He sat there on his favourite cushion we'd brought from home, unable to see us, but knowing us by touch, sound and smell. I felt his head push into my hand as if to encourage me to stroke it a little more, seeking reassurance, or maybe just the familiar touch of my hand in this unfamiliar place.
I stroked his head, my hand brushing Faith's whose own cupped his little head lovingly. He started purring; It had been a week since I'd heard him purr, and soon I would never hear him do so again.
I wanted to say something but I couldn't. I wanted to take him home, to hold him tight. Tears streamed down my face but the words wouldn't come so I bent down and kissed him on the top of his head. When I rose, it was time to send him on his way.
My wife sobbed loudly and began to cry in earnest. Why did this have to be so hard, I thought to myself.
The injection was administered and together Faith and I held Merlin in his last moments. Good boy, I managed to say as we held him in our hands...I felt him slipping away, his frail little body, once so strong and healthy, seemed to give in and slowly go limp. He sank into our hands and was gone...And my heart went with him.
Faith and I had our hearts broken last night when we lost one of the most important things we have ever had in our lives, our little boy Merlin. We are both distraught and feeling empty inside.
Last night was the final moments of a twenty two year journey together and whilst we know we made the right decision for him the sorrow and loss cuts deeply nonetheless.
Someone messaged me last night and told me the grief is the price we pay to have these wonderful little creatures in our lives, and he is right; It's a heavy price to pay of course, painful and enduring, but I would go through it a hundred times over in payment for the twenty two years we had with Merlin. We had the best time together and he was the best friend I could ask for; A more gentle, loving, funny little character you'll never find.
I lost my best friend last night and my heart breaks over and over.
I know life will go on; Faith and I have each other, the unconditional love from Cleo our nine year old and despite her seeming a little lost without Merlin, she needs us to love and care for her too. Life will go on, it will just be different now without Merlin here, the central figure of our little family.
My best mate Merlin is no longer where he once was; He is now everywhere we go, as we carry him in our hearts and memories.
Sorry for hearing that...it reminds me a part of talking in a Turkish movie:Eskiya ... i arrange the words for you : Do not be afraid it will only go to the earth, then it will be soil, then it will walk into the body of a flower with water, and a bee will be put in the essence of the flower, and maybe that bee will be you. "
A nice little saying, thank you for sharing it and your kind words. I really appreciate it. :)
!ENGAGE 20
ENGAGEtokens.Wow, it is weird to come across a quote from Eşkiya here.
I'm sorry for your loss. I hardly knew Merlin since I came here, but in just that short span of time, I can nevertheless feel the love and care between all of you as a family. Grief is extremely painful for anyone to bear, there's no doubt about that. It's also a remembrance of all of the happy times that came before, and are still to come from those loved ones around you.
Take care, and rest in peace, Merlin.
ENGAGEtokens.Thanks Zack. It's really weird not to have him here, pushing his head into me seeking a pat or cuddle. I walked in to the house today after being out and called where's Merlin like I always do...Started crying after as clearly he is not here. Kinda sucks. we'll be ok though. Cleo will get all of the residual cuddles that would normally go to Merlin, so double cuddles for her.
!ENGAGE 25
Cheers mate, and no doubt, we'll get through this just fine. I'm sure Cleo will enjoy a monopoly on cuddles for now.
She likes the attention...Gets it already, but is sure to get more now.
It's like my attitude around chocolate chip cookies. I don't mind sharing, it's fun, but I'd take all of it for myself if I could. Understandable.
She's a little princess...You know, 75% of the time we'll put her food down at 5pm, we always feed them at the same time of day, and she'll be on the couch or something...She'll just look over as if to say well G-dog, here I am. Carry me. And we do.
Fancy being carried to the dinner table form wherever you're sleeping. She's a lazy little thing, but it's a good excuse for another cuddle I guess. Win-win situation.
You know, that's stick situation I don't mind being in, to be honest. Extra cuddles, maybe a purr or two, and food! You say she's lazy, but in my experience, that's nearly every single feline. Even the King of the Jungle isn't immune to lounging about...
Shitty when this happens and all you can say is you gave him a good life and a loving home. We had two big dogs whose hips gave in and also ended up the same way eventually. It is not pleasant at the best of times and doing it twice in a three month period was heart breaking. I vowed never to get another one yet I have a zoo again. Two cats which are both strays , two dogs and two parrots (Macaw and a Grey). Bloody parrots will out live me though as they go for about 80 years.
