There is a ton of great advice here about how to build community, increase your followers, and make some money (even if that isn't your primary goal).
Perhaps the most repeated advice I've seen is to make good comments on posts. For many people, that might be all the specifics that are needed, but in this post I would like to break that one act down for anyone who needs a little more detailed instruction.
I elude to the great Dale Carnegie book in my title because I have seen it referred to in many helpful posts. Carnegie published How to Win Friends and Influence People in 1936, but its multiple mentions on Steemit alone demonstrate how timeless his ideas really are. It's timeless because it is about our most basic ways of connecting with each other as humans. Even with the dramatic changes in electronic communication of the last decade, the same rules still apply, because we haven't changed. To me, as a lifelong communication student and teacher, this is one reason I am deeply intrigued by Steemit. When you first encounter it, it certainly has a "brave new world" effect. Posting for cash and begging for upvotes seems like a horrible distortion of why we interact. But then it becomes apparent fairly quickly that a quality experience here is not much different than a quality experience in any other context.
We are human first and foremost, and our human qualities are either enhanced or stifled. When we are being human, and treating others as human, and even celebrating our human nature, then we thrive.
Carnegie taught people how to thrive in the business world 82 years ago. If he were alive today I think he'd get a kick out of Steemit.
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So again, one of the most repeated single pieces of advice I have read is that one should make thoughtful comments on posts. This gets spun in many different ways, but ultimately seems to be most grounded in the idea that we must be genuine. (See the link below to gem of a post by @markmorrisjr about being genuine.) A good reply that adds something to the discussion begins with:
- reading content that we are genuinely interested in, then involves
- reading closely for true meaning, and finally,
- putting genuine thought into making a comment or asking a question.
But what does all that really mean?
Sometimes it helps to reverse engineer an approach to a communication problem. I will begin by stating the problem in this way:
It is a challenge to make meaningful connections with strangers on Steemit.
Stating the problem in this way serves a few functions. First, it emphasizes that there is a real challenge to rise up to, and challenge implies a certain difficulty. Humans thrive when faced with difficult challenges. Next, it emphasizes that what we are really striving for is meaningful, genuine relationships. Going from stranger to friend is the goal.
To turn the problem into a positive intention, we can state that:
The goal is to develop a genuine friendship.
Why? Well, just about every good reason for being on Steemit is supported by genuine friendship. Friends support each other just because. Friends give good feedback. They naturally want to introduce us to other like-minded people. Friends also perceive us differently — when a friend sees that you posted something new, they literally expect to enjoy it or find value in it. The good feelings between us literally alter what we see. Friends aid our growth, by introducing us to new ideas, and talking with us about ideas. If you want to thrive on Steemit, or in any other context, you need to engage in genuine friendship.
Working backwards from the goal, I wonder how long it takes to make a friend here. I have been interacting with others here for only a couple of months. I can say with certainty that two months is not enough time to develop strong, genuine friendship, but I have definitely initiated several new potential friendships (hi @kobiespriggs, @goldendawne, @ssimkins9, @lilyraabe @torico @lovenfreedom :). Being realistic about the time and process required for a relationship to evolve is essential. When I was younger I went through times when I wanted a girlfriend. I think I thought that was something that occurred in a moment. One moment you’re single, and then you’re not. But having a one-night stand certainly doesn’t mean you are in a meaningful relationship. You can't expect a single exchange on a post thread to deliver what you need.
Backing up a little further,
To make friends we need genuine dialogue.
Dialogue can take many forms. The most obvious is the rapid fire back and forth on a comment thread that feels almost like a face-to-face conversation. I will put that on one end of a continuum. On the other end is something that one might not even recognize as dialogue -- a slowly developing connection that involves two people reading and commenting on random posts and gradually realizing they've made a connection. On a couple of occasions I have commented on posts, not even realizing that person has commented on mine. Maybe we should coin in a term for that. How about #steemchronicity?
A genuine dialogue is not something that can be forced. Or is it? Let's be honest. Good communicators know how to manipulate others. Now, before you get all twisted up about that statement, remember that the word manipulate is neutral, meaning is isn't negative or positive. To manipulate literally only means to handle or control. Some people use their communication skills to harm others, or take advantage of them, and others use them to create and sustain quality relationships, but both intentions involve some form of manipulation. Book's like Carnegie's How to Win Friends would have no value if they didn't teach us how to manipulate others. Most adults know that if you want to engage in a conversation with someone all you have to do is ask the person questions. The more skilled you are at initiating conversations, the more fun you have at happy hour. So don't be afraid to force the situation. When you find a post that genuinely appeals to you, take the initiative to strike up a conversation with the author. In the dating world this can be a tough judgement call. Yes, people hang out in certain places in order to be approached and spoken to, but how you look, or your pheromones, influence who actually wants you to approach them. Here on Steemit, you can be fairly certain that people put an effort into posting things because they want to be approached.
