I sat at the breakfast table. The rising sun spilling in through the window. The house was quiet. Steam curled gently up from my freshly made coffee.
Everything seemed just right.
The good lady came bustling into the lounge.
Daddy!!! Daddy!! The toilet's blocked?! You will have to fix it!
The good lady looked a little red in the face.
I took a sip of coffee and sighed. Oh well, so much for peace and quiet.
I will fix it.
I heaved my weary bones up the stairs. At the top, I opened the door to the toilet.
Auuueeuegrghghg!!!
I staggered back and almost fell down the stairs. At the bottom, I thrashed my way through the door and into the lounge.
What the flaming fuck is that??! What did you do?
The good lady face beamed bright red.
I didn't do anything. That toilet's rubbish. It's always getting blocked.
I took a step back in disbelief.
You didn't do anything? Do we have a pet hippo? Have you seen the size of the log that is jutting out of the bog? Its like a horse's neck?
It most certainly is not like a horse's neck!
It is, It's massive. I have never seen the like? No wonder your second birth was easy.
The good lady set her lips in a narrow line. Perhaps I had gone a bit too far with that one.
As you are well aware, Daddy, I did not deliver the little guy out of my arse.
I ran a hand through my hair.
Ok, perhaps not. It is massive though. Its standing clear of the water. It's like an iceberg. Well, shitberg maybe.
The good lady rolled her eyes like it was 1995.
Do you have to be so guttural all the time? Shitberg? I mean for goodness sake, can't we call it something else?
I flinched visibly at the idea.
We are naming our shit's now? Well, I am sorry but I am all out of shit names so shitberg will have to do.
The good lady smiled as her face lit up.
I know. Princess! That is much nicer.
My eyes bugged out my head slightly.
Are you for real? Has the breastfeeding finally addled your senses?
The good lady chirpily bustled into the kitchen, calling out over her shoulder.
So if you would be a dear, Daddy. Could you go and remove Princess from the bathroom, please? Go on, chop chop.
I shook my head and headed into the garden to find a stick. Of all of the things I had thought that today might bring, rassling with a shit named Princess certainly wasn't one of them.
Sometime Sundays suck ass.
That shit named as Princess. This is insane. How can a thing like that have such positivity? I am taken back by this reality. I hope the "Princess" can be easily removed from the toilet bowl. Upvoted!
The Princess was a battle hard fought but eventually vanquished!
Sundays are sometimes the worst that's for sure.
Absolutely!!
@meesterboom an elegant way to call the people in charge of the toilet, here in my house they are already queen, they stopped being a princess.
Many thanks for another fun day
I wish you a good start
Lol, they are indeed many things!!
Well damn. You know you're having a day when the princess refuses to leave the throne. I hope the stick was enough to drive her away. Sometimes the only way for her to vacate said throne is through acid. We both know nothing good ever comes out of acid.
Nothing good ever does. Iam aunted by it still! The stick did a marvellous job. It feels like a shame to retire it from service! ;O)
I vote for going out, getting the stick, then handing it off to let HER beat the thing senseless and back to the pipes where it belongs. Why do we always get the shat jobs, even when we're not the culprit?
I popped a serious goofy gasket on this one. Funny funny stuff. Your little 'one eyed blinking princess' is priceless.
BTW, do they not have plungers in Scotland?
Hehe, I have a plunger but save it for drains, when it comes to the den of doom a good stick and a pooking works wonders!
Who knew, one learns something new every day. A good poking stick for the Princess and the Pee. And I can tell everyone I know, "I learned it from a Scot". Won't THEY be impressed.
They will host you on their shoulders in celebration of your magnificence!!
Another shit post? Come on apple..come on!
Eeeeeuuuuu!!!
Sometimes it's all I can talk about!! :0D
Eww! Really?? A 💩 named Princess! She has gone a little addle-brained, hasn't she?
It's the breastfeeding, I swear. It's made a mock of her!
Well. Now we've got another one. Morning poo, venison shits, power shits, shitbergs, and princesses.
Do all princesses hunt with masturbating hawks?
Yes they do. Hurrah for the shits!!!
Lol you'll just have to see if you can top that and you can call him King!!
Hahaha, oh my, what a picture that makes!!!
Your the funniest lad in here by a mile!😂 Here's a shiny penny as I am still in Oliver Twist money until I gets noticed on my own officier" [Tips hat]
Oh, I do like a shiny penny!! :OD
Ref my previous post.
