ROK SIVANTE was born in January, 2006, in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.
Prior to that, the natural person writing this story - 23 years old at the time - had gone by the legal name of GRAHAM JEREMY EWANCHUK. (Doesn't quite have the same ring to it, does it?)
Why did I change my name?
Good question. And kind of a cool answer...
I gotta backtrack a bit further, so bear with me.
While I'm not sure where exactly to best start this story, I'll begin shortly after I graduated high school...
I progressed through my teens with some exceptional musical talent and an abundant dose of ambition. I'd looked to to cats like Russell Simmons, Sean Combs (a.k.a. Puff Daddy), Pharrell Williams, and musical icons who made themselves into legends changing the game of music and forever leaving their mark on the music industry and a realm of entrepreneurship extending beyond music alone.
(the good ol' youthful rock & roll days - yours truly, the shirtless one)
I wanted to do it all. Own a club. Record label. Publishing enterprise. Fashion label. Real estate.
After a couple seasons living in Banff, a mountain town in the Canadian rockies, to appease my snowboarding addiction, I migrated to Vancouver to attend the commerce program at UBC - thinking I'd gain some good knowledge to help build & manage my own businesses.
University was a fun experience at first, meeting tons of new people. However, the thrill of making new social connections soon wore off - my strong introvert psychology kicked in strong, and discontent with the shallowness of the "friendships" I was forming, my focus turned back to business ambitions. During the first year, I was allured with some "no money down real estate" programs - spending a couple months obsessively studying books that promised the route to becoming a real estate tycoon, planning my empire in the Vancouver market. However, I hit a major obstacle, discovering that while those no-money-down techniques may have worked well in some parts of the US, they weren't applicable in Vancouver's market.
Needing an outlet for my creative energies and overbearing ambition, my focus shifted back into music - continuing my studies of what it'd take to start a record label and strategizing a plan to take on a couple good hip hop artists from Edmonton, my hometown. Well, that didn't quite fly either. Soon enough, my instinct slowed me down - a deep depression kicking in with the discouragement both of my entrepreneurial dreams thwarted.
Feeling out of place in the formal educational institution, surrounded by people in residence whom I didn't connect with, I sunk into what could only be described as a mental-emotional-physical breakdown. It was not a fun time.
However, soon enough, I found a new direction for my ambitions: taking on the status, moving into a legendary party house - claiming the master bedroom as a king's quarters, from which my ego felt reasonably superior in a pimped, glamorous comfort zone. The house may not have been my own, but in my mind at the time, I was the king shit - carrying on strategizing my rise to success, while honing my music production skills and paving roads into the local scene...
There was one problem, though.
I hadn't fully recovered from the breakdown - still pushing over-ambitiously - and one day while walking home across a soccer field carry groceries, it came to my attention that there was a huge lump next to my dick.
Immediately equating "lump = cancer," I kinda freaked out. Upon rushing to the doctor, I discovered the lump was merely a hernia - which kinda looked like a third nut - and was apparently easily fixable with surgery.
I went in for the surgery. Yet upon waking up, I sensed something wasn't right. There was an incredible amount of pain and it was clear the operation didn't go as smoothly as the doc said it would. Recovery wasn't fun, and for the next year, there was a physical dis-ease, until the hernia finally fully reappeared again a year later.
This time around, there was a waiting list for surgery. And while waiting, I began looking at alternative medicine and what it'd might offer - including acupuncture...
I tried a couple acupunturists, with whom I didn't click. The first Chinese doctor didn't speak great English and couldn't explain much about what he was doing, so I moved on. Can't remember the second. And then came the third - an elder white guy who had been a traveling musician for 20 years before redirecting his life to Chinese medicine after he had been in a car accident and found it was the only thing that helped him...
Harreson was a pretty cool dude, and we soon forged a friendship. Besides the musical connection, we shared a common understanding - and he become a mentor of sorts.
He was able to help me understand that it was stress at the root of my hernia - to be precise, heat in the blood/liver, that threw off the spleen's balance, which weakened the stomach muscles that naturally hold the intenstine in place from popping through a hole in the abdomen wall - the hole through which the male baby's nuts drop through while still in the womb. Yep - that "third nut" was my intenstine popping down, as a consequence of an overall mental-emotional-physical imbalance.
