murmmruuumrmmmuruuurrmmmmrrrmmmm...
I looked up vexedly from my thumb which had been displeasing me of late. What was that noise? It was most peculiar.
I scanned my head about from side to side but to no avail. The sound did not seem to have an obvious source.
MRMMRMM MRRRRMMM UUURMMM?!
There! I heard it again. I narrowed my eyes to squint through my eyelashes as if attempting to make out what the lumps were in my Mother in Law's dead skin soup.
DADDY-BEAR?! I'M FUCKING RIGHT HERE?!?!
I jerked upright with a start. It was the Good Lady. And unbelievably, she was right there.
How long have you been there?
I asked curiously.
I've been standing here for bloody ages?! You were just ignoring me?!
The Good Lady looked very cross. I felt a stirring in my pork basket.
Oh, sorry darling. I wasn't ignoring you, honest. I was looking at my thumb.
I waggled it at her, sure she would appreciate my annoyance.
She reared back like a mare startled by a rattler in the high plains of Tenessee.
Your thumb?? For the love of god... Right, never mind your bloody thumb. What about these bloody fish? Are you going to sort them or what?
She jerked her own, slightly more pleasing thumb over at the fish tank which was bubbling and jerking about over by the bookcase.
Oh, that. Yeah, I suppose. So you sure about this, you want me to 'fix it?'
Yes, Daddy-Bear. I want it fixed.
She stomped off on leathery feet like some monstrous genetic experiment gone wrong.
Huffing and puffing I got up and out of my chair, I looked accusingly at my thumb. I'll bloody deal with you later. I thought.
A couple of strides took me to the fish tank. Bastard bloody things.
The tank was heaving with fish. There was almost no water, just a big glass box of twisting writhing finned meat.
I shook my head as I remembered the advice I got when I posted about my Daughter's guppies which despite being supposed to be all male had decided to breed like fuck and spawn hundreds of baby gups everywhere.
Don't worry, they self regulate!
Declared one cheery fish expert. Claiming that they would all eat themselves alive and I would not have to lift a finger.
But that hadn't happened. Oh no, Instead, every five minutes it looked as if a giant had dolloped another bunch of spermy fry into the tank.
And now it seethed with fish.
And I was to deal with it.
I sighed and put on my best killing face. Oh well, come here you little bastards.
I started hooking my net into the tank. Scooping up all the fry I could see. It didn't take long. It was like they longed for death.
Now, I turned my eye to the grim task of finding the mother fish. I had been told that they were fat boxy looking things with black spots on their arse. Just like their human counterparts then.
I got about five of them and plopped them into the killing bucket.
Eventually, I rocked back on my heels, satisfied that there were only males left in the tank.
I was exhausted.
Oh, have you finished? I was thinking you could mow the front and back lawn, they're looking awfully overgrown?
The Good Lady trilled as she popped her head around the door.
A little puff of air escaped me.
I looked down my hands and curled them closed then open a couple of times.
Killer's hands.
Looking up, I smiled a graveyard smile at the Good Lady.
She smiled back.
I nodded and got up, moving toward her with my hands outstretched.
Her smile faltered as I closed in on her.
See, the problem with killing things for the sole reason of them being able to give birth is...
It's kinda hard to stop.
5 females! They must have been producing so much they got sick of fish dinners! Or maybe they prefer fish food. My uncle used to keep big tanks full of guppies and just let them breed because only the odd ones made it to adulthood. Maybe he didn't feed them. 🤔
We have cut the feeding down to once a day. It seems that is what it should be but for some odd reason we were feeding them twice. There was one female (the daddy) and I think 4 daughters.
Now there are none!!!
Fingers crossed you got them all. With only males in there, is it a much less stressful environment? 😉
Hahahaha, one would think!!
Tell the truth, did you flush them?
Do I need to go to Steemit and see if the Chinese fishermen are lined up at your house? We are still banning international flights. Glad I have fish on birth control.
The kids didn't notice that there are fewer fish? You know there will be hell to pay if they do. Ditto with no Good Lady to care for them. Yikes.
Thumbs up! (what is up with thumbs and sleeping?)
!tip
Absolutely bizarrely they havent noticed. I think it's because they arent really that enamoured with the fish. My daughter ranges from wanting unicorns, tigers and parrots and had to settle for something realistic. She doesn't give a fuck about them until of course she finally notices. That could be days!
And yes, down the sewers they went, at least it gave them a fighting chance! :OD
!ENGAGE 40 !
This gives you time for a cover story. I love how enamored kids are, until they are not. I remember the day my daughter came galloping down the stairs, announcing that today she was a unicorn... Oi!
Oh, yeah, I was told that fish may survive and compete with our native fish for food and resources. Haha! When that guppy swims to China and becomes someone elses dinner, you'll be sorry! Little buggers are survivalists, I have a feeling you'll be seeing them again. You better look before you sit. Just saying.
Thanks for the Engage tokens!
I hope they don't come for me in the night in years to come and take me out to the river for a swim with their fishy friends?!! Survivalists, darn. I should have killed them when I got the chance!!
