I've written and reworded, rearranged and edited the following opening paragraph way too many times:
I don't know about this one. I mean I know what it's about, that's not what I meant, I mean I'm not sure how to go about it—fiction. Should probably go with fiction that way I can say 'it was fiction' if someone hurts a feeling—nonfiction. Commodious. If you mix nonfiction with funny, it's not only socially acceptable to hurt a feeling but encouraged aannndD Action!
See what I mean?
I have quite a few nice shots collecting dust in my photo album. They're taking up space in this device, too, that's unnecessary. I have infinite blockchain space for aforementioned imagery.
Images - GoPro Black / PhonePro Pink
On one! On one! For the next plus or minus 10 minutes I'll be attaching random or intentional photos organized or in no particular order that are or are not affiliated with the non genre specific story and/or fairytale you're about to be completely consumed by like experimental science - Readdyyyyyy....
Break!
Golfito Bay, 20 miles north of the Panamanian border. Pura took off to Columbia for the weekend with some girlfriends from yoga—ladies night. I went across the street for dinner, it's a sail club bar & grill on the water. As the hostess seated me, I was invited to join a party of three across the restaurant; a Russian, a Swede, and a Hungarian. Three people I'd never met.
That's what traveliving's all about—first hand culture experience. Four expats, corner table overlooking the bay at sunset, each from a different heritage enjoying a meal together.
It was the Swedish dude who said in his European accent, "Tizn't chew'only mate, all Mericano's, yea, are geographically challenged, yea." He said geographically challenged which in my country could be perceived abrasive but this is that culture thing I can't get enough of—love it! He means no disrespect, 'geographically challenged?'
An American, mios, a Russian, one of the coolest people I met during that two year adventure by the way, we remain in close contact. A Swede, he's about to serve up humble pie and, lastly, the Hungarian—sweetheart. She's taller than me, 6-2'ish, brown hair, speaks excellent English—Hungary. When she mentioned Vienna, the American who knows it's somewhere in a country called Austria but couldn't point directly to it on a map interrupted in typical American fashion, 'where's Vienna?'
They got a good laugh outta that one. Like sniffing out a dirty laundry hamper, they knew where Vienna was. I didn't know it at the time but asking a Hungarian where Vienna is is like asking a New Yorker where New Jersey is.
They know the coordinates, surrounding provinces, make and model of Austria's flag and their Landesträte. Moreover, they can tell you every country flag in Europe as well as country flags around the globe and if you asked "where's Madagascar?" They'd all three say north of Sri Lanka.
No they would not
They'd say it's an island in the Indian Ocean off the coast of South Africa and, if you accepted Sri Lanka at face value, I'm familiar with your indoctrination system, pay attention. Pura and I lived abroad two years making sense of it.
Denmark—the D one, we know that much. Where it's located and their country colors however, it's on the other side of the Atlantic somewhere near the top of Europe. Capitol and Flag? Not without google. I've mentioned oceans before, "Indian Ocean" for example or "Baltic" and "Arabian Sea." Don't expect us to point'em out. Atlantic / Pacific, two.
Embarassing. I gave myself a crash course in European and Commonwealth of Nations geography before our arrival to prevent asking a Turk where Kurdistan is. Smellin what I'm steppin in?
I know where not to go. We spent as much time covering "homicidal dictators" around the world as we did state flags, state flowers, their birds, local governors and judicial proceedings. Unnatural concepts, too, like balancing a checkbook by age 10, military prep courses in junior high school and two years of government theory before receiving a diploma.
Capitol of Kansas? Topeka. Capitol of Nicaragua? Phone a friend. But I know why we avoid it. Same reason we steer clear of Mexico, Panama, Columbia, and anything south of Tijuana—drugs, violence, human-trafficking. Cartel's down there, stay home or die.
The four of us talked about Mexico, too, only the Russian had never been. The Hungarian and Swede didn't mention cartels, instead they explained the difference between European and American Spanish. I learned to fear Mexico, they embraced it.
"What'bout me coouuuntry?" The Russian asked in his deep, Putin sounding, Soviet cigar smoking voice. He's a funny dude. I told him we know all about the KGB, USSR and how Russians are malicious spies, etc Cold War, all the stuff in my old textbooks. I'm so entertaining I had the table laughing without even trying like Fox noose trying to spLeL lose.
Iraq, Iran, the whole Middle East around the Persian Gulf for obvious reasons. We've been booing the Iranian flag at sold out venues across the country since Iron Sheik got Hulk Hogan in a Camel Clutch on WWF or WWE or WTF ever it's called. 🇮🇷
When my friends learned we were going to Israel they got nervous, "dude it's a war zone over there!" Pura's family was genuinely concerned for our safety when they learned we were staying in Palestine. One of my friends asked if I was on a death wish, 'huh?' 🇵🇸 I've since heard things like "I'd love to see the pyramids some day but it's too dangerous." 'Huh?'
