Top 8 Reasons Why Steem Will Succeed (Warning: Dark Humor)

in #steemit6 years ago (edited)

Top 8 Reasons Why Steem Will Succeed

Well, it's been a while since I watched a live stream of anything that didn't require a subscription fee and wasn't best enjoyed with my trousers unzipped, but I honestly enjoyed watching Steemfest 2 and hope I could be at the next one. But with how the price of Steem has been heading lately I wouldn't be surprised if Steemfest 3 in held at Ned's mom's basement, not that that'll be the first time I'll be watching a live stream from there...

Anyway, so in these uncertain times I feel it's my duty as an unqualified but eager financial adviser and gynecologist to share with you some investment insight that is just as likely to lead you to financial freedom as if you called that number scribbled on your local public toilet stall door and asked for trading tips. Thus I bring you the Top 8 Reasons Why Steem Will Succeed:


  1. Sound Concept - The overarching idea of directly rewarding people based on the popularity of the content they create is sound, and the platform has proven to work. Steem is one of the very few projects in this space that isn't mindlessly shoving a blockchain based crypto up the rear end of something completely unrelated in a desperate attempt to cash in on this latest craze. A coin for Whatsapp-like program? A coin for an Uber clone? Is there a coin that rewards you every time you roll a bit navel lint into a ball and plop it into your boss's coffee? Some of these other blockchain projects are like trying to fit Lego pieces on your fucking hemorrhoids: Lego is great and all but it doesn't automatically go with everything. Thankfully, digital currency and content creation is a natural fit.

  2. Popularity - is currently hovering around the top 2,000 global websites rank when measured by traffic. The site was only at around rank 20,000 when I first joined 8 months ago, and back then I would never have expected it to catch up to one of my favorite porn sites in such a short period of time. The Steem blockchain also boasts more actual transactions a day than Bitcoin and Ethereum combined which means people are getting more real life use out of it than out of your mom.

  3. Scalability - Steem has proven to be considerably more scalable than the majority of cryptos on the market. It's Graphene infrastructure allows for very high transactions per second with absolutely no fee for the user. As a point of comparison, congestion has recently propelled Bitcoin's fees to over $100 per transaction unless you want to wait hours or even days before your payment will go through; is this really feasible in the long term? I'm pretty sure the Mafia can launder your money at a better rate than that. It's like if you're a guy and your own asshole charged you an enormous fee every time you want to use it or you're left trying to shit through your dick.

  4. Constantly Updated - The Steem blockchain code can be amended fairly readily and has already gone through a large number of upgrades without a hitch. Most importantly, when the blockchain code does get updated, it doesn't leave behind an evil cancerous twin that will later try to attack and consume the original and sleep with his wife. By avoiding this shortcoming, Steem does not need to choose between risking its own tech becoming obsolete, and risking its own value being diluted by self created competition each time it attempts to improve its own code.


  5. Accessibility - Steem is far more accessible for the average layman than almost all other crypto coins. It's fast, friction-less and feels very much like using a conventional social media platform except you're getting a bit of money for doing what you enjoy, provided you enjoy sifting through endless streams of brain dead essays to find that one half baked post that's slightly less shit than all the others to be worthy of your $0.02 vote. Steem is the gateway drug to blockchain tech - the equivalent of taking that all important first puff of weed that leads you inevitably down the path to when you have to use a mirror just to find a vein that hasn't yet hardened.

  6. Smart Media Tokens - Yes SMTs are coming and they could be a game changer. Opinions vary greatly over how useful these are going to be, ranging from as useless as a glory hole in a piranha tank, to as useful as a pair of beer goggles that didn't simultaneously give you a whiskey dick whenever you put them on. I think having a digital currency is a good solution for many relatively popular websites who are otherwise have difficulty finding an adequate revenue stream. Even if every SMT ends up being a pile of runny shit, the asshole that dispenses the diarrhoea could still be quite valuable. Indeed this is very much the philosophy that Fox news runs on.

