Ever since visiting Fountains Abbey with the question "why am I here?" I have been confronted with a chain of events, like the Universe is doing its best to answer it.
The Landlord
Still buzzing from the experience of my day at the Abbey I smoked a joint in the garden of my current landlord upon arriving 'home'. I wasn't thinking about wind direction & location of landlord, who is usually outside. Instead I was thinking about Fountains Abbey and my normally airtight security measures went completely out of the window.
This led to me getting busted by the landlord!
He was incredibly angry and threatened to kick me out immediately if he ever caught me again. He also mentioned that he would not have let me live here had he known I was a smoker. The company I am working for organised the booking and for some reason told him I was a non smoker.
As you can see, there are no other places I can live as convenient as this, so I simply can't get kicked out.
Rehab
Then I get a call from an old friend I met in rehab, back in 2007. He tells me he is starting his own rehab clinic in Blackpool and needs a film to advertise it.
A strong feeling comes back to me instantly. A symmetry with past experiences.
In 2006 I made a film for a rehab clinic in South Africa which ultimately led me to spend four months there as a 'patient'. This experience was the catalyst for my spiritual awakening, though my sobriety lasted only 18 months and I was quickly swallowed up by London again. But something remained and that something has blossomed since then, leading me to the wonderful life I have waiting for me back in the South of France.
While this flower may have blossomed, perhaps now it needs attention again? As all plants do.
So, I said yes to my friend and in five days I am off to a Blackpool rehab clinic!
Of course, I will just be filming and not checking in. I think...
The Mantra
Unable to sleep that night, I recalled my mantra at the Abbey, "I am a clear, open and receptive vessel". I meditated at the base of the spire and under this tree with the mantra, saying it over and over with the intention of finding the answer to my question. A question which arose when all signs were pointing me toward this sacred place.
The words were taken from a section of Reiki healing preparation and I don't normally use them as a mantra. On that day however, I felt drawn to do so.
Reality check
Then it hit me. I am NOT a clear vessel at all. I am almost always stoned!
Recently I have been enjoying two or three beers in the evenings and the amount of coffee I am drinking has increased dramatically since coming to the UK.
Instantly I knew what I had to do.
I'm going back to rehab.
Only this time it will be different.
Rehab is in the mind & I don't need a clinic.
I've checked already to see where my nearest AA & NA meetings are and it's actually quite funny to see how they form a circle around my village of Easingwold, meaning a 30min drive to get to any of them. No chance. The way I read this is that I must do it without support this time.
No more drugs
Total sobriety is the goal and today is my final day before it begins.
The weed & beer have run out already, the tobacco is almost finished and the remaining ground coffee beans will be used to fertilise my tomatoes!
I don't know how long I will maintain sobriety but I do know I am being guided to do this.
So, if I stay connected and keep looking for the signs I will feel my way into the answer.
Not gonna lie, I feel some fear right now
It is hard not to base our understanding of the present on our experience of the past.
Without weed I not only can't sleep, but when I do sleep it is filled with nightmares. Last night it began. It was only a minor one but it was enough to wake me up and keep me awake at 3am. The nightmares tend to get worse as the THC leaves my bloodstream. In a week my blood will be clean.
Initially I tend to become less patient and less tolerant of things not going my way and it can take months to find the balance again.
This is something I have been hiding from all my life, mostly for the above reasons.
So I am telling myself now this time it is going to be different.
There must be a replacement
When the absence of a habit can be felt I tend to replace it with a new activity. Back in 2007 food became my new addiction.
So, with experience I can say this will not be happening again. Quite the opposite! I will be fasting next week for at least three days as I have come to learn this is the best way to set out on any life-changing missions.
Instead I will exercise my body daily with a few different rep-based routines, including multiple Hindu push-ups, a personal favourite of mine.
It is basically a yoga move, but done repetitively is very effective at building upper body strength.
I would like to expand my knowledge of Yoga generally.
Daily mediation will also be a part of the routine.
