As a lot of people( @paintingangels - @yidneth - @pechichemena - @meno - @sukhasanasister )left kind comments on my short rant/confusion postbut there seems to be some confusion on why I feel so spit out by Steemit at this point. It is not spam post that got to me although the last one just added insult to injury. There were 3 incidences that really got tome the last week . I am not even going to go into the first two but will describe the incident that really got to me. I wrote a post yesterday that took me about 7 hours to create this includes the actual writing, digging through my personal photos to choose the right ones and the writing the actual HTML formatting of the post. It was for a contest for a group that I had just joined. The premise was women in history. For this I chose to write a piece about my family history. Apparently they had no anticipated that someone would have actual ancestral history to use one of the things that was asked for were source 3 links to back ones historical post. When I originally posted I had three, 2 that are classically acceptable (a historical publication referencing my ancestor and what I had talked about and a family tree from a genealogy site’s external database) the third I realised when prompted might not count really so I offered to find another. The first judge ( @limabeing who was really sweet about it ) could not find the sources as I had embedded them as links in the actual text instead of listing them in the writing notes which I corrected the minute I realised they were not finding them; and realising the third link really was not valid as reference link I offered to find another and asked what kind of link they would like to see. In steps judge 2 (@eaglespirit) who claimed now that I had no references at all or believed this to be true for some reason. When I told her I did and where to find them she ignored what I was saying, obviously did not even read the piece (by her own admittance as she said she was looking forward to reading it) and then just said got to this link to see how to source (even though I had asked for specific sources they would like to have in addition to the ones provided). Now I have an advanced degree in Journalism I know very well what can be considered a valid link and yes with the third one I was sloppy so that’s why I wanted to correct it. If you read the link she sent me it becomes very clear that she never looked at any of the links nor did she understand that all the pictures are my personal property, I also did not need to cite any quotations from other texts as I did not use any other material then my archived memory and I have not found an appropriate way to conduct brain surgery and remove brain matter for show! Again I pointed out that there had been citation but that I had not listed them after the text and explained where to find them but also stated that I was going to list them in the writing notes as well as there were obvious issues. Again Judge 2 kept saying there were no citations by that point I was very irate as she seemed to refuse to even listen, or even go look at what had been presented. When I was told to use the link she sent to find out what citation I need I had just about had it and then just decided to add to more sources for good measure on from the encyclopaedia Britannica on the fact that Czechoslovakia once belonged to Austria (or the part of it in question) and by journalistic standards a classic source from a major publication from 1964, the New York times nonetheless, that announced the wedding of my uncle George and listed my family members showing that they were actually real people. I notified the one judge over discord she said it was enough the other once again ignored the sources given and gave me an ultimatum to correct the post. At this point my Russian temper got the best of me and I was fuming. She then said something like are there no books showing that you are related to a princess or something like that and i just lost it as my first source was exactly that a historical source listing it (her comment has since been removed or i just can’t find it ) … I totally snapped at this point I deleted most of my comments (nope i am not stable I will admit to that) and deleted the content of the rest in that discussion because i was just so disgusted. In the discord chat i made it clear that I was pulling the piece from the contest and that I was done. It just brought it home to me how offering things that are dear to me labouring 7 hours over a piece just is for nothing. No one cared that I had done everything asked for and corrected the one thing that I was sloppy about. It was never acknowledged that I had provided anything, in fact it was implied that I hadn’t every time I tried to tell them that I had and that they just needed to look! (which they for some reason out of my understanding refused to do! ). So here I am asking myself if I should keep doing this , this opening up on such a personal level as I have been doing here. This whole thing really hurt and it is bound to happen again because I have issues understanding humans in general or their behaviour. I have had some really nice experiences here especially in the steemit school poetry class and on the LGBT server but this incident and the other two in the last days , plus years of experience in being me and how the world eventually reacts to me- has me thinking it’s all on borrowed time. Do I really want to get hurt again. Right now this is what I need to find out your kind comments are seen and do make a difference but the whole thing just has me confused and destabilised and I need to find some sort of centre again and I need to find a way how this does not happen again. Maybe by becoming solitary again and just posting what I have committed too. Maybe by just staying away from contests and post promotions as they seem to cause issues for me. Right now I don’t know . All I know that all the hope this platform breathed into me has been ripped out of me and that I am walking around with this lump in my throat and my solar plexus hurting. As I am not good with my own emotions it is going to take me a bit to sort it out. I am just too confused to make an educated decision right now this really got under my skin :( I am a hermit by nature have been the last years and had been experimenting on coming out of my shell but this has me wondering if this is even s good idea there is a reason i moved in to it in the first place and right now I feel unsafe, sad and just totally alien again. Again thank you all that cared and commented. For now I will be posting my daily poem for the 100 days challenge but will refrain from the rest until I know how I will proceed.
