So who is coming tonight?
I asked my good mate Venn, so-called because of his gigantic ears making him somewhat similar to a two circle Venn diagram.
Tonight man? Ooft. Everybody. All the guys. Absolutely everyone. I have managed to get a hold of everyone we haven't seen because of Covid and... you know parenthood, like yourself.
Venn didn't have kids. He had an Audi convertible instead, which looked like something The Batman would drive and cost as much as a small house.
Of course, having a convertible in Scotland with our weather being as it is is as much use as having a chocolate teapot but each to their own.
Venn had a very dim view of parents and parenting because he was one of the few left out of our old circle of friends that hadn't flung their muck into a beef kitten and made a baby.
Sometimes I envied him in that, at least until I would see him driving around with the top down on his car on a rainy Scottish day wearing sunglasses.
Everybody? Even Wee Alky Matt?
Wee Alky Matt was a bit of a mad drunk and had the most awful habit of pissing himself after six sambuca shots.
Aye, got him. He is coming. I even managed to get The Duke out.
He said this last bit with pride as well he might. No one had seen The Duke since COVID and lockdowns had started. We knew he was ok though because he regularly posted on Facebook saying delightful things to his friends such as
STICK THE JAB UP YOUR ARSE
YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF SHEEP AND I WILL GLADLY WATCH YOU BURN
He was a charismatic fellow to say the least. Despite his recent You are all stooges for the NWO anti-vax stance, The Duke was a hilarious chap to be around.
Hopefully, COVID hadn't ruined him.
And who's bright idea was it to meet on a Wednesday night then?
I tried to sound casual but truth be told, I was working tomorrow and School Night crazy drinking sessions were more the province of a ten years ago Boom.
Venn stiffened like a Magpie spying a wet coffee bean.
Which look like little birdy vaginas didn't you know?
Mate, you know how hard it is to organise a group of lads? Especially with you fucking parenting lot. Ooo I can't do Saturday, Tarquin has ballet or Shaniqua has piano lessons. All that shit. So. Wednesday night it is.
The phone felt frosty in my hand.
Aye, calm your fucking tits mate, I was only asking.
I said, politely wondering if that was a snidey jibe at my daughter doing ballet. I vowed to pish in one of his drinks later. That would learn him.
And don't even think of pishing in anybody's drinks tonight. Fuck knows how you manage it, like a fucking Ninja Houdini the way you do that.
He grunted, half laughing and half wincing. No doubt remembering the time he had drunk my pish thinking it was a Gin and Tonic.
It's amazing what you can get up to when you tell someone that they were drinking botanical gin.
Alright mate, I promise.
I laughed as if the last thing in the world to be on my mind would be to pish in his drink.
He laughed too as if such tomfoolery was the province of long ago.
So, I will get you at seven in The Drake then?
Aye mate. Seven on the dot is the aim.
Venn made a tootling noise as if playing a trumpet.
I might get in a bit earlier as I will be in town for work anyway. I shall get the drinks in.
I offered with a smile.
Magic, mate. Get us a decent Gin will you?
Venn smacked his lips.
No worries. Only the best for you.
I clicked off the call and chuckled.
Ballet eh? Only the best then, coming right up.
Wednesday Night "Champions League" drinks are the sweetest of all. Noone out only a few auld lads. Fucking Wednesday night heaven. I do sacrifice my sacred Saturday off for Wednesday night drinks. The reunions are funny. There is always one lad that never got married that I am very envious but most of the time they are alchys or no one will marry them. I've never met a Colin Firth like friend who hasn't sucumbbed to a lovely ladies charm. There is always something wrong with them. A bit rapey , a bit ugly, a bit thick. There's never a normally that's single.
Thats exactly it dude! There is always one and it is always for those reasons. You think when they go on about just doing what they want that for a moment it might be alright but then you see what they do get up to and think thank fuck :OD
It is funny when you see yer pals as they get older and the hilarious dude that always for a bit drunk actually just turns into a red eyed alky. I am looking forward to it as hadn't had a big one since lockdown and you are right ,the pubs should be empty but I hope not too empty!
Hey, be careful what you say. That's me ;^)
Also, when I was a kid, other ( bully type ) kids always made fun of my ears but I don't look like a Venn diagram ( had to look that one up haha! ) / Mickey Mouse.