  7. Expansion Steem is not solely tied to the Steemit website; a growing number of other platforms use Steem as well. So even if were to fail, which is unlikely these days, Steem can still hold value depending on how well the other platforms are performing. With Busy, Esteem, Utopia, and all those D sites (which disappointingly, feature content that's mostly safe for work) shifting into gear, the Steem ecosystem is really taking shape. While I think it's unlikely that all these projects will take off in the long run; you know, like how in evolutionary biology, most mutations just lead to something useless like a toenail growing out of your nose or some shit, but sometimes they can lead to phenomenal traits like super strength or flight or mind reading if those X-Men documentaries are anything to go by. We basically only need one platform to skyrocket up the popularity charts to succeed, so with the single currency Steem, you're really already hedging your bets.

  8. Steem has gone through a lot of shit! - Most impressive to me, is that it's achieved all of the above through a shit storm of problems in its first year and a half: a disastrous hyper inflation model that was thankfully later rectified, a hardfork that left the rewards pool empty for weeks and our superstar former CTO fucking off on us, just to name a few. Hell, things could hardly be any worse if Harvey Weinstein is revealed to be the real owner of the Steemit account. It has traveled miraculously far to date considering every time it has attempted to avoid the dog shit on the ground, it steps squarely into a fucking bear trap. I believe the worst is behind us and that going forward, the team at Steem Inc. has got their bearings and good things are to come.

So there you have it, irrefutable arguments that Steem will succeed! In summary, if you don't want to fit Lego on your hemorrhoids, or shit through your dick, and you like spankwire but don't want to be killed by an evil doppelganger who'll proceed to have sex with your wife, enjoy using hard drugs, agree that a glory hole in a piranha tank is not useful, rather have superpowers than a toenail growing out of your nose and don't want to step in bear traps, then buy some Steem. Boy I feel sorry for the people who just skipped to the conclusion.

Of course I do think there are some issues with Steem, but I'll save them for another day when I'm not feeling as positive and uplifted as I am right now. Steem on boys and girls =)

Image from
Steemit logo from Steem Inc.

If you enjoyed this piece, please Upvote, Resteem and follow me @trafalgar. Also, check out my new account @traf for short one liners and memes. I think good original short content is far more engaging, very difficult to create and should be rewarded accordingly, so please contribute to and support high quality short content on the platform.

Also, if you create good original short content, throw in the tag 'punchline' and I'll likely catch them. I think short form content has the potential to have a much stronger impact these days, so if your'e talented in this area, please don't hide it.

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If only 1% of authors wrote like you we'd be competing with Pornhub already!

haha thanks
well if 99% of the girls on pornhub looked like dan, we'd be in with a chance as well

all I got out of reading this post was "spankwire", so at least I got something out of it......

.... just kidding, overall this was pretty darn funny, though it seems mentioning CNN over, well, virtually any other network may have better driven that point home! lol

If 50% gave 50% a chance instead of just commenting on what's popular, we'll be halfway there haha!

I totally agree with you. I just came to the platform, I got convinced after watching a compelling youtube video. I thought this could become my new "Quora"... So far, my first impression is that many comments are only a few words long and are posted on popular posts. Some people are trying to get rewards with a flood of comments and that is already annoying to me...

Oh, you haven't even seen the whole circlejerking thing that Steemit is notorious for. You're in for a treat! I'm very hopeful that things change for the better though. But, I just want to set expectations here. I've been here for more than a year, and I'm not doing any better than many people who just started here for a couple of months. It's not like I haven't been putting in the work, it's just that cliques aren't all that inclusive. There's a lot of politicking happening.

Crap, haha, Jed is literally one of my best friends on steemit, like family to me- in fact steemit friendships develop in dog years which is a pretty cool feature of this place that should have been mentioned in this post, lol, but let's say I am the Tigger to his Rabbit.

There are indeed some flaws in this place, but as I recently said in a post- if it was easy to get it to work seamlessly then there would already be a hundred competitors.

Jed if you read this comment, I challenge you to name ten people who are doing as well as you that have been here only a couple months let alone most people, (traf doesn't count, nor does anyone's alt accounts) sheesh you really are a Rabbit sometimes haha!

