I strutted into the Gym as if it was a Camel and I were searching for water.
It was quiet inside. Understandably so, as outside the Sun was blazing down from unexpectedly clear skies.
The Sun is such a rare sight in Scotland that it drives the pallid-skinned Scots into a frenzy, causing them to tear off their clothing and get drunk and punchy-fighty in the local parks.
I sneered at the thought.
Not for I, the debauchery of the common man.
Oh no. Today I was getting my fit on.
I swaggered past the rows of sweating overweight people on the bikes pretending that it was real exercise to the changing room and thrust the door open with a handsome hand.
The changing room was an 'L' shaped affair with the toilets and showers around the corner. I made my way around the corner to bag a locker nearer the showers.
What the fuck?
I spluttered as I rounded the corner.
There was a guy sat in one of the toilet cubicles, his trousers around his ankles, elbows on his knees, fannying about with his Smartphone.
I could see this because there was no toilet door.
Shit Guy looked up from his Smartphone jiggery pokery and blushed a little.
Aye, shit ain't it?
He said without a hint of irony, waving one hand at where the door to the cubicle should have been.
My face twisted as if I were tasting my neighbours Kombucha again.
Where the fuck are the toilet doors?
I asked disbelievingly as if Shit Guy might have taken them off himself and hidden them for his own amusement.
I don't know, mate. It was like this when I came in. I was desperate, so...
He shrugged as if it was perfectly normal to be sitting on the porcelain pony and talking to a man mere feet away.
Fuck sake.
I stomped off to find an employee of the Gym.
Hey, there are no fucking doors on the toilets in the gym?
I said to a random guy with a STAFF emblazoned on the back of his t-shirt.
STAFF turned round to face me.
Oh yeah, we had to take them off.
He said with a knowing smile as if we were two young bucks sharing a cigarette after having chased a naked pig smeared in butter.
You had to take the doors off the toilets?! Why??
I waved my hand about at some of the dudes on the nearby exercise bikes.
What if one of them decides to drop a brown clown in there? When I'm changing? I don't want to see that kind of shit?
I glared at STAFF and waggled my hands about to emphasise my point.
STAFF frowned slightly as if he were having to do a dump in a toilet with no door surrounded my naked men towelling themselves over-vigorously.
But we had to.
He muttered evasively.
Why?
I barked.
He leant in close to me and spoke in a low voice.
People were standing on the toilet seats when they were... you know... doing a shit and breaking them. It was costing a fortune so the management said to take the doors off and no-one will do it anymore.
He beamed at this as if he were a male Labrador and I was rubbing his chest in that way that makes them think they are shagging.
Seriously!? You are joking, tell me you are joking?
I said in a low growl.
No. It's totally working as well. We haven't had any broken seats since we did it yesterday.
Announced STAFF, folding his arms with pride.
I don't think it's legal.
I said flatly.
STAFF frowned
I don't know about that mate, I just work here.
I fixed him with the dethribrillator, a stare so fearsome it can almost literally dissolve hair and skin.
STAFF narrowed his eyes at me and looked simultaneously confused and bored.
Oh, fuck this man. I'm quitting this dump.
I flounced off with a contemptuous flick of my luxurious hair.
No doors in the bogs!? No Boomy!!
#sportstalk - you were talking sports to a man taking a shit, this must count!
:O
Tasty!!!
Haha!! An opportunity missed!! Sporty gym chat!!! :0D
Really though... where do you live again? Who's standing on the seats?!
He was a bit racist sounding with his suggestions!! He said they squatted on the seats because they thought sitting on them was dirty. The only reason they know is because of the print marks on the broken seats!? How mental is that. Imagine falling and breaking your neck and being found in a puddle of your own shit
Why don't they do what women do and put toilet paper down on the seat?????
That's a very good question! I wish someone would answer it!!
Yep I would have bailed too 🤣 wonder how long before they put the doors back on and whether it happens before or after they’re forced to shut down because everyone has quit in disgust 🤣
Posted using Partiko iOS
I don't think they can keep them off, it was hellish. Like a row of shame!!!
I ain't hanging about this time!
So it is a shit post really. I would have also left. By any chance is this more upmarket than the other one with the creamy seats?
No, to my shake I must admit it's the same one. I couldn't leave it's 12 pounds a month cheap goodness!! I am now though. I am going upmarket!
O my word - no I agree that is so silly - it is not as if anybody is checking, so if you are in there alone you can still stand on the toilet. Oh the lack of brains in some people and decency in others.
If it wasn't a changing room I can almost imagine them getting away with it but it's like a parade. Madness!!
In general, I happen to think that gym's are just gross, no matter what.
A center dedicated to making people sweat.
Yuck.
Sometimes some people don't wipe the seat after they have sweated on a machine. Yeek!!
Diaphoresis is nasty 🤢
Posted using Partiko iOS
Yum!! Yes indeed!!
I dont mind saying, that is 100% "crap"! I would be out of there!
I couldn't change whilst on parade! I'm done!
I like this story!
Wayhay!
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This.
Lol, specious reasoning for the win!!! :0D