Daddy-Bear, could you do me a big favour today?
The Good Lady said as she twisted her neck around and around as if trying to find the Big Dipper in the night sky.
I looked up from both my toast, coffee and phone.
Sure baby-cheeks. Hit me, what can the big Boomdawg do for his special girl?
Despite the toast crumbs flying sideways out of my mouth, I followed up with a labia-moistening side-smile.
The Good Lady continued to move her head around in circles and now added her shoulder into the mix as if she was swimming at the one-arm Olympics.
I was starting to feel a bit dizzy with it all and wished she would stop it.
I think I must have slept in a funny way and my neck is killing me. In fact not just my neck, my arm and shoulder too. It is really fucking sore.
The Good Lady emphasised her apparent pain by nodding at someone off-camera that I couldn't see.
I snorted. They say that women have a high pain tolerance. So they can cope with Child Birth and all those vaginal shenanigans. Not that that should be any benchmark for pain. I had the venison-shits once that blew that kind of pain out of the water.
I shuddered as I remembered the horror of that dark and fibrous plug finally popping as if I had cracked open a bottle of brown champagne..
That and other of my experiences had led me to the exact opposite opinion, that of women suffering from a physical version of Man-Flu when it comes to pain.
Aw poor you. It will probably get better as the day goes on.
I smiled and reached out to pat her bum reassuringly.
There. That should help.
So, could you take the Little Lady to School today? I don't think I will be able? Aahhhh
She grimaced as some of her Man-Flu pain washed over her features. It looked quite realistic and for a moment I almost believed she was in terrible pain.
Ah. I have work. I can't really. I have a 9 o'clock each day that I can't easily miss.
I shrugged my shoulders in the way of men who go out and hunt elk so that they can bring home the bacon for their families.
I wouldn't normally ask, Daddy-Bear but I can hardly move my head?!
The Good Lady made a cat eating placenta face.
Please...?
She locked her eyes to mine and willed me to do as she asked.
I wanted to help her. I really did. There was another reason I couldn't though. Another reason I dreaded being asked to drop the kids off at school. I had hidden it from her to spare her feelings but perhaps it was time for her to know the truth.
I can't Mummy-Bear.
I tried to look away from her pleading eyes.
Why can't you? Gawds sake, I am in pain here. Give me one good reason. One good reason you can't go and do it for me? Just one.
She beetled her brows at me.
I sighed. Oh well. So be it.
I can't drop the kids off at school because all the other mummies dropping off their kids keep trying to shag me.
I lowered my head in resignation at the burden I had to bear.
I beg your pardon?!?!
The Good Lady sounded indignant. In fact even a little disbelieving.
It's true. It's awful. Always rubbing up against me. Or talking to me with their devilish come to bed eyes. Even in these Covid times. Like Alley cats they are.
My mouth twisted in horror at the idea of being held down by a horde of young mummies all clamouring for my mighty seed.
You have to be joking. You are joking? You are messing with me. I know you are.
The Good Lady shook her head in a direct contravention of the so-called pain-accord she was bound by.
It's not funny. Last time, One of them suggested a play date?!?!
I looked at the Good Lady beseechingly.
She picked up our daughters bag and handed it to me.
Nice try. punk.
My shoulders dropped and I took the bag.
Ok then. I would take the hit and walk the Little Lady to School, manfully braving the seething throngs of ravenous mummies lusting for my flesh.
I hoped I could make it back without having to shag too many of them.
I didn't laugh once until that part about the big dipper and then I was fucked the rest of the time.
Big dipper is always gonna get you. I nearly gave up writing after that bit :OD
Run up to the school and yell to the mummies, Who wants to go on a play date? If you keep your pants on, all the way home, I would say you are safe.
Wait! You don't give massages? Oh... Fail. LOL
I am Mr Massage! I just prefer it to not be in the morning on the School run! :OD
Haha! OMG! Can't say I blame you. Those soccer moms can get very competitive.
And talkative, is it really a thing that your average momma can only talk about children? The conversations at the School gate are very very dull! I feel like pulling the crack pipe out!
Ha! One of them would put you on a time-out for sure! :)) I'm lucky I still have eyes left because there were days I wanted to poke them out with a stick.