It's a social platform, so be social- thoughtful, useful, original, positive comments are key. The few word commenters on repeat are getting nowhere but ignored or even flagged. Find people you relate to and connect with and be consistent.
Popular posts with a ton of comments on's best to do what you just did here and connect with other commenters, likely the post author is already overwhelmed and the best you can expect is a response to your comment (and most times not even that until you gain some rep) that will probably not result in them visiting your post unless it's a magic moment and you struck a chord in them that resonates huge.

Hm, it's been a long while since I've done a tips for newbies post...haha, actually my one year anniversary is approaching, I'll likely do something along those lines as part of that celebration.

But in all seriousness, if you want to do well here you have to put in serious time and effort in the beginning, I did and it has resulted in -above all a group of invaluable, irreplaceable friends from all over the globe. If making lots of money is your primary goal, then you're a lot more likely to be disappointed, but if you want to meet interesting people from all over the world, if you love creating whatever it is you happen to create and consider the money as a bonus then you won't regret any of your time spent, I definitely don't, and actually you're more likely to attract that money to you.

Hope you give it a chance :)

(I love you Rab--err @jedau ;)

Well said ...

Thanks, man!

Steemit has own masturbational content. You can jerk off

Awesome comments here haha!

This one got me 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Accurate as F**k

Or else how about making steem based cam site or pornhub clone? ;)

@acidyo asked and he shall receive:

Check out this new poster...with some sweet short one-liner, but don't even know how to self-vote, do a proper intro, or edit the profile to give readers a clue, and he even upvoted my upgoat..hehe, the best part.....the noobs upvoting and commenting don't even know they are being messed with...haha 😀😁😂

then go see the rest....'Cleaner, driving for a living' is smacky-wacky as shit! 😝

Dry Humor: Still Elluding Steemit Noobs
source: pinterest

It takes a special talent to write one simple line that simultaneously caused me to feel good vibrationswarm and fuzzies (from the well-deserved compliment) and have visions of naked people doing...stuff...

very nice
plz upvote for me @towfiqhasan for upvote

Reason #9 that Steemit will succeed – The Dark Humor, the Biting Satire, the Sparkling Wit, and Overall Brilliance of posts such as this one.

Hahah... oh man. This is the standup comedy Steemit deserves. Well done, sir.

thank you luke, glad you enjoyed it :)

Hahah... oh man. This is the stand-up comedy Steemit deserves, @jerrybanfield. Well done, sir.

I think Luke meant to say :)

If there were a coin for rolling navel lint into a boss's coffee, you'd all be kissing my whale ass right now.

haha I'm sure you've been mining that for a while :)

We basically only need one platform to skyrocket up the popularity charts to succeed, so with the single currency Steem, you're really already hedging your bets.

As a lifelong pessimist, this cheers me up.

Ah finally, take my $0.02 vote.

the war will be strong but steem win, sure ....

"It's Graphene infrastructure allows for very high transactions per second with absolutely no fee for the user."

According to the bluepaper is was replaced with "ChainBase"? or am I misunderstanding?

ChainBase is the database portion of the blockchain stack and replaced Graphene in 2016.ChainBase has faster load and exit times, supports parallel access to the database and is more robust against crashes than its predecessor. It also has less frequent database corruption, allows instant “snapshotting” of entire database state, and can serve more RPC requests from the same memory.

Good question. Now that you asked, I'm wondering myself. Initially it sounds as if ChainBase is limited to the database portion, but the Blue paper makes no other mention of Graphene, so it leaves the door open for doubts. The Steemit FAQ still makes mention of Graphene . . .

That's not the reason for this comment though. I wanted to alert you to the fact that Steemit Devs are asking for our opinions and ideas for the 2018 road map.

I came across a suggestion for the ability to categorize posts within each of our blogs. While there are many who suggest that there be a tab for the likes of resteems and Zappl, this particular suggestion is the only one I have seen to date that talks about a more comprehensive organizational solution. If you’d like to see something like this, please upvote the suggestion and pass this informational note around.

Just below that same comment I added a couple of ideas that I haven’t yet seen put forth by anyone else. If you like those two ideas, again, please upvote the comment and alert other users you know to do the same.

Thanks a bunch!

I just shit through my dick hole haha

lol well I hope you enjoyed the experience

world getting weird ,or i'm just too normal ?

