You know those times in life where everything runs smoothly, falls into place, meshes?
Yeah, me either.
Well, I guess there are periods of alignment where there is semblance of positive continuity, yet at least for me, there is always the sense of the inevitable end to be faced. I am not a negative person by default, but in the last half of my life I think I have turned more toward the darker side of life and away from the, it'll all work out for the best mindset. Of course, things work out as they do, which means in a practical sense, it is for the best, but it is simultaneously for the worst, depending on whether taking the half full or empty perspective.
Choosing a side might make us feel better, but effectively changes nothing, since the glass is in both positions simultaneously, balanced on the precipice. A drop more either way, and the scale shifts toward a particular direction that upsets the status quo and if we aren't careful, we start to get accustomed to the new normal, forgetting that there is likely going to be some extent of regression to the mean, a return to the equilibrium.
I suspect that we all have different zero points, our normal that gives us the sense of what is positive and negative and I assume that this shifts with experience. Perhaps it is completely informed by experience, rather than being assigned at conception, but even if it is, the way we view our experience is going to be affected by things outside of our control.
At high school, I had a friend who was about as close to an angel you can imagine. While I do not believe in such things, this girl positively glowed to the point that she lit up the room and made anyone in her presence feel better about the world, no matter what state they had been in earlier. It was like she filled the air that we breathed with pure goodness. She had grace, yet was completely unaware of the affect she had on her world.
One evening, she invited me to meet some new friends of hers that she had connected with for a coffee. I sat down with a small group of people around my age, who were close-knit and friendly, but gave a weird vibe, as if they had an ulterior motive. I found out pretty soon that they were from a religious group, which explained it all. We sat for a couple hours chatting innocuously about things, but there was always a coordination between them.
The next day, I told my friend to be wary.
I didn't see her much after that, except in passing at school and then less and less until I hadn't seen her for a month or two. The next time I saw her, it was like a shadow had passed across her and she couldn't shake free. she was stooped, looking downward, arms crossed and there was a darkness in her that felt physically oppressive. She had become the antithesis of the person she had appeared as earlier. She seemed weighed down, heavy.
Which was the real her?
Both. She was the same glass she had always been, with the fullness and the emptiness both residing within her, yet the balance had shifted. Drops of experience had entered into her life and upset her status quo and her previous normal had been replaced by something altogether different. Where once she had an empowering and calming effect, those in her presence became unsettled ad uncomfortable, visibly looking for a way to extricate themselves from the conditions they felt.
This is the mesh of life as we experience it. Sometimes we are able to thread the needle and avoid being caught, sometimes we become entangled and the more we struggle, the tighter the grip, the greater the drip into the cup of who we are and, the more we are affected.
I tried talking to her several times, but I couldn't find a way in to release her from whatever had her bound, and I never found out what had caused the pivot in her journey, but I can imagine what it was and it saddens me no end. I hope that she was able to find the help she needed shake free the mantle that consumed her, but I will likely never know.
However, I take the position that like her, we are all fluid and can change on the experiences we face, depending on how we approach them. In some cases, the worst conditions bring out the best in us, sometimes the best conditions, the worst of us appears - but we are all the glass and the level of water depends on the perspective we take, not the experiences we have.
At least, I want to believe that we can all change, that we can all realign ourselves so that the mesh of life is able to catch what empowers us, rather than catches us to enslave us, physically, or mentally.
I meet many people in my life, but I have never met someone who exuded the radiance of my friend at school before she turned, but I have met many who have been similar to her after she had. Without knowing what happened to any of them, I wonder if it would have been possible for them to choose differently, to become a part of themselves other than what they became. Did those at the other end of the spectrum choose differently?
I feel that more of us are becoming enmeshed, trapped into a way of life that brings out our worst as we try to escape, but what freedom requires, is our best. Maybe hope comes from being able to see through to the other side, but perhaps inevitably, we are all destined to fail.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
I started learning about various philosophies about a year ago and the Stoics probably had the best answer to respond to life's difficulties. These days I don't beat myself up trying to make others or even myself feel better. I simply have embraced life and all its challenges and have more of a mindset of courage than anything else
The stoics are probably the ones I agree with the most, even if I am not close to being able to live that way.
