Someone was up late last night, hmm?
The Good Lady plonked a coffee down on the table before me and I winced at the clatter.
Urrgh. Buurgh. Duurgh.
I replied sensibly.
I had stayed up late. The weather has been unseasonably good lately and I had decided to build a fire in the fire pit and have a couple
of respectable beers whilst gazing at the stars.
I am sure you had fun though, didn't you?
The Good Lady sat opposite me smiling happily at my hungover misery.
Um, yeah. It was fun.
I managed to get my brain to connect to my mouth properly this time.
Did you crack open the rum?
She looked at me brightly.
The rum? Um, erm. Maybe? I think I had one or two, possibly. It's a bit... ahem, blurry after a bit.
I furrowed my brow with the heavy thinking. Did I open the rum? My mouth tasted like an Irishman had shat in it, so yes, yes, the evidence was pointing to the rum.
What time did you come to bed at?
Asked the Good Lady sweetly.
Fuck?! I had no idea.
I looked at her blankly. I remembered it being about Midnight at one point and I remembered fire and laughing at my own incredible sense of humour for ages but that was about it.
You know, I got quite the disturbing WhatsApp message last night. Someone sent me something.
The Good Lady said pulling out her phone and looking quizzically at it.
Someone sent you what?
My brain was moving like mud and it throbbed painfully as it bobbed about in the brain-juice in my skull. Someone had sent her a message? Like the Mafia? Was there a horse's head in her bed?
Wait, not her bed. She said WhatsApp?
Yes, someone sent me a picture. It's really weird. I couldn't make it out and had to google it.
You had to Google a picture that someone sent you? What was it then?
My patience, like the Rum in the bottle I could see on the worktop behind her, was running perilously low.
It was a penis fish.
The Good Lady's grin was huge.
My mouth gaped open several times.
A... A penis fish...?
My mind boggled. What the fuck was a penis fish? And why the fuck was someone sending my Good Lady pictures of this fish?
What the fuck is a penis fish?
The Good Lady threw her head back and laughed heartily.
It's a type of fish that looks like a penis of course!
She fumbled with her phone and then passed it over to me.
Look!
She trilled.
I looked at the picture of the penis fish on her phone.
It wasn't a picture of a fish.
It was a picture of a penis.
A slightly grainy odd-angled picture of a penis. As if the person who took it was quite drunk on rum and beer.
Below the picture were the words.
A gift for you!
Despite not being a purveyor of penises, there was something quite familiar about this particular one.
Oh dear.
I said quietly. A vague memory of the rum-fueled night came back to me. The giggling. The picture-taking.
The sending of the fish via WhatsApp and the congratulatory high fives I gave myself.
Wouldn't it have been hilarious if the Little Lady had grabbed my phone this morning and saw that?
There was steel behind the Good Lady's laugh.
Um, no. Not really.
I mumbled.
No more penis fish, Daddy-Bear. Agreed?
The Good Lady prodded me with a boney finger.
I nodded.
Yes, sorry lass. No more penis fish. I promise.
The Good Lady laughed again and wafted off, no doubt to terrorise some other member of the family.
I glared accusingly at the almost empty bottle of Rum on the worktop and hissed at it.
This is all your fault?!
I can fully empathise with the stargazing and beer drinking leading to rum sir. Hell not drinking is more of trippy experience right now in lockdown.
I do feel a small amount of sympathy though for the CIA man who had to monitor your phone as you discovered and then documented this rare animal in the early hours of the morning.
Haha, Mr CIA was certainly blessed that night!!.
It's a wonderful rum. At least, in smaller doses that is!
Well as long as you don't run for Mayor of London your images should remain private.
What rum is it that you were imbibing in sir?
I flick between either Ron Zacapa 23 which I cannot do justice to in words or The Duppy Share which I got first of all for the folklore links in the name but it tastes pretty damn good too.
Ooo, I haven't tried them. It's a coffee and vanilla rum from fierce brewing. It seems to fit the door quite nicely although to be frank or is far from smooth!
I just looked up the brewery and in truth even if the beer or spirits tasted bad an IPA with a chavvy looking raccoon on it has me from the start.
All jokes aside if we never speak again online, I implore you to try the Ron Zacapa 23. It was truly a game changer for me on how I viewed rums.
I will! I have only recently started getting into them and will definitely take that as one to get.
