The good lady announced that today we had tickets for a baby disco. I was sceptical.
Baby Disco?
I inquired gently as if she were not mad as a loon.
Yes, it looks fab! Here.
She thrust a flyer into my hand.
I scanned it with an eye that had a lot in common with pickled gherkins. The description was quite odd.
This is a RAVE! Bring your glowsticks! Top DJ tunes! Licensed bar!!!
The flyer proclaimed loudly.
Are you sure this is for babies? It looks a bit... well... proper ravey?
Oh yes, it's all baby safe and engineered for adults to have fun too!
Squawked the good lady excitedly.
Have you ever been to a rave?
No, so this will be double cool for me! We will have fun won't we Daddy?
I tipped her my very best cheeky chappy wink and threw in a bird is the word smile to boot.
Oh yeah baby, don't worry. I've been to a rave. We will have lots of fun.
We entered the Rave/Baby Disco. It was indeed very clubby. A large looking man with a tattoo took our tickets and stamped the back of our hands with some inky glyph. I breathed deep.
We wont give you no bother guvnor!
I trilled as we pushed past him and then through some curtains into the Rave/Baby Disco proper.
Colourful lights strobed down. There were people everywhere, milling about with drinks and glazed expressions. Oh yeah and babies. Lots and lots of babies.
I took a big deep breath and breathed out like a horse, then again, pulling my hands up in front of me like I was lifting a tray.
I'm coming up baby!!!
I yodelled over the not very loud music.
The good lady looked at me as if someone had ripped off the top of my head and shat in the hole.
Do you want to see if you can grab us a couple of coffees?
She asked, jiggling the little boom in his sling in time to the banging tune that was thumping quietly out. I tapped the side of my nose.
Say no more Missy, say no more!
I danced my way through the crowd occasionally whooping Woot WOOT!
I could see I was already attracting some attention from the chicks. Nothing unusual there, I flashed a cheeky grin at some of the stern faces directed my way.
I found myself in front of a trestle table. There were various cups and containers net to a big silver machine.
What you after mate?
Asked the big beefy guy behind table.
I shifted from foot to foot to the beat that was still pumping quietly from behind me.
Rattle me up one of those expressos mate. In fact...
I looked furtively about then leaned over and said in a low voice.
Double actually, double it up mate. Here we gooooo... AWOOOOOOO!!!
I pumped my fist in the air, like I didn't care. The guy gave me a look that suggested he thought I was a wanker. I felt like congratulating him on his detectivity. He was absolutely right.
My double expresso came, I took it with a dramatic wink and made my way off back to the good lady.
God, you were gone for ages? Where have you been? Where's my coffee?
I chewed my jaw as if eating toffee.
I could only get this. Will try again later. You want to go halfies?
She made a fish eating barley face.
What are you eating?
She said, looking more puzzled than a hedgehog in an ice cream factory.
Nothin darling.
I continued chewing as if trying to bite my own ear.
Oh no...
The good lady patted the little boom's bum in the sling that secured him to her front.
Whassup baby?
I said whilst bobbing up and down to the mad beats playing quietly to the rear.
Ugh. You know he hasn't poo'd for a couple of days. He just has and its a bloody poo explosion and it's leaked. It's all down my front. We will have to go, I am covered in shit.
I whooped and threw my hands in the air.
What a PAAAARRRTY!!!!
We left the baby disco. It was shitty, in more ways than one.
Sunday Day Fewer ( Sh t )...Baby Disco Booming...That is parential life. I hardly have my energy for one, You are already heroes with 2 and I remember that movie with Dennis Quaid and Rene Russo, they had 20 kids. Full house. Imagine those 20 to take in Baby Disco...
20, its inconceivable! I struggle with two. In fact sometimes I wonder if Ileft it too late and if I have the energy for the two of them. It was hard enough with one!
Dude, this is so bloody good and you are able write in a way that makes it so easy for the reader to envisage what you've written. Kicking off with the stunning, and I mean 'stunning' image @meesterboom to the super funny content, delivered in such a unique style. You need to write books if you are not doing/having done so already, and this post is why you have the name of MasterBoom in my eyes. Quick question MB, are your posts connected to personal experiences that you have had,or is the genesis from your imagination, or a bit of both? Cheers mate, Resteemed, super-work!!
Everything shat from my Uncle Boom stories are from personal experience jazzed up in my own style :0) and cheers, that is awfully nice of you to say!
Must make the experience of writing these even better, I can tell you are having great fun putting them together. You're welcome mate, keep them coming. ;-D
Haha, I will do my best :0)
Haha, little Boom gave you the escape from total boredom.
He did in a way!
The perks of being a parent!
And what lovely perks they are too! I am just glad I missed it lol!
I've had one, it wasn't nice. I may aswell of been deep diving down the local sewer.
It is pretty much like that, awful things!
I think Baby Boom was making a statement. One that the adults were afraid to voice out loud...He was a having a shitty time and wanted to go home! No one was listening, so he had to take matters into his own pants! lol
Hehe, you might have a point there. He decided to be master of his own destiny!
