I've got a wetsuit you could borrow? That water is damn cold further out.
Fishstick waved at the back of his massive van and smiled pleasantly at me. Almost as if he weren't inviting me to climb into his used rubber sheath of an outfit.
Might still be a bit wet from yesterday though, is that ok?
He made an apologetic face.
I returned him a look flatter than a Spaniard's slipper.
What in the name of fuck? Wear another man's wet fucking pond sheath? What next, would he ejaculate in a cup and ask if I wanted to use it as conditioner for my hair?
Today was becoming quite the challenge.
It had started out innocently enough. The weather promised to be stonking hot and the Good Lady had said that a few of her Mummy friends were planning to go up to one of the lochs up north for a big gathering and it would be lovely if we could join them.
I had harrumphed a little, it's ok for her, she has lots in common with her Mummy friends. They have all heaved cannonballs of flesh out of their whoopsies and can talk baby for days about boobs, piles and green poo nappies.
At these gatherings, however, I am usually stuck with the Dads and the only thing we seem to have in common is to have had the misfortune to have spegged our muck up our wives and not ran away when it took root.
But here I found myself, up north in the Scottish wilds, standing before a giant body of water with a bunch of blokes trying to convince me sheathe up in another man's used rubber and get wet with them in the mighty Loch Bhumbanamon.
I opened my mouth to chastise Fishstick soundly for offering me his used johnny suit to wear and even worse, assuming that I and he were about the same size.
Hey, Daddy-Bear, you taking the wetsuit? It's so kind of him to offer!
The Good Lady had materialised out of nowhere and seemed to be relishing the idea of me stuffing myself inside another man's thingmy.
Well, you know, I have been swimming in the Lochs before. I never used a wetsuit then. Just wheeked my clothes off and in I went.
I said trying not to sound ungrateful to Fishsticks for his offer to geld me.
The Good Lady gave me that knowing look. The very same look she gives me when old women offer me liver pate.
Oh Daddy-Bear. Don't be shy, I am sure you will fit into it just fine.
She tossed her head back and laughed before heading back to the other mums who were sitting about talking about peeing outdoors in a cup.
Pffft, the bloody cheek of it, this wasn't about fitting into the damn thing. This was about taking another man's soggy leavings. Did she know nothing?
There you go, man. You want a hand getting into it?
Fishsticks interrupted my musings by handing me a limp looking rubbery gimp suit.
Ha! No thanks, mate. It won't be the first time I have squeezed myself into something dark, nasty and wet.
I smiled insanely at Fishsticks who twitched a little nervously and headed back over to the other Dads leaving me alone with what looked like the skin of a murdered seal.
I grabbed it with both hands and took a deep breath to ready myself for insertion.
The things I do for love.
Lol, "the skin of a murdered seal" makes it sound like some sordid ritual. The only thing missing would have actually been the singer himself with a rendition of "Killer"! Ironically, the first line being "so you want to be free"!
Lol, that is hilarious and puts a whole other spin on it!! Yeek!!
It did feel like a sordid ritual. Right up till I went in the water and thought, hey, it ain't cold now!
!ENGAGE 30
Haha well, we will keep our lips sealed then...
Yeah those wetsuits are pretty good aren't they? Once you get passed the whole "ew someone else has been in this and it stinks" phase that is!
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Yeah, I've only told the internet even if they might not find it :0D
ENGAGEtokens.LOL! I thought of at least 13 names for the conditioner, I’m assuming you survived the mansconcement?
And now I shall head to work with a smile on my face, if only the other librarians knew of what grotesque end of the thought pool I was treading in lol lol, I have definitely missed your witty scrawlings:)
The names for the conditioner just keep popping into my head!!!
Its a cesspool you are treading in!! Hehe. I not only survived the incident but I think I discovered a love for wetsuits!?! Never before has Scottish water held so little fear for me!!!
Growing up in Alaska made me think that all water was about 37 degrees Fahrenheit, so I grew to love the squeezing embrace of a wetsuit long ago, hopefully you’ll get one of your own sooner rather than later, Good Lady willing of course:)
Btw, I’m looking forward to the announcement for the Conditioner Naming Convention, it will be a descriptive degen event of the ages lol lol!
