There are moments...
We've all had them. Patience seems near gone. Frustrations have built. Dissonance has grown, and you really have a hard time from just telling a person off.
Sometimes it'd be nice to really sink into the full meaning of authenticity to just tell it like it fuckin' is and put a person in their place, calling them out on the layers upon layers of bullshit weaved within the subtext of how they've been conducting themselves.
But, few of us are that uninhibited to practice full blunt honesty. (Or at the least, I'm not.)
Sooner or later, we all encounter other people who overstep their boundaries and throw out attitude that just pushes your buttons in all the right ways. And oh boy, are these ever the character tests.
Exercising wisdom is tricky sometimes.
Many a dialogue can go from good to ghastly in a mere sentence or misunderstanding. An entire connection between people can drastically change course in an instant. When a conversational space heats up, the line between appropriate and inappropriate responses can be very fine, and it takes a great deal of discernment to properly gauge fair boundaries.
Sometimes a no-holds-barred emotionally-charged reaction could be appropriate - providing a person direct feedback on the ill effects of their words or actions, letting them know where they have been wrong in their approach. Sometimes, such would be less-than-wise. Perhaps sometimes, we are just as guilty of having contributed to the escalation.
Maybe communication breakdowns are not any one person's blame, but a failure in the process of clearly understanding each other's views.
Sometimes we expect others to understand where we're coming from when we open our mouths. But they're looking at things from a completely different angle, speaking a completely different language, in a totally different level. And sooner or later... boom.
Most of the time, they weren't wrong. And neither were we. (Sometimes, everyone was wrong in ways, as well.)
Most of the time, we all have good intentions. And, we stick with an idea and approach because we think its a good one. As do others.
Then, there are times two viewpoints are brought face-to-face.
Here, the potential for conflict arises. And then, choice:
Hold firm to one fixed viewpoint. OR embrace the other, recognize & honor its place and value, and upgrade wisdom by seeing both sides - opening access to see the full spectrum in between.
Many people hold firm.
And consequently, cut access to entire networks of information and resources - the gateway to which is opening to that first contrasting viewpoint - choosing the person over the information.
Reverting back... the line gets fine because while the foundational dynamic of the "one perspective - conflict - choice - upgrade/disconnect" hold a formulatic Law throughout, the 'conflict' step can tend to elicit emotional reactions lead to other Laws being violated.
These aren't Laws you've ever learnt before. But you know when the First Law gets violated, as someone attempts to intervene on your right to experience your body and space as you choose, so long as it doesn't infringe upon the rights of others.
Receiving challenge to the initial perspective, not everyone gracefully welcomes contrasting perspectives and new information that conflicts theirs.
Here, is where a many communication breakdown occurs.
Challenge is, not everyone is so flexible.
So really, most (if not all) of the time, it us up to us to recalibrate and adapt to the other person. Not persist in trying to drive home our point or discrediting theirs.
But, in the midst of emotions and violations of the First Law thrown into the mix at the conflict stage, we too can get triggered, disactivate our own flexibility, and keep the miscommunication looping rather than adapting in time to meet halfway and move the dialogue forward by forgiving and meeting the other where they're at.
Though that's also another conflict point.
Because while the "forgiveness" piece has been hyped up by new-age "spiritual" cultists, there's also the fact of reality that if a person is being an immature, disrespectful twat - no matter how subtly disguised it may be, and how completely politically-incorrect it'd be to outright state it - it may really not be wise to proceed at all.
It's hard to tell. Sometimes when a person is stirring up some chaos because of a self-righteous, narcissistic pattern, it'd do no good to let it slide, because we'd be denying them the feedback of what chaos they're creating for others, allowing them to get away with bullshit that they're too old for. But, it's a very fine line because in leaning into that direction, we're very close to ourselves violating the First Law and intervening in their right to their process - (even if it includes their testing our boundaries).
Sometimes it's not our position to play teacher. Sometimes we can violate others by attempting to show them the wrongs in their approach, rather than letting them learn from their own mistakes without being the one to vocalize how they impacted us.
Maybe that's the dimension of karma. Even if we aren't the ones to call out the counterproductive patterns another is playing out, they'll reap the consequences sooner or another. And so shall we.
There was something about the concept of allowing another the freedom to go through their processes, even if it doesn't seem just to us, in this video below around 11:30. NOT essential viewing to this topic, and it goes way off in a different direction - BUT if for whatever reason you feel drawn to watch it for ANY reason, inserting it here is my recommendation that it's a really friggin' awesome video worth the watch IF it calls to you:
So yeah.
Sometimes, there is no win. Sometimes, we just gotta let shit slide.
There are boundaries that people do and will cross. Though ultimately, it's all serving us.
Maybe sometimes there are moments where it's appropriate to speak up authentically and let loose the feedback burning to get out. Sometimes, it might be wise to exercise caution and flexibility.
Because none of us are a fucking Dalai Lama-status saint. That's no excuse for shitty behavior. But, let's at least be real and honour our humanity with a bit of compassion and small bit of room to allow ourselves to make a few mistakes to learn from.
Maybe some people do overstep. Or they're unreceptive and defensive. Or they just rub you all the wrong ways, though it's stuff so buried deep in the subcontext it's not worth the fuss of even attempting drawing to the surface directly.
(Final note: while one perception could be that this was written from a passive-aggressive response to a conflict, with a degree of self-righteousness infused, etc - that would be correct. And, throughout the whole writing process, there has also been a self examination underway to see all where I, myself, play out the dynamics I'd be judging from the first perspective.
If we have co-workers, if we have a life/romantic partner, if we ever go on social media, or basically ever have any interaction with another human being, we're all bound to run into these types of conflicts at some point or another. And, it's a two-way street. We can point out other people's bullshit with ease. But, we've all probably played out the same type of bullshit - or still do - in other ways or interactions or parts of our lives.
Thus, this ain't preachy. This comes from direct experience.
I can recognize and identify these dynamics because I've played them out many times, and I probably will again. Because, they aren't mine.
They are ours.
These are programs. Behaviors. Belief systems extracted in the midst of processes. Cultural codes, input through our genetic conditioning/imprinting. Output through our repeating the fucking karmic loops until we develop the consciousness to upgrade them.
And at it's core, that upgrade lies at the third step of choice.
React. Stay fixed to one perception.
Or respond. Embrace. Expand. Open to the full spectrum beyond that first viewpoint.
Formula For Truth.
In conclusion:
A cheer to fuck-ups.
Without question, we will encounter more communication breakdowns and violation of boundaries along the path. And, we will make them ourselves - in the most covert, sneaky ways we might never want to confess.
In the end, it really doesn't fucking matter who was "right" and who was "wrong." Cuz that game is all bullshit.
In the end, what matters is if we evolved.
Whether we chose the person, or the information.
Whether we stuck fixed to our one perspective, or opened up to an entire spectrum of truths and possibilities through the process of seeing the value and place of others.
That simple, really.
We may stumble and fall. But eventually, we learn to recognize the patterns and where we are in the process. And in time, the wisdom is cultivated to respond responsibility.
Maktub.
Activation Complete.
art credit: Mugwort Designs
"Don't let people pull you in to there storm, pull them in to your peace" Nice post I loved it :)
Great quote. :-)
Fuck yes
👊
Hello @rok-sivante nice meeting you. I believe there are no coincidences everything happens for reason. Every downfall is a equaly opportunity at the same time, it is matter of perspective. When I have a conflict with someone I ask myself why I attracted that situation in my life. Sometimes people that pressing our buttons are the one that help us bring out something that been supresd and it building momentum. I hope that was helpful for you.
T’is indeed often the case... ;-)