Daddy-Bear, is there anything you can do about that cupboard door in the little lady's room? It won't stay closed.
I grunted as the Good Lady's words snapped me out of my daydream in which saucy naked wenches had been covering themselves in coffee grounds and were asking if I wanted a good exfoliating.
Um, yeah. Sounds like a piece of piss.
I smiled with more dimples than a larger lady's bahookie.
Really? That would be great, I think the catch thing is broken?
The Good Lady wrung her hands as if she had touched a covid.
Broken schmoken, baby-cheeks. It don't matter. I've got magnets.
I swished my hands about Kung Fu style.
Magnets? Won't it just need a screw tightened or something?
The Good Lady twisted her hand back and forth, wistfully looking up at the sky.
I looked up too, just in case those monkeys with the engorged penises had found their way into the house and were poised above us ready to fire.
Thankfully, I realised we weren't in Africa and were safe... For the moment.
A screw? A screw!? Who fixes things with screws nowadays?
I heaved myself out of my Sunday seat and struck a pose worthy of Captain Gower, the old 18th-century sea Captain that fought a giant octopus and afterwards could never look at his wife's vagina ever again.
I have those fancy nobdinium magnets if I stick a couple of them up no one will be opening that door in a hurry.
I chuckled, in my mind's eye I could see the cupboard door slamming closed with an almighty clang. Perhaps one of the cats severed in half by the door's dark slamming majesty.
I don't think we want the door to never open again? If we wanted that I would just nail it shut.
The Good-Lady had that face on her. The one that implies I am the type of buffoon to come back from the market with a handful of magic beans.
Well, no magic beans here lady. Perhaps magic magnets but not magic beans.
It sounds a bit, you know. overcomplicated? I think it is just something loose. The catch bit isn't sitting right and the sticky in bit isn't catching in the catchy bit.
She splayed her fingers at each mention of bit as if conducting some weird orchestra.
I reeled back from her astonishing technical analysis of what was wrong with the door.
So you are saying you don't want me to get all magnetic on the cupboards ass?
I glowered majestically.
It takes many years to master the art of glowering but master it I had. The Good Lady flinched at the combination of dark looks, downturned cheeks and furrowed brows that were being flung her way.
Maybe give the magnets a miss this time?
She half pleaded, half commanded.
I glowered a bit harder until something felt a bit squee in my undercarriage.
Fine then. I'm gonna screw the shit out of this cupboard.
I flounced off to fetch a man tool or three. The magnets can wait.
My upper lip twisted and I let out a nasty chuckle.
Oh yes, they can wait...
But they won't wait forever.
This could have escalated become a full scale domestic... Magnets are so polarising aren't they?
It's always the sticky in bit and the catchy bit isn't it? You would think that as a civilised society we would have overcome this blight on humanity. Oh man I wanna see that majestic glower (no not like that, I'm not being all 'funny' if that's what ya thinking!!!)
Poor Captain Gower! Tis true Sir, Octopi'll do that to ya! I shall bid you good day Boomie, I'm off to see if Ikea stock these bonobonobula magnet thingies... 😎👍
Haha, yes indeed, they are very polarising!!
If your want them kings of magnets Amazon be the place, aaaarr for sure!! Ifecking love them!!
You crack me up ya funny fucker.
Heh heh, it's almost believable that one!!! :0D
What you need are a broad range of magnets. Some pissweak little ones that you can attach to the insides of doors that need to stay shut but also need to be easy to open, and the stupidly powerful ones that will make sure that the door will need to be sledgehammered open. Then you can solve everything with magnets.
I was thing of switching one supersized magnet and hollowing it out so that we could live in it and then everything would be magnet :0D
LoL! That sounds like it might not be best for your health, or perhaps it will be amazing for your health given that there's those magnetic bracelet things that are supposed to help with I don't even know what, just my dad was wearing one for a little while XD
I have always been tempted to buy one but have resisted just in case it is a sign that you are truly getting old!
It's not just an old people thing, I've seen young people wearing them too ;D
Well, that's it then. I'm sold!!! I wonder of I can get one that actually looks cool?