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!!! Im soooo sorry. I feel this is all my fault!! I dont know historical stuff or how to run this type of contest!!! Eagle spirit was trying to help as i tagged her. Late at night i logged off thinking that you would find some more stuff or format differentky cuz i wanted to consider your post as an entry. Im sorry i couldnt understand the lineage post. I really thought it would be more simple as checking facts in a book. My lack of knowledge and professional decorum started this and then @eaglespirit , trying to teach me as she does stuff like this too and has run contests before came off badly to you. I truly believe it was a mistake.
I love your music.
I love your history and the photos.
I love that you joined us.
I know what it feels like to have a bunch of shit come diwn at once so im not even mad at this post.
I do hope we can move forward and that we can find a way for you to feel safe with us in the future.
Hiya Tyger
I read your post about your family history. It's fascinating and stands as an interesting piece in and of itself. I really enjoyed reading it and looking at the pictures.
About the competition and @eaglespirit. I've known Eagle for a few months now. I've never known her to act in an unfair or dishonest way. She is supportive of other Steemians and gives up a lot of her free time to encourage others to produce quality content. I'm sure, if you discuss this with her she will explain that she was just trying to keep to the rules of the competition and not deliberately trying to upset you. I know she is incredibly busy and could have given you the link on how to reference to save time. It looks like there has been a big misunderstanding. I hope you can resolve this peaceably. I'm sure if you both have a chat you'll see there was no malicious intent.
I think your 7 hours of work has been well spent. You've shared a fabulous piece of your history. Even if it doesn't ultimately qualify for the competition it stands as a good piece of work in its own right. It has value.
Hopefully, you won't give up on the platform or on other people. Sometimes it's hard to see when we're frustrated or upset about things.
Best wishes
Anj
Again for the 30th time I did not need a link on how to reference there were references valid ones that she thought did not exist because she did not read the post itself she misunderstood this.and now everybody else is repeating the same thing. I tried to explain it to her multiple times she did not listen I am aware of that for some reason she got confused but it was not my fault . At this point I will no longer post in any competition I am done with it all .I don't wish anyone ill will , where is becoming increasingly clear that nobody wants to listen and I'm done trying ....
I had no idea I was repeating what other people had said. This is my first exposure to it all.
Maybe she didn't already know about your background in journalism or just didn't have time to read it fully in the moment. We all have days where we're busy and have a 'stock' response. I run a competition every week and it's almost impossible to keep up with all the queries, answering immediately.
We are both trying really hard to listen. Please know we are trying even if it doesnt seem that way. Its your choice. I hope you choose to not give up.
Seems like there was a misunderstanding, I did leave you a message in the group. My response was very general since it looked as if you wondered how to source in a blog. As I had stated prior to that, no I had not read your entry yet. Also, it was initially stated the three judges had to discuss “sourcing.” Also oral history pertaining to sourcing. As we did not expect someone to submit oral history. Sorry for the confusion. We still haven’t talked to judge 3. Since this all happened just last night, thank you for your patience.
I replied to you several times telling you this was not so, and telling you there were sources. And as I said it's ok at this point I am retreating from the contest it has caused to much confusion and I am obviously am not a good fit. I do not do well in social situation and with people I am not good at it. The universe is just showing me once again how venturing out is not a good thing ... I will tread lightly in the group and remain silent unless I am needed for anything.If that is not acceptable I understand if I am kicked I just never want to feel like this again.
You are always needed. We love your spirit and writing ! :)
I've reached out to you on Discord btw... I think I sent a message to the right person... I think!