The acupuncture kinda worked, though eventually I flew to Ontario to get surgery at a specialized hernia clinic to get the job done right. However, Harreson & I kept in touch - and he became a guide, introducing me to eastern philosophy & medicine, Eckhart Tolle & "The Power Of Now," the works of Abraham Hicks, and much more enlightening wisdom...
One evening, Harreson & I were having dinner and wine at Earls on Robson Street, when in between admiring the sexy waitresses, he asked if he could do a numerology reading on me. Open to whatever he had to share, I obliged - and was blown away at what came out of his mouth...
His analysis of my name articulated aspects of my experience that I felt had haunted me all my life, that I'd never been able to put into words. It was like the guy had a magical tool for seeing into the depth of my soul, and straight out called out things I'd been dealing with all my life that I felt stunted by but could never put a finger on. It was part shocking, part enticing, and sparked a curiosity to learn more about this special branch of numerological knowledge he'd spent years studying.
I ordered a "name analysis report" from the "Kabalarian Society" to learn more, as continued to be have my mind blown by the accuracy this esoteric practice described the inner workings of my psyche.
Now, in addition to the Kabalarian school giving great insight into the impact of the mathematics behind a name on mind, they seemed to believe that a name could be either balanced - creating a harmonious mind, generating life's experiences with ease and grace - or unbalanced, which tends to create discord in a person's life. And, they suggested that in order to live life optimally, it's recommended to choose a name balanced - both within itself, and against an individual's birthdate.
I confess, there was an aspect of it all that almost seemed a bit cult-ish - and I wasn't ready to just change my name right away because some dudes say it's a smart idea. Nonetheless, I couldn't deny there was something to what they were teaching - and persisted to learn more about numerology, simply because it was really fucking interesting.
As I dove deeper into the philosophy, I opened my mind to the possibility of changing my name, just entertaining the "what if..."
And actually, it wasn't the first I'd ever thought about doing so. I recalled being a kid, and vividly imagining going to the courtroom and changing my name. Perhaps I'd foreseen something as a youngster. Or, I just really didn't like the name "Graham," which always had this irritating effect on my consciousness, sort of like nails on a chalkboard.
Allowing myself to play with the idea, I set up some conditions which would have to be met, if I actually were to change my name:
- It would have to sound really cool. Something suave, sorta Italian-ish - like James Bond bad-ass style.
2.It would have to have a powerful, deeper meaning.
3.It'd have to work 100% as an artist name.
I wasn't about to go searching for names, nor dreaming any up. But those were the conditions to be met, if it were to happen in any case...
Well, I guess the curiosity got the best of me. Soon, I had ordered a "Balanced Name Recomendation" report - a $200 list of potential balanced names also balanced to my individual birth date.
Prior to the order, I'd been toying with some ideas, and the name "Visante" popped into my head. It fit the cool factor, though didn't have any meaning whatsoever. However, upon receiving the list, the numerical formula checked out. Well okay, then.
Now, none of the names on the list really appealed. I wasn't able to envision myself taking on any of them as an identity. Though, "Rok" stood out among them. "Rok Visante." Sounded kinda cool. Could be used as an artist name. But no real meaning.
I was still living at Vancouver at the time, though had come back to Edmonton for Christmas - and reconnected with a good high school friend, Joel...
Actually, I can't remember hanging out all that much with Joel during high school. Though that memory loss could surely be attributed to the copious amounts of weed we were smoking at the time. There came a turning point with Joel after high school, though between my time in Banff and moving to Vancouver...
I was on a road trip to Vancouver during the summer, visiting my other friend name Joel (pointing at me in a couple pictures above), who I'd grew up skateboarding & smoking weed with in junior high and lived with for 6 months in Banff. We had stopped a tourist viewpoint in Stanley Park overlooking the Lion's Gate Bridge - getting out of the car for only a minute to take a picture, when someone yanked my backpack from my car (a cool '91 Civic with pimped rims and stickers of sexy bitches on the back) - removing from my possession, my cash, cell phone, weed, and a couple books I'd planned to read on the trip.