P.S. No Audi Convertible for me, not even a car or a driver's license, I guess that's my weirdness ;^)
maybe you are that one normally Vincient. 😀
I wouldn't worry about the lugs. You are a beautiful man.
Haha, cheers mate!
I am over it now but it used to affect me quite a lot. Kids can be harsh Humor was my defense mechanism, though, so my ears were good for something ;^)
P.S. I am probably one of the few exceptions, among the single guys my age ;^)
P.P.S. And you are beautiful too, I love the 80s hairdo on that avatar of yours haha!
Hello @meester boom, I hope you are well! The truth is that I don't know what to say. I tried to see some indication that this was writing for some community of writers, because it seemed that way to me, but also labels life, so I think it's a bit of both. A very well written story of your life?
By the way, I really liked it. Sometimes I am the one who organizes the girls' meeting, although we are quite serious, but I understand how difficult it is to reconcile everyone's occupations, especially the mix between single, married, with children and without children. But I loved the humor with which you write. I speak in Spanish, so I have to translate from English, so sometimes there are things that don't translate so well. But I died of laughter, when they caught you trying to make him drink pee again, rather, they didn't catch you but contained your hidden intentions hahaha. If I understood correctly that it was you who did it in the past.
Today is Wednesday, so I hope your meeting is a success, that no body or soul is hurt hahaha and that you get that gin you talked about 😜.
Hola!
I speak a little spanish but not enough to get by in a proper conversation. It was indeed just my humorous take on a snippet of life. I write with humour in a way that I think serves the internet style of consuming content. Which to some is not an admirable thing but stuff it, you have to move with the times.
Thank you for reading. Tonight we shall see if the gin is to be the gin :OD
Well, I think my level of English is on par with your Spanish. Yes, very good way of writing, I already have 8 months in Hive but I still feel in diapers, that's why there are things that I can't figure out right away. But I love the way you write.
I hope today is a good night and also as you say that gin is actually gin and not the botanical version hahahaha
8 months is dashed good going! If you ever need any help don't hesitate to ask :O) I will do my best to help as I knowit can remain confusing for quite a while!
I am hoping the Gin is not botanical too. For his sake!
Jajaja. It that's Good. Thank you for offering your help. I appreciate it 🤗
No probs. 😃
I used to keep a bottle of Pure Cap for just these occasions. Pure Cap is pure capsaicin. But, in this form, it basically has no flavour and there is about a 15 second delay before the burn hits.
Picture it. A boys chili night. A big cauldron of chili, 5 of 6 folks had arrived on time. Our friend "Venn" was notoriously late. We all get our bowl of chili, a couple of drinks and sit down to eat.
Before leaving the kitchen, I half fill the ladle with chili, then put 3 drops of Pure Cap in it and rest it carefully on top of the chili in the cauldron. When Venn arrives, I tell him to help himself, the chili is in the kitchen. He goes in, grabs a bowl from the cupboard and dumps a ladle or three into the bowl.
I didn't tell the other lads what I was doing. So we all kept eating, Venn's face turns bright red. We all look ... "Everything OK?" He remembers ladling the chili himself, so we didn't do anything ... He asks for some sour cream. - I tell him it's in the fridge. The other mates start ragging on him because tonight's chili really isn't that hot. He can't explain it ... usually he can eat foods that are much spicier than anything we can eat. His tongue is on fire.
We all finish our bowls and go for seconds. He can't believe that we can eat this inferno of meat and beans.
It's been over 25 years now. Perhaps I should tell him.
Hahahahah, ah that is hilarious! All the more so because he will truly think it is only him! I think I have to get a hold of some of that stuff. I saw some recently that was very similar but didn't get it as I was thinking now what could I use that for, it would be too hot for the eating.
I never for a minute thought of pranks!!
/ha, its getting bought for next time :OD
It was a mistake to let you get the drinks. He should have known better.
I agree with the Wednesday comment and I don't even have kids. After maybe 28 years of age (if you push it) drinking on a work night just isn't worth it. That is, unless you're still single and have been so for more than 2 months I suppose. Then nothing seems to matter other than flinging your "muck into a beef kitten."
...eugh I just shivered using that phrase. As always, you have a way with words.
