Stick It

in #life6 months ago

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Well, look who it is? Howdy neighbour, long time no see!

My old neighbour The Jim waved at me from where he stood on his front drive. Despite the waning August sun, he still managed to look like Santa without his red suit.

Alright Jim.

I grunted as I sought to navigate down my front step on to the level ground.

My knee had been feeling a little better today and I decided it was time to try it out on a very short walk. A decision I was starting to regret as the pain of just getting down the front steps was making my eyes jut out of my head like dog's balls.

And look at this? I see we have a new member of the club.

The Jim waggled his walking stick in my direction as if it were a big floppy penis made of liquorice.

He was pointing at my own stick.

To my horror, when I had hurt my knee earlier in the week I had discovered that I could barely walk. This was fine for a few hours until I felt a wookie's finger start to prod urgently at my back door.

What to do? What to do?

Should I just sit there on the couch, shitting myself and letting them harden so that eventually I would look as if I was sitting on a giant termite mound?

Or worse than that... I could ask the Good Lady for help?

Hmm, I was not sure how that would go. The last time I had asked her to cup her hands and catch my toffee-pops she had been less than impressed and that had been for science.

But, as the Wookie's finger had begun to poke in and out inquisitively like a Turtle's head I had little other option but to seek her help.

She had listened to my predicament before nodding sagely and running out to the garage.

Moments later, she bounded back into the lounge with a victorious whoop brandishing something long and stick-like.

What in the name of funny buggered fish is that?

I cried, my face cracking with puzzlement like a leper's cleavage.

It's a stick... A walking stick!

She grinned and did a twirly dance-like thing as if she were one of those curious fucking buffoons in old movies that insisted on a tap-dancing scene in every film.

Ah, now I recognised it. It had been my Dad's old walking stick. I still wasn't making the connection, however. Unless... NO?! Surely she wasn't implying I used a walking stick? Me, I mean I was practically Zeus?! And she thought I should use a stick like an old man?!?

At that moment, my turtle's head attempted a jailbreak and only by making an odd mmrrmmmeeewph noise and twitching my buttocks like a matador buttering a bread roll was I able to hold the barbarian at the gate.

Gives it then.

I gasped, holding a hand out for the stick.

She passed it and gripping it tightly, I attempted to stand.

Which, astonishingly, I did with relative ease. I couldn't believe it. It was really helping. In no time at all, I had whizzed off to the porcelain post office and deposited my parcel.

I had been using the stick ever since although I must admit, I did find it a little embarrassing.

And so it was that I was outside when The Jim who was old enough to have helped build the pyramids chuckled at me and him being in the same gang.

I opened my mouth, ready to unleash a stinging rebuke to him when he spoke again.

And you know, the missus loves it!.

He waggled his stick about again and chuckled madly.

I winced as if eating a pickled egg before nodding slowly.

Does she indeed. Well, that's just magic. Cheers, Jim. Catch you later.

I headed back in the house with the solid conviction that I wasn't leaving ever again until I could walk without the damn stick.

Sort:  

... the missus loves it...

!?

Now after the already vivid imagery in my mind about a brown turtle head popping out, that one triggered something so sinister, dirty and dark, that I now want my brain to unthink it.

A cane and a gentleman that never tells... Now connected to a new name: The Jim.

Oh no, now that you put it that way I am starting to get a glimpse of what you are suggesting...

AAAARGGH! :OD

Hahaha, those images of the brain cannot be unseen I'm afraid. Now, I wont ask you any details about his stick. Like what color it was, the shape, no Sir, I wont. One does not want ones mind to go wander about down that rabbit hole. Not even on a stormy rainy Wednesday. 😄

Some things are best left unremembered. Oh yes, lest the floodgates open!! hehe!

The walking stick gang...Sounds cool...What do I have to do to get in; Just get a walking stick or do I have to have an actual reason for having it before I can sign up.

Sounds like a cool gang.

Just a stick man, thats all, customise it to your hearts content and stick with the gang!! :OD

Yeah, well needless to say, I'm in.

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My grandfather's walking stick...Stick gang-worthy.

or blimey, it looks like a cracker!! Much better than my old dud thing!

It's a bit spesh...Kept it as I figured one of grandad's great grandchildren may like to have it in the future...Little did I know it would also gain me gang membership!

#winning

It is spesh!

Yeah, keep hold of that for the gangness and potential future usage!

Chances are the old G-dog himself may need it's stickiness to help him get about in the coming years.

Well here's hoping that time is a long way away indeed!!

It comes to us all, old age.. you need a stick. You can't escape time.. it finds you and seeks you out.. and that stick appears by magic by your bedside... begging you to use it..

Embrace old age mate..!

NEVER!!! This is just a blip, Iwill be back out in the real world fighting lions and tigers and unicorns before you know it!!

:Op

But a stick can be so much more than a stick.... and just imagine all the things you can hit and poke. Possibilities are endless - embrace the stick :) - glad you are getting better

HAhahaha, I have found it to be quite useful for jabbing at things. Usually the kids when they are in my way!

You see - look at you being a good dad hahaha

Haha, the eternal struggle!!!

Don't feel too bad. Wonky knees and hip seem to come with age...hahaha! Been using the old stick for a few years now and a knee brace occasionally. Like @bigtom13 says, the stick comes in handy when out for long walks. Somedays I don't need the assistance but other days I do and I am grateful when it is with me.

I will be keeping a hol dof the stick I think and see how it goes. Normally I embrace some things but I feel it is too soon for me to be sticky! :OD

#kneesydoesit good sir.

