I returned to work after a splendidly debauched weekend. These are few and far between since parenthood doinked me on the head with its golden penis.
As is my way when returning after the weekend I hunkered down beneath my screen and hid as best as I could. This worked for several hours. I even started to believe I could get through the day without any significant human interaction. As ever though, the cruel and fickle hand of fate decided to intervene.
Hey boomdawg. Have you got five minutes for a chat?
Asked a tall and spindly colleague I knew fairly well. He reminded me of a two legged giraffe.
I cleared my throat with a loud haaargh.
Errm, well I was actually...
I will buy you a coffee?
He smiled the knowing, furtive smile of a man who has all too often inserted his penis into a guinea pig.
What could I do? He had pulled out my kryptonite and I was powerless to resist.
Excellent, aye.
We toddled off downstairs to the coffee shop mere moments away.
There you go chief!
Exclaimed Giraffio as he plumped down a couple of flat whites.
Cheers matey chops. So what can I do for you then?
Giraffio looked all jaw'y for a moment then leaned forward.
Did you see there is a senior analyst position advertised? I was thinking of going for it.
He leaned back to assess the impact this statement had upon me.
Much as I do when the good lady asks me if I can see any grey in her hair I betrayed no emotion and gently sipped at my coffee.
Excellent mate. Good luck with your application.
I murmured, carefully, as if tugging a diamond ring out from under a sleeping lions testicle.
I was wondering if you could give me some advice on how best to get the job?
Ah, bugger. There it was. I knew this bit was coming. The thing is, much as I liked Giraffio, I also knew him. He was a sleeper. One of those folk who just didn't put any effort into anything. Yet, despite the lack of effort, assumed that he was entitled to greatness.
It's like when a newbie in Steemit taps you up in chat and asks your advice on how to improve their standing in the Steemit community. They don't really want to hear about commenting, voting and interacting. What they want to know is how to skip all that hard work nonsense and go straight to trending, riches and fame.
Bugger indeed.
Of course mate. Just bone up on job spec and what it is that they are looking for and try to research anything you are not familiar with. In the interview itself, answer everything as honestly as you can and don't waffle too much. There you go!
I beamed at him with my best even giraffes can dream smile.
He mentally shuffled his feet.
Yeah, yeah. I will do that, yep, definitely. The thing is though I have been here for a few years now, you know, I feel it's time I moved up a bit.
Indeed, indeed. Well, just think of anything you have done that is above and beyond your current role and be sure to throw that at them in the interview.
Erm, like what? I have been here for years, surely that counts?
I willed my eyes not to roll out of my head. After all, the fellow had bought me a coffee.
They might be looking for a bit more. You are applying for the senior role of the job you are currently in, yes? So have you done anything... Seniory?
No really mate, I have been here for fuckin years but.
I winced slightly, simply because it was rather plain that Giraffio believed that he deserved this promotion not because in any way he was capable of doing the job but because he had been there for fuckin years.
Top notch. Well good luck mate, you will knock them dead. I am sure of it.
He took a deep breath then shot a covert glance around us. The coast was obviously clear of Ninja assassins as he leaned in a little closer.
I was wondering if there were any documents you could send on that might be of use?
There was a pause so pregnant I mentally started boiling water and collecting blankets.
Now it was my turn to look covert, I did it with much more panache and vim than he had. I leaned in.
Naw, ya fanny.
which of course, is Glaswegian for No, you silly vagina
He looked a bit glum. As though he thought I would have patted him on the shoulder and told him it was sorted and a done deal.
I took a breath and blew out my lips in a wobbly farting fashion.
Anyway. That's some wild snow out there eh!
Man, those entitled pricks are really missing the point. They think they could just coast by while other people put in the work. There's a reason why he hasn't moved up even if he's been there for a few fucking years now.
You really are a magnet for these special kind of dolts, aren't you bro-hammer? You know what they say about magnets and opposites. Makes me think about why I'm not a magnet for these basturts. What does that say about me :/
At least you walked away with free coffee haha!
