We are thinking of offering some of our most essential personnel a chance to get back into the office.
El-Jefe's face gleamed from my screen with barely concealed glee like an Otter who has discovered that by lying on his back in deep water and flipping his tail in a certain way he can both furiously masturbate and not drown.
Don't say it.
I said, making a growly-wowly-if-I-were-bear-I-would-eat-you kind of face.
Don't say whaaaat?
El-Jefe chortled holding his hands out to the side.
Don't say it. That's what.
I looked heavenward as if my attic ceiling was going to burst open and a pair of voluptuous lady-angels were going to drop in and rescue me from all of this with their feathery booben.
BoomDawg, I have to say it. That's why I'm calling.
For a moment El-Jefe almost looked compassionate as if he too felt things like us mere mortals.
I felt the stirrings of a connection to him before the memory of him eating the hot wings at the Christmas party resurfaced and chased it away.
No. You don't. Don't say it.
I'm going to say it.
No, you're not. Don't do it. Don't be that man.
BoomDawg...
El-Jefe paused and gathered a breath before ploughing on.
As I said... We are thinking of extending our key working personnel. You know, letting some people come back to the office...
He paused again.
I thought you might be interested in the opportunity?
He finished, and clasped his hands together for a right good thumb twiddling.
The opportunity...?
I said slowly.
Um, yes?
Murmured El-Jefe still staring down at his twiddling thumbs as if he were expecting a third one to appear and for them to announce themselves as the Holy Trinity.
What, an opportunity to catch the virus?
I snapped.
No, no, no. Not to catch the virus! No, we have made things safe in the office. Moved the desks two meters apart. Hand sanitizer all over the place, you know? It's perfectly safe.
He said reasonably.
It felt like he was a first world war General trying to convince me to go over the top and that it would all be fine.
Aye you going in?
I glared at him through my webcam.
Who me? No. You joking?
He looked up from his thumbs in bafflement at the very idea.
Well, if you are not going in then neither am I.
I turned slightly sideward and folded my arms as if rapping about my ride in downtown LA.
It's a very good opportunity?
He mewed unhappily at me from his screen.
Nope.
To confuse him, I nodded whilst refusing.
Fine. Don't say you didn't get the chance.
He disconnected.
I laughed.
Silly me, refusing such a generous offer. After all, it's not often you get a chance to die for IT.
I was thinking of that scene!!! :0)
No worries it came into my mind the moment I read 'over the top'. Your writing and the humour therein has always struck me as quite quintessentially British I must add sir.
Cheers mate. I have been profoundly affected by the sales that I have watched. I think red dwarf and the Blackadder's were a big influence growing up!!!
I loved those series and I know I sound old but 'they don't make them like that anymore'. I really enjoy Black Books as well if your ever looking for something to pass away a day of quarantine.
I have fond memories of black books. Exactly my mind off humour too!
Growly wowly bear, sounds adorable xD
LoL nodded whilst refusing, good job XD I read parts of this out to JJ and summarised it for him (because he's working so can't read it out in full glory or get him to come over here to read) and he laughed. Just need a bunch of you to continually refuse to come back into the office and they're pretty much going to have to work from home or risk hiring a bunch of new people and wasting time training them all if they're control freak desperate enough to have their way at all cost XD
Lol. That's the thing with this and a lot of other workplaces, never underestimate their thuggish control freakery. It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if starting from scratch was seen as a good thing!!
El-Jefe...You mean he didn't get the flu and...Erm...Expire?
Jeez, some people have no luck. You I mean.
Yep. They do say that come the apocalypse only the Roche's will survive... I guess it might be true!!
If only you could step on him and end his reign of terror.
That would be a sizeable shoe!!
Thanks for giving me the line, I'm a vulnerable worker, you know... OLD.., I can't possibly go in the office ('and its 55 miles one fucking way')... I say under my breath..., not to mention the asthma...
The asthma!!! I completely forgot to say that! Anything to delay the inevitable. I think there is done sneaky fenangling going on by companies. I am only going back when it's safe.
55 miles, man that is one big old commute!!
I will be putting it off as much as possible, I only took this one as there was fuck all else about due to the virus and down-scaling. When its all over, I'll probably bail, though to be fair.. it's a decent gig, nice people.
Ach. It might be worth sticking with if they mix it up with some home work?
There are rumours of big party riders in my work. Which is very bizarre. It could be a ruse though to make us stay, lol
There's a lot of talk of layoffs, the gig I have is with a finance house which is great as there's a boom in life insurance due to all the deaths. Funeral homes should be rejoicing too, as bad as it sounds.
