I've got a bad feeling about this...
I muttered darkly.
Bad feeling about what baby?
The Good Lady grunted from her perch beside me.
I took a hand from the rocky slope of the mountain and gesticulated at the sky as if I were cuffing one of the lower classes.
The weather, lass. It was fine when we set out but up here on the mountains it can turn in a second.
As if to emphasise my point, the first spats of heavy rain began to fall from the brooding sky.
We both flinched. The Good Lady casting a worried glance down the treacherous slope behind us. We were very high up.
It had all started well enough. The day had dawned bright and warm and we had decided to climb up the nearby mountain Ben Hoohkti-shoochtie. In Scotland we call mountains 'Ben' which is as confusing to us as it is to others.
We had chuckled at my many jokes before we left about getting right up the backside of the Ben.
It didn't seem so funny now.
Dark clouds boiled up around the sides of the Ben and the sun, so bright only moments ago was now hidden behind a dark and bruised looking sky.
Bugger, the weather forecast never mentioned this?
The good lady looked pensively at the sky which was now completely murky black like the poo-water of an Irishman after a night on the Guinness.
A gust of wind tugged at me and I pressed myself close to an overhanging rock.
It was a long way down.
Inwardly I cursed, foolishly, we were hardly prepared for the weather.
The rain began to fall in earnest, lashing at us like a camp man's tongue for wearing the wrong colour of scarf with our trousers
The wind picked up, buffeting us both and the very mountain itself seemed to creak with the force of the storm that was now crashing against the exposed flank on which we cowered.
My foot slipped and a shower of loose shale skittered down the steep slopes.
Oops, hang on!
The Good Lady grabbed my hand, pulling me back up before I slipped down to almost certain death.
Phew, thanks chick.
I shouted gratefully over the wind.
The Good Lady nodded grimly at me as the rain and wind whipped furiously at us.
What will we do!?!
I yelled at the Good Lady.
Overhead the sky cracked with a massive peal of thunder.
The rock we were clinging too was slick with water now and I could feel myself slipping again.
Was this it?
Was I, the handsome boom-meister to end my days in a red raggedy heap at the foot of a mountain looking like an emptied sanitary towel bin from a ladies toilet!?
The Good Lady made an exasperated face and stood up from behind the rock where we had been sheltering.
Fuck it, will we go to the cafe and get a coffee and just get a taxi back to the cabin?
She motioned over to the welcoming lights glimmering through the rain some couple of hundred yards away.
I stood too and stretched before setting off towards the cafe.
Aye, good idea. This is shit. Let's get a cake as well.