What a crazy story I feel uncomfortable, but I imagine it would be more like a kinder with music than a disco with babies
It wasn't, it really was like a disco with babies. B it was the strangest thing
Hmmm.... I have to wonder. Milk instead of beer? Maybe a milkshake.
It's a crime almost!
Definitely Little Boom didn't like that Disc and had to find a way to get you out of there:
Creo que es mejor idea, ya en su hogar, hacer un buen café y colocar música de las Spice Girls y comenzar a bailar con Little Boom, Little Lady and Good Lady:
Greetings @meesterboom
Hehe, the spice girls. I am sure he would like that!
It was a relief that you can leave the baby disco earlier due to unforeseen circumstances. This is the first time that I heard discos being made for babies. Upvoted!
They are quite popular here!
At least you had a nice espresso and now you know what is a baby rave.
From now on, your life is changed.
FOR
EVER.
Ha, that happened before today!
wow! That was a great party!
a baby dancing with the music very high wow, that would be fun to watch!
You are a great boom dancer, they all want to dance with you.
un galan!
Hehe, I danced my best :0p
Snorfle! And just when you were set to be the life of the party.
Hehe, yeeah, I was about to go for it! :OD
The good lady wouldn't have known whether to be proud or mortified.
I am thinking mortified here :0)
If you removed the music system and just let every person at said 'rave' play tinny music on their mobiles. Then what you've described sounds exactly like a regular morning or afternoon at Wetherspoons pubs up and down the country sir. Though the person who thought up this marketing strategy must be good friends with those geniuses who invented both baby and Cat yoga.
Hehe, I have never heard of cat yoga. That's just plain daft! I can't get my cats to do anything!
Sadly It is real sir https://www.independent.co.uk/travel/americas/cat-yoga-santa-barbara-cat-therapy-where-to-do-it-catalina-esteves-california-a8031446.html
(sorry for the late reply too, I'm on some random shifts at work)
Bloody work. It shouldn't be allowed! If dear, that is a tragedy
I don't think baby boom was so good! What seemed to be a good idea for everyone's amusement was poop in bulk.... would you try it another time?
I dunno, it was a bit sad, seeing all those parents all older and trying still to be cool. Apart from me obvs. I was snorting coke in the toilets and drinking shots at the bar
Sounds absolutely horrible to me (except the bar part that sounded interesting). Glad you made it out relatively unscathed! And having the cahones to admit you’re a wanker
OH I have admitted that for a long time!
The funny thing is, the one thing I didnt mention because it wasnt quite what the post was about. The disco was in a craft brewery. With lots of wild beers. I bought a stack!
Ahhh, the silver lining! :)
well there you go!
You'd think that at a baby disco they'd be kitted out with numerous baby changing rooms.
I'm hoping you didn't fall to the same fate as little boom? I know those
stimulantscoffee get more than just your jaw moving.Haha, imagine that. Hey baby, I've shat myself too!!
Baby Boom was just expressing his opinion of the music. A good expression from your description,
Aren't you glad you got coffee duty rather than minder duty?
Sometimes we men win, not very often, just enough to keep us going.
I am very glad I got coffee duty, if I had been hugely shat on I thinkI would have been rather annoyed!
A baby disco? Hahaha, what will they think of next (or I should say, what scheme will they come up with to suck the money out of our pockets in the name of baby?)
Saved by the Poo-- Was it Hanky? Squeeze your festive buns!
Hehe, it and salty chocolate balls were my favourite south park songs. It was an odd and tawdry affair indeed!
The little fellow was probably just upset and showing his disapproval for an oldies play list.
Certainly, he disapproved the oldies play list. I can hear him saying
Best way to get out was for him to do the poo... Lol.
Lol, maybe he wanted some old time beats, it was modern EDM stuff!
Maybe too many parents here and there, he needed kids around. He would have behaved if it favoured him
It wasn't an oldies playlist. It was right out of da clubs man!! :OD
Holy shit!!! That is one way to end a party hopping experience. If there is one thing that could be changed about babies it’s the way they make everything so shitty. Hard to have a good time when your getting shat on all the time. Maybe he was looking for a way out of that disco as well. Lol
He might have been. It was an awful affair. Full of parents who have never been clubbing thinking they were clubing. YEEK!
Disco! Disco! I distinctly remember you mentioning something like this before. Was it all a dream?? Did I make up a memory of you writing something like a baby disco before!?
Oh no, I have been to similar events before. But this was a full on rave!
I'd be surprised if nobody got pregnant in one of these things!
Hhhhh thats a Shitty Baby Disco :P Nice funny story as usual.
Keep up the good work :)
Baaaa!! It was, I will!
it's a different concept, you have to adapt, to enjoy.
And then, a cracking noise and a beautiful sigh and enjoyment is gained!
Party!!!!
Funny too..
thanks
All that music and dancing vibrated the dam to burst...lol
upvoted and resteemed
Ha Ha....That's really a shitty party. Without a question. Also seems, you had pretty much fun there. I would love to be there with babies.
Sounds like silly trammps having organised a Disco Inferno. Where do they get these ideas? You need to be on your guard when exposing an infant to this Burn, Baby, Burn crowd, I tell you.
Oh yes, eyes in the back of the head!!