That's so funny what you're saying about the use of the word "How," because I generally avoid using the word "why" for a similar reason. The word "Why" when asked of someone carries a judgement with it, so I generally avoid using it. I've never thought of "How" as being aggressive lol 🤣
You can probably say it quite unagressively but it seems that the Scots don't know how as it were. Your average normal conversation if you were to overhear can sound like a fight is about to erupt at any moment!
Lmao 😂 that's hilarious.