Stay away from the muck flinging and beef kittens! :OD
Yeah, I am not really game for School Night shenanigans either. I don't mind a good session but I need a sleep the next day. I need some recovery time which isn't being in work and staring at people wondering if they are talking French or if it is just me!
We will see on the drinks front. I will give him a chance to redeem himself lol
Yep definitely need sleep and recovery.
Ahh you're too kind
Haha
It has so often been said!
It all depends on how smashed I get, LOL
Haha so is that a true story then, you've actually pissed in someone's drink? 😂
I have done it twice! The best one was when my mate was not drinking because he had damaged his stomach lining by drinking. We were in the pub and he ordered a water, I was mad drunk on pints and had noticed how clear my pee was. So I got a glass, wheeked off to the toilets and came out and grabbed some ice and plopped it in my relatively clear pee. When I returned he has a sip and said, what the funk, is this piss.
I laughed and laughed, of course I had to run away because he wanted to throw it over me and/or punch me.
Great times, the second time was more spiteful.. 😃
Jesus fucking christ...
I mean I'm laughing my ass off right now but that is so fucked up hahaha 🤣
You know that one day someone is going to make you drink their piss right? It always comes back around.
At least the Irish music scene know how to pish themselves before drinking the gin!
Good old Shane. You know where you are with him! :0D
Aunt met him in a pub recently. He was sitting with a pint of water. She soon realised it wasnt a pint of water but a pint of vodka. Never change Shane
Ooft is a steady descent to somewhere bad!! But he is probably quite enjoying that descent!
Yea, he took the straight road.
He did indeed, I am surpriised that he is still going strong
With great practice comes great results.
That's my excuse and I am sticking to it :OD
100 percent upvote the Pogues, ah me uni days.
Oh man you killed me with the beef kitten! Lol
I’ve got an old friend or two that’s like that, no kids and gets mad when people with kids don’t want to do anything with them. They typically end up just hanging out with lots of way younger people since those are the ones that aren’t at the kids stage lol. One day I’m sure he’ll leave his muck in a beef kitten but he will be miserable at the age he did it! Lol I worked with a guy who had his first kid at 61! It was wild. I don’t even know if he’s still alive lol his kid is for sure though!
Oh man, Imagine having kids at that age. You would go mad and just die to get out of all the stress!
I have noted that out of the friends I have without kidsthat they are hanging about with younger work colleagues who are still wanting to go out and live it large. Fair play but man, there comes a point when you have to stop thinking that you are a clubbing teenager, lol
I want a chocolate teapot filled with vagina beans!!! 😫
I don't want any of your gin, though.
The gin might be a step too far... lol!
Can't even get drunk off that kind. Can probably still get hungover, though...
Dem hangovers, they will find any excuse to get ya :0D
Tell me about it. Especially as you get older. Once I drank two sodas (without booze!) with real sugar and woke up the next day hungover. 🙄
Oh I know. I have a terrible time with stuff these days. Everything makes me hungover. Sometimes it seems that going to bed early is the only way to avoid it but I refuse!
11pm is "going to bed early" for me.
Vagina beans.....ponders what they look like
I don't think you or I need to ponder what a vagina bean looks like. All we need to do is open the flaps and take a look.
😂😂😂 You're just killing me!
Yes that will learn him good!
Its the simplest lessons which stick the best :OD
Back in the day, we'd have carefully emptied a bag of Bero's finest into his cars air intake at the back of the bonnet and waited for him to turn the blower on....always a cracking finale to a night out!
Audi covertible....still single hmmm
If ever Kevin Bridges needed a new script writer...
Ah that would be a fine prank!!!
Yeah, the Audi softtop gives it all away really!! He puts photos of himself on Facebook leaning on the bonnet in various locations. Ha.
Kevin Bridges is amazing, he is so Glaswegian it is magic!
interesting way of writing!
Some may call it junk, I call it treasures!
Sorry, couldn't help but slip a Skyrium reference in. Cheers man! Love the moniker
🤣
hahahaha always love your stuff, man!! And of course the awesome thumbnails. Have you seen the movie, "The Gentleman" I had heard of it before when it first came out. Saw it was released on Netflix and gave it a watch. Very good. Guy Richie at his finest. The humor in it reminds me of yours. Good stuff.