Obviously I then go from here straight to spankwire l!

sure, and you have sweetsssj to thank for that

Aw bless the sweetheart! ;O)

My god, the number of comments here is actually making my chromebook rumble and groan!

Uhmmm..... Hello?
Why did I not know you exist??

Utterly fucking ridiculous that I only find you now!
Where have you been ALL my life????????

Because I am in love with the way you write and how fucking dark yet funny your shit is.

haha thank you
I'm not that active on here, was away for about 4 months and only came back recently
i post maybe once a week on this account as I don't think ppl generally have the time to read long form content these days
glad you enjoyed it

Since you've been gone my vote has doubled, 4¢ motherfucker!🎉

I'm not one to really enjoy long form posts, but the end of the first paragraph had me in stitches! Your wording is impeccable and makes me smile (at least) every time I read your posts.
Hope your day is awesome, @trafalgar!

thank you rigaronib
yeah I get what you mean about long form posts, I definitely think short posts are where it's at
I don't even enjoy writing long posts tbh, which is why I only manage one a week or so
but it's worth it when people enjoy it

For sure! I totally agree.
Btw, saw a street sign with your handle on it the other day and forgot to take a pic for you. Next time I pass it, I'll be sure to do so! haha

Because of you!! LOL

haha damn I should have made it top 9 reasons
thanks a lot for saying, you're too kind

Even though I cringed a few times and went Ouch... Irrefutable arguments indeed!
Thanks for explaining this in terms we can all understand (and physically feel, in some cases 😁). That summary was NOT necessary... 😂

hahaha I think that summary really clarifies it for people who don't have time reading the entire post :)

Nice comment, and good luck with your work, I am sure that there are many women out there who need your help... an Upvote and Follow... if you like my posts, I will be posting more videos and photos from my Secret Stash, if you like them would be delighted if you could repay the compliment by Upvoting

Is there a coin that rewards you every time you roll a bit navel lint into a ball and plop it into your boss's coffee?

Now there's an idea!

You know, I kept thinking I was reading this, "how did @traf fit all of this into one Zap?" I was so used to reading your quips that I had forgotten that you were a maestro of long symphonies as well haha!

I seriously thought that the evil cancerous twin you were referring to was the newer fatter logo haha! It's been a while but it still hasn't grown on me, but then again, I might not be its intended audience.

haha I find long pieces to be quite dull to write, and likely to read too
not difficult, just draining

short punchlines are not easy either tho, but in a fun challenging way. you can be a pretty funny guy in conversation, but there's still a learning curve when it comes to writing jokes and memes etc.

I wonder how you feel about writing comedy

Yeah, I agree. I'm more drained at the lack of interaction than writing long posts haha! It's cool though, to each their own, I guess.

you can be a pretty funny guy in conversation, but there's still a learning curve when it comes to writing jokes and memes etc.

Is this directed at me or "you" as a hypothetical concept? This is the thing I hate about English. They could've just went with a different word for each instead of piling everything on "you." Personally, I enjoy the freedom of letting myself loose in the comments section. It's way easier when you're bouncing off other people.

I wonder how you feel about writing comedy

I love comedy, though I can't say the same about comedy's affections for me. I'm quite known as a trickster IRL, it's only in Steemit where I get to act serious.

haha I meant 'you' in the general case, so everyone, including me
it's probably why I see a lot of funny comments but much fewer funny posts
I don't know if it's harder if you have nothing to bounce off of, but it's certainly different
I stare at a blank wall for a long time until something funny pops into my mind, not sure if that's for everyone

Haha yeah, I figured. I do the same thing some times. Really though, it's case to case basis for me. I get story ideas from washing dishes and watching clouds, not at the same time of course.