I love my kids. Did I mention that?
Dont mention the kids! Well, you could :O)
I am the same. I am glad there are no sticks at the gate!
All this children talk is driving me to drink. I think i need a double.
Are you back on lickdown or are the still opening up wide?
After you drop the Little Lady off. Head to a park and do the 9 o'clock call from a bench. Take your time. Then, when you get back to the house at 10:30 ... Simply look the Good Lady in the eyes and say "I knew that was going to happen."
Of course, you'd be referring to the 9 o'clock call.
Oh yes. Definitely the 9 o'clock call. Although I might have some explaining to do when she caught a whiff of me and smelled that kippery stench of spring morning love!
Just tell her that the kipper stench is just some Highland !WINE . (It's not a Magnum, but it will have to do)
Cheers @gikitiki, Thank You For Inviting @meesterboom To A Glass Of WINE.
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Doh... a little early. My order hasn't finished processing.
Oh, lol. It's good enough!!!!
Today seems to be a !WINE day!!! Cheers,!
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One more try. Have a little !WINE .
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Good lord, it feels almost like the weekend!! :OD
!ENGAGE 30 !
ENGAGEtokens.That was three things XP
Jeez dude your lady was in pain XP you're meant to have ninja skills, use them XD (or bash your way through with your giant dong I donno)
But the ladies trying to shag me are my Kryptonite!!!
In the end I still went and put up with them talking to me about Worgan not sleeping or Jenfy being ever so fussy about mealtimes. Blurgh!
!WINE
Did you nod sagely or did you use the "oops sorry would love to stay and chat but unfortunately I need to hurry back to work" excuse XD
Thats my excuse for everything! It is dashed handy too :OD
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Oh I do hope her neck will be better, I laughed hard at cat eating placenta face. How on earth do you come up with this, hilarious and funny hahha
!ENGAGE 20
I think after seeing a placenta I can't ever unsee it and it haunts me! :OD
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Aaaaaaaa hahahhahaha. There are hair conditioning masks with placenta, I will let you google that😂😂😂👀
Eeeeewwwwwww, no!!!!
How can the world have come to this! At least it isn't face masks!
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I'm thinking that you giving the good lady a proper backrub will be the next ask. But probs will work out okay for you both ;0)
HAhahah, she got a back rub and much rest. She is lots better today! :OD
A fine attempt at evading responsibility, I don't know how the boss saw through that one! Will you try again when parents evening looms? :D
I try it at the drop of a hat for just about every event!
I cant stand parents. I think that is my problem, I find small talk about Tarquin's fucking sleeping habits really fucking boring :OD
Anyone who names their child Tarquin needs a chinning!
Aye, that would be a drop kick right away!!! :0D
Ever so serious until...
Tell that El-Jeffe dude that family comes first.., and you need that shag., it is important to your well-being! !WINE (Yes I remembered!).
Hahahah!! I did it and I survived! It was a hard slog and I missed my nine o'clock but I made it... ALIVE!
HAhahahah!
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I have that same problem.
It must be our scent that draws them in to our inescapable black hole.
For sure it's the scent. I've tried washing my balls up to and sometimes more than five times per day and they still won't go away though.
I noticed that too. I even took two wearing thick oilskin underpants to keep the smell in and therefore keep me safe but it still boils out and draws the ladies like swans to an overripe banana
Dude. Last time I went to see a movie, it was a good movie, but I had to take a piss really bad, so I left. When I came back, there was seven of them licking my seat. When the security finally had them removed, I had to sit with a wet ass for the rest of the movie.
Fark, that sounds like my kind of Movie!
Yeah you would have liked it. It was one of those social justice flicks where the guy who love animals A LOT (especially sheep) battled through hardships his whole life but was then eventually accepted, and everyone applauded.
ENGAGEtokens.Omg pmsl Haha it must have been really difficult for those poor mums.
Definitely, keeping their hands on their ha'penny when I'm able at the school gates. Filthy mares!! ;0D
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What can you expect, when your thai hot its sounding you have too live with...
Its a burden but I have been told I wear it well ;OD
At least your modest, 🤣
Thanks for continuing to make Hive awesome.