Good grief, what are you up to?!
The Good Lady's voice squawked in disbelief somewhere to my side.
I turned, ever so slowly, that Barry White tune that no one knows and yet everyone knows ba ba ba ba bum'd in my head...
Hey baby-pancake, You mean this?
I waggled my razor blade at her seductively as if it were a fern with a ladybug on it.
The Good Lady stood, just outside the bathroom door her face rumpled up a mix of disgust and intrigue like the time I waved a carrot at her and asked if she would like some vegan bukkake.
Yes, I mean that. Are you... Are you... shaving your chest?
She stuck her neck out to get a closer look as if she didn't dare step any closer.
Yes, my sweet little bonbon. I am indeed shaving the majesty of my chest.
I stuck a couple of fingers in the foam beside one of my nipples which had dared to poke free like a little mouse's nose pushing through a sea of cotton wool and quickly covered it up again.
But... But... What the hell for?!
The Good Lady skrawked, hopping from one leathery foot to another.
I made a flubbery-bubbery noise with my lips at her incredulity.
What for? Well, I thought it was kinda obvious but if I need to spell it out..? Now that I have started running to keep in shape again I thought it would help streamline me a bit.
I dragged the razor over what had once been a veritable prairie of man-hair leaving a stark pinkish road through the foamy countryside of my chest.
But you don't run naked? You wear a top. So, how the hell would shaving your chest help?
The Good Lady narrowed an eye, her investigative juices beginning to bubble excitedly.
Ah...
I stopped shaving for a moment and nodded.
Damn, girl. You got me. You got me fair and square. Called me out good and proper.
I sighed the deep and heavy sigh of a husband who sees his wife-thing pick up and the laptop and realises with a lurch that he might not have opened an incognito window when surfing the web last night.
So...?
If the Good Lady had a foot to spare she would have been tapping it suspiciously on the floor.
I broke and held my hands out to the side.
Well, alright then. You've forced my hand. I confess. I am keeping my chest trim for the laydeez!!! You know what I mean, brutha!
I winked and held out a hand for a high five to show that we were bruthas-in-arms and that all dem laydeez had better be watching out.
It's still lockdown? How can it be for the ladies!?!
The Good Lady waved her arms around like an old Dutch windmill remembering the glory days.
And besides that, you cheeky bastard, I am your bloody lady?!
She fixed me with a glare that could make frubes.
Alright then. You want me to stop?
I sighed and looked down at the floor.
The Good Lady stepped forward daintily.
Yes please Daddy-Bear, I like you with a bit of hair.
She ruffled the hair on my bowed head before turning on her heel and leaving the bathroom.
I waited two long minutes, my breathing slow and quiet, listening to see if she had really gone.
All was silent.
I started shaving again.
Oh yeah, for the laydeez!
Well, my sweet potato, I have an appointment this afternoon for a whole chest tattoo. This Hive thing has got me thinkin... I need to take Boom-Dawg to the next level. What do you think of this my sweet sugar cube?
Source
The Shock and Awe approach
If it's not a wolf then it's not worth getting done!!
I can almost see it, a wolf holding two snakes in its front paws like the baby Hercules. I want inked!!!
This could become a contest ... Let the Hive design the tattoo.....
Source
Well there you go!! Its got wolf, it's got snakes! It's got everything I need! It does draw the eye into the middle though doesn't it. That might be a good one for a sphincter!! It could be the 4th eye!
And speaking of eyes, why has it got three. Damn, I love tattoos.
Hive collaborative tattoo designs! Its kinda catchy ;O)
This might break the internet, but what the heck.
It's a little less distracting than that eye ... or is it a third little-boom breaching???
It could be a third boom-a-breaching!!
The internet is now broken hehe!!
You can always use the extra new shiny surface as a distraction tactic now for a quick getaway if needed - shine a light on it, flash of light, RUNNNNNN!!
Aaargh, how did you see right through me and realise that that was my ploy all along! The quick getaway! OF course I was thinking it was all the better to be greased also!! :OD
I got you man - maybe a new movie "Greased Lightning: The Ultimate Getaway Movie", coming to an incognito tab near you 😉👉
It's all about that incognito baby!! :OD
You do this too?
So, clearly you're doing the right thing Boomdawg, I mean who wouldn't want to be as smooth as a babies bum for the laydeez these days...Leonardo DiCaprio style.
Of course, what you didn't write about here was the manscaping you are no-doubt also doing, down there...For the laydeez mate.
It's my favourite noise!
Gotta keep it smooth for the laydeez and of course, the manscaping is another story entirely! Perhaps one best kept off-chain ... LOL!
