I had been putting it off all week, but yesterday I ordered flowers to be delivered for my father's funeral, which will be held on Monday. I am not sure why I put it off, but I wasn't looking forward to writing the single line that will be printed on the card, something so personal, handled by another.
Dad, You are forever with us, you will always be missed.
While I have come to terms with his passing, it sucks that I can't be there with my family at this time, and I wasn't there for them 16 years ago when our mother passed away from cancer either. We are so connected through technology, yet the distance feels immense at the moment. My sister called the other day and asked if I had been talking to anyone, reminiscing on the times with my father, but I haven't, it isn't the same to share with those who never knew him, so I have done this alone, but it isn't the same as sharing with people who were there for the ride.
A few hours after ordering, I got a call from my bank, saying that they have locked my card because of a "suspect" purchase - Interflora. After confirming the purchase and after the guy apologizing, they had no way of knowing if the purchase went through or not. I got a "processing" email from Interflora, but it is possible that it will be rejected. The guy on the phone was very apologetic, but that doesn't get the flowers there on time.
They are just flowers, but it was to be a little piece of us there, a representation that even though we are so far away, we are still present in thought. Insignificant and lacking, but something. There is still a chance that the purchase went through before the flag locked the card, or the unlocking will take effect in time for it to be processed, but I am not holding my breath.
My available family are all there now and they are spending time together and catching up on their lives that I don't feel a part of much of the time, as distance and separation of life itself creates a barrier between people.
Today should have been spent with @galenkp and his wife who would have been here for the next 2 weeks, but instead it was just another day filled with work. Not a bad day by any means, but not a day you look forward to and plan a year in advance. Of course, given the circumstances now, it is probably better that they couldn't travel to see us, but it is still disappointing considering how few and far between visits can be.
But, there is no point in dwelling for too long on loss and lack, it is better to be grateful for what is possible. There are the things we can control, the things we can influence, the things we have no power over - too often, we probably pain over what we can't affect, rather than use our energy doing what we can. At the moment, there is very little I can do in regards to the distance between us all, so I will use my energy to find ways to close that distance in the future.
Much of what has stopped us all from travelling is of course financial availability, but there is also Smallsteps' allergies and business obligations to contend with. One day though, the stars will align and the hurdles will seem much lower. Til then, we'll have to make do with the reliance on internet connections and hope that people will be able to visit us. At least, they will have a place to stay - once we clean up a bit.
I wanted to give my family space to spend time together today without getting them in front of screens, but tomorrow I will try to get hold of them for a bit of a group chat and hopefully catch up on some of the many things I have missed.
At the end of the day, it doesn't matter of the flowers get there or not - we will still be there as a family in thought.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Family understands. That is why they are family. You will be missed there, and you will miss being there. Don't let the flood of if only's come to mind on Monday. Your family knows you want to be there both distant and immediate family. use the phone use the internet, use even old fashioned hand written letters when those if only thoughts start to creep up on you.
I know what it is like to not be there, I know the if only's, when they hit do what you are good at write, write a letter to your dad, or to your mother, or even write and send a letter to a family member with how you feel how the if only's are bothering you if they do show up at your door, I hope they don't.
I had a chance to talk to most of them today for a bit and "show them around the house" a little too, which was nice. Tomorrow is going to be harder on them than for me, distance mutes some emotional impacts. I am kind of lucky that I write as I think that it gives me the space to say all kinds of goodbyes in life.
!ENGAGE 20
It is important, it was how I coped a little bit with missing my fathers funeral and being so far away at the time.
Do you have any regrets or have you accepted it as what it was at the time?
No real significant regrets, one person I never trusted ever again and I made sure he new it. For a long time since my employer was also a large part of the reason, I only did my job, nothing above or beyond what my job was for the next ten years. I don't even regret that, it was not easy to forgive my employer but I did eventually, the individual that set it up to where I could not attend, no forgiveness none given even though he repeatedly asked for it, I saw it then and still do as a completely irresponsible act on his part. He eventually transferred, whether it was because of me or not I really did not care.
