespeare would’ve approved of this weekend’s missed deadline, just another tragic flaw in mortal planning.
Flaw in planning? No! No! No! It was all planned to the nth degree. I am flawless!
#hive #posh
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