I recently bought a distiller and am currently drinking 4 gallons of pure water every day.
Am eating a 95% raw vegan diet at the moment, thanks to all the sprouting on my windowsill
There are numerous berries in season too which are spicing up my daily smoothie.
Finally, I am located in a very flat region of the UK so sun-gazing is possible during both sunrise and sunset. Which is great!
When I think about it, the timing of this couldn't be more perfect.
Thank you Universe for your consistent guidance.
And thank you moody landlord for your part in all of this ;)
Love & Light everyone!
Who is @samstonehill?
Sam supports @naturalmedicine because they are seeking to help us in ways which go far beyond money. Please come and join us on Discord
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Addiction is not something I've had to deal with, so I can't claim to know what you're facing. I can only think of you and send healing thoughts, love and strength. I hope those nightmares move on quickly for you. I'm sure you can work through this.
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Thank you my friend. I believe I can do this.
I also believe we are all addicts in one way or another ;)
I believe you may be correct. I've just never needed to quit anything as yet.
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Wow!
I didn't see this coming. It's amazing though how the meditation at that sacred place led to all this. All the little signs led to a lot of clarity and, for sure, there's gonna be way more clarity very soon. Although I'm not an addict of anything, I am seriously considering making a couple of major changes over the next couple of months: one is no more alcohol ( probably from November, next full moon, onwards. Another is cutting down on coffee. A third is food. Gonna try some vegan when I'm spending time with @yangyanje in The Netherlands, Germany and Switzerland, next month ). And, coincidence or not, I was even thinking of buying a water distiller :>)
By the way, does you going to Blackpool mean that the drone film is on hold or will it be a short trip?
Um abraço,
Vincent
I didn't see this one coming either!
Quite the curveball. Yet here I am, almost at the end of day one. Fasting already.
So, for now my only input is water. Hey, great move thinking about the distiller. It's either that or reverse osmosis, which is more expensive. Though am wondering now what is the cost of electricity with distiller? Not cheap I would imagine. It's like boiling a giant kettle for 3 hours. The moody landlord will no doubt let me know how much I owe him for his elevated electricity bills.
Blackpool will be just for the weekend. I can't turn my back on this film. Even though it is driving me nuts using After Effects on a not fast enough computer and I would dearly love to run away from all this madness!
Have booked a long weekend holiday back home in France next month. It has been 3 months already... and my film currently only 35 seconds long! haha
Hey, my friend: you deserve a fresh !BEER token: you can have much fun distributing them trough (f)airdropping (as I'm doing).
What condiment do you use for your raw vegan salads?
Beautiful post!
$trdo
A huge hug!
(Resteemed)
Hey buddy! Thanks very much for the beer token. Not sure I understand yet the purpose of all these different tokens but in this case there is a certain irony which is quite entertaining ;)
I knew someone would ask me about what was on the salad! Not 100% vegan. I mixed a little bit of mayonnaise with olive oil, coz I was feeling naughty. Normally I mix olive oil with balsamic but trying to replace the balsamic with apple cider vinegar. Some of these sprouts are quite intense taste. Still learning which ones are best...
Huge hugz back :)
Thanks for the reply, Sam!
So you still like condiments and salt... some years ago, I got into the habit of eating without salt and without seasonings and I found a greater sense of taste (I had begun to feel tastes I didn't feel before).
I find the token phenomenon very informative and amusing.
Finally, everyone has evidence of how easy it is to create money and the fact that we are ourselves attributing its value, often on a non-objective basis ... isn't it weird? ;)
Now I'm going to create my healthy token: I've been procrastinating too long, LOL!
Get one more !BEER token, and... Cheers! ^_^
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Quite a bit to take in but as an addict, not active exactly, debatable, Hell I was just told I’m addicted to steem and I’ve had my morning coffee followed by beers but I’m not slamming dope sooooo.
Anyway, 4 gallons is a Shit load of water and the nightmares from thc abstinence are good for you. You will get through that and I assure you life without habitual cannabis is a good thing and worth the meh period.