Courage matters. I think small tastes of it lead us to the belief we can overcome more than we might have thought of ourselves earlier.
Stoics eh? Well, let's throw this video here to shed more fuel to the conversation. };)
Yeah! Don't forget to click on the CC icon in the play bar and select the English language before playing the video. :)
When all is going well there absolutely happens a negative thing in my life. I have experienced this many times. It looks like someone doesn't want my life to be just okay.
Life tends to remind us that it is chaotic.
In the first 25 years of my life, I was more focused on the negative sides of life.
But in the last 2-3 years, I have changed the people I spend time with. And it had enormous effect on me.
I don't look everything with more positivity, but with more realism.
It's not like everything happens for a good reason, but whatever happens, with time, I will handle it. Now, let's focus on the solution!
Whenever I meet my old friends, people I used to work with, distant family members, they are more or less same. Still stuck in the same phase of life.
Whereras I have moved from being focused on how to seek more pleasure, to more meaning to let's just figure it out on the way😅
People around us definitely affect our behavior and mindset. It's good that we have access to internet and we all can choose our friends, our communities, our tribes🙂
Best way to affect change, is to change the surroundings. I think you and I have talked about consumer mindsets before, where people surround themselves with adverts, and then wonder why they can't save more money.
Do you think they see you as the same too, and believe they have grown?
For better or worse! :D
Could be possible. I was always less talkative, being lost in myself, and being in my own world. I have changed in the way I think. And it's not something people can easily observe.
So, it's possible that people think I am still the same, and they have grown😅
I assume people think I am the same I have always been. Not quite :)
This is true especially with me. Each time i see successive progress and burst of positive emotion. I’m well aware that there is something to be wary about. Not that I’m negative but that’s just the way life plays out.
I like the part of your article where you said “you are gearing towards the negative more”, i find that people are always playing a “win” and “loose” game even internally.
Accept the changingness of things and go with the flow of life. Thanks for sharing my friend
"Be the water" is not so easy.
What I have noticed in recent years is that people are becoming increasingly adaptable to the degradation of living standards and putting up with more and more control mechanisms being impressed on them.
Yea, i agree it isn’t easy
Birds really have no choice aside learning to use the wind to their advantage.
Learning to use something to your advantage sounds somewhat goofy from one point of view but that’s just how it is.
I also observe that the underlying emotion behind most people is fear, that’s what causes them to succumb to whatever is imposed on them. Maybe they need that to get adjusted but that’s not always the case though.
I agree. Fear is good in some cases when it stops us walking on the edge of a cliff, but when we apply the same circuitry to our public reputation, things get out of alignment.
Well most of us spend our whole life trying to gain self realization, this is because some people are looking for a purpose to hold on to.
Do you think a life with purpose is better or worse?
I think it’s neither, it just creates a balance
A life without purpose might not be much of a life. Some people seem to find all the ways to avoid finding one though.
Exactly , because they are probably scared of the truth or commitment.
You really inspired me with your skills of writing, honestly, I really loved the way you put and arrange your writing, with great passion and skills ♥️♥️♥️
thanks
I have always surrounded myself with all kinds of people with negative influence and with positive influence and it did not insidious in my behavior, as long as you are clear about who you are and where you are going the negative aspects of other people do not have to influence you. Thank you for sharing such an interesting topic, greetings.
I think we all have different people in our lives, but I suspect that if there is a lot of negative, it is going to affect in time.
I agree with you, but we must know when to put them aside in time, without affecting us.
"catch them at their best" - avoid their worst.
The balance of the glass half full or half empty as a metaphor for life is often used. (I never see the either or part of it). I see the change that takes place is like pool water or any clear liquid. Our experiences flavor the water, will it alter it from a pure form to an acid form? That is what life does, as we age our glass of half full water changes PH, sometimes acidic,sometimes alkali. Our experience will always have an effect on the water, but as long as we keep the level balanced we can still live a balanced life, it may take a little thought to turn it from a sour experience to a positive and sweet experience. At the end of the day we are the ones responsible for maintaining our balance.
This is a good way to think about it.
I think that more these days are becoming acidic, especially those who have a lot of "experience" online, rather than with real people.