Excerpt: this article is one you would want to read twice and come back to when you have difficulties in your relationship. It will save you valuable years on your path. This wisdom, that I have found out only after I had bled and shed many tears, is priceless. The bottom line is very simple - you cannot prove your love to those who do not love themselves! Don't even try, you will only waste your time.
credit: pixabay
That ancient Indian proverb, quoted in the title, has proven itself to be true numerous times in my life. Spouses, friends, relatives – no matter who the person I am interacting with, there always comes a point in our relationship when I feel them asking in their hearts – "does he really love me?"
Since one of the basic elements in a loving relationship is confidence, I make sure to reassure them that I do love them. I do not want anyone who is dear and close to me to doubt my love. When people feel loved they can grow and flourish to be all who they are. Like a flower, they open up and grow beautiful petals, colorful and rich with scents. And by doing so they enrich their environment and make my own life more pleasant. So you see, my reasons to express my love to other people are quite selfish.
But what is so tragic sometimes is the fact that most humans have a serious problem to believe that someone loves them. I tell them that I really don't judge them, and they nod but later I feel how they avoid telling me things for fear that I would think badly of them. I tell them that I really love them, from my heart, and they smile and say "yes, I know", and later they look for new manipulative ways to make me prove that love.
At first, I allowed them to feed off me. Each time they asked for proofs I found new ways to show them how deep is my love. I never got tired of doing that and I hoped that one day they would really feel their own source of love and cease to doubt mine.
And then I realized – I am only doing them harm by abiding those requests. I will never be able to prove my love to someone who has not found it already from within.
And you know, it's quite easy to recognize those who have. People who are connected to their essence LOVE to express that love all around. They will rarely ask "do you love me?", they will rarely manipulate you to show your love. They will actually not care at all if you do. All they would want are opportunities to express their love to the world.
And when they find a counterpart, someone whose heart is sovereign as well, a mature relationship is created.
Blessed is the human who does not need the love of others but can simply rejoice in their own.
Love is a very interesting concept. On one hand, it's very selfish, because you only love whom or what you "choose" to love, and there's no going around that, there's no faking it. On the other hand, once you choose the object of love (be it a person, a cat, a plant - I'm not necessarily talking about romantic love here), you do the exact opposite of being selfish and egocentric - you include those objects in some layer of you, and you show them how much you love them. That's strange and wonderful.
The only ones who require actual proof that you love them back are people, and the more meaningful you are to them (and usually vice versa), they tend to demand more proof. Why? Simply because they are insecure. We are all insecure in many ways, and I say that despite being one of the lucky ones who don't have to "earn" my husband's love or constantly prove mine to him. We all have our insecurities, usually the ones we grow up with (things we witnessed in our parents' homes, in our community, etc.). It's very sad that we, as "superior beings" on this planet, seem to have more trouble than any other kind of being when it comes to handling love, of all things.
But really, one of the first and most important keys to knowing that you are indeed loved, is loving (or at least mildly liking) yourself. Because that gives you the ability to believe that if you can do it, perhaps others would be able to, as well.
Have a lovely weekend :-)
I think love is not only tone, it is a great multiplication to express love. You talked about your experience, the words are very good.
Actually many people can not do this. Like I love my father very much but I can never say to my father, that I love you.
Love can not be expressed in any way. This is a very difficult task. There are those who can do that.
I personally try a lot but can not.
I think I have a lot to learn from you.
If you have time, definitely give me some advice. Would be very good for me. when i read your article then i feel very well and my heart is now very soft.. Thank you for your this article.
Thanks for the feedback.
Many of us need to learn to express our feelings to other people. If it's genuine then it will come effortlessly and if it's not, meaning we don't love someone, we really don't need to force ourselves to say anything just because the society or them expect us to do so.
Here's a small exercise that may help you to express - imagine the person in front of you is you, a part of you that had been quiet for a long time, like a little child, waiting for you to see them and say "I love you" :)
If it is very good then. The expression of affection for maintaining the existence of every human being is very important. What is really work through exercise or meditation? I do not really have ideas about this. But I have heard that the mind is cold, mediated by meditation. If so, then I'm interested. I will personally ask you to teach me about this topic. Then I will be very beneficial. It is very necessary to express love to be multiplied.
Please see my comment to ava66.
There's nothing to be taught here. ☺️
If you help me in this matter, I will be very beneficial. There is no sense about my exercise. But if exercise can change your conscience and heart, and the peace of love is achieved, then I am ready. In fact, I have many wills to power, for the outward manifestation of love. But I can not find any means. If you teach me to this topic or give ideas, then I can take care of myself. I think you can take me back to civil society and love world.
Expressing love is not through the mind. Therefore, there's nothing to teach. It's as natural as breathing. Do you breathe? Of course you are. Were you taught to breathe? Of course you weren't. Do you think about breathing?..
