My Brother and I.
Long ago, contest posts filled my feed. I miss those days. Today I got tagged in a #LadiesofHive contest post by @Katrina-Ariel. I could have scrolled on by, but I did not, and I am delighted I didn't. One of this week's Ladies of Hive questions was; What life lesson did you learn the hard way? How did it alter your perception or attitude? Read on for my answer.
My First Christmas
I have a love-hate relationship with life lessons. Yet, in the end, they are needed in this world, so I tolerate them in my life.
You might be wondering what the words Life Lesson mean. It is a phrase we hear a lot, yet I never spent the time to get my dictionary out and look up the exact meaning.
Life Lesson (defined) <dictionary.com>
noun. something from which helpful knowledge or principles can be learned.
Now that all the housekeeping is out of the way, I will see if I can write how I feel about life lessons.
My Grandpa who I still miss very much.
When I was three months old, I was adopted. The young lady that gave birth to me could not take care of me. My parents could not have children. For better or worse, they ended up with me.
In 1961 they adopted my brother. He was six months old. He was and always will be their firstborn. He is not my biological brother for those out there that need clarification. After this, he will be known as 'my brother.'
I always knew I was adopted. There was no shock about finding out that my parents were not my real parents because they were my parents. They were the ones that paid to have my legs straightened by wearing plaster casts, so I could walk straight as I grew older. They wiped my tears and my butt. If that doesn't qualify you as a parent, I don't know what does.
My first Birthday with both Grandmas and my Aunt. I miss both Grandmas so very much.
The most innovative idea my parents came up with was to give my brother and me a birthday and an anniversary day. Our birthday was the day we were born. Our anniversary day was when my brother, in 1961, and I, in 1964, were brought home to live with our parents.
I still remember my poor Mom reading all these magazine articles about being a good parent to the kids you adopted. Mom would read something and get all upset. She would then call my brother and me to the kitchen table. We sat down while she asked us the stupid questions found in the magazine article(s).
"How did we feel about being adopted?" and a bunch of other mumbo jumbo questions that some people, who didn't have adopted kids, made up to scare parents that had adopted children.
My brother and I would sit through a few of these questions, hug my Mom, and tell her that everything was fine and please stop reading those magazines.
My Second Christmas. My Brother making sure I do not fall.
I get upset when I hear adopted people say that their lives would have been better if their natural parents had raised them. People who believe this go through their lives not living in the now but living in a land made up in their heads.
You see......
There was a reason you were given up for adoption, and it has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with the two people that made you. I owe the people who made me my thanks and only that for being smart enough to realize they could not take care of me at that time in their lives.
How you end up with the parents you have is a crapshoot either way. I know plenty of non-adopted people that hated their home life and do not talk to anyone in their family. I know of no person adopted or not adopted who had a childhood filled with joy from the moment they woke up until the day they died.
A lesson in How to cage a baby that can crawl.
I know many adopted children/adults whose life mantra was "You're not my real parents." or "My real parents would have treated me better." Unfortunately, in most cases, when meeting the people who made them, they found out too late that the home they were raised in was the better place.
Parenting doesn't come with a manual. You can hope you are a good parent to your children. You can try your best for your children. Some do this by giving up their children for adoption, while others adopt children because they can not make their own.
The two people who can not have children and decide to adopt children want children to love.
My life lessons growing up adopted were many. I had to listen to every dumb Polish joke known to man because my last name was Polish. I then had to explain that I wasn't Polish. I was then called a liar by the dumb ass telling the Polish jokes to hurt my feelings. I do not lie. I usually punched them after that.
I had two parents that never had a blemish (pimple) on their face. I had oily hair and many blemishes. I was given Dial soap and told to wash my face. Dial soap is the most drying soap known to man. One could blame my Mother for not researching acne, yet she did. She worked for a Doctor that never had acne in his life because he was the one that told her to have my brother and I use Dial soap. I still have nightmares about dial soap to this day.
I'm FREE!!! Crawl for your life!!!
One day I told my second-grade teacher that it was my anniversary day. That teacher laughed at me and made fun of me in front of the whole class because kids did not have anniversaries. I tried to tell her why it was my anniversary, but she didn't listen. I did not have a lot of respect for teachers after that.
In science class, I did not have to do any homework when they were teaching about genetics. I did not have to fill out three pages of forms about my family's medical history when going to the doctor. I still find that a big plus for being adopted!
My parents raised my brother and me as they would have raised any child, minus the dumb questions asking were we scarred for life because we were adopted.
Yet, the insight to adults just winging it as parents, teachers, and adulthood was priceless.
Cuz it makes me smile
I learned early on to trust myself and my instincts when it came to interacting with adults. Trusting my instincts gave me the confidence to make it to adulthood and expecting respect from people no matter how old they were. If someone could not respect me, I did not need them in my life, no matter my age. I still feel the same way today.
