Have you got lots of nice surprises for Mummy's birthday?
The Little Lady stood in front of me, an expectant smile on her face. No doubt waiting for good old Daddy-Bear to regale her with tales of flying balloons and fireworks all in the name of Mummy-Bear's birthday.
I looked at her as though she were the living embodiment of a wet fart.
Lots of surprises? Why of course I have!! Hahahhhahah hahhahhhhah hah hahhah!!
I slapped my thigh with hysterical glee and tried to avoid falling off of my chair from the laughter that was erupting from me like Pepsi from an exotic dancer's bahjina.
Oh, that's marvellous, Daddy! You are the best!
She clapped her hands together wildly and skipped out of the room in the way of little girls who have thoroughly awesome Daddies.
I watched her go with a wry grin.
Till she was out of sight.
Then I flobbed onto the floor and jammed my fist in my mouth to stifle the earth-shattering shriek of horror and panic that burst forth from my mouth.
Wasn't her birthday next month?!?! When did it shift to September? Was this September? Why didn't I know when in the year it was anymore?
Then it dawned on me. COVID and working from home. Apart from making me put on about forty stone and becoming some oxymoronically repulsively sexy obese person it had also made each day merge into the other until life was like one big long working day in the attic interspersed with the odd sleep and weekend beer.
This was a disaster.
According to my phone, her birthday was mere days away. Yet I had done nothing, bought nothing and organised nothing.
Would she fall for the old, Material things are so passe line? Nah, she was too Scottish for that old horseshit. Would she accept some homemade sauerkraut? Probably not.
Could I simply tell her that I had been too busy drinking and shagging like a madman? Hmm, she might expect to have been involved in some of that so that wouldn't wash.
Maybe I could tell her that the Night Horse had taken me again?
Best save that one.
I was all out of excuses.
There was nothing else for it. I was going to have to mask up and go to the shops and buy shit.
But I didn't want to mask up and go among the seething hordes? Nobody masked up anymore. Not since we were just about all jagged up to the nines with the vaccine. In fact, the only people who seemed to care about COVID these days were the vax deniers.
But me... I still had a reluctance to take off my mask and get jiggy with it among hordes of filthy fingered shoppers and their big moist virus-laden breathing.
But you know what, I couldn't let either of my ladies down.
Even if her birthday present was going to be self-isolation with a bottle or two of Gin. I would make it happen for her.
I stood and grabbed my mask from the mantelpiece.
I will get you a present baby...
I looked at myself in the mirror and struck a heroic pose.
Or die trying.
I think the good lady should receive a zero-gravity chair so that she can sit on your glorious deck and bark orders to you whilst she sips her gin!!!!
I was looking at something very similar the other day for the grass. We already got some funky chairs for the decking in which she has taken to sitting and ordering me about with great aplomb!
It's all about giving meesusboom multiple vantage points to sit and order. ;-)
Haha, I will get a real tall pole and she can perch on it like an eagle!!
I believe that we refer to those as .... gargoyles.
🥸🤣
Hahaha!!! Ah yes!!! That would be correct!!! Lol 😃😃
Take the kids to your office upstairs and make birthday cards with them, bonus points for effort. A nice cake, made by the kids (with your help... you will get tons of points for that!) and coffee, then a late-night snack and some wine.
A pair of earrings, something small and pretty will do the trick.
Good luck! You love her, so that is all that matters! Make sure she knows it!
We do the birthday card thing. The little boom's ones are awesome (bad but good) because he is at that stage where everything looks like a mad scribbly abstract. The cake too, although my lot are so short of attention span I end up making it all with some bad measuring done by them.
And the coffee and wine, they're easy :OD I am mostly sorted. I got her a funky jacket which is cool but practical. Fuck that makes us sound pure old!
You're perfect! When you start getting her sweaters that button up like grannies and old lady perfume. you will have hit the old stride.
We'll let you know, dude. No wine before its time.
I am determined to avoid the old stride. When I do hit it though I will do so with aplomb. Mad colours and a cane, perhaps a daft hat. Aye, that will work!
You wrote, "A pair of earrings, something small and pretty will do the trick."
"You love her, so that is all that matters! Make sure she knows it!"