So you see, by living you are already expressing love. By writing your comment you expressed your love. By being in this physical reality you express love. To whom? To everybody who are allowing that love to be recieved.
Can you accept that?
Ofcourse, why not. i accept that from my heart.
No, I do not learn from anyone I am breathing. Just said, I could catch your logic too. Just like there is nothing to learn to express love, it comes from itself. Say a very nice one I am very happy now. I do not know why I say love and I feel love. Not only on one person but also all person. On top of everyone. Like my love for my father, which my father never hopes for. Why do not you know that I am now very much interested in my father & want to tell him I love you very much my dad.
i send you a mail yesterday. but i did not get my answer.
Finding the love from within would surely unleash all the doubts that we have. But how about those people who were lied to from the past? Who had kept broken promises deep within their hearts? Who wholeheartedly believed someone when they were at their most fragile moment, yet ended up with a broken heart? These are the people who weren’t able to help themselves; who weren’t able to “fix” themselves when they were in the process of hurting from the heartbreaking circumstances that happened to them. They are the survivors and surely not a victim, for they have successfully had gone through hell although in broken pieces, yet continued to carry on with their lives.They may had been in a desperate and helpless state, yet they were able to crawl away from it. And these people end up building walls high enough to protect and hide that hurt part of themselves. These are the people with trust issues, who have been hurt from past yet continue to give themselves a chance to heal that ripped heart that they have. Giving themselves another shot to be fully happy by being able to fully trust someone once again. And with that, maybe you don’t know that that person that you are loving is clinging unto your love to be able to face another day of their lives as they continue to deal with the demons from thier past.
Thank you for this brave post, speaking on behalf of so many.
Those who have been hurt were given a gift from the one who broke their heart. They are now stronger, tougher and more connected with their intuitive self. Indeed, they have built walls. Indeed, they (think) they have trust issues. But all is well, as they are in the process of allowing their divinity in.
There is no point in processing, thinking "how can I trust again, how can I get over my doubts, how can I fill myself instead of feeding off?". All these questions are food for the mind but they mean nothing for the process, and they don't influence the enlightenment.
Those people who have been hurt will feel one day that they are ready to start over, love again, trust completely and with no fear at all. How come?
They will know that it doesn't matter. That they can be betrayed again, bitten (emotionally) again, left alone again, but they will always always have themselves. And the discovery of this wisdom will free them for eternity. And they will love and be loved like never before.
This I promise you.
A friend once said a man doesn't know what love is if he hasn't found hate. Most people see the love we give them as a normal duty not knowing it is not. It hurts to love so deep and yet be ignored.
Part of the lessons we go through in life. I keep saying this, and I will continue to do so -
our darkness is our divinity.
We have to go through hate/pain/anguish to really know love and our true heritage.
Thanks for your comment!
Sadly we end up missing all those rules when we fell in love. The rage to have the love back just blackouts our thought process.
Love or hate the sooner you realize the limits the better it is for future.
Which limits?
Love and hatred makes you do things that you regret once you are out of it.
It is just a thin line between the two of them. It takes seconds to fall in love and it takes seconds to hate. But when love turns to hate it takes a miracle to turn back to love
Two words...
##walk away
when.u feel u r not needed
Ah, my friend, so love is about neediness?
Yes ... Everything... Its more about giving than what u recieve...
I have always said to my beloveds -
I do not need you. I am with you because I choose to be.
And right after that, the grilled chicken you mentioned became tastier 😉
n m sure they will be like
The goat itself came to be lawful lol
Then those people deserve "no love"....
My friend, love is not an issue of deserving or not. Love IS. Since you were born. No matter what you - or anyone else does - they are loved. Even the cruelest person ever lived was loved. The problem is that the human disconnects themselves from that love. Then all troubles begin.
Thank you for this incentive to elaborate!
I really feel for your pain because in life you flowed so much tears, and yes if in an relationship we have doubt then that relationship will become just spending an time with the mask means a time will come when the process of doubt will deeply question oneself and in turn it will hurt the relationship by questioning the worth of each other in an relationship. When we engage with people who enjoy their own company they are the people who knows the real essence of life means if one cannot love himself/herself then they cannot love anyone in real essence but they can just do the act of love which will one day have to open the mask of acting. Thanks for sharing this post with us and wishing you an great day and life ahead. Stay blessed. 🙂
WowtThis is very crazy, i am impressed. I'm reading and I feel like you're talking about me. All that happens in my life.
cheers
welcome... i always try to visited your post..
Why try? Do it! 😉
Your presence is always welcome.
That one deserves to be loved and loves there some of my friends once said that a man does not know what love is if he does not find resentment in his heart. We see from to Most people see the love we give them as normal tasks or feelings they do not realize. The pain of his heart so deep that it can be ignored with a new feeling in our hearts.
We have to allow ourselves to be loved by the people who really love us, the people who really matter. Too much of the time, we are blinded by our own pursuits of people to love us, people that don't even matter, while all that time we waste and the people who do love us have to stand on the sidewalk and watch us beg in the streets!