Haha, I do always get the fear that in me they see a like minded soul. I am like, get to fuckeroon man!!
They see the jokes and the smiles and think aha, I have me a mug!!
I really laughed at your first sentence. Entitled pricks... Exactly!!!
You know, Boomeister, I don't believe that at all. I feel like those spammers go straight to the wallet and when they see you're loaded, they think you're a mark, whether you're easy or not. They have blinders for that sort of thing. I guess that's why I'm not a target, because my wallet costs as much as most minnows out there. They don't care about your crafty jokes and your beaming smiles because they just read the title and they shape their comments based on that. They never get to the jokes hahaha!
BoooooooooooooooooMMMMM!
Bastic!!!
:0D
The correlation to Steemit is priceless. Do you have these sorts following you in the real world too? Do they drop by your cubicle and say "nice job"?
Also great job on mentioning the golden trio in one post - penis, vagina, fart. Love your work, sir.
plucked the thoughts out of my head and worded it perfectly!
What he said, @Meesterboom :)
Hehe, gots it!!
The golden trio commands it!
I was really struck by the similarity to Steemit. I was half expecting him to ask for a Bitcoin donation too!!
hahahahaha dude its almost everywhere in life not just Steemit!
It's so true. I am too keen to see the good side in people!!
Make him send you a 0.001 Steem before you allow him to make the request for a donation.
I dont look at them unless they are at least a cent nowadays heehee!
Apparently these characters exist throughout the world. in my time of working under dependency relationship I met many of them, are able to do anything to get a better position without working and the worst is that they get the job and one that is killed working, sees these individuals waiting to be noticed or promoted.
great dear friend @meesterboom how have you handled the situation, many thanks for the good reading
I wish you a great afternoon
good bos
That is often the case that they trump the good people. Fortunately I was having none of that snash :0)
“parenthood doinked me on the head with its golden penis“
You really shouldn’t write something like that in the first paragraph it’s incredibly distracting hahaha
Then the Guinnea pig and the lions balls and I couldn’t even focus on the story here, your metaphors were way too colorful! Your writing is brilliant though “a pause so pregnant...”
Nice to see you back in my feed, it’s been a while.
Hehe, I am glad you like. I thought the golden penis was a good one to start of with :0)
I can't decide whether you attract these saps because they think you are an easy touch (that would be a mistake), or whether they are attempting to kow tow to your great wisdom (also a mistake as you can see through them).
A topic worthy of a class! I'm leaning towards the latter, but you never really know how a spammer's brain operates.
That's the thing. You just never know in what level they are operating from because you are not that type of person. The excuses about not voting show the sleekitness of them at times
Those slippery snakes!
Sometimes I think that they do think I am an easy touch. Which is quite mad because I have a streak of bastard in me a mile wide lol :0)
Nooooo, really?
Hehe!! Possibly!!! ;0)
You nailed this one. And yes as @naquoya said, the correlation the newbies on Steemit is spot on. I too get asked by some newbies here on how to do better here. They just want me to vote for them automatically and even delegate some power to them now. And the same happens in real life too when a friend asks how do i run my writing business, they don't want to know the effort they have to put in and just want me to hand over one of my clients to them just like that. I don't know why people are so scared of working hard. It just annoys me.
I have had that as well. The requests for delegation add if your steem power is something you just want rid of. It's mental!!
I have seen people work harder to avoid work than it would be to actually do the work itself. It's mad!
It is mad for sure! When I was in college, a lot of my classmates weren't good in English so instead of working on it, they found it easier to ask me to write their essays. Me being who I was always told them that I could help them out, point out their mistakes and correct them once but I wouldn't do their work for them and when I started saying that, I created my own hate club- a group full of people who hated me and thought I was selfish hahaha. Who cares? :P
You don't understand. Girrafio has been there for years. Years. XD
I managed to survive past the golden penis and the guinea pig and lost it on the pregnant pause bit.
One day I might get through one of your posts without dying of laughter. One day. Maybe? XD
I hope that day never comes!!!!