Pfft silliness. He keeps her around after all lol. What more can she want?!? 😁
I'm sure you were able to pull something
out of your arseoff successfully XDmeanwhile I'm trying to work out Father's Day over here and not being that successful mostly because I have
recalcitrant"busy" kids and no money x_xHow did it go? :D
Lol, that is exactly what I did!
I have the same, 'busy' kids that don't help and little cash! Although it is the start of the month so I feel rich, at least for the first week or so, lol!
Least your kids have the excuse of being young XD
Lol, I bet nothing will improve with age!
Some things do, and some things really don't x_x lol XD
That is true although I think the balance tilts off to the negative!
Ahh yes, the age-old tale of parents lying to their children. You scalliwag. I would certainly never lie to a small person unless of course there was a very good reason to.
I hear most liquor stores stock just about everything a woman could ever want for her birthday.
There is no art finer than the art of lying to your children. In fact not even your own but any children. There is a joy to it!!
I believe also that their will be gin in the air for that lady. That will sort her right out!
Yes, it requires a very fine artistic eye, when one is standing on the street corner handing out free candy to strange children, and telling them No my sweet, this free candy is 100% poison-free! Eat and be merry, my child!
Gin always sorts everyone out! Cheers! 🍹
Sometimes I even tell them it is magic candy and take all their money and send them home with advice to feed it to their mothers! Oh the joys!
It does seem to have quite the sorting out effect on the Good LAdy :O)
You haven't fooled me MeesterBOOM. We know what you're really going out to buy. A facemask soaked in virginal bahjina juice, left out to dry to a caramelized, crispy crunch! If I do say so myself, it appears you've been unmasked!
No!!!!! I swear!! I am not buying that for her birthday... I am buying it for MINE!!! MOHOWHAAAR!!!! :OD
Good luck with that - jeez time is flying - my head is still in March 2020 so I refuse to add this two past birthdays in covid. Does not count. How old is the little lady now?
She is 8! 8 and a half just about. Yikes, to think that it is a year and half of this nonsense. I refuse to count it as real time as well and that way I don't have to worry about the additional waistline or grey wizened face! Lockdown is harsh on the body!
Hi @meesterboom ,ha ha ha ha ha, the good lady deserves a good gift, another baby I don't think she is willing to cooperate for her own gift ha ha ha ha, I imagine the face of the good lady when she says Good lady I will give you a birthday baby ha ha ha ha, I know it's all a joke, buy her a jewel, now don't give her a washing machine or any appliance.
Hey, enjoy with your wife and children the dream birthday created by you, a happy Friday
Hahah, I can imagine my own face at the idea of another baby. Funk that!!
I think if I gave her some kind of appliance I would be as well to sign my own death warrant lol!
I didn't lose my composure until thoroughly awesome daddies. Then it was downhill from there.
Covid got me thinkin the same way, I'll make any type of germy, grody based observation to avoid going in public.
I don't think I realised how fucking filthy some people are when they are out and about until COVID. Although I am still perpetually amused by the mask wearing. Some people literally have a loose cloth bag hanging near the front of their face and you are thinking, aw come on, make an effort!
My wife and I call'em Buckets. It's acceptable anywhere and it's code for Scum Buckets.
Hey man while I got you, our friends in England sent some shots yesterday, they went pedaling at "Holy Island" they called it?? Said it's either in Scotland or near Scotland.
Pura and I check closures and country code change things regularly and we're obviously still parked. It's a long story. Anywho, if she had her way we'd go settle in North England most likely Liverpool and then take off doing what we're good at. I'm "no way! N to the O. I need a sky and a sun and stuff like less water in the air. Much, much less.
But they sent these photos yesterday. Did they photoshop this shit?! Is that normal or is just normal along the coast or what do you think? Did they go there on a good day? I'm all for exploring or even staying somewhere/anywhere but there has to be seafood and a sky. These photos have both.
Cheers mate
HEhe. It is right sort of in the middle of the border between Scotland and England just about although I think it errs on the English side so is officially English.
No photoshop! Unbelievable! We are having a sort of crazy end of summer heatwave where there hasn't been rain for weeks and the sun shines every day. It is most peculiar. I think some are worried for the end-days... :OD
is an anecdote more frequent than you imagine, fortunately nothing that can not be solved, hahaha.