Fierce are a great brewery, I love most of their stuff.. They somehow pull off the most outrageous of flavours! I swear they had a cinnamon bun beer that was outrageously strong and outrageously the very essence of a cinnamon bun!!
Cinnamon bun beer? Now that sounds very interesting and would take some skill . From my experiments with making different home gins and vodkas I've always had issues with cinnamon. No matter how short a period I leave the cinnamon sticks in the demijohns the spirit comes out oily on the tongue and reminds me of the deep fat fryers at work.
I will give fierce a go though my friend, cheers.
Hello dear friend @meesterboom, I would have liked to witness the situation, it must have been very funny, it is the reason that when I drink as a golden rule, no photographs, cell phones, or social networks, once I did it and nothing went well.
I wish you a great night
I think that is the best way. No electronics, it's safest!!
Absolutely EPIC cover photo :)))
Hehe, is the best bit about a post for me!
Thank goodness you send it to the good lady and not some one else on your list - O this is one thing I will always remember about my late husband, no not the penis fish hahaha , sitting by the fire and enjoying himself and the later it gets the funnier he finds himself. :)
Haha, that sounds like a nice memory and it sounds quite like me as the night goes on laughing more and more away to myself!!!
Rum is the devil.
I now agree. Damned thing!
Ever experienced the moonshine?
I have never had that pleasure!! I bet it is madness!
If you're one to agree each one of these magic liquids is a different game and comes with its own set of rules, then yes, madness. Starts out really nice. Then you wake up and don't know who you are or how you got there.
I have had trips like that but only rarely from the Lady Alcohol. The daftie that lurks in the back of my head, even now, came help but look at what your wrote and think awesome!
I'll never grow up
One only needs to grow up just enough to stay out of jail.
The last sip rum in the bottle. You would not drink!
haha penis fish could eat you.
I did leave a little bit. Who knows what could have happened had I finished it! :0D
Our booze consumption has increased many folds while staying at home (especially with kids)! Now you know who is making all the money during this global recession...
We do! I and all my friends are exactly the same. We seemed quite reserved before lockdown compared to how we are now!
Saturday, usually there is a panic at my household. In Texas, there is no booze only till 12 noon on Sundays. To observe the good lord of course. But my dear lady, gets very nervous on Saturday, saying you must go to Specs darling... and get me that scotch.
Got her a 1.75 liters of Glen Morey! Check out guy, at Specs commented, you don't look like you stay in a college dorm... and you know during social distancing, parties are not allowed!
Haha, that is a damn good quantity to get and a good whisky too!!!
At first we were nervy about getting stood but the home delivery scene has exploded over here. Perhaps unfortunately do!! Lol
Could of been worse...at least it got sent to her and not some other random soul LOL 😄
Yikes, the very thought!!!
Be jezus when I upvote you it is 33 cents, figure that one out.
It's all a bit mental eh? It will soon calm down I am sure. Once the huobi buyers dump
Hello @meesterboom,
Tremendous night! The bottle is not to blame. The real culprit has already escaped and hovers in part in the head of the admonished in the form of a hangover, the rest already travels through the pipes or hides in the ground. LOL
That is true. But I blame the bottle anyway!! Hehe :0)
Don't you hate it when rum does that?
Every time! Damned rum and it's antics!
It is the whole lockdown, it gets to you. Makes one do funny things.
"Do you consider yourself drinking more, during these days dear?", She asked politely.
"Nah, so far I only just had one today.", I replied very calmly.
"Yeah you goof, but it is just fuckin 7 in the morning...!", She can be so damn confronting.
HAhahahaha!! The lockdown is certainly making me drink more. IS it boredom? Is it just something I associate with being in the house?! I have no idea but I will have to calm down!!
Same here, very tempting, especially in the evening, so I decided to go to bed more early.
It does help, but I do hope things will get rebooted soon. Pick up life where left off.
Yeah, me too. It was almost a wee bit fun once the fear subsided a bit but I am getting restless!
For stress relief I will do some vocal stretching today. 'Remember tomorrow' for warming up.
Hopefully soon we all can be out and about again. 🤞
Bahahhahahahahaaaa XD
What did the rum have to say for itself then? XP
The Rum was suspiciously mute.
I was going to run it out of town but thought I would give it a second chance of explaining ;0)
Very magnanimous of you XD
I am a benevolent soul. One must never act in haste! ;0)