It's only when you lose something, you understand its value. You get the time to look at the choices that led up to that which you neglected so much yet was so important, and see where you made mistakes. It's almost like riding a bike. I have not seen a single rider who learned how to ride before falling like a miserable sob. I crashed my own bike four times in total, before realizing the whistle of the wind is nothing but a warning. It sings of a sorrow that is about to befall if we do not go easy on the throttle and stop fearing about the pain and suffering that is about to ensue.
I remember watching a video of a bike crash on a very sketchy site a few months ago. It was titled, When turk becomes a turkey. The Humor of the people who visit these gore sites knows no bounds. To be really honest, the Turk in question actually did not look like a human being anymore after the crash. One of his legs was found on the other side of the road while he was in a kneeling position right beside his totaled bike, all headless and limbless. Even though I pray that no bipedal sentient living being needs to suffer in such a way, but it goes to show that being dumb and reckless has its own repurcussion. And putting ordinary bystanders in harm's way while you cruise through the streets at dangerous speeds will turn you into a turkey, one way or the other. Enough digress.
It's only when you lose something, you understand its value. Since my early childhood, computers have fascinated me. I had access to one for the first time ever when I was 8 I think. A bulky one with those big white monitors. But we never got to buy one as my religious family thought it was the box of the devil. Haram through and through. It wasn't until very late that I got to own one. In my mind, I had made a promise to myself that I would do some sort of job that is related to owning a computer. Just so I could own one. Now I own one, but I don't do shit with it. Its specs could rival some of the best builds in my country yet I mostly use it for unproductive stuff. Watch movies, play games, and chat with people. In my teenage years, I wanted to become a programmer. Now I have access to everything to become one, yet till now all I have done is slack, rant and moan about life being unfair. While no skills of any kind have been acquired. It must change now.
It's not until very recently I have come to understand how the safety net I had in my life is almost gone. I have lost it due to my ignorance, pride and foolishness. And now even though I understand the value of it, it is lost in void. Maybe something good will come out of all of it. Maybe not. I have always been told to see the ball, and then to hit the ball. For now I'm trying to find it. And this post is meant as a reminder for myself to look at a year later. Exactly one year ago, the change had come. Maybe a year later, things will get better. Till then.