Fancy being a Crypto Trader? Put off by the so-called bear market? Well, worry not. This How-To series is for you!
And don't worry, I have made literally HUNDREDS of SATOSHIS this year and we are only in February. Follow my advice and YOU can make bank too.
Let's begin.
Crypto Trading, it's a tricky tricky thing. Back during the bull run of 2017 we could all be forgiven for thinking that we were Trading Gods.
I mean, it seemed easy. You bought a coin and the price went up. Later you sold it, cracking open the champagne and felching yourself in celebration of your awesome trading acumen.
Nowadays, this difficult bear market has made trading an altogether different beast.
But don't worry. In this new Crypto Trading series I will give you all the tips and tools to make YOU a MASTER TRADER.
Forget HODLing and start WINNING, TODAY!
Firstly though, there is some groundwork to be done before we actually get to trading.
You gotta look the part, girlfriend. Back in the bull run we were all wearing Gucci and Armani suits. Buying coffee in loud voices and telling everyone that the blockchain was changing the world.
We were hiring rough faced men with big tools to widen the doors in our fancy homes to accommodate our ever growing, large testicles.
But the bear market changed all that.
Now you have to hustle, you've got to be edgy, you've got to be urban. Caps and velour sportswear are what you need to be wearing to be taken seriously.
And bling. Bling is back. Go down the local thrift shop and buy some brass coloured tat, especially if it's on a chain. Hang it around your neck.
Lookin good sister. You're ready for number 2.
Nobody's going to take you seriously if you don't smoke, it's as simple as that. Or at least it was. This is 2019 baby. Smoking is so over.
Now you gotta vape. If you don't have one go out and buy one of those big fucking Chrome handgun-esque vapers. 70 British pounds should set you up or whatever that is in dollars, probably hundreds. Nobody knows how dollars work anymore.
Getting closer to those glorious trades. Take a big vape and...
The bottom. Everyone asks if we have hit bottom yet.
Well, remember. A successful trader makes his own bottoms. Make a post on Steemit telling everyone that you are calling The Bottom.
Advise your followers to start buying coins or they will miss out. Tell them that's EXACTLY what you are doing.
Make sure to put a disclaimer at the end of your post saying This is not financial advice. Put a winking emoji after it.
NOW USE BOTS TO BOOST YOUR POST INTO TRENDING.
You might get some snark in the comments. That's ok, because...
Losers hate winners. You are going to attract losers in the comment section that disagree with you simply because of your success.
It is very important to CLOSE THESE FUCKERS DOWN. It is not good for you or your followers to have to deal with or even see such negativity.
Here are a few pointers to use in replies to such comments. It is important to use the word BITCH a lot. In capitals.
Enjoy working for the CIA much, BITCH?
I sold all my shit at the top, BITCH.
YOU'RE MY BITCH NOW. I OWN YOU.
BITCH BITCH MOTHER FUCKING BITCH.
These are just a few of the subtle neuro-linguistic tricks that everyone should have at their disposal.
Now, you might be wondering, when do I get to trade and make BIG MONEY?
Patience Padawan. That shit is coming in part two.
Join me, when we make our first BEAR BUYS.
This is the guide that only a few needs, but everyone deserves. A service to the community at large, Boomstah!
If they say one thing about me then let it be said that I am a service giver!! :0D
Hay bitch, eat my shit, you missed the bottom. Buy STEEM mother fucker cos with them shitcoins you own you will never afford to buy a vap
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Oh my god, a fellow TRADER!! Or a CIA SHILL!!
Whatever it is the BOTTOM is confirmed!! :0D
🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑
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You got it SISTER!
Rock solid advice, somewhere in there, I can smell it.
Looking forward to part two, or is it part 3?:
Hahaha!!! Oh yes, I remember that!!
we be hodling while the devs be BUIDLING...
DEVS FTW BITCH!!!
Suck vape on that... duh ... and own that chain
That chain won't be missing any BLOCKS, BITCH!!
I've got a real Dev on my blockchain! Like the one around my neck!
A crypto post without mentioning Lambo and moon? Head and shoulders, and inverted thingies? You disappoint me sir.
The supposed crypto guru on here will have to watch out, he has competition now lol, and 1 that does not have to upvote himself from his alt account.
BITCH!!
Haha!! No inverted thingie required here.
I teach the holistic. Real traders learn to trade by NOT trading. Only then can they trade with compassion.
Bitch with all capitals, wow, that hurts pmsl.
I need to REMEMBER to leave the caps button down when replying, and where are the answers with a blocked toilet view?
If it isn't capitals it isn't ANYTHING!! :0D
Those are proper answers but they lack a question!!