It's fucked, but yes, comes with the responsibility of owning pets. We have had a few, had to put down a big rottweiler years ago, Benson, which was difficult too. Same reason as your two. The big dogs struggle at the back end. Seems you have a zoo, but the good thing is those parrots will be able to attend your funeral, take care of the arrangements for you. Bloody loud buggers too right?
Thanks for your message man, much appreciated.
!ENGAGE 25
The Grey (Max) is older than the Macaw (Mango) and is less loud. The only problem with Mango is he swears too much and when visitors come we have to cover him up especially if there are kids around. The grey mimics sounds better like bottle caps and burping and always has good timing.
Lol, it sounds like Mango is my kinda bird. I swear too (although not inappropriately.) OK, bugger it, sometimes I do. Lol. (You don't want Mango reading your eulogy then.)
My wife's grandfather had one that hated one of her uncles. The poor thing would lose its mind when he walked past, start swearing and yelling get out! Lol.
They are characters and pick and choose who they like. A friend of mine has a bird park where he looks after endangered species for various countries in Africa.He breeds parrots as well and where I got her from.She wasn't my first choice as I had another one on my shoulder at the time and my kids chose her as she had blood on her foot. I need to get back there at some point as this is a private park and there is months of posts just there. The birds even have wild strawberries growing on the base of their enclosures and a fine mist is pumped from the river keeping them cool during the day.
Oh that sounds really interesting! It would be cool to see more about that. If it's not far it might be worth a trip! I think there's be some cool posts to come of it.
As there will be once the F1 season starts...I'm counting the seconds. 😂
Only an hour or so away so just down the road really. Have to wait for lock down to be over as I couldn't explain that one to the police as it is in the middle of nowhere along the Vaal river. the last time I was there he had all different birds from the National Park Boards in Africa a bit like Noahs Ark two of each. This way they have a back up plan if anything goes wrong. Seriously wealthy guy and this is just a hobby for him and a passion. Not open to the public yet it must take a couple of hours to walk around.
Not long now and I am also looking forward to it as I have no clue who has the better car this year. I hear Racing Point and Red Bull are quick but we will have to wait and see. Mercedes must still be favorites and something tells me Ferrari don't have things quite right. I think Vettel may have been vocal with his disappointment towards the team and the car and why they said it was time for him to go. Prost did something similar, but that was more public and was let go as well.
ENGAGEtokens.Pretend I'm giving you both big skwooshy hugs seeing as we're kind of in different states so I can't (covid be damned) :<
Aww, thanks Ry. We're pretty broken right now. Comes in waves. Pretty terrible but we're processing and doing loads of Cleo-cuddling.
Thanks for your nice message. It's appreciated.
!ENGAGE 20
ENGAGEtokens.I know how it's feel. I told you about my pet (little tortoise) when I lost him I couldn't eat the whole day. It's very hard losing any friend...who is with you for a long long time. I miss any dear friend that I can not reach out and touch and reassure them that they are truly loved.
Hi Linco, yes I remember you telling me of your sorrow. It's so terrible and Faith and I are pretty broken up. We buried him today, next to Dixie and Gemmi, the other two cats we've lost and it was such a sad time. We both helped to dig the grave, prepare his little body and we buried him with some of his favourite things. We said goodbye to our best friend today, and will remember him forever.
Thank you for your kind message.
!ENGAGE 50
I want to share a story with you...
Love for Twittle
She has been sleeping on a big soft pillow under a chair in the basement. It is one of a pair for the studio. I sanded the back and seat today of both and Twittle was very happy to have me so close as I could reach down and pet her from time to time.
My dear old cat Twittle hasn't eaten for three days and is light as a feather. Yesterday, she climbed three flights of stairs to come up to my room and say goodbye. she has been staying close to me for 17 years. It made me cry. She will go to sleep anytime now and not wake up. I will bury her in the front yard where she liked to sit and watch the cars pass by as it reminded her of her many years living with me in Chinatown. I will plant a rose bush over her and think of her when it blooms..
Poor little Twittle...
Oh man, they get so deeply ingrained in our hearts don't they? I still look for Merlin, expect him to jump up on my office desk or the bed...But he doesn't because he's gone. I think you'll be the same with Twittle.