At this point we really need to go to the beginning, and then work our way back toward the goal again.
First and foremost, and this has been written about plenty already,
You need to find posts and authors that genuinely interest you.
I know it is tempting to follow everyone that follows you, especially in the beginning, but curating your own feed will make this process of finding content you love more sustainable. But even if you are following a lot of people who don't post anything of real interest to you, you can search the tags that interest you. I like to spend a little time each day looking at new and hot posts with various tags, like #relationships, #writing, #community, etc. Sometimes it takes a little while, but almost every time I log on and do this I find something that gets me.
Once you do find something that catches your attention, decide sooner than later if its something you want to invest some time in. I would compare this to meeting people at a singles club (something I have avoided my entire life). If you meet someone and chat for a little bit, you know when its time to move one, but do you? When you meet someone that seems to have something you like, its as if a little switch goes off and you settle in. You decide to invest a little. When you find a post that seems worthy of some extra time, start at the beginning and read. No, I mean really read. Don't worry. You haven't made any major commitment yet. You can terminate this relationship at the drop of a dime! But be real about it -- if you don't fully engage, you will not really get the full message in the post. I think of this like practicing my listening skills in face-to-face conversation. Sure, the Steemit author has no idea I am reading her post, but if I am mindful of respecting the effort, I settle in and read every word.
In all human interaction, the most basic building block of all relationships is self-disclosure; two people intentionally sharing information that would otherwise be unknown. The information doesn't have to be deep and highly personal, which is why this concept applies equally to all communication whether its professional or social. Self-disclosure tends to flow easily when two people really listen to each other. On Steemit, the physical distance between us changes the dynamic, but only slightly. The basic building block of relationships here is still self-disclosure, but that primary mode for that disclosure is commenting on each others posts, and those comments flow naturally when we are listening, or close reading. So here is a breakdown of this relatively complex chain of ideas:
The basic building block of all human relationship is self-disclosure
The primary mode of self disclosure on Steemit is commenting
Self-disclosure comes naturally when we are really listening to each other
On Steemit, we listen by close reading
What am I looking for as I read (or listen)? On one hand, listening, or close reading, means simply taking it all in, fully. But we can play with our intention when we do both. Depending on the nature of the post, I might adopt a critical posture. Like manipulation, the word critical is neutral. By reading critically I am engaging, but I am doing so for the purpose of evaluating the authors argument or theory. On the other hand, I can choose to listen or read more empathically -- with an intention of trying to imagine the author's experience. I might be asking questions like, Why did he feel the need to write about this? Or, what does she think is at stake for her readers? The key here is that regardless of how we listen, we want to do so actively, and not passively. Scanning posts for interesting content is relatively passive. We need to make a conscious switch when we do find something. Some people might find it helpful to jot down questions or comments as they read. Doing so is actually a proven method of engaging in active listening/reading.
If you read a post in this way, one of two things will happen.
You will either end up with a genuine question or comment, or you won't.
If you do not feel naturally inspired to comment or ask a question, then it probably wasn't meant to be, and now you have a couple of choices. On one hand, you can just cut out and move on, but then again, you did just invest some valuable time, so you may as well salvage something out of the deal. Go ahead and make a comment, even if it isn't very inspired. But my advice is to still take a moment to think of how you might add some value, any value, to the situation. I wouldn't expect it to lead to a longer term relationship with the author, but no one is going to be upset to read a quick "Great post," or "Thanks for posting this, I really enjoyed it." Even better would be to point out a specific idea or part of the post that resonated with you. And a step further than that would be to explain why it resonated with you. Do you see what I am getting at here? Sometimes a little effort leads to something more. But please, please, please, for everyone's sake, don't add "I upvoted you so please upvote me." I think that is actually more taboo than a creepy pick-up line, because at least the creepy pick-up line might actually work one in a thousand times.
But let's say you really did enjoy the hell out of the post? Now what? Well, going back to what I just wrote,
Tell the author what you found interesting and how or why it resonated with you.
Here is an example of a comment on a post of mine by @steemgoblin, who not surprisingly recently stated in his own post that he is on a mission to go from 197 to 500 follower in 5 days. It was a very quick post by me, about a light topic, the Eagles winning the Super Bowl, but . . .