I dont think I jhave seen that one actually but I am fond of a Guy Ritchie movie when its a good un. I will give it a watch!
Yeah definitely check it out when you get the chance. It's a good one.
It is on my to watch list now! Next night the kids are sleeping early, boom!
Once upon a time, you visited BearMan and bought exotic beers that tasted like shit. Did COVID kill him, or his biz? I do miss the faces you used to pull.
I havent been to his shop in ages! It is still open according to the internets, I should visit and go back. I will if I end up in the office more often. At the mo I am in once in a blue moon and after so long at home it is like a tactical session to get here with all the required bits ti be able to plug in and the like!
I do miss it though. I shall do it very soon!
There will be an upcoming post of this, eh?
So I'll be reading along one of your posts, sorry, all of them and come along these precious little lines lines like "that hadn't flung their muck into a beef kitten and made a baby." and go what the heck and die laughing as the visual forms. You'd think I'd expect it now, but no, it always catches me. 😂
This is what it means to be of a certain age ;), like fine wine you don’t indulge in often.
I carry my certain age well! At least normally I do. Today is a bit blegh as I am suffering a tad although I was reasonably well behaved and didn't have to dispense any gin.
These gems just leap out of my fingers when I type although the Good Lady shakes her head often as they also fall out of my mouth with a horrifying regularity. I think I come from the vulgarity school of entertainment :OD
You do indeed, with that lovely lion's mane. I'm always amazed at how many roles you successfully pull off in all your images.
A "bit blegh" eh? I like that word. LOLOL, no dispensing of gin, nice. I seriously would love to be a fly on the wall to watch you pull that one. Smirk worthy sleight of hand in action.
Here's a gin that I'll bet you will appreciate. The colour is natural due to the botanicals, despite the first impression that it may not be (my first impression of it anyway).
I had to sit there and think about why I find what you write so funny. I saw very quickly that this is all in line with my own sick sense of humour. Excellent schooling, most impressive. Total gems, don't stop, I need all the laughs I can get. I enjoy them all, even if I don't leave a comment, they all get read now. 😂
I love a good bit of image manipulation! Swappy heads all the way!
Wow, check that gin out, Black Crowberry? Labrador tea? I have to try it for the mysterious ingredients alone!
I am glad you like it, I have a fair number of folk that depise the crude humour in my posts but I always think... fuck em!
😂 I love it!
I think you'd really like that gin. It has complex notes. I'm not one for drinking gin anymore and never straight, but this one, it's a must to drink it straight. It's not like any other I've had. A lawyer at work bought me a bottle as a gift, since he was into it. I was convinced that colour had to have been added, but it's natural due to the botanicals. Unreal colour. I highly recommend it.
Screw it, be you, bring it on! There are always those who will appreciate it. I don't want to scare people any more than I do, so I've reserved mine for the show I'm on, fully uncensored claws, LMAO.
I am not really a gin man but I do like a complex drink of any kind and I was utterly intrigued by the ingredients as I had not heard of any of em. In fact they sounded like something I would make up for an amusing name in a post. Speaking of which, that's a damn fine idea. I think I will Labrador Tea hehe.
Uncensored claws sounds magic. I have always been a fan of the be yourself school of thought. Life is genuinely far too short to be anything else for anyone else.
What's your favs for drinks? I think you need to use Labrador Tea, most definitely. I checked and it doesn't seem to grow in Scotland, but the climate there would work for it. I have the tea, it's the leaves you use. It's very much like a green tea, with other notes, and also the tannins. It's used as a medicine and if I recall correctly, it's a native herb. This will give you some info about it. I drink it as a tea for enjoyment but also use it when sick with a cold or flu in addition to other herbs.
Arctic Blend I've never heard of, but that's where the yellow comes from. It seems to be a mix of things. Cloudberries I've eaten, kind of like raspberries but different and different taste. Crowberry never had but it's another wild type berry.
"Uncensored claws" scares the crap out of enough people but my thoughts are, oh well. I agree with the being oneself. I tried being other people when younger, but I didn't have the stamina to keep faking it. It also made me dislike myself.