So sad when they go, but I would feel the pain over and over just the have the chance to have these little friends in my life.
Thanks for sharing this. It will be sad for you and you'll miss that little girl when she goes.
I am glad that I shared my feelings with you, mate, I know now that I have another friend who is also a great pet lover's. I have a little brother who loves birds, sometimes I see him how he feeds them, takes care of all the birds he has. I think this is wonderful bonding, nothing is better than this!
I agree, it's nice to find people with common interests. I've not blogged much about my cats although I could do every post on them. I love them and value them so much...Well, only one now I guess, Cleo.
!ENGAGE 20
Never late, you can still share... just spread the love, I love to read them all. They might be gone but they are still in your memories. Animals are blessings for us, when they love someone they love you from their heart. I still miss my little tortoise...
He was so cute. All memory now...
ENGAGEtokens.ENGAGEtokens.Sorry to hear about your loss. It's the hardest part of being a pet lover especially when they have been part of our lives for so long. I had to put down my old girl of 19 and a half years old a few years back. It was the only humane thing left to do, it broke my heart and I could tell she didn't want to go and wanted to spend every last minute she had with me but she was deteriorating fast and only had a few days left anyway. Merlin will be waiting for you on rainbow bridge until you can be reunited again.
Thanks for your nice words. Yes it's so hard. You clearly have been through it and understand. We're going ok though. It's when I call for him forgetting he's not here, or expect him to jump up here on my desk when it hits home and I feel the grief the most. Such a difficult time.
It's not helped by the fact my 84 year old dad is in a nursing home with dementia and other issues and hasn't now eaten or drunk anything for almost two days. That's all taking an inevitable path also. A fairly stressful time for the old (usually tough) G-dog.
It'll all work out though, it's just life.
Thanks for your reply. I appreciate it.
!ENGAGE 20
Oh no way your dad too! definitely a rough patch for you these days. It's tough but part of life, appreciate them while they are here if you have a workable relationship. It's ok not to be tough sometimes. As for you kitty, it will be weird for a while, probably a few weeks. I don't know if they do that in Aus but here they sent me a paw print of my old girl, it doesn't bring her back but I have a physical memory of her and I still have it. Death feels like a thousand swords to the heart but knowing they are in a better place not suffering anymore helps, time makes it easier to accept. I saw something the other day about that, maybe it will be good for you.
A father lost his son too soon and would cry over his loss endlessly, then one day god took him by the hand and brought him to the gates of heaven and it was full of little children holding a lit candle waiting for their loved ones to join them. The father couldn't find his little boy so he asked about his where-abouts. Then he saw him by himself and the candle wasn't lit, he then asked why he wasn't with the other children. The boy then replied: I keep lighting it but your tears keeps putting it out. I can only join the rest of the children when you are ok and my candle can stay lit. I thought it was a touching story for anyone experiencing grief or the imminent loss of a loved one. They will always watch over us where ever they are. I hope things get better for you soon. Hugz from Canada xox
Dad has been ailing for some time now. The dementia means he doesn't recall my name, or who I am unless prompted. It's pretty sad and yes, it's a difficult time.
I really appreciate your message though, that little story is touching and has a good message, one I will remember, so thank you. Really, I appreciate it.
!ENGAGE 50
I'm glad it made you feel a bit better. It doesn't take away the pain from your situation tho. My friend is going thru that too right now but I never had to go thru that challenge, it can't be easy. Dementia has to be brutal on the person and their loved ones, what a thing to go thru, takes a lot of strength.
It's terrible. Hard on us because we have memories. He's blissfully unaware.
I literally 20 minutes ago got off the phone with them...Wasn't pleasant. I won't go into it here, but I think things will run their course quite quickly.
That's unfortunate especially when you can see it coming. He might not remember so easily but he's still your dad, like you said, you have memories and can see the difference from when he was in his glory. As long as he's blissfully unaware, you know that you have done your job at making sure he is happy and comfortable in is illness. I forget it's daytime there (middle of the night here but I live the vampire life)
ENGAGEtokens.ENGAGEtokens.Very sad and sorry to hear this departing of your dearest cat companion. I had lost two kittens and a dear cat during the last two years. It took months for the pain to be more bearable. But, I carry his love and memory inside wherever I go. It’s a privilege to have a very special loving cat with you.