I am sure the entrants will enter from far and wide with names for that one. Hehe.
The water here is freezing too. Maybe not that cold but almost unbearable, wearing a wetsuit was like a dream! I was getting jealous that I wasn't offered wet shoes!!
I haven't been in a wetsuit for 40 years or there abouts, and in no particular rush to do so again.
I mean really. What can possibly be worth me getting into water cold enough to chill whiskey past the drinking point? I live in a freaking desert for Gods sake.
So. You may not have thought of it at the time but it seems to me that it would have been appropriate for you to pee down the leg of Fishstick's suit in repayment for not turning it inside out to dry the day before.
Had I not had kids and suddenly found myself being dragged about numerous cold and still bodies of water i suspect I would never be in one. I had never even tried one on till yesterday!
I didn't even know it was a thing, when I was younger we just took the cold and swam in our shorts. This younger generation is going soft and it looks like they are taking me with them!!
As I read I imagine you in each action, your refusal to put on the suit and the other person insisting, I also imagine how he would see you in a size that is not yours, very funny
It was quite a funny situation, cheers!
If you enjoy a wetsuit.... wait until you try a drysuit!!
Plus, you can always tell if someone left bodily fluids in your drysuit!
I wouldn't trying a dry suit! It's it totally daft if I ask, does that mean you stay bone dry underneath!? That would be awesome!!
Yup. It's got rubber gaskets at the wrists, ankles and neck. Inside, it's perfectly dry.
James Bond wore a tuxedo under a drysuit.
Goto 4:28
The Myth Busters confirmed that it worked. (although, a few wrinkles needed to be ironed out)
You know, I remember seeing that and wondering if it would actually work!! Ha, amazing!!!
I've had my fair share of in and out of wetsuits that's for sure. The "Fishsticks" just keeps making me recall the hilarious South park where Kanye West doesn't get a joke about fishsticks and well, hilarity ensues. Apropos of nothing but worth noting none the less :)
Hehe, yes, that was a funny one!! I am now a fan of wetsuits but think I would much prefer my own!
Such disrespect for the Loch's.. tut.. they looked lovely to me, get the wet fish, grimace and dive in!
Hehe, it was a fine alias! It was Loch Ard, a fine wee place!! I did dive in, it was blummin magic!
Jeeez yes this is love - make a note .... the good lady will have to do something for you. No I think I will rather just stay out of the water.
Hehe, yeah, I can get onboard with her having to do something for me!!!
;0D
haha :D
Did you fit then? And was it nice and warm in the mid-section?
It was strangely warm in the mids... Eeeewwwww!!!
It was a bit squeezy but I tell you, what a difference it made in the water. I'm gonna buy one now!!!
!ENGAGE 30 !
I hope you added to the warmth just before you handed it back :)
I see your 30, and raise you 5, !ENGAGE 35 !
Haha!! You raised me!!! Dammit!!
I tried to pee in it when out in the water just to be polite but I couldn't really go in it. I think it might have been the snugness!! I really tried too!
It's tough taking a leak whilst floating and in another mans clothes?!
I know, I mean, I just don't understand it!! :0D
ENGAGEtokens.I'm sure you were grateful for it when you hit the water and found out the other option was freezing your nads off ;D
I actually was. I was ridiculously grateful and kinda wondered why I hadn't considered using one ever before!!
hello dear friend @meesterboom good afternoon
Really, the things that you do for love, that you are able to wear a used swimsuit, all for the fun and happiness of the good lady.
Enjoy your new swimsuit dear friend.
Good afternoon @jlufer!!
I have never worn one before, let alone one that has had someone else's balls in it but it read quite a magical thing!!
Why is there no photo of you wearing the swimsuit, i need a good laugh hahahahah
It's too sexy for this blog!
:0D
Hahahaha Right Said Fred 😂
I was humming the tune as I wrote that, lol
Don't you know the words hahaha
I feel like I wrote them!!
I don't think that line is in the lyrics?
Tremenda muestra de amor vale...
El mundo!!!!! :0D