Nothing like a needle and the spoon lifestyle. As far as rehab goes I can’t say, I’ve never been. I also don’t subscribe to any I’m powerless dogma but it works for many so, another soooo.
Seems like more than anything you’re beating yourself up. I’m no doctor but I should probably be dead and I’ve discovered connections and a balance are keys to addiction success. Every human is addicted but some of them find a middle ground. I’m cool with occasionally having some beer and doing what I want but I’ve earned that privilege by surviving some super dark places.
Just felt like i should say something as a person that spent a great deal of life very high.
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Thanks for taking the time to share your experience here. You've clearly been able to find that balance, which ain't so easy for addicts.
Here I am on day one and feeling the strain. Yeah, it's been a needle and spoon lifestyle for sure and I've used every excuse in the book to keep it going as long as I can but enough is enough.
I'm fasting now. And I can tell you 4 gallons is only just enough. Though I still have a head-ache like I've not drunk enough water...
It doesn't feel like I'm beating myself up. Just reminding myself it can be done at will.
No problem, I'm sure you can listen to what your body needs..
I guess I just meant to say it's easy to beat ourselves up and that won't help.. If you're fed up and have the will to see this through you will get there. I know that time crawls feeling and the sleep isn't restful, tired and apathetic but listless and on a, rollercoaster of emotions and memories all too well..
Maybe some herbal stuff can help you out? Valerian root and chamomile etc.. All the best on your journey..
Finding my balance took me years and also took me thousands of miles away from where I took my first wrong turns so long ago..
Holla at me anytime, I'd love to see a solid support network here within this community that could be a safe, no judgements, harm reduction zone.
No shame in tapering the caffeine down in my humble opinion either.. Cold turkey anything can be more brutal than necessary but I also get that brutality is extremely good at driving home the point.
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Thanks again for your support here.
I think I am enjoying the brutality. I actually made myself a coffee this morning because I am filming at the rehab clinic today and didn't sleep much last night, but couldn't drink it. The smell was so intense!
Day 5 and going strong.
Well done ! Have a good shoot.. I am most happy to be of any assistance whatsoever.. That day 28 will be here before you know it and you will be smooth sailing..
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Ow and there he goes! Onto a journey that only you can decide the outcome of. Much respect to you Sam on going all in on the way to get yourself cleansed and back on track with this again..
Hopefully you will keep us posted on your journey in a way that will also maybe help you reflect on yourself?
Here I am on day one and I am reminded already of how demotivating it is. I don't feel like doing anything.
Still, at least I have the motivation to talk to my steemian buddies!
Yeah, I should probably do a daily report but am fearful it will not sound like the usual positive me.
Dude...is that even a bad thing? It would a reflection of how you are doing and would also give some insight on how the journey is going. Honestly...it doesnt always have to be happy joy joy, write as it is!
reading you is sometimes a mirror i don't want to see but i do, and i spend almost all my days stoned too, only that i don't do coffe or beer(sometimes, one per month and maybe less, and i love beer but it's expensive and just is not something i do) but i do a lot of marihuana, but no marihuana instead a cousin of it, called "cripi" or "supermarihuana" like it's told in news, there was a time that i used to smoke three joints a day or more (i dont count it) and that was my way to hide the nightmare i live in, now i know the path is conciousnes and i feel fear too and sometimes it's overweilming.
i had tears on my face right now, i found a lot of support in you.
Brother! I have tears thinking about your tears!
I think because you are younger it is not so important. Smoking weed all the time is what young people do ;)
But as a father and the person who must provide for his family I feel like it is just a waste of money now. I will still smoke it when the right occasion comes, but no more will it be every day. But in order to make this happen I must first stop completely.
It has been 5 days now and I must say... I'm feeling okay. No big deal :)
yeah but i can't waste the little i had on vices and that's a sacrifice that i had to do even if im young, or at least it's a worry, that day i was sensible, today im better, and here's not so much expensive lol, it's ilegal but it's cheap and everyones knows it, it's a fiscal paradise, that was a tearm today i heared.