Surprisingly, I accepted the loss gracefully - very peaceful with the situation, despite a tendency to get easily angered. And somehow, there was a Divine order in the lineup of events - as a trip to the bookstore to replace my reading material delivered me to just what I needed. While I heard about the book before, I stood infront of Napoleon Hill's classic, "Think & Grow Rich" - and as though there was some magnetic force pulling me to it, purchased the book and carried on to meet the other Joel for an adventure cherry picking in interior BC.
Turned out, we weren't cut out for the job.
While it was a novelty hanging out in the trees picking & eating cherries all day, we only lasted 3 days - ending up camping on the beach in the Okanagan Valley - drinking wine, diving into "Think & Grow Rich" to have my mind opened up even wider yet, and verbalizing visions of a music industry taking over. I'd had a year banging out beats on the classic Akai MPC2000XL, though Joel wasn't making any music yet. But somehow, in the haze of the weed, wine, and sun - we transcended our humble little moment to elaborate plans for rising in the music game alongside our heroes like Timbaland, The Neptunes, and Diddy. In hindsight, we might have just been some young punks dreaming big - yet there was a striking seriousness to our conversations. Dreams or not, that trip was a monumental chapter - intentions set that provided a direction for future endeavors to come.
Flash forward to Christmas, two years later...
In the time I'd been away on the west coast, Joel had gotten into production himself. We reunited - both making strides towards our shared musical dreams. Smoking weed in his basement, working on some beats - he was playing a loop as my consciousness expanded into a vision, and it came...
Not "Rok Visante..."
Rok SIVANTE.
Immersed in a space, riding the sound waves, in the high from the herbs - I got a glimpse of what could be to come.
The name revealed itself. And in that vibration, a path was revealed.
Getting home, I rushed to Google, searching for a meaning of "sivante."
Sounded kind of Italian or Spanish... did it mean anything...? Apparently not.
But, I the connection was soon made with "savant:"
"a person of profound learning; a scholar."
Holy shit, batman.
The meaning was clear. And it fit. Perfectly.
I'd spent years seeking, studying, immersing myself in books of wisdom and transformative knowledge. From the Buddhism book I stole from a hotel at age 13, to the loads of self-help and new-age stuff, to the eastern philosophy, Hill's success psychology, and looped back to the esoteric numerology that had opened this name-change door. Whoa.
Soon enough, the other half of the equation revealed itself...
I had moved to Vancouver, dubbing myself "Da Abowlishunist" as a DJ/producer name - a philosophical statement of a rebelious spirit - an expression of a purpose I'd felt to contribute to abolishing certain defunct cultural & societal systems of belief & practice. However, my first DJ agent didn't feel the name had the proper marketing flair, and bestowed upon me the alias, "DJ G-Rocka." G for Graham. Rocka, cuz I rocked the fucking house.
The name analysis of G-Rocka also revealed some severe imbalances, as was also on point in describing discordant aspects of my psyche that had emerged while taking on that identity.
And it hit me...
The name change was a metamorphis. A distillation process.
I had transitioned from Graham to "G-Rocka" - gaining strength of a party-rocker and taking that power on as an identity. But this next phase was a stripping away of all the bulk, getting rid of the weight of aspects of self that no longer served - leaving that core essence of why I was given the "G-Rocka..."
"Rock = to powerfully move with emotion; a precious stone composed of a combination of elements"
The three conditions were met.
I sat with the decision for a few weeks more. And when it was crystal clear that the path was shown, and all there was left to do was walk it, I executed.
A new legal entity was born. The old identity, written into the history books.
Looking back, that all was a different life.
So many mini-deaths, rebirths, re-creations, and transformations have taken place since.
It's a real mind-fuck sometimes, when certain family members still call me by my old name - because that's who I was. I used to resist, though now tend more to just let it slide and play along. Sometimes I feel doing so is out of integrity - playing to their perceptions of who I was rather than confidently sharing who I've become. But at the same time, it feels right to be gentle and forgiving when someone just doesn't get it - and is alot easier for everyone just to let them be in their ways, without needing validation for mine.
No doubt, it was a pretty big change. But really, it wasn't.
It was just part of my path. Part of life's development. Part of maturing into who I needed to become, allowing the boy I was once to die with honor in order to become the man he was destined to be.