It's funny how mad for unicorns they are. Mad wee buggers :OD
Oh, Boom. Swimming with the fishes is never good.
I know! Unicorns!!! They aren't even real! :)
We will keep that a secret!!
Although I did show her how easy it was to turn a horse into unicorn in a photo once by putting a carrot on its head and messing about with the colours. lol, didn't put her off though!
ENGAGEtokens.@meesterboom is everyone's guilty pleasure!
A different ending than I was expecting, I was thinking someone would come screaming around the corner "No Daddy...No Daddy", and then you'd have to drive to a pond or something.
The only pond I went to was the one in the toilet bowl for a flushing ;O)
One day they may reach the big pond then.
They might, I could be doing them a favour. They will look back on it as a test of character!
They say that fish meal is excellent for lawns. You could kill two
fishbirds with onemowerstone.Well, that might be handy because I need a good feed for my lawn!!!
Grindy grind time!! :OD
I was going to ask what's wrong with your thumb but then I recollected a story I was once told about masturbation and thumbs and I think I shall prefer to remain ignorant though I now can't stop that bloody imagination of mine from merrily jaunting wherever the hell it pleases because I have less than zero control over that bastard thing.
Your imagination sounds like a fine thing to me and your know, it might be on the right track!! Lol
Luckily, midlife crisis comes to the rescue and one can be traded in on two who's ages add up to be the equivalent.
That sounds like a fine solution. And don't forget the snazzy driving machine!!
one of those dildos on a motorized stick?
Is there any other kind!! I'll buy two!!!
I'm surprised the above quote hasn't brought about a broken thumb or two!
Picked out the line I was going to quote :)
I have an idea...
Sounds dangerous...
Ahahahahaha. Obviously you have provided the perfect environment for guppies.
Did you ever get your thumb sorted out? Before you had to dig the hole in the garden?
Perhaps I should become a guppy breeder. They do say you should do what you are good at :O)
That damn thumb, it's a raggy nail cut too near the quick. I am sure of it. If I looked closely enough I could confirm it but if I do that then I might have to send my thumb where the fishes went...
It’s been rather tragic at House Boom in recent weeks. Going unballed, now the Good Lady going. Not sure it’s PC but somehow I’m rather curious to discover what’s to come next.
It's when I turn my fury on the outside world then the fires start. THE WORLD WILL BURN!!! :0)
Oh not BURN! We’re in a climate crisis and global heating world, more carbon emission is the last thing we need. Besides, 36Celsius - official climate weather cabin temperature - comes close enough to burning already.
Just find other methods than fire, kthnxbai.
!ENGAGE 30
Ah, damn. You have a point there.
The world will dissolve!!! It something mean and insidious!! Everyone will have to wear denim no matter the climate!!!
There, that will learn them!!
ENGAGEtokens.Looking at thumb is a behavior for children who want to sleep...Ahaha...Really great story...My little daughter makes the same thing. She takes her bear and her thumb on her mouth,then hits my leg for attention and trying to say "i need to sleep you old ugly mushroom" :)
Nice story...i like it
Have a nice day...
It might be right, my children are going through some sleep regression nonsense at the moment and I am quite sleep deprived!!!
hahahahhah ... another good story.
It's what I do!!! :0)
Hello dear friend @meesterboom Good morning.
That you have in your fish tank, it is incredible how they reproduce, in a month you can supply a Chinese fishing boat.
If this reaches their ears, one day this falls to your door. The Chinese are collecting fish around the world.
Have a great day dear friend
I shall put a post up on steemit about it, should reach trending no bother and then I will have a flock of Chinese fishermen at my door!!
It is true, with this you will be generating a business and you will not have to put them in the bucket of death. No more annihilator work
It's a win win!! :OD
Hahahha. I am looking at my thumb. This must be one of the best lines to say to a woman in crunch time😂😂 Fish expert.... Nicee.. A man of many skills. That is why the Good Lady demands it from you, you are capable and strong. FishMan💪
I'm not sure fishman is a title I can be proud of... 🤣
She certainly want impressed by my thumb gazing!!
Pure genius. I will use the thumb line whenever it gets fishy 😂😂
Yeah, do it!! It can't fail ;0)
🤞
Congratulations @meesterboom! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
You can view your badges on your board And compare to others on the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPTo support your work, I also upvoted your post!
Support the HiveBuzz project. Vote for our proposal!
60,000 - I think I will quit then ;0)
What do you mean you will quit??? 😱😱
cheers, liz
Hehe, you never know 🤣
noooo don't go 😂 don't you leave us behind 😂
cheers, liz
Poor good lady!!
Poor me, the blood of innocents on my hands!! :0D
Don't forget the original sin - none are innocent!
Aha, they must all pay!!!
It is why women earn 80 cents on the dollar. ;D
Yep, no one will forget the nonsense in the garden!! And the boobs
🎁 Hi @meesterboom! You have received 0.1 HIVE tip from @dswigle!
Check out @dswigle blog here and follow if you like the content :)
Sending tips with @tipU - how to guide.