When basing a regimen on achieving a target of purifying and strengthening our body (in its ability to maintain itself), I do not go along with the extremes (which I know I will offend many by my calling them 'crazes').
Did our ancestors, not recent, but tens of thousands of years ago, live a healthy life? No, they did not. But by living as they did, our bodies adapted, so that it might be wiser of us to look back on those modifying mutations, so that we live according to the needs of our body and not according to theories or even gurus.
For this post, I will only offer one example.
Our ancestors had healthy water to drink. It ran in streams or rivers or filled hollows as ponds and lakes. Ours, almost wherever you find such lovely streams, the water is affected by our industry and deliberate pollution (Chemtrails, for instance).
Was the water pure at that time?
No. Not even in the most crystal clear little streams that flowed down from high peaks. It was 'contaminated' by a variety of minerals.
So...how did the bodies of our distant ancestors respond? Did they crave distilled water?
I would argue that our bodies discovered ways to benefit from the 'contamination', filtering the minerals and using them.
How does your distilled water handle that side of evolution? Or do you think we are wiser than nature and life? Or, are you happy to replace those minerals by taking pills? Food does not cover all you will be missing out on.
If you do not find this comment upsetting or offensive, I will not mind adding to it now and then. But not because I want to thrust my opinions on you or anyone else - just in the hope that it gets you thinking for yourself...and if you discard some of my thoughts as being not well-founded, I will not mind, as long as you did examine them honestly.
A kind of aghori approach..You cannot pollute perfection and the mind-body is indeed perfectly equipped to handle some contamination... I get where you're coming from and can respect that we are far more powerful than we can imagine..
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Hello my friend! Finally backtracking to this great point. I can see how our bodies have adapted over time. Though I have always found it strange that most of these minerals cannot be absorbed by our bodies and exit as urine. So, we don't actually use them. Unless we drink our urine.
I bought the distiller here in the UK because the tap water smells like chemicals and while it may have some minerals in it, I simply can't drink it. There is a brown sludge in the distiller when it is done boiling all the water and one whiff of it tells me it is a good thing I'm not putting it in my body.
If I had a car I would probably just buy bottled water, but I don't and the 45min walk is hard enough with the shopping bags already ;)
My comment was not meant to stop you from using distilled water entirely. You are only going to be there at most, what, three months?
I was thinking of the water at home, for you and all the family. If you like I will dig up how to built a filter that provides you with clean water - but with the needed minerals.
Glad to see you are looking after yourself.
My computer died on me (blue screen) so I need to get back to finding a solution...we'll chat soon
Oh, when you you start your filming (solar farm)?
This is an interesting article I think you will want to read:
http://healthimpactnews.com/2018/autophagy-and-intermittent-fasting-removing-waste-from-the-body-and-cellular-regeneration-for-better-health/
From experience as a caregiver for 3 addicts, I can tell you that magnesium, Complex B and 2 grams of vitamin C daily are very helpful in these first days.
The earth today is very poor in minerals as well as water.
I think it's good to supplement to face the crisis.
I do not understand well that you renounce coffee, it has detoxifying and anticonvulsant effects.
Stay Great!
Am fasting already now, so will look to supplement in a few days. Thanks for the tips!
For the last 20 years I have started my day with a joint and a coffee. I know real coffee isn't bad for me, particularly as I ditched the milk and sugar long time ago. I just feel as if it will be easier for me to not have it, as I know it will trigger a desire to smoke. I'm okay with ginger tea ;)
Also, I believe it stains my teeth a bit yellow. Who knows. That's probably more the smoking.
Anyway, almost at the end of day one and I'm still holding it together!
Thank you for your support :)
Oh you're right
I smoked for many years and my combination was a coffee and a cigarette.
The madness when I quit smoking.
I think it lasts, more than a year without coffee.
Go ahead!
cheer up!!!
lol - I wanted to say something about the coffee, but felt all those who are health fanatics will frown on me. So, thanks for speaking up.
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