Yes indeed, I am glad that I managed to actually remember before the event! :OD
I'm waiting anxiously to hear if she loves her gift!
We will find out tomorrow!!!!
Men! they are all the same aren't they? Forget birthdays and gifts? LOL
The wet fart bit got me. LOL
Haha, we are quite bad for that kind of thing. As long as it all works out in the end :OD
LOL I was just kidding.
Oh bugger, I will tell the attack dogs to stand down!!! 😃
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Oh no don't let the dogs loose on me please 🤣
Thanks for the pizza.
Woof woof, oh noes... Too late!!! ;O)
No time to waste, things will end out bad if you don't get a present! Great Story!
Cheers! And you are right, I am getting something this very day! Hopefully :O)
😂...you better get on with it fast... Else the little lady and the big lady are both gonna be upset
I know, I can't believe I forgot. Its such a man thing to do! The shops await! :OD
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Seriously? What the hell man? You started dancing an erotic dance to Bono's voice, And now we have reached the moment when you have to pull the cord tied to a bucket of water while sitting on a chair like Jennifer Beals. And what? nothing...
What shit did u buy ?!
I havent gone yet! I am aiming to buy Foot Shit, Jacket shit and assorted little shit.
Hopefully the shit will go down well and normal service can resume :OD
Ok, good, I'm satisfied, thank u!
Don't forget to buy yourself a beer after all this shit-shopping, you deserve it.
Hahahaha, you read my mind. I am using this as an excuse to pop into the beer shop!
A rextured shawl printed her name on.
That's a good idea. She likes a shawl type of thing!
What might work is asking the little lady: "Guess what kind of surprised Daddy Bear has come up with."
As kids are limitlessly creative she'll come up with about a 100 ideas within a few minutes. You just have to say: "Very close that one, but no." Or: "Now that might still be a better one than I had come up with!"
Ha, thats fantastic and something I will do from here on in! Or rather maybe in a year or so as she is still at the stage of talking unicorns and crazy things that don't exist but in future she will be my guide!
Haven't seen any unicorns lately, so that indeed is not an option. 😄 The surprise and presents future is secured!
Our house is full of the damn things. The only plus is that they are all stuffed toys and the house isn't full of rampaging horse beasts!
It's a face, it'll pass, one day. 😄👍
Sometimes I think I dont want them to pass and others I cant wait, lol!
It's true. With the Covid-induced stay-at-home-until-sometime life we have lived, every day has become Blursday the Eleventeenth of Feblember.
Hahahah, it is totally like that. I rarely know whether I am coming or going!
“oxymoronically repulsively sexy obese person“, really did it for me.
Does it for me every time!! :OD
Good on you for making it happen for BOTH of your ladies! It would never do to disappoint either of them. Have a Happy Birthday celebration... Happy Birthday, meesusboom !!
HEhe, I will die in the attempt!!!
Or rather less melodramatically just mask up and do the do! I hate masks now, I used to not mind them but when others arent wearing them so much I feel like a tit!
Not a fan here either. Guess we just do what we feel needs to be done in any given situation. Maybe we should have masks with the Hive logo, so we can advertise as we go about our dailies lol.
I fear of we had masks like that we would be sweet upon by the hivey-jivers who do not believe and would tell us that we were fools and sheeple!! Or have they all moved on to Afghanistan? :0)
Geez, the crises are coming so fast I can't keep track. What a debacle that was/is, eh? Stop this damned merry-go-round, I want to get off lol
It's relentless in that it doesnt end. Although the way it is here they have just abandoned everything now and think it is alright. Meanwhile our kids are getting sent home non stop for tests!
I don't see it ending anytime soon, at least not here. Now we have the MU variant lolz....doh
That won't be so good to hear of if you don't prepare anything for her. But she will be very happy to even any small present to celebrate her birthday
She will, it will all be good. I have high hopes now that I have remembered. At least it didn't get to the very day itself!
That's nice to hear
Wow,you remind me of the deck commercial
There's a great post.i guess that the woman have to be more careful.your post is a wonderful one
Thank you very much :0)
Some homemade sauerkraut sounds mighty damn fine!
Best mask up Boom. I feel the same way when forced to mingle with the commoners. No telling what virus swill is drifting among them anymore!
Hahahahhah, well remembered!
:OD
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