YASS! I love it. You took something simple here and elevated it to storytelling. Nicely done. I'm not much of a sports guy, but this pretty much sums up that feeling of thinking your team will get there to have it snatched. It's the same, whether it's Little League championship coming down to extra innings for the team you play on to lose by one run, or a Super Bowl, although people don't typically bet fortunes, or get stupid tattoos proclaiming their prognostications of who will win a little league championship! LOL
Here are some other comments worth sharing.
@cryptosphere started a conversation with me on a post about listening with this comment:
I like what you said about self disclosure. I heard someone say Intimacy = Into me, you see. I believe Intimacy is crucial for any relationship. I would like to see more in the "Identity" section. Understanding ourselves and others and our identities is critical to forming a proper relationship and having good communication.
I think that one is a good example of a comment that is short and sweet, but shows a genuine interest in the post, and more specifically a detail in the post.
I left this comment on a great post by @ssimkins9 called (Grand) Parenting Tip; The Undermining Remind. My comment was actually quite long, which I wasn't sure about, but he write back an equally long response. Check out the link for the full convo.
Great post. I can definitely relate. But I also want to begin my comment by saying that I do not necessarily believe that such behavior comes from a place of a desire for others well being. I obviously don’t know your mother-in-law, or your relationship with her, so I mean that more in a general sense. I think sometimes such behavior is actually coming from a relatively malicious place, and to try to rationalize it can further one from what is really needed as a “solution.”
Ask the author a direct question in order to learn more about the topic or a specific part of the post
Here is a great example by @lovenfreedom that led to a lengthy back and forth on a recent post of mine:
Wow, it looks really good from where i'm sitting at. :)
We were considering home-brewing ourselves but never got around to it yet. So you grow your own hops and just buy the malt? And is it organic? Dang it, how far can we drive to get organic beer? I'm going to read the links you posted here. Thanks so much for the beer-making journey here. One of these days...one of these days...
That comment/question is also a good example of someone expressing emotion in the comment. It is hard to fake emotion, especially in writing. An exclamation point (or several) alone won't quite cut it!!! :) Here is an example of a comment I made on a post by @steemgoblin as well as the result of it. My comment was very brief, but genuine:
That [was] ridiculously helpful and straightforward. Thanks.
"Ridiculously helpful" I LOVE IT! You just earned a follow, and maybe a comment or two, I'm low on voting power or I would give that as well, but I'm currently supporting #dolphinschool.
There are plenty of posts out there that remind us to pay attention to people who comment on our posts. This is basic courtesy. I would add to that advice to apply the close reading approach to those comments. Imagine you are sitting in a quiet coffee shop talking to a valued friend when you read comments on your posts. Respect the person, and give them the time of day to really think about what they took the time to write. And just like with initiating a thread, if you feel naturally inspired after close reading a comment, then respond. If not, still consider thanking the person.
When you are engaged in a good conversation with someone there is always more information to get from them. When there isn't, that is when the conversation falls flat, which is okay. It happens. But very often its just for lack of effort, or genuine listening. When you really tune into someone it is amazing how a conversation can flow. If you approach post comments in this way you might be surprised. Whether initiating a conversation or adding to it, consider what additional info or ideas the other person might have to offer, and ask for them.
Let's review:
One of the most common pieces of advice from experienced Steemians is to make good comments.
The reason for focusing on comments is because it is how you connect with others (and get people to follow you).
Making meaningful connections with people on Steemit is a healthy challenge.
The goal is to make genuine friendships.
Making friends begins with finding posts and authors who genuinely interest you.
If friendships are formed through self-disclosure, and listening allows self-disclosure to flow naturally, then we need to listen on Steemit by close reading posts.
When you are inspired to comment after a close read, identify something you liked about the post, and explain why (disclose some information about yourself), or ask a genuine question to gain more information or insight into the topic or a sub-topic of the post.
To read more about why being genuine is so important, check out @markmorrisjr's post If I Could Only Give You One Tip on Steemit, Here's What It Would Be, You Won't Believe How Simple it is!
To read more about Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People
To read a recent post by me about Listening, check out Listening: The Foundation of All Good Communication
About me
I am an assistant professor of communication at Community College of Philadelphia where I have taught for ten years. I have also taught at Southern Illinois University at Carbondale, Seattle Central Community College, Shoreline Community College, La Salle University, Penn State Abington University, Chaminade University, and Delaware County Community College. I am also a track and field coach; I am an assistant coach at my local high school, and my wife and I run a youth track and field club in our town. In addition to my teaching experience, I have over ten years experience in both retail and hospitality management. As a result of all of my work experience, I have a solid understanding of what people, especially employers, mean then they say they want people with good communication skills. It is not what most people assume, and I hope to share some of that insight through this blog.