It can only be you. Haha
I normally find it hard to read through lengthy posts. But when it comes to trafalgar, its different. If things can be explained with very good humour in most books today, we would be a reading generation. I really grasped everything and i know steem will definitely keep soaring high.
And i want to be real here. I dont follow you bcos of anything but your great approach to writing, giving the readers the extra bonus of getting some laughs and smiles. Great post again. Steem on.

thanks a lot for your kind words george, I'm glad to have people on here who share my twisted sense of humor

I liked it too... humorous, but very interesting

You have me convinced, the 9th reason. so I am not going to power down in the next few years to show my confidence LOL, and I have to say that I really enjoy the way that you are writing haha.

thanks a lot htliao
I mostly do comedy writing, I hope you understood some of the jokes
nothing is for certain, but I think the chances of Steem attaining mainstream adoption is significant

Great, let’s hope so. :D

The first reason should be @trafalgar is again active.

haha this sounds more like a reason why girls in my neighborhood should all get tested

why aren't you the most famous celebrity of the century?

Or maybe you are, you are just anon on steemit.

Let's not forget to upvote sensible comments. It helps rearrange the comments and put the relevant ones up higher on the list for everyone's benefit.

Awesome post about steem than you for you good opinion ;)

LOL. Just when I thought you were joking!

I can't believe there are two of us 😂😂😂

As an unqualified but eager financial adviser and gynecologist....

An hilarious and informative post. I guess we'll see in the upcoming months and years whether Steem will be succesful. I'm positive about the future of the platform and the currency however the current CTO's propensity to opinion flag is piss poor and should be dealt with.

well hopefully he's a very talented dev, as some have attested

You seem to like the word 'Gloryhole' too so here is the insane Steel Panther guys with their track of the same name.......

Let's hope so for the sake of the platform. I heard he was a great DJ at Steemfest too which is cool I guess but flagging contest posts offering small amounts of SP/SBD to struggling minnows is so unfair.

Your right. Esteem will succeed this year. I am very happy to know it exist. I created my esteem account not long ago and is really nice to use. Very popular platform and nice interface. The downside is the numerous bugs in the mobile app, which is slow on low end cellphones, but can be easily be fixed with an update. The update make it easier faster. I also like the security of the app which allows you to use a pin code and the generated password make it more harder to crack.

I do look forward to the SMT however no idea really how they are going to be used and what it might do to the steem price? There are already steem, steem power and SBD now SMT ?

@trafalgar this post is awesome and the reason fit the cause yiu haven grown up neurons man. You had an awesome job here..

the equivalent of taking that all important first puff of weed that leads you inevitably down the path to when you have to use a mirror just to find a vein that hasn't yet hardened.

Much Darkness.

On a lighter note. I don't really mind some of these fuckups. We're still feeling the inflation pretty badly with a very warped distribution, but otherwise I agree with your assessment. Steem will be successful. We grew about 2.5% in accounts just this past week. We keep recovering and as we get stronger we'll get less and less dependant on any one thing (other than the blockchain still existing and functioning).

Should be fun. Thanks for the dose of funny this morning.

Streaming from Ned's mom's basement... It's just not right!

I did have a dark humor warning, but yeah this piece was darker than usual for some reason. Still looking for my comedy voice

Hopefully Steem will do well in the long term

I remember I watched a video of on YouTube when I joined steemit

Great blog.
I really enjoyed reading it!

Upvoted and resteemed!

Ok this is comedy gold right here and also informative at the same time. The roasting is also on point!

thank you, I try my best

You are my favorite steemit author, I LOL'd so hard!

Stinking it up big time with that hot mess. Gratuitous shots at Fox News are probably hilarious to millenials who don't understand the difference between news and comedy channel. I'll check in next time to see if you can work in some chuckles about Franken and Jon Stewart's lame attempt at distancing himself from Louis CK. Comedians are on current target's list for lack of grace, tread carefully, social media backlash can prove that karma is a real Hillary.

Excellent point by point logical explanation of Steemit, mixed with that beloved dark humor that keeps one guessing how it will all tie together. I especially liked the summation paragraph at the end (piranha tank glory hole perhaps suitable for Weinstein pay per view event?).

haha that would probably make more than mayweather vs mcgregor
thanks swenger, see you around in the comedy tags

If the piranha had their teeth removed, it would be a close analogy of the mayweather/ mcgregor fight, with mcgregor being the piranha. McGregor in a boxing match is like a Formula 1 driver in a parallel parking competition.
Love the short, one liner posts, but also enjoy the longer posts with unexpected tie ins and "call backs". The depth of humor that many people don't fully appreciate.