As per my last piece on the subject of free will & control - this may not have been a path I truly had "control" over. And the free will in the matter was merely choosing to walk the path presented...
No regrets. No looking back. The journey carries on...
Birth names are a ridiculous tradition. People should choose names based on how life defines them .
I think birth names come from slavery....maybe just my opinion...but I think all of humanity have at some point been slaves....except maybe 13 family's who have sex with each other???
I like to consider myself unique for having two middle names (David Josiah). But the journey you went on to decide on your name (A Rocker / Sekker) is one of the most interesting stories about a name change I have heard.
Yes Cascious Clay to Muhammad Ali is also a great story, but does not have the same depth if I were to be completely honest.
I've listened to some of your more recent music and tried to tell my Dad that I had been in contact with a really cool Canadian DJ. (Being old school he assumed you simply picked out what songs to play on the radio).
DJ'ing is a skill that especially effects what's going on behind the lyrics. A DJ like DJ Mustard brings his trademark "plinking keyboards, slower BPM, repetitious handclaps" to DJ Khaled with his infamous "Anothuhh One."
But club DJ's have skills that are unique to them. I listen to your music to get in a creative writing spirit and since this was more about your name and less about your music I'd like to share a link for those to enjoy your unique sound. Rok-Sivante Music
Even though hip hop moguls like Russell Simmons, Puff Daddy and Pharrell Williams are extremely wealthy, I find it funny that so many people have no idea who Russel Simmons is.
It was nice to not only see your progression in names, but also how your life changed along with it and led you to some incredible stories & experiences.
In a way, that's partly why I identified with / related more to Simmons - working more behind the scenes. He & Rubin were visionaries in fuelling the popularization of an entire culture.
I respect Diddy's hustle and drive for impact - though would never want to be a star like that myself. Though even Simmons is on the complete opposite end of the spectrum as a Dealmaker, where I'm a Mechanic...
Gotta keep reading through wealth dynamics. Rick Rubin is so famous in the hip hop world, but again even less well known than Simmons. I love reading up on rap/hip-hop history. I've been to my share of mainstream artists, but had the pleasure of meeting a few underground and not as commercial gritty artists.
Who would ever guess Rick Rubin to look like this?
Lol! Dude, that shot of you with DMX giving you the finger is GOLD!! 😅
His baby mama drama led him to be imprisoned in new york near me and this was the day he got out at a sneaker store in the mall. He owed about $500K in child support, but I can't help but love DMX and his bark and gritty badassery, his personal conduct is a different story, but one that is often repeated in the rap game.
Hello, Rok. This is becoming very interesting.@rok-sivante
Firstly, congratulations on your decision to change the name. It was a pivotal point in your life as it should be.
Now for the interesting stuff from my personal point of view:
Maybe I should write a post about it :)
Anyways, the change came out great for you. My change of the name didn't have such a drastic effect but the life did change and went into some interesting directions. Mostly up and some of them sideways.
Rok, thanks for listening to me. And thank you very much to everybody who will read this longish comment.
Better and better.
Thanks for the great reply.
Cool to hear another perspective from someone who's changed theirs - and the spelling reversal similarity quite interesting. Lemark is cool.
I've also heard Rok is pretty common in Romania, and maybe even Croatia - so I guess native to that region.
Similarly, I can't attest the change to having any radical effects - but then again, perhaps so - just subtly and not seemingly striking over the course of time. Nonetheless, it's undoubtedly been a significant transformative influence...
What a journey to go through...you are wise, and the new name is fitting. Very cool, and glad you decided to share in your enticing writing style. It definitely took courage to change your name and share that with the world. Hope this post treats you well!
Thanks mate. Definitely avery private matter, so did take some releasing of ego to put it out there. But a great freedom that comes in committing to such transparency.
Your feedback is appreciated.
It has a very exotic ring to it, Mr. Sivante :D
Btw.. "Da Abowlishunist" to DJ G-Rocka ... that's escalated pretty quickly lol!
Lol.
I forgot to throw in it was actually "DJ Pugjee" to start with. Lol.
A silly high school thing with a couple good buddies - "pugjee" derived from the slang "phat."
Seems pretty ridiculous in hindsight.
