I don't personally know you @artaddict, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone when it comes to feeling as if we've failed.
We tend to be our own worst critics in life. We set bars for ourselves that are exceedingly high, and while that can sometimes be a positive thing in striving for success and understanding, it can also become completely overwhelming and occupy our every thought. It can completely derail us and bring us to our knees, and for what?
Dwelling on something that we feel we've failed at, or feeling that we've disappointed ourselves or others, only prevents us from focusing on finding solutions and changing so that we don't make the same mistakes or disappoint in the future.
I've disappointed myself and others many times in life. I won't go into full details, but let's just say that my life was a wreck and I totally destroyed myself, everything I had built, and even tore down the people that would've done anything for me. I hurt them bad - but I hurt myself even worse.
It took time, but after doing a lot of self-reflection and gaining a better understanding of myself, accepting who I was, and becoming disciplined on changing and growing into a better human, was I able to overcome the feeling that "I wasn't good enough, that I was a failure".
Also, a huge lesson that I've learned over this past year, is that once you truly love yourself, and accept who you are, then positive energy and true love (in various forms and bonds) will flow your way. The energy we put out, often tends to boomerang back at us with greater intensity.
I feel that you should stay. Clearly, people here in the community care about you, whether you think they do or not. I've only been here a short while but I can already tell that the Steemit community is full of people that would give you the shirt off of their backs if you truly needed it. It's a community with a lot of empathetic, selfless individuals - yes, there are those that may be harsh, and try and tear you down, make you feel as if you "failed", but often times that is simply that person not being happy with themselves as a person, whether they realize it or not.
There is truly support here, and hell, even though I don' know you, if you ever need someone to talk to - I'm here. Feel free to reach out to me at any time, even on Discord (Slothyy#2322).
Remember - people do care about you, and you're not alone. Never let a bad experience or others control how you feel by influencing your emotions - and focus on the fact that everything in life is an opportunity to learn and grow.
-Slothyy
So much of the truth you said and well done, you should be proud of yourself. I did learn to accept myself but what about the people that you consider family ? I am used to this feeling of loneless but I learned to accept it as I have no choice. I know how to love, but probably I am too wild for some of the things and makes it a little bit impossible to enjoy it.
The ones that are family, at least in your heart and soul, are always the ones that we allow to impact how we feel, because we've let them come so close to our inner core.
At the end of the day, you're the only one living your life. I have blood family and even best friends that I consider family, that I wish they would reach out to me more often, or try to better themselves, or just generally live happier lives. We can't control anything or anyone outside of our own minds, bodies, and souls.
If the people that you consider family doesn't approve of the person you are or treat you differently because of it, then that's on them. As long as you aren't personally harming them or causing them any turmoil through direct actions, and they're only acting differently towards you because of your personality - that's their prerogative.
Do you, live your life, and be the best "you" that you can be. Naturally, you'll attract those that see the beauty of who you really are, and become people in your life that matter.
I'm closer to some people I've met while traveling than I am with some of my own blood relatives - simply because of the lifestyle I live. You can't let that get to you emotionally or mentally, however disconcerting it may be.
Please dont lose hope my dear sister...you can still meet up," i believe when there is life there is hope" Everything has reason, God may have a better offer for you just keep unto him, he his the beginning and the end, he his the starter and the finisher...A proverb said the remaining sun can still dry up the cloth. I will continue to tell you not to lose hope...i will like to forward my fb username to you if you dont mind, i will like to chat with you there.@artaddict
Please dont lose hope my dear sister...you can still meet up," i believe when there is life there is hope" Everything has reason, God may have a better offer for you just keep unto him, he his the beginning and the end, he his the starter and the finisher...A proverb said the remaining sun can still dry up the cloth. I will continue to tell you not to lose hope...i will like to forward my fb username to you if you dont mind, i will like to chat with you there. @artaddict God will wipe away your tears of sorrow.