Hi there, and thank you for your kind words. I agree, it is our privilege to have such friends in our lives and that's how we are looking at it. The pain is real and, as you say, will endure, however the memories of all those years together help us through.
I really appreciate you dropping in and your kindness. Thank you so much.
!ENGAGE 25
Sorry for my late reply. Thank you very much for your kind attention.
Hoping that both of you have gained more energy to create cheerful vibes to heal the whole place and everyone in there.
Best.
Hi there, no stress for the late reply, I appreciate that you took the time to do so.
Unfortunately cheerful vibes are not a thing for us at the moment; A look at my last post will explain why. They will come though, in the future. Thanks so much for your kind words.
Oh! No! I did read your last post which made me cried as it reminded me of being by my dad’s hospital bed. Saying goodbye to loved ones is my worst fear and anxiety. But I had to learn to get used to it as I had seen my favourite people left me one after the other. Memories are so precious to me nowadays.
I could imagine you’ll be occupied with many tasks and details for gathering families’ members. With all the loving surrounding you and your families, I do hope the loving will cushion much of the pain and awful feelings which would soon be diluted through time while precious memories embrace all on loving harmony and peaceful respite.
Healing vibes are flowing to you and your families.
It has been a very busy day and I've been getting updates from the burst home about my dad. He is fading and will be good soon but like you we will have to deal with it and accept it.
I lost my mum to cancer some time ago, she was 59, and it was a pretty terrible experience. Grand parents and friends too I guess. Never a good experience, but they all stay with me in my memory.
Thanks for your message.
ENGAGEtokens.Thank you for the tip!
Big Kiss
Thanks mate, I appreciate your comment. Its a tough time but we'll be ok.
Sorry to hear that matey.
He had a good long life.
I'll give you non gay hug.
The best ones to receive from another bloke.
Cheers.
Congratulations @galenkp! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
You can view your badges on your board And compare to others on the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPTo support your work, I also upvoted your post!
Do not miss the last post from @hivebuzz:
Support the HiveBuzz project. Vote for our proposal!
Sorry for hearing that. I don't know much what to say as I am not good in expressing my emotions in moments like these.
I just feel happy that you have good memories of merlin to cherish.
And that's the only thing I want from my life too. When I leave, leaving with some happy memories.
This Caturday Morning...
I will post this Caturday afternoon about it. But right now, at 3 am, I need to wipe my eyes, get my shit together and drive a five...
I literally, while reading this, felt your pain.
5 hours from home...
Get home bro. Drive safe. We'll chat when you're back huh? 😓
RIP Merlin :(
That's a nice way to think about it during these times, thanks for passing those words on.
Thanks Asher, we're going ok here, a bit broken at times, but ok.
He will always be with ya mate, you got that right. Man cats are the best but they do get right into your heart. I think about my old cats every now and then but they are happy thoughts. I hope it's not too long before the pain passes.
Thanks Boomy, I appreciate it. We're doing ok sometimes, not ok at other times. We got a lovely video message from @smallsteps saying how sorry she was that we lost Merlin...It was cute. Made me cry, but smile too.
Thanks for your message mate.
😔😔😔I am so sad and feel so sorry for this loss. Your heart must be in pieces. RIP Merlin🙏
P. S. He is already flying in the sky with the angels, it must feel cool to fly as a cat. And he is still watchin' down on you.
Aww thanks Mary. Yeah, I'm pretty broken right now, Faith too. We know we did the right thing for the little guy, but we miss him so much it hurts. We'll be ok. Thanks for your kind words.
I found this on the world wide web cats with angel wings lol he must be like this now 😇😊
Lol, he'd love to have wings I think...He could go from mischief to mischief with greater ease!
Ooo he is rocking it now, I am sure🤟
Aw man that sucks! Although I wish we could all choose such a peaceful ending surrounded by those we love most, showing such affection, being entirely present knowing and honouring the moment as important, precious and creating a bittersweet snapshot of a life, the kind memories are made of.
Yes. You knew the decision was right and in the absolute best interests of your little buddy, letting go for all the right reasons is one of the single most compassionate things we can ever do, it says that we view the life of another more than the avoidance of the shattering feelings we know we must endure.