Just as I was going to sleep I saw your post turn up in my feed - too funny! Midnight in Sydney!

same in melbourne, thanks for having a look :)

Lol, steemfest 3 in Ned's mum's basesment. That would be something. I hope she makes tea and brings it down for everyone.

This is by far the most creative and hilarious post I've seen that's in the plus column for steemit. I can't fault your logic. And I'm actually enjoying these <$1 prices so I can buy more. I kinda hope it lasts a big longer.

Steem on!

I try really hard to not be boring, I think that's the cardinal sin on steemit - just because something is relatively well written doesn't mean it's not boring

haha that's a very positive attitude you've got there
i generally get all scared and annoyed when it goes down and regret not buying more when it goes up

This post was hilarious. Thanks for sharing this enlightening piece. I'm going to follow you because this made my day.

Makes sence, hope you are right !

If you get on camera to say a couple one liners I promise you a 0.02$ upvote. At the very least!

haha maybe one day
it'll require me to get use to and improve on my camera persona, it's also considerably more effort, even just audio would be i think

@trafalgar I wished my project was named Utopia, but the domain name was not available. It is Utopian. Maybe I should have named it DUtopian? :D

Thanks for letting us know!

Thanks for letting us know!

Thanks for "eager financial adviser and gynecologist"... can't be one without being other...

haha double degree

Its my 3rd day of steem & I already loved it. Because it is so easy to use & also entertaining. I use all my free time in steem instead of facebook.
Love You Steem

_ google - Facebook -Twitter-instagram-Xing-sitetalk-usw.usw.usw...
Der Tag hat nur 24 Stunden/1 Stunde Mittag! 25 Stunden Arbeit /Steem

Haha legendary post lol

thanks buddy, glad you enjoyed it

You are that one writer with his own distinctiveness! You blend solid advice with humor and curses... LOL!

thank you, I hope you enjoyed it

Always :)

Great Opinion !! Actually they are Top 9 Reasons not 8. You are the ninth :)
i am just joking. i agree with you. Steem for sure will succeed. However, there are some new competitors appears on the market recently and working by the same principle.

which ones are you referring to?
I think steem has a good head start

Actually i don't want to make promotion for other websites. However, i will be transparent this time. It is "". Take a look by your self. Anyway, i am still loyal to this community and i don't want to loose my efforts so far ;)

I will have to check, must be a nice site if it is so high on the website rankings.
Also, toenail on your nose would actually be very useful if you miss both of your hands, nose would then be used for scratching if you have an itch somewhere.

took me a lot of research to get that spankwire joke in :)
hmm I dunno if you could scratch it if it's coming out of your nose, like you can't scratch your finger with its own fingernail right?

In that case the tongue would have a fingernail too and would be long. Long tongue, I would imagine is a title on many spankwire movies.

You really know how to make gold posts, and just sprinkle a bit of feaces on top of it to make everything more digestable :)

If it stays the place with informativeness and light-hearted(or should I say dark-gutted) fun without censore, I can't think of a better example to attract the right people here.

there's honestly only like 5 comedy writers on here
and I don't think long form is most suited to comedy either, which is why I made this account

I haven't meant comedy in particular, but just the overall vibe of members posting and interacting is light-hearted, as far as I'm visiting steemit.

People seem way more open and ready to admit that they're wrong then on mainstream social-media that's hugely consisting of scandal news that give their consumers a dose of daily drama they probably need to experience in order to feel at ease.

I've heard a lot from you dear friend @trafalgar, this is the first time I stop to read a post from him, I never thought you were so funny in making the publications.
I appreciate your knowledge, commentary and point of view of steem cecimeinto and you have a lot of reason in what you say more and more platforms that reward with steem, now appeared, the success of the currency is assured.
It was a real pleasure to visit your work, I'll see more often your blog
I wish you a prosperous week.

thank you for checking out my post

you have nothing to thank, it was a real pleasure and I will try to visit your blog more often

😂😂This is hilarious at the same time you made your point. Am glad to see you back and active with some if those humorous flavors of yours.

haha thank you,
it's fun for me to write some silly stuff on here now and then

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