Another advantage of the Good Lady doing the beer testing.
After enough beers the body is so waterlogged it will get rid of water anyway it can.
Ex beer/water plus shit = diarrhoea, a much more removable item.
Also, it would be Monday morning and you would be out of the house.
You got to start thinking sideways, look for the perks of other people doing certain jobs for you.
You got me, sideways thinking is on. I much prefer not to have to clean logs like barnacle encrusted planks at the bottom of the sea on a Sunday!
This is bloody hilarious and I have been summonsed before. God knows how they do it. I laughed at this as i think we have all experienced the impossible shit that won't go down. Never called it Princess though as you will have a queen next week lol.
I bloody hope there isn't a queen!!
It was insanely big. Literally like a horse's neck!
My son flushed a toy bucket down and it got jammed in the pipes outside. poor plumber lol.
Yeek. That's not a job you want to have!
Plumber? How dare you insult such an incredible profession.
Really Boomy, I'm disappointed in you.
The courage which these men show on a daily basis - just because you cannot muster up the courage to move forward and join their mighty ranks does not mean you have any right to downgrade them.
Flagged for insensitivity. Just keep in mind that this flag is Canadian.
Ah. Ah ah.
You flagged me, a full 100%'r
Did I tell you I was Scottish before? We have two things, a fine humour and a fine temper :0)
I am trying my hardest not to 100% flag back. Only because I know what it would do to your rep.
Sorry. I had to. And yeah, I only have 100% votes - my Sp's not high enough to split. I would have given it a 1% if it had been. The flag was mostly a joke - I figured it was basically worthless anyway so it wouldn't really hurt you.
Besides, this way no one can accuse us of going vote for vote.
I did hesitate before giving you the flag, it can be misinterpreted but I figured you'd get it.
Edit: if you want I can remove it. I'll probably do so in about 5 minutes either way.
Edit 2: removed.
You Body hour?... Autocorrect, huh?
I don't know what you mean...
Whistles...
It's still hour, even though you fixed the body to bloody. Sorry, I think you got double auto-corrected.
One moment. Just realized that I typed You fixed the body to bloody
It seems I had a little Freudian slip. Or maybe that was you, typing body instead of bloody. It seems that you find the two interchangeable.
A Freudian soup?
I made you look!
There is blood everywhere. Even in the body.
Lol, my autocorrect. It will be the death of me one day
Freudian soup? please tell me that was autocorrect.
And trust me, I think there are a few more things gunning for Uncle Boom than a simple autocorrect. Though you are right, it is one of the deadlier ones.
I just realized something - you thought your gym experience was bad, but better a masturbating hawk than a Princess.
High time you built her a privy. (That's an outhouse, for those in the colonies).
Oh we know the privy!! Oh yes indeed we do. I was thinking of banishing her to the dark bit if the garden
Doesn't everyone have one?
No, they went out of fashion here quite some time ago, even the ones with the heart-shaped hole in the door.
Ours usually had a moon cut out of the door. Wonder why the difference from across the pond? I read where the moon was for 'hers' and the star for 'his'. So the heart for...anybody? A privy free for all.
I don't know, but it seems a whole new field of study lies before us.
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hahaha! sir meesterboom...what a trial to go through especially on a Sunday! that just ain't right. like blasphemous or something.
"Do we have a pet hippo?" I lost it at that one!
Bloody fun story sir!
Sunday's are definitely not for that kind of thing!!
hahaha what an unpleasant discussion, I imagine the disaster that was formed.... I follow you and invite you to visit my post https://steemit.com/story/@jadnven/valley-of-shadows
I do enjoy forming disasters, though I imagine that in this context it means something rather unpleasant.
AT least you upvoted, even if this is still clearly a spam comment.
Doesn't seem like much of a discussion, though.
I know, this one upvoted, normally I wouldn't flag but the link dropping. Well that's unforgivable.
Heh heh. (Awkwardly pretends I haven't link-dropped before.)
I'm kidding. I always preface a link-drop with: "I'm doing this because I think you'd appreciate the post, I am NOT begging for upvotes or follows." I toss out that message even when the post is old, and those who notice that tend to be amused.
Speaking of Freudian slips, I accidentally typed link-dropped starting with a 'k'. We'll leave it at that.
Hahaha nice story :D
Another spam farmer?!
If you, dear sir, would like to avoid being nailed rather unpleasantly in the behind, you may want to remove any spam comments, or at least upvote to make up for wasting The Boomy's rather precious time. How dare you?