It is preferable to prevent something from happening at it's early stage than waiting for it to happen before looking for the cure.
Akin lived with his parents in lagos,his parents were rich people who didn't have time to look after their son's health as all they were after is buying expensive clothes and ride the latest cars in town.
They hired a maid to take care of the house and look after their son but the work was too much for the maid as she would wash the clothes,sweep the surrounding and cook food and also run some errand,she was unable to put an eye on the child.
Akin was sick for few days he saw the sickness coming as he noticed the symptoms but his parents were not around as they usually come back late at night when he was asleep,so he didn't have time to treat the sickness at it's early stage as he didn't know what to do.
The sickness grew worse,that was when his parents noticed that he was sick they rushed him down to the hospital but it was too late as it was a deadly disease which they should have cured at it's early stage before it grew worse but they paid no concern for their kid's.
The doctor couldn't find a solution to the sickness as it was in the worst pace so they lost the child and learnt their lesson to always keep their eyes on their child and not be too attached to making money and buying expensive things.
Let's try to keep our eye on our mental health and whenever we notice any symptoms of illness coming we should try as much as possible to prevent it from taking place so we won't spend alot when the sickness grow worse.
Curing something when it has reached it's peak might cost us alot of money,why don't we just try to cure it at it's early stage??this doesn't only apply to health,it applies to all aspects of live,procrastination is a bad habit that's why we need to avoid it and makes things right today rather than postponing it till the next day and forget about it.
This is a frictional story
Thanks for reading and have a blessed weekend ahead🤗💙
Hello @victorbch2,
You have the elements of a solid story here. You have an arc: Parents are concerned with making money, they shunt off care of their child to a maid, and the care suffers so much that the child dies. That is a complete arc. You have some character development: the parents are self absorbed.
This is an encouraging beginning of your story-writing career at the Ink Well!
I will offer some advice, since you are new to the community and I want to see you thrive. It would enrich the story if you focused a little more on how the child felt. Or on how one of the parents felt. That would help us to get involved with the characters. Also, you might describe the surroundings more--the house, the way the child looked perhaps. Even the maid.
While the advice you give is wise, it takes away from the power of your message. In a story, we usually don't tell our readers what is right and wrong. We usually describe a situation and let the readers come to their own conclusion.
These are just some suggestions. In the Ink Well response you have been given links to other tips about how to write a really smashing story.
I hope to read more from you in the future. Good luck, and keep writing.
Thanks buddy....I'll improve on my writing
I know you will, and we are here to help you reach your goal. Writing is a great outlet and also a way for all of us to share culture.
Good luck!
Hi @victorbch2. Thanks for sharing your interesting story in The Ink Well. And welcome!
One tip I have for you is to consider leaving out the moral of the story. Fiction does not need a moral. I believe the story is what is important, not a lesson from the story.
When I explain this to people, I usually use a movie as an analogy. If you go to see a movie in a theater, it captivates you with its theme and characters and music. You wouldn't want someone coming on the screen and telling you what to think about the movie and how you should change your habits or live your life differently as a result of watching the movie.
The same is true in fiction. Its importance is the mood it creates, and the enjoyment or suspense the reader feels from reading it.
Keep writing!
Thanks I'll improve on my writing and add those tips you've said.
Hello @victorbch2,
Welcome to The Ink Well. Now that you're here, please have a look around and get to know how our community works. We are all about quality short fiction and engagement!
You can find our community rules at the top of The Ink Well home page. We ask everyone who posts in The Ink Well to read and comment on at least two other writers' work in the community for every story published.
We often provide feedback to writers who are just getting started. The Ink Well has some great resources in our catalog of fiction writing tips. For example, we have tips on developing characters in your stories, and integrating action, dialog and narrative.
The Help for the Grammatically Challenged article provides important tips on how to use Google Docs to draft your stories. It will point out errors that need to be fixed, and you can fix them by clicking on them.
We hope you will use these resources to improve your writing.
These resources can help you learn how to include the important elements of fiction in your stories.
Good luck.