Explanation of my use of the #sustainability tag:
I am passionate about sustainability. We often think of sustainability in regard to the environment, as that is the context where we hear of it most often, but I believe we need to think of it more personally and globally. As a life-long teacher I have to think of my long-term sustainable approach to my job. As a 48-year-old athlete, I have to think of my long-term health in terms of sustainable fitness. As a communication teacher my guiding principle is sustainable communication and relationships.
Most excellent advice! I really like that you referred to Dale Carnegie's monumental work. Now there's a title that has stood the test of time. And I particularly like your point about "To make friends we need genuine dialogue". I am far from a communication expert, but I am constantly amazed by the lack of such in today's world. How many times have you seen someone staring at the TV or smartphone when you are trying to have a conversation? And even when you try, it seems so hard to find someone that is truly listening. Speaking for myself, I have found that I have begun to enjoy commenting and interacting on Steemit. It would be easy to do it just to earn some small payout, but then, what would be the fun in that? And, oh yes, that was my last point. I've been having fun commenting and reading the words of others. Imagine that...(I didn't).
Imagine that! I totally should have included you in my nod to new friends @huntbook. Sorry for that :)
No worries mate...
Ha! Thanks for the mention :) I just now found out I got mentioned, maybe it's time to get ginabot so I can find out who mentions me.
Anyway, another great post. I have very limited time to read/comment and write a post but when I do, I do my best to comment a very thoughtful one. Or just express in a comment what I think about it just like when I talk out loud.
The beer homebrewing caught me since it's something we're aiming for ... one of these days hahaha
I’m in love with @ginabot right now! :)
This was one of the most enjoyable reads on steemit in a while.
As someone who studied so far in field of communication, you probably handle human interaction as an artform, so you'll mold steemit by your hands easily I guess.
I'm quite the opposite; charisma isn't my forte so interactions is a bit tough. It got better with the years but I still see people outpacing me in that area. But I don't mind. Each his strength and weaknesses.
However this also translates into this platform; I can't blog that well... I just can't find enough things to blabber about. Sometimes I author something that attracts a few tumbleweeds because people just don't care or I relay news to steemit with a personal input.
I do make an effort to write comments though, guess I react more than act?
And I upvote people who made an effort even when I disagree, if they don't use upvote their own or use bots though (I got my principles of manual and human curation)
Too bad I don't have much impact though ;-)
Considering the topic of my post, this was a really great reply @gregan. Not that it sounds like you’re looking for this kind of comment, but hang in there. It’s hard not to feel like it’s some kind of competition here since so many people openly discuss how many followers they have, etc. I don’t think it’s about that at all. I mean, the money is cool, but I’m more fascinated by the platform and how it does incentivize people than my own ability to make money. I’ve experiment with some bots just because I believe what I post is valuable and I want it to get a little more attention (they take a lot of time to write!) but I haven’t gotten into any autovoting or anything on that level. I’m definitely into the organic slow community building process.
I like your comm as artform comment. I definitely do in some situations. But I haven’t really thought about my interactions here in that way. But now you’ve got me thinking! :). How about that?? I teach public speaking, so that is definitely I see as an artform, but maybe simple conversation, and even this is too.
Don’t worry about the charisma thing. Everyone is different and I am absolutely convinced everyone has communication strengths in some areas and weaknesses in others. I think it is completely valid to find enjoyment and add value by reading and commenting, and getting into dialogues. Not everyone needs to post to make this a vibrant place. Your comment is an excellent example, because here I am looking a the time and realizing I gotta get moving! :).
Thanks again. Hope to hear from you again.
wow i need to come back to this post when i have more time, to read the whole thing. Just from the start i like what you have written about following what you like and creating good conversations about topics. Not just making comments for no reason.
I still don't even know what everything is on steemit and upvoting and why and how you get paid for things. I just love meeting new people and learning new things, but also helping people get votes or tokens that create good things on here. hopefully when i finish reading all your post i will find out more about steemit :-)
Thank you, so glad we crossed paths on here :-)
There is so much to learn here and figure out. I like to post, but sometimes I think I should just focus my energy on learning about all the different ways steemit is being used. I hope you get to finish this post as I would love to hear your thoughts on it. Great connecting with you! :)
wow loved your post i think it had such great meaning. I completely agree with making meaning comments and connecting with like minded people that interest you. Not just for another like or upvote. Its all about learning, teaching sharing and even if you don't create long lasting steemit friends. I am sure the time you spend together means something, or you got to find out something new from this person.