A QUESTION BITCH!????????????????????
What is the meaning of life? (more ? equal more POWER MWORAHAHAHAH)
POWER is LIFE, BITCH, YOU KNOW THIS?
MOTHER FUCKER.
Did you sell your account to bernie lol.
"NOW USE BOTS TO BOOST YOUR POST INTO TRENDING."
Couldn't you just skip this part and go straight to teaching us how to use bots to boost our shitcoins into mooning?
I can't let such secrets loose on the blockchain, then everyone would be at it! Hehe :0)
You could give readers the outline but leave out a key component or two which would be available to paid subscribers only (this is NOT business advice, wink)
The subscriptions will come later. First I have to bait the hook... ;0D
Thanks for sharing :) Spam is spam, but without users everything is very difficult.
Exactly we need more quality users!
I need to write this down as I can see some Bitches coming .You forgot to include using the FTF (flag the fuck) button for any disagreements.Please include some shampoo with the candles in the next post. What is a graph without some head and shoulders.
Shampoo and candles, at this rate we will be going to bed together on a mattress made of gabillion dollar notes!!
Not one mention of the word HODL? Real traders like to ROLL baby!
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HODLINs for FOOLS!!
Just like Lemmy sang!!
You are a master at satire...
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Hehe, I try my best :0)
@meesterboom, Ha ha, these are sounding as modern essentials. Let's enjoy the bear to welcome the bull. Stay blessed.
Hehe, yes indeed. NB got can't have one without the other after all!!
Have a great time ahead.
You totally missed that opportunity now, giving away trade secrets for free LOL
The hook is out!! Then comes the pay me to get more bit :0D
O OK - a man with a plan....
So THAT's how you do it ! taking notes
snicker
Yes indeed! :OD
Since when did chocolate bars come into it?!
I bet you can remember the marathons heh heh
Certainly can!
Can you remember buying them with half-pennys? :D
I remember the giant tuppenny's and guiding in the Anderson shelters!!!
I definitely don't
No idea what an Anderson Shelter is! Are they located somewhere near Stonehenge?
You're more limber (not to mention debauched) than I ever imagined!
Both stages? How... ? Is it even possible?
I know!!! Putting it in there and then the getting it out! It does put a bit of strain on the back it must be said :O)
Not to mention the strain on some more intimate parts!
Hehe, oh yes. Parts that should never take such strain!
@meesterboom hello dear friend, I love this introduction to ¨Crypto Trading 2019¨ great tips you have shared, now I will be attentive, to the second module, which is the important truth. Excellent.
I wish you a great night dear friend
Together we will overcome!! Cheers @jlufer!
It helps when you show Proof of Bottom using TA.
The charts!!! Don't worry, we will get to the charts!!!
Kindly include candles. I like candles.
You name it, they will be there. T&A is nothing without candles!! Roman, soap bar. You name it!!
I hear Ned has a weak spot for Head & Shoulders patterns. I'm more of a Cup & Saucer man myself.
I definitely like inverted cups!!
Don't forget to install blockfolio on your apple watch!
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I'm getting one with a double strap so I can strap it to my penis and switch to vibrate on alert!!
I still buy coffee in a loud voice. Only now I run away with it and DON'T PAY. That is my trick. Oh sure, the coffee spills down my arm and burns, and some smooth-faced baristo will give chase, but I get in better physical condition everyday.
That's fine, you are getting fitter like a wild cat. Soon it will be chicks in lambos chasing you!!
Oh yeah, we create nothing, we just trade!
Haha, how very Apt!!
My testicles still need to shrink a little. I spent a year off steemit because I was trying to takeover the world. I appreciate you and your entertaining stories.
Posted using Partiko iOS
My griddles had shrank back to normal by November after many months of coin shrinkage!!
Best trading advice on the blockchain xD I especially like the Bottom part, so many people that call every 100 bucks drop "The Bottom"... People want to buy the bottom when they should be buying the reversal and not the bottom, and the reversal is the simplest thing to spot in the world!
The sheer number of bottom callers is spectacular!!! I love each call ! :0)
When lambo! When moon! 😂😂😂
Posted using Partiko iOS
Moon coming with LAMBOS!!
It's possible that smoking is the key ingredient that I've been missing. Drinking hopefully works though.
Drinking is good but slimming fibres the trading that extra edge!
Is this in reply to a post or two you saw on Steemit or just talking generally? :D
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Hehe, it might be a combination of the two :0)
I can feel the heat in a much cooler way :D
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Haha, you are on your way!!
:3
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Hi @meesterboom!
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I am apparently screwed if I look at these notes hahaha
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