We were schooled by the same textbooks. Can't think about an iconic ancient Sphinx without thinking about Africa, Libya and the Gaddafi days or Somalia. 🇪🇬 Don't go there! Stay home. If Americans were aware a round trip between Morocco and Spain is $48 we'd question American Airlines for charging us $480 for the same mileage. 🇺🇸
Corralled north of the Mexican Gulf, bordered by the Atlantic and Pacific seas all but erases opportunity to experience European, Middle Eastern, and Asian cultures where things like siestas are required and holidays are mandatory. Our school teacher friends in England are required to "holiday" 30 days a year. Their colleagues as well, it's a British thing and those 30 days are paid. Plus they're school teachers so they have summers off too. Paid. 🏴
We don't call it holiday over here, time off state side is called "vacation." A holiday is 1-3 scheduled days of national celebration where the majority of America doesn't work and a fraction receives compensation. It's uncommon for an American to receive more than 14 vacation days per calendar year and very few (guessing less than 10%) are compensated those days. Also, we have to make up those 14 days prior to vacation by working double-shifts and weekends or we'll lose our medical coverage.
Makes it difficult to go anywhere. What ends up happening is Americans either can't afford vacation or aren't willing to jeopardize medical coverage so we splurge by extending a few weekends by two or three days each year. Less than half of my friends have ever had a passport and they don't plan on getting one, "America's the best, everything I need is right here." We measure distance in minutes so vacationing somewhere that requires two days travel time on a five day budget makes traveling outside the U.S impractical.
Time, that's another one. It was a Scottish chap I met at a pub in Wales who pointed down the street to Conwy Castle, "how'fer out's that, mate?" 'Less than five minutes.' He explained Americans always see distance in time whereas he saw "two kilometers." I can poll anyone back home in California how far it is between Hollywood and Santa Monica and they'll all say something like "30 minutes without traffic." Americans measure distance in time.
Makes it difficult to enjoy free time when you're constantly competing against the clock. Difficult like trying to find the finish line each time I post in the rant channel. <-- Had I not changed that just now, autocorrect would've allowed me to say rent channel. 🏁
That last one's Mardi Gras in New Orleans. Who would've known if I didn't clarify? Not Mardi Gras, I mean that is Mardi Gras, that's not what I meant. What I meant was the stuff about airfare pricing, distance seen in time, fearing North Korea, stationary between two oceans and not knowing the difference between New Orleans and Zimbabwe.
Or Cambodia and Hong Kong. Moscow, Buenos Aries, Cozumel, Haiti, Bali, Sydney, Georgia and not the one next door to Alabama, either, Georgia north of Armenia but we know what time the game starts on Sunday and whose jersey Kim Kardashian's wearing - Readdyyyyyy....
Break!
Haaaaaa the Welsh conned you mate with their bloody Conwy Castle trick. They claim it was built in 1283 but there's a bloody railway running through it and that wasn't built until 1879, conniving leek shaggers.
Now tell me they didn't build the castle to fit over the railway! I bet they conned you into three quid for 'the smallest house in the world' crap too, right? Another lie. I lived in a Citroen Berlingo for 6 years and that was much smaller and didn't even have a toilet, unless you count an empty 5-litre (about a gallon, US or Imp not sure) screenwash container.....
Last thing. Scotsman mentioning distance in kilometres???? You've been had mate!
Stay in California, you got it covered there. Travelling is far too difficult for you gullible types.....
PS let me know in plenty of time before Christmas when you want my address for my Christmas present :-)
PPS as an obvious anorak when it comes to trains, the rail junction has me beat at the moment. I will be back after studying my UK rail atlas but from the scenery, but a clue would be nice please! Trans pennine maybe?
It probably was Lancashire or Mills, new / old, it's all the same to me. Thanks for spleling out the liter conversion thing.. you know how we are which reminds me.. 1.02 gallons counts as a toilet.
I didn't say I believed anything the Scott said, I probably only understood 30% of whatever he said which is a lot compared to Welsh. He's fulla shit, naturally so being human and all and one thing I learned is the crisper their English is the FASTER YOU RUN!!
There was something else I was gonna say.. 🤔 Something to do with time. Don't want you to miss it.
How's it goin? Thanks for checkin this one out. The tiniest house, you mean the one you can see from the top of the castle?
No idea what you're talking about.
Your turn—California's on the other side of the country.
Which Country?
The one I'm in. I'm on the east coast right now and I'm not sure why I expected you to know that.