I most defiantly look up the things that interest me and want to chat about it with people that like the same thing.
also how you explained manipulating people, isn't negative or positive. we all do it doesn't mean its done in a harmful way. I no i can do this a lot, out of love and wanting the best for people or helping them. I found that a great way to put it :-)
I like how you dded in write what caught your attention not just great post. this is something i will keep in mind. Sometime I say little but want to say something so thats great advice.
Thanks so much for the post. loved it :-)
I’m just so glad you finally found the time to read it! :) And kind of impressed you remembered to come back to it. I’m glad we met.
Haha, I have a few things going on, so sometimes it takes a little while for me to get back, but I like to make sure I do.
Can’t wait to see some more post from you. 🙏🏽
Glad we met to. :-)
I will get to your post later this afternoon. will defiantly let you know my thoughts on it.
Yes learning all the ways steemit works and how it can be used and benefit many is a great idea. Atm i have so many things going on trying to fit them all in haha. when i get a chance won't to learn more :-)
ooo also i am a holistic conscious living coach as well, i love to connect with people and learn how other people are so i can understand people from all different ways. My main thing i like is being true and real, watching people grow and shine in there own way. :-) Thought i should share a little about what i do :-)
Dear @cstrimel thank you for this post, I agree the ability to listen to someone carefully is the key factor for future relations. I consider lack of attention between two people to each other to be the first reason of all probable problems which can appear in friendship or other relationships. I double checked that about me section but have not found your name) Nice to meet you @cstrimel I really enjoyed your post!
my Dad had a father who was a highly intelligent man whose sharp wit and even sharper tongue intimidated my Dad. His self confidence was very low when in company. He said a turning point in his life came when he read the book of Dale Carnegie. I was quite surprised as my Dad seemed a naturally confident man. I have never read the book though!
I’ve heard so many people say that the book was turning point. It’s a little funny to me, because it is just fairly basic info that I learned in my first college communication class, but he does apply it in a very appealing way. He was also the first to write such a practical guide for the common man.
i read this book ( Dale Carnegie) bt couldnt finish
really beautifull book @fred703
That's quite a long post ^^
I don't like Carnegie much, for me he is too much of a manipulator (he was a salesman after all), but you can still find some useful advice - or just use the books knowledge as defense.
Well, I do teach that all communication is manipulation, but manipulation isn’t always bad. But I totally agree, he at times is a smarmy salesman and at times I think he goes over the top. I like to tell my students that ultimately they get to use their comm skills for good or bad, and I can’t control that, but I always try to get them to see that helping others is the best way to help yourself.
I truly loved the post. It is really effective and also, I've read that book and I'm bound to say that it plays a crucial role in developing & understanding the art of communication. I hope you post more such content to help us minnow grow. ❤️
Thanks @ritikabindal. And welcome to Steemit.
Loved the article...so I upvoted you, please can you now also upvot......oh wait!!
No really, perhaps this is reading that all the "introduceyourself" Steemians can read...it would have helped me a ton!
For now at least I can resteem :)
I'm a little worried that this reply was taken seriously...
No matter what you say, I think It's a great post and I upvote! :D
Lol. Sarcasm always gets the upvote in New Jersey :)
Congratulations! This post has been upvoted from the communal account, @minnowsupport, by cstrim from the Minnow Support Project. It's a witness project run by aggroed, ausbitbank, teamsteem, theprophet0, someguy123, neoxian, followbtcnews, and netuoso. The goal is to help Steemit grow by supporting Minnows. Please find us at the Peace, Abundance, and Liberty Network (PALnet) Discord Channel. It's a completely public and open space to all members of the Steemit community who voluntarily choose to be there.
If you would like to delegate to the Minnow Support Project you can do so by clicking on the following links: 50SP, 100SP, 250SP, 500SP, 1000SP, 5000SP.
Be sure to leave at least 50SP undelegated on your account.
Your post was resteemed by @bestcontent 🌎
Me gusta tu forma de ver la participación... por favor date una vuelta por mi blog... solo escribo relatos eso es lo que aporto a la comunidad. Me gusta dar buenos comentarios a otros y espero poder tener contacto con gente igual... saludos
Great advice! I am new to this platform and will take note to improve my interventions on Steemit. Thank you for sharing. I plan to resteem this post for some of my connections.
Thanks @msyoung. I’m glad you found it helpful. Best of luck here on Steemit. It can take a little while to figure things about but after a few weeks I started having a lot of fun.
I will keep that in mind!