At least, not for fuckin years!!!
Oh man, you have to deal with lazy bums everywhere you go, Uncle Boom never rests! lol!
Ha, I've always wondered how to get that across, the wobbly farting push of air!!
Hehe, I was trying to convey it just right! Glad it came across!
Poor Uncle Boom, he just wants a frivolous life :O)
He expected a lot for a cup of java in a local shop. Next time how about a steak meal accompanied by a few beers?
That's how it should be done. After all a few swifties loosens the lips somewhat doesn't it? and I don't mean that in a naughty way... wait, or do I! :OD
hahhaha Funny, so That giraffe type man payed the coffie bill or not ?
Haha, of course! He paid at the very start of the consultation! :O)
so now I can say he is a good boy :p
I was eagerly waiting for the next part of that racing story :/ but haven't updated :/
Lol, that one aint coming!
That's not fair :/
I'll wait till my last breath :p
btw have you checked my todays post?
Fairly review my content and tell me where I need improvement or I'm going well.
You are the only whom i trust here.
I did indeed look at it! I don't review peoples stuff though, quality is very subjective. I just advise them to post, vote and interact. As you are doing :0)
this is a good story, I am interested to read your story @meesterboom.
thanks for sharing
Thank you mate!
Your welcome.
I am interested in this.
Splendid!! I hope you enjoy!
Definitely, I really enjoy her.
Nice you got the coffee first eh! Bugger wouldn’t have bought you one after the convo me thinks! Wink, nod, also I’m a newbie,what are those shortcuts you’ve alluded to!??? 😜
The shortcuts of kings!!! ;0) lol
Yeah, I was quite glad I was gifted with the coffee first!!
i might have to take some umbrage to the comments about the Giraffe guy, as I am a tall man as well.
Ah but I am quite sure you don't look giraffe'y!
;0)
I hope not! 😉
Hahaha! Another time of laughter with you @meesterboom. I like how you diverted the topic. And when you related it with newbies in steemit, I was in the picture and I am even fed up of them asking for upvote. I hope Giraffio's bribe of coffee will yield good result for him one day.
One day it might but not with this boom!! Lol cheers lass, I am a master of diversion!
hahaha, good luck to him. Master of diversion you really are.
Haha fun to read!
Smashing, Cheers!
That was such a great read @meesterboom.
Life dropped a tricky situation on you but you took it on the chin and described everything so hilariously accurate, I felt like I was there as a third wheel or something haha
You're back @thereceptionist! Hiya.
hey @kiwideb 😁 xx
That's good to hear! Thank you!
Greetings uncle boom.. Hope you had a great day. I wish "Giraffio" goodluck as well on his application.. Secondly i would love to have a chat with you uncle boom dont know if you are on discord and am free to send you a dm.. Have a good rest tonite.. Cheers!!!
Aloha!! Yes I am in discord. If you search for meesterboom is almost guaranteed that you will find me :0)
I didn't realise that it was a huge mistake for me trying to imagine the smile of a two-legged giraffe just after inserting his dong-dong into a guinea pig lol.
Get out of my head weirdo!!
Haha, it's you! You must be transmitting the bad thoughts!! ;0)
Handled in a truly @meesterboom manner! I have seen this over and over in so many areas of work and life in general .... I really need to work on the rolling eyes and dropping jaw part, though! lol.
The rolling if the eyes is a hard one to contain it must be said. I am lucky mines stay in my head!
What a vigorous eyes you have!!
They are soooo vigorous!! :0D
Very funny handling of the situation even though you were baited with complimentary coffee. Lol!
At one point I started to wonder if I should declare the coffee as a bribe!
Most often I try to avoid some certain people not because I dislike them but because they will tie me down with chit chat especially when am tired from work.
It is good to escape and be free of work entirely that is true
It seems no matter where you go there are these nice people who think you were put on this earth just to help them get what they want, with no effort on their part, just the pay/glory that goes with it.