Eh, don't tell anyone I told you this, it's just you and I here, right? We decided against the tour.
I am, I said.
Have a great week and thanks for the sorely needed entertaining read :-)
My pleasure dude! I'll be here all week.
!WINE
!LUV
!PIZZA
!BEER
for you
!CHEERS @eii.
Wow, so much to digest.
Us Eastern Europeans are smart people hu? We knoooooow eveeeeeerything 😆 .
Btw Kim K is Armenian and José, my Pura ;), went on a trip with her there. He'd saved her from a fan there is vid proof and had to watch Kanye jump into a public fountain 🤪 .
That's all I recall from that post which I enjoyed to read but it was a lot to digest and did you noticed that sentences without punctuation marks are often harder to read and that a sub in a sub looks even smaller?
Could you tell I was wondering how you did it as I read it? Way too lead by example.
Does mine look like yours or are we different?
I didn't know I could do that. Thanks @bulldog-joy!
I was impressed with Europeans knowledge of geography and country flags. Another one that impressed me was the majority of the people we met could speak three and four languages whereas we're fluent in about 1n1/2.
💖
LOL, it's just because Europeans are trying to flee their countries that they speak and understand different languages 😂
Except the French, they refuse to even speak English.
Yours does not look different we are the sameeven though a little differentbut in the end the sameI wonder if you can read the last one lolYou probably just enlarged the page to a thousand percent lol...
Am I your first? I mean were you already
aware of this text wizardry before me or?
Are we experiencing this for the first time together?
Mono-e
mo
no
You were my first sub in the sub in the sub in the sub 😂
I'll never forget this
🚬
Great photos!
!LUV
Glad you liked'em man, thanks! Stop by any time.
U.Bird.O
Can you believe we ski'd Venice, fished the Mojave Desert and ate breakfast for dinner all on the same day and in two time zones?
Yes... I remember when you posted about it, while windsurfing down the Colorado river for that Pizza Hut commercial you produced.
For an old bastard who fakes his physique, you sure got an elephant size memory.
Pretty awesome trot through the world in photos here. You can rent space here in the community any time!
Sounds like the crew you got invited over when she was out with her friends was an awesome way to spend a night and people to keep in touch with years later. Love those types of random encounters! Years ago I met a couple in a cruise ship I went on with an ex girlfriend and I think I’m still friends with the guy in fake book nowadays. Drop a message here and there but good people still. Those chance encounters are a lot of fun!
It’s sad that we are so geographically challenged lol. I would like to say I’m better than most with my interest in traveling and the world but so many are in such a vacuum of isolation. I wanted to go to the Middle East at one point but I don’t think that will ever happen now with all this craziness and illegal information required to step foot into a cesspool of recirculated air.
Hey wassup man? Thanks for keeping an eye on me. I'm sure you got a good grip on things, unlike most tuned in, I'm sure you're at least aware of the difference between Asian and Middle East. Don't wanna mix that up when you're having dinner with a Syrian.
PS—good luck paying a tab with a Syrian!! Never happen dude, it's not in their culture. They will not let you pay for anything.
Love it. I feel so caged here. We do actually, that was selfish of me. Pura's on the internet with her coffee every morning just waiting for England to open back up. Can't go anywhere until they open, it's our only place to recharge our passports and I think they know it.
It's strategic my friend, the Swede was talking to you too. 👍🏿
So it means that now you can delete the poop picture off your camera?
I can't believe after that incredibly instructive post, that's what I decided to focus on. But seriously, what's the story behind the pic...
It was either Pickin up what I'm putting down? Or smellin what I'm steppin in? When they're side by side like that, the steppin one just works better, don't you think? Maybe it's just me but I couldn't think of a better time to feature dog shit. I mean, it worked right? I made you look directly right at dog shit. A heaping pile of shit.
I hope it's not just me who finds that hilarious.
5 On It just came on. Can't make this stuff up.
To the face!
You are right, I couldn't help but looking at it!!!
For some reason it reminded me of France, and particularly Paris, which is one big stinking pile of dogshit.
Geographically challenged --- I'm going to have to start using that.
Now where do I sign up for them holiday things?
Yooo! Been a minute, what's up man?
Kinda has a ring to it 'huh?' Holiday sounds more inviting especially when everything's a holiday rather than out of town or weekend getaway.
Ahhh... that's better.
Jeezus man, why you gotta hold out on a brotha like that? I'm over here jonesin' (and I'm one to talk, about holding out...)