ENGAGEtokens.This is an amazing philosophy during the good, the bad, and the ugly times in our lives. It's hard to find the silver lining sometimes during the darkest days but not impossible. If G-dog had been there... that would have been a whole different kind of difficult and cut your visit much shorter than it would have been. Now, WHEN he does make it... it will be an even better visit! I
know how expensive it is to travel from Scandanavia halfway across the world and it's insane. I lost my favorite uncle while i was in Sweden and couldn't be with the family for the funeral. I am so thankful that i did get to have a great conversation with him before i left Texas. It's difficult dealing with these things from afar. Unfortunately, the loved one near to us often can't relate completely to the situation as well as we would with. I am proud of your strength bro! I am glad you were ALWAYS there in spirit and thought! I have a feeling the flowers will show up. You and your family have been in my prayer Taraz.
I think so too. Next year is the plan and it will be a trip made without the reminder of what has been left behind unresolved.
I think this is important. I was able to do this with my mother before I came to Finland, but it wasn't possible with my dad. The last time we really talked properly was back in 2011, when he visited.
I hope so and thank you.
!ENGAGE 20
ENGAGEtokens.A little not standard comment.
I really like reading your articles (sorry, not always there is time for this). In each of your words, I find a piece of wisdom. I am glad that thanks to HIVE, I found you as an Author! (on Steem, I ignored you :)).
And once again, accept my condolences. I really want to hope that after death everything is just beginning.
:)
I think authors and audiences go through phases, like songs. Sometimes it is decades later that a song makes sense, sometimes an important song loses relevance. All things have their time.
!ENGAGE 20
ENGAGEtokens.Nothing is gonna change the feelings you are going through being away from your family and experiencing this flower issue with your father last goodbye.
A friend of mine lost his mum a few days ago, and as part of the goodbye, they lited a white sky fire paper balloon and left it elevate to the sky. when I saw it, I felt it was a beautiful way to get connected with your loving one forever no matter the distance (physical and emotional).
They are pretty cool I think and I like seeing them lit when I have - but it is not a thing in Finland and I have never seen one here. Flowers or no flowers, all is well.
!ENGAGE 20
ENGAGEtokens.I felt really bad when you shared that the payment might not have gone through. I hope it goes through and you will be a little bit relieved that your last wishes reached your father.
I don't meet my family much, just once in a year or two. Being an introvert, I am not connected much with them through video calls or something. But they always remember to check on me atleast once a month.
At times like these we get to know the real value of family. Whenever I am going through something bad(which usually is the case), my family is always there to help me get through it.
I hope this corona thing ends and you get to meet your family and spend some time with them. It would be really cool to see you and Galenkp together.
I hope you are able to sort out whatever it is that usually affects you negatively - sometimes just paying a little objective attention to it can help, without identifying with it as a part of you.
!ENGAGE 20
Thanks man. I have been trying to improve from last year or a two. Little bit difficult, but last two months have been great. I have been quite positive in my life.
I think I will make it.😄
ENGAGEtokens.When you are unable to talk to anyone, writing on Hive would be a good thing actually. It sounds like your family is supportive when you shared about your sis called as she was probably concerned about your emotion state. No one can understand what you are going through now and it takes time to get used to it as it may be in your mind for a period of time which is normal. Hope this virtual beer can cheer you a bit! !BEER
I am glad I have Hive as an outlet :)
My sister was probably realizing how good it has been for her to talk with family there and that isn't an option for me. It is nice that she thought about it. A virtual beer is better than an actual beer - is there a G&T token yet? :D
I can understand why flowers getting there on time was important to you. I wonder what was it in the interflora names which made them raise their brows. Odd.
I think it's for the better to focus on things which are in your control. It is what it is and the best thing now is technology. In moments like these, a chat or a video call can make a huge difference. Just as you said, you are all united in your spirit, and that is enough for a family in difficult time. I do hope the flowers will get there on times.
!ENGAGE 20
I have no idea why Interflora would cause a red flag, it is a prominent business that is many, many decades old.
We got to spend a half hour talking today, which was really nice :)
I guess they were trying to be nice😂
I'm sorry you have to deal with this idiotic nonsense at a time like this.
The guy on the phone (English was good) didn't really know how to handle the situation once he found out what they were for. But just prior, he thought it very strange that a person would buy flowers in another country - as if Interflora is some kind of scam. I am sure there will be a few more flowers there at least on Monday and I know that @galenkp has organized something for all of us - which I am thankful for.
Interflora is a well-known and old brand.
I was also thinking as I spoke, they have an AI that can detect and automatically lock a card - but they don't have the visibility on whether the purchase went through or not. Perhaps they need a blockchain.
I think it could be the case. The bank cannot possibly screen all transfers manually.
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