Wristbands are always cool ;D
If you can't find one that appeals to your aesthetics maybe a small one that you can hide under/next to a watch? (and hopefully it doesn't affect the watch I have no idea how these things work)
It must be the female in me. I like screws. Magnets can wait.
Screws are good but magnets... Magnets are like the nectar that worker bees feed to their Queen!! It something something :0D
Oh!!! A little something something? I'm in!!! Magnets it is! Nectar and all!
In the future we will all live on magnets!!
I snapped a picture of this so I will remember this moment.
I have a real magnet tattooed on my arm so I never forget!!!
:0D
I am planning on using magnets to keep the walk-in wardrobe door closed too. How strong are these nobdinium magnets and will my wife's Montgomery Burns arms be able to pull the door open from the inside, or do I have to find another place to lock her?
She'll never get out from the inside, do it!!!
Hehe, they are really good for that. They are quite strong but in reference to a door not so much. Enough to keep it closed though!! I love the damn things for keeping doors closed
We're about to get a 'kitchen makeover' done and all the cupboards are getting that soft touch close thing. I get a mild boner looking at them softly close. Not sure if there are magnets involved. No cat cutting snaps there.
I have them, they are bloody magic. It's a little spring loaded plastic doofer on the inside that catches them and slows them down. I can spend ages pushing them closed and giggling :0D
Take the door off - in fact, take all of the closet/cabinet/cupboard doors off.
Tell the Good Lady that this is much more modern. An Open Concept look.
... but you might not want to throw them all in the bin just yet....
Modern is good. But next thing you know I would be sitting in the toilet and the door would be getting whupped away!
Nobody .. and I mean nobody ... wants that!!!
They really wouldn't, at the very least for the air quality :0D
Simple is often the best way - nail it shut.
With planks like a cartoon window. Might be for the best, it ain't my cupboard!
Oh man, those are the strongest manly magnets one could wish for! Where is the fun in tightning a bloody screw when you have a much more exciting solution?
In case you really need to keep something closed massively, not even to be opened ever again probably, then the one in the video is the ultimate magnet. The one to rule them all! With a pull strength of 1250 KG it is a monster magnet!
Oh man, that's what I need!! Magnets are the business!! I got a pile of those neodymium ones and they are ridiculously strong. There isn't a door alive in my house that is open!!
Would be awesome to have that thing though!!
Somehow I want buckets filled with them neodymium balls and blocks. 😁
When my offspring was still small and adventurous I had to put smart locks on the inside of every cupboards door within her reach. With neodymium magnets it could have been solved easily, would have been fun.
Wonder if the big one could pull out old metal fillings from my teeth. That might come in handy. 🤔
My mouth is aching just reading that. Imagine how painful that would be!!
I just recently took the child locks is my kitchen cupboards. It's word having to open them and keep reflexively looking to ping the lock bit!
Guess it might even pull out some teeth with it. Bad idea.
Opening and closing the cupboards with those locks on was a bit of a fiddle. Glad when I could take them off. 😄
It's such a freeing sensation!! There ain't much left to do and then the house will be like a normal house once more!!!
She half pleaded, half commanded.
Hmmmm this sounds like a very old female strategy to get our way done 😂
It had the feel of an old and practiced strategy! It always works!
If you want to say goodbye to ever having money again, but want all the magnetic fun in the world, many Warhammer 40,000 models come with lots of options, and many gamers magnetize them all, from stompy robot walkers with different arms down to individual troops with different weapons. But stay away from the plastic crack if you value your soul!
I think I will have to. I am already on my third set of fancy magnets. It's like that saying about a hammer and everything looking like a nail but with magnets. So no plastic crack for me!!!
Oh yes, I can see it now. One of those Neodimdim magnets screwed right there with the coolest cordless. So say Boom are ya a Dewalt man? Porter Cable, Makita, or Milwaukee? Oh I got them all, you know, just to show how manly a man I am!
De Walt!! I can't believe the difference actually spending a bit of cash on a power tool made to my life!! No more cheap, they all do the same thing anyway tools for me again!!!