In one way it will always feel as though life has lost something, in another, that is only because you had something. If someone could wave a magic wand to take all of those feelings away and remove the memory of Merlin, yeah, you would feel good right now but as you know all too well Brother, you would have sacrificed so, so much more.
I'm not gonna go an as long as usual, you likely are not in the mood for long missives, especially when they are saying things you know in your soul anyway. In many ways, even when you know they are well meaning, words don't help much. Grief is different everytime no matter who or what it is for. It is a very private experience and we must enter one end of the tunnel to emerge at the other side.
You Faith and Cleo will all pass the way you feel right now and cheer will return to life, this doesn't mean it is done, losing a love is never ever done, it simply means that once again in life, you have come to terms with and profoundly understood one of life's cruellest values. Love and pain are inextricably linked. I wish you all the very best and hope that you find many, many reasons to smile and laugh even though the grief is being processed. Take good care of yourselves my friend.
You have photos, memories funny stories and an indelible mark on your heart that says one thing that you will never forget, although Merlin is no longer with you in the same form he was before, your lives have been forever touched...
Merlin was here!
Sorry for the loss, he is no longer in pain and can see clearly again. Cleo will miss her buddy as much as you I am sure, so she will appreciate those extra hugs and cuddles.
Thanks a lot. We feel we made the right decision for him, as hard as it was. We'll get through it, and spoil Cleo way too much probably. I appreciate your comment, thank you.
My hearts breaks for you both!! They definitely take a piece of ours hearts with them.
Thanks Pooky, we appreciate your comment and thoughts. ☹️
Tough on you guys mate and we really feel for you.
What you have correct is that he is indeed in your hearts and minds.
And he will always be there, no matter what other animals you have, or will have in the future.
My two, Max and Dingo still feel like yesterday and they died a long time ago.
All strength to you!
Thanks mate. It hasn't been pleasant. The feeling never really goes away. I appreciate your comments.
Take care of yourselves my friend and give it time.
Harrowing at first, but thankfully it dissipates.
Also sorry for Faith, as women are more sensitive than us.
I dread the day that out little Troy departs.
Yeah, she was pretty broken up...It has been a very difficult weekend but it's improving, we're coming to terms with it and life will continue. I hope Troy lives for a long time, going through the loss of a pet is so difficult.
In our prayers my friend and no one can tell you how you feel, as we are all so different.
Some take their dead pets, put them in a plastic bag and throw them on the trash heaps.
I have posted before about the little graves that we put dead animals in.
In fact a few months ago I posted about a young Jackal Buzzard that we buried. We were so excited when he was born and I watched him develop and fly majestically in the sky.
Then one morning I picked him up in the road as a speeding car collected him.
Such is life my brother.
Yes, death and life go together don't they. I'm going to get another lesson soon too. Days, a week, who knows.
Indeed they do Sir.
Are you talking about the other cat, or about your dad here?
Always difficult with these kinds of anticipations.
But you are a strong guy and I know that somehow you will be allright when it's all over.
My condolences Galen. sigh!. I don't know what to say.😣 Ive read this piece twice already and I don't know what to say. Rest In Peace little buddy!!
Thanks mate, it's a bit sad I know. It's difficult to know what to say I guess, but your comment is sufficient.
We buried him today, next to Dixie and Gemmi which are two of our other cats we have lost. It's very sad, but life goes on. We will remember him as the funny little fellow he was, and will always have the memories of those 22 years together.
I knew this was coming from you earlier posts, but still. He was such a lively, cute little chap. I never got to pet him and i still feel something fuzzy inside. What you're feeling is beyond my imagination. 😢
Oh that’s so sad to hear. Don’t run away for the pain, embrace it as a friend and let it stay as long as needed. Then gradually the happy memories will grow larger and will make you smile again through the tears.
Thanks for your message. Yes, it's sad but we will always have the memories we made with him and they are priceless. It's painful at the moment, but slowly we'll heal and move forward.
I know how much you guys loved Merlin and it sucks that it has to be this way, but all that good for 22 years is why it was so hard. Hope things are easier today.
It's getting easier. I keep expecting to see him jump up on my desk and head butt me for a pat, or to come over whilst I'm eating my cereal and pester me for some milk. That little old boy was my constant companion and to have him gone like this...Pretty sad. It's getting better though, time will do that I suppose.