I had a long chat with someone today who is going through some relationship issues, quite serious ones, but I don't really take it all so seriously. Yes, I behaved myself and didn't stick the boot in, but as I explained to the person - it is just life.
This isn't a throwaway comment, I am quite serious about it - people are sloppy and therefore, life is messy - things happen - we act, we react, we overreact. We all screw up, we all feel sad at times, we all smile occasionally too. Life is living by degrees, under conditions that are far more often than not, well removed from ideal.
As I have mentioned before, I see life much like a book made up of many chapters, with each leading into the next. While we might not like what is being written at the time of its writing, we often look back at chapters of our lives and how they have impacted and directed us and thank them for being a part of the book. Many of the toughest times in our lives become points of overcoming and accomplishment, the times we end up revering and repeating as the stories that shape us - the chapters we reread and quote later in life.
One of the issues that came up with this person today was that many years ago, they were in a similar position and now that they are there again, the feelings from the past chapter are coming back. The problem is that most people don't really accept the bad and instead they find a replacement for it - this is an act of avoidance, not dealing and as such, a reminder will trigger the same feelings to reemerge. This person said that the reminder felt like it happened yesterday. I think that this is the things with feelings, they don't necessarily subside if not dealt with, they just lay dormant.
But, I think that overall this person will have to come to terms this time and perhaps they will be stronger for it, which is the hope of our own stories right? As I said to them, a lot of us want some kind of drama in our lives, we want to feel important in some way - but often when it happens, we don't like the result.
Personally though, I see life as something that has a start and end, and the chapters between are the story of our life. When we look back at the book that we have written through our various circumstances, I want it to be a book worth reading. I am lucky to have been able to travel and see some of the world, but they are not the interesting parts of the book.
The interesting parts are the people I have met, the loves I have had and the loves I have lost. The wild nights out, the romantic nights in - the random dance that led to the love of my life and my daughter and the million small things that no matter whether I have had a dollar in my pocket or not, have brought value to my experience.
As I told this person today who asked about our lives at this time I told the truth. The timing of our purchase of the house is terrible because of the unforeseen conditions of the world now, one where my business is all but gone, my job is reduced and might be lost and we have a great many things that we must cover in the next year regardless - but, where is the risk? Even if it all goes to shit, even if we lose our jobs, our house and end up living hand to mouth in a tiny apartment - it will make for an interesting chapter in the book.
I am not planning on that outcome, I am planning to face the challenges and overcome them so instead of reading back and feeling miserable , I will recount these days as defining moments of accomplishment and overcoming - as empowering.
Life is messy, we are sloppy at dealing with it and as a result - we end up in circumstances that we would not choose if given the option. But - this allows the magic of random to come into play and under the laws of the wild, life becomes unpredictable and leads us into the jungles where the wild things are. It might not be easy, but it makes for a much better read.
I know that a lot of people are struggling in various ways in life and it isn't easy for everyone to accept their conditions and feel empowered by them. However, we only get one life (by my measure) and while we can't pick the hand we are dealt, how we play our cards in the worst of times is what makes the best of our times. We might want our life to be pristine - but that is not how life is meant to look - life is meant to be our home - it is meant to be lived in. A few knocks, stains, scars and wrinkles become the light of life that shines in our eyes - or dullens them - if we let allow it.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
This person sounds like my twin. And I would understand this entire post if it were spewed out in attempts to get me back to present. I am no stranger to slipping back to old ways and 'not dealing' is one of them.
Those of us who operate like this prefer burying stuff in shallow graves that life still manages to dig up. The exhumed issues are toxic and we can't help but wither in their acidity.
Working towards changing for good. Thoughtful piece :)
This is gorgeously written.
Do you ever feel that it is your lot in life, it is a part of you? Once you recognize it, does it become easier to change?
Awww! Thank you ♡
I once told someone that I am not sure what I would be minus all of it. What I would do if I was free of it all. So no, it doesn't become easier to change but the awareness helps me know where I am emotionally.
This has made it easier for me to fix random frowns and unnecessarily anger. Because I have been in a place where I didn't have control on such and now I do. Taking my baby steps here ;)
The examined life brings clarity - it brings control.
A few knocks, stains, scars and wrinkles become the light of life that shines in our eyes - or dullens them - if we let allow it.
As a charity worker, it is the ending of your scribe here that really struck a nerve here mate.
Yes, we all face ups and downs in life, and I am one of those that can see a person's spirit when I look into their eyes. "Windows of the soul"
Men fiddle with the ties that they are not wearing and women straighten their clothing and hair. Seriously, this happens every time.
So debilitating to look into the dead eyes of a person that has given up all hope.
Life can make us, or break us.
I wonder if life might be much the same for all, relatively. The difference is the change in approach to facing it -some turn away, some turn toward - some avoid, some face and attempt to overcome. Defeat can be empowering under the attempt, crushing for those who roll over without a fight.
Yeah man, and especially debilitating for those that have faced endless defeats.
You can't control the outcome; you can only do the work. Knowing you've done what you can, let's you accept what happens.
yep. play as hard as you can so there are no questions later.
So much that was laying just beneath the surface is being brought up thanks to the virus. What have lain dormant for years or even decades now must be dealt with in the middle of all the other stresses caused by the pandemic. I can only really think of one saying to accompany this phenomenon:
When it rains, it pours.
For sure. Some will be washed away in the flood, while others will build themselves an island.
When we get older, we see these moments of strife as the most fruitful moments of our lives, you just need the bigger picture to see it.
You're lucky that you have a grasp of that now.
The value of looking back is being able to identify the path taken and how far we have come. Some take the road less travelled, some stand still.
Life is never fair, and our expectations do make us feel bad as we put them so high. Not everyone feels the same with the other it's good to be ready for anything 😊.
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In these crazy times I think that approach is the best. We can only focus on what we can control at this particular moment. No one knows what's gonna happen in the future - and probably that's the beauty of life.