A life lesson learned very early that I have never forgotten.
Thank You, @Katrina-Ariel, for tagging me in this!! Writing this was very good for my soul.
Speaking of tagging.... @frostyamber I would love to hear your story!
*This is a story about single adoption, not to be confused with a story about broken families. Just so we are clear.
Help someone smile today. It can not hurt you.
Snook
All photos are mine unless otherwise stated.
Ain't that the truth.
🤣🤣🤣 Because you're a badass. Also, fuck that teacher for being an insensitive asshole.
You're an amazing human being. Your parents did the best they could, and succeeded in sending a kind soul into the world. I'm so glad you had a caring family and a brother to share your childhood with. Big hugs! 💖
Thank You!! and Thank You so much for tagging me in this. It was good to look back. Very much needed right now.
HUGS!
Being adopted I have friends where the son never bothered, but the daughter did seek out her mother, only after meeting realized what you have mentioned, it is the people who brought you up who count.
Very fortunate you parents were always open and honest, knowing from a young age you were adopted, preparing you for life to follow.
Thanks for this incredible story and lesson in life @snook
It really is. For better or worse they are your parents.
I never understood the not telling a child...the "waiting for a good time" there is never a good time for anything loll
Thank You for your great comment!!
Good luck with the contest.
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Thank You for making the contest with great questions!!
I really enjoyed writing this and looking back.
Thank you also for the warm welcome!!
You have been given a gift of self-trust at a very young age, which is admirable. You did not let your circumstances become a hindrance for you to be a strong person. I admire you so much. Much respect! 😍😘
Thank you for your kind words and for stopping to read my post.
I enjoyed writing it and thinking back so I received a lot out of making the post too.
Biology lets people create new people. Love, caring and the fortitude to raise those new people decides if those who created them are actually parents.
Well said!!
Reading your story made me very emotional and I love how you shared some very powerful points for all of us to think about while telling your story. <3
Thank You for taking the time to read my story! It makes me happy that I could make you think too. I hope you have a wonderful day full of laughter!
Wow , @snook what a touching blog. And knowing this from nearby , the fact that what you say in several chapters i saw its true. And giving up a child, has nothing to do with the children. And love comes in all shapes and sizes.
Again you had me at the first photo and i enjoyed my reading and will vote accordingly,
Thank you for your utmost honesty and know that you are appreciated.
Good luck this week.
Thank You!!
I am just happy you enjoyed the blog post. Honest that is what really counts. Giving people something to laugh or think about means I did my job when writing this post. As a writer, you can not ask for more than that!.
But with the flair of the personal life of the writer it makes it so much more appealing and good to read.
Wow, yes, I can def relate to a lot of that.
You and I could have some very long conversations about shared AND polar opposite experiences on this subject....
Thank you for stopping to read my post!
Every window you see has a different story.........
It is what I use to think to myself, and still do when riding in a car.
and this is part of my life story, not the whole of it.
Yes, you are absolutely right- every window has a different story and no-one will ever know the details, nor the depths of those stories except for the person that is starring in them.
But I still find it so incredible that just 1 topic does have so many different stories and I find it so interesting to hear them all- to hear their differences and see the similarities, talk about the beginnings and discuss the consequences...It's stories and discussions like these that others can learn from and others can feel connected to.
Lovely to see you again anyway.
The beauty of prompts :D
and WELL DONE!!! to you! :D
Yes, so many different perspectives about one topic- which i why I created a podcast (though not on air yet) and called it the Dark side of Adoption. Cause there's that too....
And thank you very much, I really appreciate it.
First, I have to say I've missed you here on Hive
Second, thank you for sharing this with us
I love how your parents did not feel the need to hide it
And I love the idea of the Anniversary - your parents sound really special ... no surprise seeing how you are and I know that "special" thing they had rubbed off on you <33
Thank You!!
I do not know what else to say to such wonderful words but Thank you!!
HUGS~!
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Thank You!
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Interesting perspective. I'm not sure how I wound up here -- reading this. I'm WAY too tired to be awake ATM & I've been wandering -- but here I am.
If I were asked these questions: ---> "What life lesson did you learn the hard way?", my answer would be, "Don't give yourself away to people who don't value you." That's been a theme throughout my life -- & I'm still working on it. Closely related would be this one: "Not everyone wishes you well -- & they mean it." Neither one was easy. Still isn't.
As for my family -- my mother was an only child; my father was a youngest child (of four.) I can't think of many worse combinations when it comes to knowing what to expect of a baby. I don't know what they were expecting when they had me (on purpose -- their first child) but it sure wasn't me. They were real clear about that through all the years we spent together. So ... put me in this category ---> "non-adopted people that hated their home life and do not talk to anyone in their family." I used to have nightmares about it.