The other reply would have been "Yes, I am thinking of applying for that job as well"
Hehe, well, technically I wouldn't want to go for that job ;0)
There is a big entitled element to a lot of folk. No work but expecting the rewards. Hmmm, so familiar!
Dear @meesterboom, try to help your colleague, the Giraffio, I think he can be your ally to try to discover the secrets that are breathed in your office; take this as part of your strategy ... You came to the office with the fatigue of a weekend of celebration (hangover). Additionally, I congratulate you because I see that you are a heavyweight in the office. We will see what happens with your colleague and the position he is applying for...Greetings.
We will see what happens indeed!! I wish him the very best of luck!!
Is that your friend, Meesterboom? Your friend is using you to achieve your aim man. Your kind of friend is he? I'm truly disgusted. It is good that you use all kinds of names against him. I'm satisfied. Upvoted!
People will go to any lengths and not even realise!
Poor bloody guinea pig!
So I'm wondering when giraffe man has his interview. For some reason I want to see it live streamed. Perhaps its schadenfreude.
Another top writeup @meesterboom 👍
Them small animals never stand a chance in my descriptions!! Cheers dude!!
O the entitled ones.... they are everywhere
Yes indeed they are!!
Boomdawg !!!! I like it!
Hehe, is quite silly but I like it too!
Wait, are you saying Steemit requires hard work in order to succeed? I'm outta here.
Haha, yeah, fuck that shit as they say in Dakota!
For real. Hard work is bullshit. I should be able to just exist here on Steemit without putting in any effort, and just sit back and watch as my reputation grows and people shower my posts with upvotes and offer me lots of free high-quality guinea pigs to insert my penis into.
Living the dream. Ah, one day them guinea pigs will come
your writing is very interesting
good bos
Good story well wrote dear
Thank you
That was sooooo funny. I have worked with a lot of people like that in the past. I now choose not to work. :-) So no longer have to deal with arseholes like that. Great post my Scottish cousin-ish type person.
Haha, thank you. Yes, they can be a blight. The course to work by not working!!
Lol @Scottish cousin type person!
I call my mom mother type person, she calls me sometimes son type person, soooooo by definition, it is indeed a compliment, like honorary family member, type person.
Hehe, it is. It's quite funny too :0)
@meesterboom, thanks for keeping us entertained. Nice post. Please do well to check on my post, I need it badly.Thanks your ardent follower.
Hello. Normally I would think nothing of helping someone in dire need but I see you have been flagged by steemcleaners for plagiarism on a number of occasions. I can't support that
@meesterboom in response to your reply,I beg to differ,not that it will change anything but it will at least urburden my heart . we are coming from different climes and time zone which in my case has affected me.(knowledge gap)Believe me when I say that I was not aware that using picture on the internet is regarded as plagiarism on steemit as I often see people do the same I used to assume that it is only when you lift text content then the rules will Apply,yes Steem cleaners have cleaned my account to oblivion, and I heard gone back to study the white paper and I now understand,just like someone that commitment a crime knowingly or unknowingly and was sentenced to jail, I have served my time, and if you had looked closely you'll noticed that the content on my page is mine, and I now cite picture source.Please if you find anything amiss kindly alert me am still learning,I don't know it all. however however to say that I have been visited by Steem cleaners and because of that you won't vote a genuine post is from my own perspective wrong,please I don't mean to disrespect you, this is because it's not easy to get to were you are today, just look flat me for instance. Kindly note that I really felt very bad when I was cleaned out.and I have changed to a new leave, a my content are mine, though we're a. Still confused is where I was told not to use "the tag photography"
Let me also inform you that if you check some post on this community, you will notice that don't quote their source,Ivan going through this because I asked a whale why Africans are not being featured on his contest, I never implied that he is racist but wanted clarity as I have noticed with dismay that African were not being considered, if it is a crime to asked such question then am sorry.
Please don't judge me because I was dealt with a heavy hand with someone that wield's a high degree of influence.
Am still your ardent follower even though I faulted your response, please kindly provide feedback as I open to learning.I still remain Your humble subordinate .