Anyway, thanks for coming through, I really needed that today. In more ways than one. Not only are you my new favorite... sitcom? dramedy?... I don't really know the appropriate primetime tv metaphor,
but ALSO,
This was really informative! I could've done without the shit pic (side note... fetish porn is ruining the internet) but all that other stuff was great. As an American, I feel like I know enough now that I can probably skip seeing all those countries, or meeting any more of those people. Great job with the accents by the way, it was like I was sitting right there.
Apologies for the delay, things are being weird lately. We just got to Nashville, the other side of the state, they insisted Pura be seen first thing in the morning after viewing the CT results of her pancreatitis. Dude I don't know wtf to think. Why else would they squeeze her in with the best specialist in the state clear on the other side of the state at the #9 ranked school of medicine in the country? Vanderbilt. I'm rambling... I'm a mess. We just got here... I'm still rambling.
I saw this message though and I really appreciate it dude, thank you. I woulda felt this big if I didn't get back to you.
Last week was Florida, applying sunblock n stuff, we're still shopping for a new roof to borrow at the end of summer. Doesn't look like they're gonna let us leave any time soon.
I got a few concerning comments about the shit but you gotta give the author some credit, I mean c'mon the dudes nuckin futs. Think about it.. How many times have you been so consumed by something you felt compelled stop right in the middle to get a really good, long and 100% positive confirmation (still) you're in fact staring at a heaping pile of steamy shit. Have you ever done that before?
Whoever don't think that's funny can't be trusted.
👊🏼 @paradoxtma
Shit man, hope things are going well. Pancreatitis is no fun at all.
I give the author lots of credit, that's why I kept going after the shit pic. Not the first time I've had to stop for that kind of confirmation, but I'm a bad yardstick to use if you're measuring strange.
I thought it was funny, trust me!
All my best to you and Pura, hope the specialist gives (gave) you guys some good news.
Gene test will eliminate the possibility completely. Today it's treatable. Hashtag not cancer.
Hey from the one next to Alabama!
Raises hand about be completely and utterly geographically and directionally challenged.
I don't know how I made it through life before GPS.
Well look what the farmers market dragged in, wassup Plants?! I tell you Florida's way too miserably hot? Eh, while I got you.. ah, never mind, it was just another female doggy complaint about the weather somewhere.
Had it not been for that Swede, staring at walls and doing circles with you until our phone service returned was totally Mornal. Apparently we're the only ones who do that. 🤔
Haha, I was wondering where you were then stalked some of your comments and realized you had been away. Almost came to hunt you down elsewhere. ;)
Yeah, I generally stay away from the sunshine state from now until about September/October. Firstly it's too hot, secondly I don't like it when it's too crowded. The benefit of not having kids and being tied to school schedules is getting to go places during the off-seasons.
I usually make DKS drive if we're going anywhere outside of my usual comfort zone. Gives me anxiety just thinking about driving somewhere unfamiliar. I used to hate just driving in downtown ATL because all those damn Peachtree Streets and one-way roads make it a cluster of confusion...
Funny. I see all these two lane roads as congestion and turn signals.. So much easier when they're one way. 💖 Pura's got the same luxury, I have no idea what I'm surrounded by but she's got a good lay out of the land.
They're only easier if you don't get caught on the wrong one-way. 😂
I am defo geographically challenged - it was even challenging spelling it!! If I'm asked where somewhere is google is my friend for sure. I would love to travel but I don't think it's on the cards any time soon with all the problems around the world so I thoroughly enjoyed your pictures. It took me on a journey... Thanks for posting :D
My pleasure, I'm glad you enjoyed them, thank you!
Not only that, most everyone else knows three or four languages too. Pura and I know 1.5.
It's a weird time, we weren't planning on being back this long. Wasn't planning on getting the boot outta England when we did either. I keep saying as soon as they open the gates back up we'll get back to doing what we're good at but it doesn't matter how many time I say it, nothing happens.
Ha languages... I know 1 - I think I'll be limited to english speaking countries if I ever get to travel again!!
As soon as you hear England's open again we'll be airborne. That's our refuge when our passports expire. Just go to UK for 90 days and recharge.
I'd recommend anything but English speaking cultures to really experience traveliving but If you forget everything I ever said, remember the crisper their English, the faster you run!!!
Such stunning images and you had to put that one crappy ( no pun there) one there right in the middle.
I am geographically challenged, never liked it because my teacher was a dunce. Never really bothered to educate myself later.
Puras mother's in town this week so my blockchain activity should be low but you've visited past content of mine two times now and I'm flattered isn't good enough. Honored, humbled, haulted—can't... thank.... properly.
Have fun. There are more important things in life than block chain activity.
As long as you don't feel haunted I am fine with it lol.
No need to thank, I am sending some great posts for a testing projects so I checked yours out in the process.
Haunted didn't come to mind.
Heartfelt. 💖
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