Hi @meesterboom ,a meeting on Wednesday, well, it's out of the ordinary, but nobody can say anything, the man with the convertible car in rainy weather is the perfect excuse to do what you want, your friends are a bit strange haaaaaaaaa, well, we all have some of that , for example I am psycho - rigid , everything is clean and in its place , hey , and it 's not a joke .
A hug
It is a bizarre thing indeed. I shall actually have to be careful and not go too mad or I might not make work tomorrow!
my friends are cuckoo. Too many nights doing too many different things! ;O)
Do all your pals have nicknames? Venn is quite a niche one. Some of my music sessions are during the week, but I wouldn't be drinking much at those anyway. Can't drink like when I were young.
Hope nobody gets too 'pished'.
!BEER
Most of them do. The only one I can think of that doesn't has a 'y' at the end of his surname to make it should like a nickname. We are a dad bunch really. I have had one all my life but it didn't really stick till I got into my twenties when most people were being known by their real name.
I am drinking but I am genuinely watching what goes down. I just can't do school night drinks anymore.
I realise the irony of saying that add I am out and drinking. Lol
I want to be shocked, but I'm not. Okay, i lie! I am shocked. I am just imagining me drinking it. Quite shocking your mate knew what it was! Lol
I guess he has tried it once or twice!
He has only tried it the once, he detected the bouquet but was unsure of the taste. I don't think it is good enough for me to go into te exotic bottling game. Not just yet :OD
"Chocolate tea pot" sounds like some English kink business.
I daresay it might be! If I weren't in the office I might even google it :OD
I enjoy this one a lot. That Venn is a charismatic guy. No cap. I'm glad you share it
!LUV
!PIZZA
He is indeed! Cheers!
@ditoferrer(1/1) gave you LUV.
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Just checking in this morning to see if you survived last night's adventure lol. I read the post yesterday but refrained from commenting until this morning. Just to see if your head is on straight :)
I was home for just after midnight, which is quite incredible for me. So I am only a little bit rough. I am coping for the moment although I did take a half day so I can chill this afternoon. That might mean I am feeling a bit badder than I think. lol!
hehe better safe than sorry! You exhibited a good deal of self restraint getting home at a decent hour LOL. In my younger days we would all go out after work, drink until 2 a.m. and be back to work at 8. Nowadays though, it hurts to even think about. Hence, I live vicariously through all you younger folks lolol
That was pretty much what I used to do. Now I make sure to catch the last train home and that way I have to get in for midnight. Otherwise it would not be pretty!! I event refused done drinks towards the end. Getting old hurts!
Good on you for keeping the peace. You'll be right as rain soon!
Fried food, fried food is all I need for lunch and I will be toperoo!
Don't eat the fries, I hear they taste like shit
Oh to be a fly on the wall at such an evening...I mean by the sound of it I might have some company (flies I mean) tho are flies attracted to "pish" in drinks or just the emanations from the other end? Is there any of that in drinks? No, it'd be too visible...But I digress, what a scene it'd be :)
It's too bad Hallmark doesn't have a card saying something like: "Congratulations on the coming event, the angels sung on high when your gent flung his muck in your beef kitten, and all the Heaven's rejoiced at a new life" or something like that. It'd be an interest drawing that's for certain ;)
Always a good chuckle round here @meesterboom thanks.
That would be a fine card!! Perhaps I missed my calling and I need to branch out into the amusing but crude card game! hehe.
What an evening it was, it was slightly dull after all the hype. I think we are truly getting older. Not once did someone pull out illicit drugs and suggest that we go mental - I was almost disappointed :OD
The Chocolate Teapot 😆 🤣 😂 🫖 🍵
Dam Boom im one of the guys with no kids lol. Gotta make some moves soon.
Aw man, dont worry. You have loads of time left, our bunch are all at the wrong end of forty at the least!
oh very cool.i like this.❣️
Thank you!
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Hahahaha, Oh my God, I have that group of friends 😂 It's a good thing I'm the peacemaker and damn good at my role! 🤣
ITs good to have an eclectic bunch isn't it! It keeps you on your toes!
Damn. You Scots will drink anything. I like The Duke. Especially the calling mf'ers sheep n shit.. I'd buy him a botanical gin.
He is damn good at it!! :0D
And aye, if it has an alcoholic content it gets drunk!