Hello. I'm not judging you. If it was one post or two then I would happily accept that it was an error. But there were quite a few.
If you have learned from this then that is great. When you have worked done to up again I will happily vote for your post
Great post,, I like your post. I hope this is useful.
I have found it very useful thank you
Very good
Ta!
Nice post
I not spam, i am sorry for u.
and i want bilan, this is a very good article to read.
No vote :0( comment spam
I am a newbie in steemit, why do you say I am spam, does my comment make your articles not good, I just digest what you post, I do not ask for many of the upvote from senior steemit, I just need attention from senior steemit. our bimbim as where you once positioned us.
Forgive me if my comment does not match your article.
Hope you live a better life.
best regards from me @cutagus
I did not ask upVote for you. But help me in steemit.
I can not follow, because it is written message power not bandiwth remaining blah bla bla and it is written in red, wrong me where?
You commented and voted on your own content but didn't vote on the post.
That's spam.
ok. no problem for me. thanks ya @messterboom
I repeated reading,.....
a little confusing, the story above, ok, no problem I just say this story that I think is a trap for the reader
Very interesting post.
You follow me. You reply to me. You upvote your reply.. . Wait, is something missing?...
Oh you forgot to vote for me!! Well heres a vote for you spammy mcspam! (Its a downvote)
Nice story @meesterboom
Nice no voting
There is no shortcut to success. Man's gotta work hard!
Indeed, that usually includes voting!!
Wow, downvoted. I feel bad because I read through and comment on your posts. My voting power is not much 0.01 or 0.00
It is alright though. Lesson learnt.
I could tell you read it. But there is a scourge of non voting commenters on steemit. Your vote is worth nothing you say.
But tell me this, how much would it have cost you to cast that vote, given that you don't have a slider and technically your vote power doesn't really matter.
There is the answer.
I get your point. It's okay. This is my first downvoting so it hurt a little.
Like I said, I have learnt my lesson now so sad it took a downvote but it is alright, all part of the learning process 😊
Ha Ha Ha... A chat of three, you, Giraffio and your mind. LOL
I love the way you express the whole scenerio.
What would be the Giraffio's reactions if he read this post?
Haha!! I was genuinely going to answer with a funny reply... and then I saw you hadnt voted but commented instead.
I really will have to put a warning footer on my posts about this. I see it as spam
Oh man, my vote worths 0.004, that's why I didnt upvote but now upvoted the post. Dont take that as an offense, take the downvote back please, I'm a minnow. :(
I know you are a minnow but there are hordes of minnows out there just commenting to try and get upvotes on their comments without even voting for the post they comment on.
Your vote is worth nothing you say.
But tell me this, how much would it have cost you to cast that vote, given that you don't have a slider and technically your voting power doesn't really matter.
There is the answer. and that is why the downvote.
The below shows that you have a history of not voting much and yet according to your profile you comment a lot
Yeah I know that, but what I'm doing is due to a reason happened to me earlier which I described in reply to your comment earlier. It obviously costs me nothing then why would I hesitate to upvote. Everybody learn from experience and I'm not going to comment on any post before upvoting it from now on. :(
Once a guy upvoted my comment worth 0.4 and replied, I then upvoted his reply worth 0.01 as a token of appreciation. He took that as an offense and withdrew his upvote. After that, I am careful to not to upvote a big name with little value, and now that care happened opposite. What should I do?
The kind of people who do that are far outnumbered by the people who would appreciate your vote regardless of its worth.
Look at the length of time I have been here. I have seen a lot and nothing annoys people who have been here a while than people who comment but dont vote. Plain and simple. If you want my advice vote for posts you like and comment on. It will earn you far more in the long term both in comment upvotes and followers who will then go on to vote on your posts. As it is, the more people you comment on but dont vote will steer well clear of your posts too
Alright. Noted. Obviously I want to grow and your reasoning is logical, I will take care of this. Thanks for your experienced advice.
Great work man...........creative mind...........
Upvotes and resteem
Twice?
Upvotes and resteem
Lol, you did neither you plum