Finance is a weird one, they got through booms when we are busy and bust when we are booming. I suspect the job market might be thin after all this with so many chasing
Hello dear friend @meesterboom your boss never ceases to amaze us.
The next time cough is communicated in front of the camera, you will see that for a time it will not communicate again, that's what we do here to the people who collect the bills, they fly away.
I wish you a beautiful night
HEhe, I never tohught of a cough either! That would be a fine idea!
Hello @meesterboom,
The boss! I see it reflected on my computer screen every morning. When I turn it on, it disappears.
For me, it's okay to stay home, I don't want any offers to catch any kind of virus.
Don't say it! Yes, I'm retired and my partner sleeps next to me, I enjoy his company very much.
Retired! Lucky you, your have escaped the clutches of the bosses!! I hope you are staying safe is this current Corona climate!
Lucky? I think so. Being a boss and having a boss is very stressful. LOL
Where I live it seems that the virus is reluctant to attack directly. Thank God! But we have other types of bugs... A government with non-capitalist ideas... Well, not that I'm too comfortable with the latter. In the end, they're both wings of the same bird.
Indeed they are. At least you do not have both wings beating at you!
Offering you an opportunity lol, he is in the wrong job, estate agent would suit that man.
He should defo be in sales!!
I'm dreading this call which should be arriving anytime now.
No thanks boss, I'll just sit at home drinking beer and watching porn for 80% pay thank you very much - any chance you can extend too err, 2045?
Fingers-crossed I'm extended!
I have my fingers crossed for ya. I hate the fact that they can designate some people key personnel and then ignore the rules! I was telling one of my mates in work before the call that I thought we had till at least the end of may.
I am quite liking the life for the ahem advantages you mention! ;0D
Cheers!
I'm hoping end of May and suspect that it will remain homeworking at first when the decision is made.
It's going to be a struggle to go back to the 6 am alarm that is for sure!
Tell me about it. I had to get up at 5.45 am previously. Since WFH I have been getting up at half seven. Lol.
Maybe the country will go bankrupt because no one wants to return to work.
Yeah it's been a far more sensible 7:30/8 for me too.
There better be an array of Greggs sausage rolls and donuts on my desk first day back.
Oh aye man, a Greg's rescue parcel would be excellent!!!
That and a gentle handed maiden to rub my back and tell me it will all be alright :0)
Hey Meeeeeeeester Booooom! You are really rock'n it her on Hive! Let the good times roll!
We gotta take em when we can?! :0)
Once the pandemic is "under control", it's going to be hard for companies, that have been letting their employees work from home, to get the employees to want to work in the office. 7 weeks of working from home has proven fairly well, that I don't need to go in. ;-)
I have the dogs worshipping me at my feet and the bar a mere 8 feet away from my workspace. I even plumbed in a bathroom around the corner so I don't even need to go upstairs.
Good luck El-Jefe!!! But, without the bribes of donuts and free coffee, there will be no Boom!!!
I am quite enjoying it too. I have converted the attic into a mini office. Coffee machine, stereo, computer and guitars. I am quite the happy bee up there!
We are also moving down a level and some people are going back to work - it is quite scary , but we cannot always stay at home - no idea what will happen and as far as our schools are concerned, nobody really knows what to do. Soooooooooo sick of the damage this damn virus are causing and people are starting to fear poverty and hunger more than the virus.
This could be one step closer to beer stores opening... having said that, good choice -- the office might not be worth dying for, but beer...
Liquor stores aren't open in your state? They're considered "essential services" here. I don't understand but someone told me they don't want people with Delerium Tremens clogging the emergency rooms.
Medical marijuana dispensaries are open, too. (But not recreational.)
I live in Arkansas, everything is open... we never shut down. My county (127,000) has 11 cases and no deaths.
Hello! This will be copy/pasted... but please pay attention to it... It's very important, I just need to spread the message quickly, before too many people are affected.
BITSHARES PROPOSAL SCAMS, BE CAREFUL!
There are people/a person, going around on bitshares and scamming people through proposals. I want to bring light to this as quickly as possible, for anyone who uses bts. It needs to be spread so that people are aware. The scammers seem to have already taken millions of bts and who knows how much more. :/
Thank you for taking the time to read this. It is very important to those who use BTS!
TL;DR: Yes, this is copy/pasted. It is to warn you about a scam going around. Please do not hate me for spamming this information around. :/ I am trying to possibly save people's crypto before it's too late!