But then again, "da abowlishunist" was simply too complex. And "G-Rocka" had its time, but the catepillar needed to decade for the butterfly to emerge... :-)
Terrific! Thank you for enlightening us and sharing something so personal.
Your welcome. I wouldn't have guessed it to be "enlightening," though I suppose it's easy to underestimate the power of breaking out a comfort zone to really be authentic... :-)
Blessings of light to you brother
Finally I found time to read this awesome, so private story. In Austria it would be legally impossible to change our names. I always disliked mine and the moment I came to Bali it was time to do it . Let's say , I just got my Balinese name after a nice cleansing ceremony first and my new name Silvie ( from Silvia to Silvie ) Iluh ( High Kastar 3rd born ) Cempaka ( Flower ) was born after I was introduced to the gods & goddesses .
Bye Bye my family name ! Feels about right . I like my new name and also like your new name :)
Not only is this incredibly clever, but you also have a moving backstory. Props for enduring and becoming a better version of yourself.
'Tis a continual journey of upgrading each day... ;-)
Awesome story rok thank you, i have often though of changing my name much like you imagined as a child.
holy shit mate, you are one fast reader to have read this whole thing in under a minute after it was published! (or have a rather intelligent bot)...
lol I speed read, I spend most my entire days with my head in my monitor so over the years I have learnt to speed read, especially when it comes to content for clients websites.
any specific tips or courses that helped you develop that skill?
I've gone through a couple - maybe just haven't kept up the practice - though finding it'd be more & more valuable to blaze through reading at that pace...
well you first need to determine your reading style allot of people are vocal meaning they sound out the words or basically read to themselves aloud this actually slows down your reading speed, what you need to focus on is visual reading, then learn to scan pages first slowly then faster as you move along and test your comprehension of the peace afterwards once you have that down its just allot of practice but if you like me and really need to pick up your productivity then its the way to go, after 10 years I still misread every now and again.
The Worlds fastest reader apparently does 80 000 words a minute that is a big wow.
Really good story @rok-sivante
Interesting.
One more story! That brings us to where?
The beginning of the next to be written... ;-)
This is awesome! I also thought a lot about names. When I came to the US as a kid, people all wanted me to get an English name, but none really fit me. My name meant "limitless", but is unpronounceable in English. Glad that you found a powerful name that first! I've been pronouncing your name as "Rook" in my head haha
Ha ha. Glad to make the clarification on pronounciation.
Stoked to learn of & love the depth/background of your "limitless" handle - much more than just a catchprase... :-)
Is it real story? Not farytail?
What is "real"...?
Might this not all be but a dream...?
Are we not all but authors of our own lives - creating them as tragedies, comedies, heroes journeys, or even fairytales...?
;-)
Fairies don't usually have tails....unless they are part dragon or something similar...
nice post
Thanks for the story :) very interesting and it reveals another layer of your soul. I'm curious, I'm 19 years of age, almost 20, what were you doing at this age? I personally dropped out of school a few years ago and also moved out west. Would you say that the growth on your penis was the path to your spiritual development? Kind of odd I think aha.
I'm curios, what is your astrological sign? (I am Scorpio)
Over all this is a good post...but I want to push you to edit your grammar :)
#peace and #love
Hey,
Talk about a delayed response... was just revisiting this post and saw that I never replied, so figured better late than never...
At 19-20, I had transitioned from living in Banff snowboarding for a couple years to university in Vancouver, while also ambitiously studying and planning for music ventures and making connections in the local scene to begin a side-hustle of DJing (which ended up my career path at 21, until 34).
Lol... I never thought of the hernia as the catalyst to my spiritual development, as it was probably finding & stealing The teachings of Buddha book at age 13 which first cracked me open to that realm, and smoking weed through my teens definitely got me into more of those “spiritual” states through direct experience... although it certainly would’ve been a key turning point which opened the door to some very influential teachers later on.
Cancer sun, Pieces moon (in 8th), Scorpio rising.
(Sun, Mercury, Mars, and North Node in 11th. Leo Venus in 12th. Pluto & Saturn in 3rd).
⭐️
Thanks for sharing this very personal story, it was a nice read :)
In the past I've heard about a possible link between a pet's name and its behaviour. But reading your story, it seems also applicable to humans!