I would also not like using the stick at all but if it helps you make it to the loo, gotta be done for now!

#kneesydoesit !

Aye, it helps with the fecking stairs too. Grrr. I might feel better if I got some silver topped nonsense with a sword hidden inside! But a plain old stick, FFs

Wrap it in tinfoil?

Can't! Used it all for hats :OD

Nah, keep the stick. Next time you are accosted by The Jim, you can break into one of those old-time movie tap-dancing routines and challenge him to best it.

That would be a sight to see. Two old fecking suffers stumbling around in an attempt to tap LOL!

Ohhh I am sure you will heal so much faster just because you dislike the idea of using the stick. The damn stick.

I am sure I shall heal much faster because of my extraordinary mental powers that WILL IT TO BE SO!!!

Hopefully ;O)

I like your warrior spirit haha💪💪

hello dear friend @meesterboom good morning
I'm sorry the pain in my knee persists. maybe you should give more time to healing by doing more rest.

I like the way you see things in a fun way, at least you're not alone, you have Jim on the team.

The one who can help you with the cure is the bear man, and a powerful beer from his stock, those strong as a mule kick.

I hope you get better soon dear friend

I wish I was fit enough to attend the Bearman and see what fabulous delights he has for me!

It is getting better so it is a waiting game. I am rubbish at waiting though!

Yes, I imagine, sitting all day without being able to do anything, I do not wish anyone, it only remains to wait for the joints to heal

Hahahahaha... This is like the most hilarious thing i've seen in a while now

You havent seen me in my lucky blue suit ;O)

Awww... I should really look forward to it

When I was helping my friend clean out his grandfathers homestead, there were about 15 walking sticks ... at least 10 of them had hidden compartments for flasks of whiskey. 3 of them had concealed daggers.

We were very impressed. We thought he only used the sticks to help his knees ... but ... he was a clever old scotsman.


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I think I want a dagger one! I would be cock of the walk!!! OR in prison. They are mighty funny about knives in Scotland sigh

Just say its a Sgian-dubh and that your knee is too sore to put it in your sock. Any Scot will empathize with you and give you a free pass.

But, I'd go for the flask myself. Any time you think you should be sticking someone with your dagger ... have a drink. (pretty soon, you'll be walking with two canes)

It is good that you listened to me, it is better to seek immediate help with the good lady than to waste time going to another place where they look for diseases that you do not have, in relation to the walking stick, enjoy its use by joining your friend's club, but I hope not be it for a long time, that you continue to recover and greetings

Yes indeed, I will enjoy it for the moment and look to the day I can leave the club!! Cheers!

Well they are mighty useful to smite some excessively loud children that are milling around when out and about lol.

I have been thinking that for when I don't need it ;0)

This sounded like a bit of a sticky situation... on all fronts! I'm sure I'll end up in the club, all the fitness challenges will come back to haunt me!

I think they have come back to haunt me, although I can walk without the fucker this week so might be leaving the club!!!

Well, I'm glad you got your loaf pinched off without fouling your nest. That's always a good thing.

I have a genuine Purina oak cane that is used for showing hogs that I carry along on my walks from time to time. Not to help me walk, you understand but to fend of the occasional rabid dog that I might encounter. Rabid Pomeranians are significant problem around here, you know.

I also have a knee brace made of fancy ass materials. The beauty of this brace is that it will work on either side, and seems to help significantly. It's discreet enough that you can wear long pants over it and the neighbor ladies will just think you are a manly man that is happy to see them.

You just as well get a brace sooner rather than later. You aren't getting any younger and knees don't seem to improve with age.

I am hoping that it is just an injury which will clear up but I will be seeing the doctor as soon as. Or rather having an annoying phone appointment again, which is something about COVID which is really annoying me. I want a doctor to look at it dammit.

I could be doing with a fancy dan cane. You never know when those vicious Pomeranians will strike!! :0D

Just like a good boy scout it pays to be prepared for those Pomeranians. Chihuahuas too, in this part of the world. Vicious bastards.

Goddamn, I have had experience of those little pests. They can take an unwary man's ankles out from under him!!

They really do tend to be nasty little bastards. They've got 'little dog' syndrome.

I have enough trouble dealing with folks who have little dog syndrome in work!

Yeah. I have long surpassed my lifetime exposure limit to 'little dog (or man) syndrome'. Ugggghhhh.

I was standing at a urnial in a crowded bar situation when I heard the best answer ever. Some guy walked by and asked a friend "How's the weather up there?" He answered with "A hell of a lot better than down there with my farts."

Lol. I like a good comeback!!

I had whizzed off to the porcelain post office and deposited my parcel.

Where in God's name do you come up with these?

No shame in injuring oneself, they just probably need to get on it and get you some physical therapy. Give it a break from the repetitive motion of walking. Ice it. It takes down the inflammation and pain. Then give it heat. Rotate. Fifteen on, fifteen off. Then switch. Compression. Then keep it elevated.

Of course, by the time I got here, you are probably out there, dancing a jig. Hope you are feeling better, Boom!

!tip

I have been icing and elevating. I can see a difference already. Still using the sick bit it is improving :0)

I was quite proud of the porcelain post office!!! Wahahahaa!!

You should be! It was brilliant. I read your piece to about 12 people at a zoom meeting. Not a dry eye in the place. I owe you a few royalties. My zoom meetings won't be the same again... they will all ask for a Boomie story.

You rock.

Glad you are feeling a little bit. better! Don't get too encouraged by the improvement. Knees are liars like that.

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