Maybe someone should start a XXX Community here...I'm sure your Manscaping: How to post would be right at home in that community.
I can imagine that community being a black hole for ALL of the votes! There would be none left for non xxx posts!
I thought there was an XXX Community? You didn't get invited @galenkp or @meesterboom?
Aw shucks. I know I didn't, otherwise my breests would be all over it!!! :0D
Haha! :) Of course, they would have. What was I thinking!
I must have missed that memo.
Understandable with all the comments you have to sift through....
Yeah, quite probably.
Gotta be ready for when the doors are opened again! Although, hopefully it's not stubble by then...
I will have to keep on top of it then!! Get that mower working daily!!!
Oh, it's all smooth sailing now...
Wait til that baby's bum starts itching and growing out. Then we'll be talking!
!tip
Tell it sista !
I was just about to say something like this. As long as it's smooth, for what little time THAT will last it will be all good... .then....
Let me tell you, when it becomes prickly, even the tiniest bit, it does not feel good to a women's soft, delicate bossom. I hope you like shaving it frequently.
wrinkles nose
Well, this is making me feel most happy about my decision ! That means I will need to keep it smooth I cant stand an itch!
It wont itch. I will command it not to grow back!! Oactually I have this stuff for my hedge which stops it growing so fast, maybe I could use that?
Well, this is making me feel most happy about my decision ! That means I will need to keep it smooth I cant stand an itch!
Three days in, you will be sorry you took that blade to it. That hedge stuff may kill it. Now that won't be pretty.
hello dear friend @meesterboom good night
Good that you have resumed the exercise routine, I do not know if it is a good idea to shave the chest, years ago I had to shave my chest for a medical exam, (ergometry) it was not bad to shave, the bad came later when it started to grow again the beautiful, really burns a lot.
Your wife has a sixth sense, dear friend, or perhaps she has you under surveillance with a secret camera.
have a great night
Hola @jlufer! Oh yes, Iwas starting to resemble a big blimp of a thing. Have to try and get back in shape before it is the belly that carts me off to the pearly gates!
I can only imagine the scene of a woman waiting to enter or see what you are doing in there, or she wants to see how you are looking while you shave.
She had probably seen much worse happening in there, so this was most likely a treat to behold!!
Amazing how our ladies can always catch us at our most inopportune moments.
Almost like they have an 8th sense lol. (they always argue that they have a 6th and a 7th sense)
So now I suppose once you get around the corner on a run, you are going to take the running shirt off to gather admirers of the female kind?
I would definitely go for them having a 6th, 7th and 8th sense!!!
In Glasgow we are quite famous for getting our taps aff at the slightest hint of sun so it probably wouldn't gather the slavering onlookers that you would expect. :0)
Yep! Anything out of the ordinary and they have that uncanny ability to spot it immediately. Sometimes for some reason they would just call out in a suspicious voice; "Darling, what are you doing?" 😇
But if they get the real sniff of something untoward, they would stalk up silently like a prize bloodhound and trap their prey with their pants down 🤣
Well, that's why you have to stand out and be different. Oil that chest and start running backwards, as the femmes will all turn to have a look 😁
I'm oiling as we speak!! Will, metaphorically perhaps...
I love the call Darling, what are you doing? For me it is always the answer that they pounce on. No matter how the reply is said that's when they KNOW!!
Hahaha, they sniff and then they listen to the tone of the answer.
You are so right, as it doesnt matter what we answer, they just KNOW!
I have to bid you a Good Night here my friend!
Hope that your day ends well, even without the hair on your chest😁
Good night dude, nice chatting as always!!
I am sure I will have a great and smooth sleep hehe!!
Good morning my friend.
I had a good sleep and hope that you had the same.
Hope that you will keep us updated on your conquests resulting from your running around with a naked oiled chest 😁
Glad you are back - all slim and streamline haha - good luck with the itching if those hairs start growing back , unless you planning on shaving every now and then
Cheers lass, it was nice to have a break!
The itching might be an issue, I don't know if I can bear to be doing it regular, its a bit of a faff!
Well, I suppose this means an entirely NEW sort of posting from you @meesterboom for we ladies, eh? Lol. The lockdown is surely aiding us all into trying new things. :)
Why yes!! I shall have to create a community for it I suppose. Oh dash it, how terribly inconvenient. Still, needs must!! ;0F
Keep her keen? Hahaha... isn't that supposed to be pre-marriage and when you have 4 or 5 on the go?
You gotta keep your hand in. Gotta stay with it or its slippers and pipe time!! :O)
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But I didn't think it was the laydeez that liked it all trimmed ;) lol
Shit and hot damn, you could be right!