We do not have the power to express love. I do not even have that power. But I know it's not a good thing at all. Love is to love to get love, and love has the power to express love when giving love. I have seen a lot of people who can not express anyone who loves a lot. As a result, it seems to be uncompromising love. Take a simple note, in a relationship between her husband and wife, they do not express their love at a time. They think their love gone for old.
Really? A misconception of them works. That is the problem of most people. Just can not express love. And will it continue to go like this? We have nothing to do? I want to love and love to show love and love. And that's not for a period of time, until the moment before the dead.
In your profile it's written "I love travel". It seems to me you express love very well 👍
hahaha thank you. you visit my profile😲😲
i can't believe.. i think i am a lucky girl today.
hahaha thank you. you visit my profile..!
i can't believe. i think i am a lucky girl today.
I agree with your words. Your words are very important for us. If love is not expressed then it is not love. Love is that, where the words of the mind are told to love people. Just like I love my lot. She told me to love me every day. Hopefully I will say whole life too. Your advice will be useful for my family life. Thank you for saying the valuable words.
Love means understanding each other. If I do not understand the person I love, such love does not seem to have any meaning for love.
Love survives or survives in mutual trust. There is no love in love that lacks trust, there is social protection.
Anyone can love. Love is a feeling of many holy ones. Should not be loved even for selfishness. Love is the sweetest relationship in the world, where there is no will, no desire, no interest, there will be only love. In fact, our human mind is very uncomfortable, he does not even know what he really wants.
Knowing everything again, this mind grows in the wrong way by not knowing its own unknown.Conscience forbade him many times.
This conscience and mind always win the mind. And then a person can feel love and can value love. And this is why the world is so beautiful, so sweet.If not all the people of the world would be robots " The scope of love is huge like the universe. It is not possible to find as much self-esteem as 'love', and it can not be found anywhere else. And you will get the full taste of this self-expression only when you can love the creator of this universe and its creatures unselfishly.I think I say a lot, if I say something wrong,then sorry.
yes I agree with you @nomad - magus, no need we throw tears for people who can not love because it will be futile and will only hurt ourselves
I think this is a fantastic post! Honestly I think you couldnt have said it any better. Great job.
Letting go of the that doubt provides so much freedom to be who I am and learn to love myself. No one else can do that for me. It is an active practice on being true to myself.
@nomad-magus another nugget on living a full and enriched life! Thanks for the reminders and for taking a different spin. You always make me think! I’m going to hang on to some of your articles and review them regularly, just to see how I’m doing.
I agree we can't prove our love to those who doubt it no matter how hard we try they are never gonna believe our love for them, they need proof for love, how foolish are those people, does love needs proof?
👍
I would replace the word foolish with ignorant, clueless, unaware.
I agree they really are ignorant
Real love to me is when you’d do anything for that person but not to be their slave, with small exceptions. Love is having equality within each other but you can always be yourself when you’re with them without worrying what they will actually think. I hope this makes sense. I’ve heard some people saying “Love doesn’t really exist”, they don’t belive in love, because they have never been in love. I don’t belive that, I loved before I was married. I don’t think you can show love with words. To me you are unable to speak it, but you can prove it with your actions. I can ask a question “When will I know if I’m in love?” I think the answer could be when I’m constantly worried about them and always pray for their health and safety, when I’m willing to even sacrifice my own life for them without hesitation. That’s when you prove your real love.
Sometimes if the person you love
Some people simply don’t know how to show love; even though they feel affection and love, they are incapable of showing love. Or even worse still, they show it wrongly.
I read, saw, enjoyed your post, nice and innovative. Thanks for sharing post.
great post.....my friend :) For me.....I only feel it...not to prove it :) .....upvote and resteem :)
Nice post, i like your every post and injoy it, so keep it up, Thank You.
And i think doubt is the climax to the faith and trust!
a fun story
Love is the most beautiful feeling. There's no need to prove anything. Love will flow, something is going on if theres a need to prove it. regards
LOVE
By repeating the passage I found the missed meanings.
Love is not only evidenced by words, overflowing attention, their caring sign, it will also prove that it is really love, saying love is only a force to maintain a relationship, but sacrifice and attention is the real power of love .
after I read I am very interested in your post, because I have experienced about this article, how I am sad after I know how not to sacrifice me for him,
It is really touching...I think there is no person that didn't feel this in his life.
It is really touching...I think there is no person that didn't feel this in his life.
LOT'S OF LOVE SIR
once aforementioned a person does not apprehend what love is that if he hasn't found hate. the majority see the love we have a tendency to offer them as a standard duty not knowing it's not. It hurts to like thus deep and however be unnoticed.
wow nice ! Keep it up
We shouldn't have to prove our love to others.
If we have to prove, then it's not worth it
Love is not meant to be shown. It is just needed to be felt. If you need to show it that means the other person either has a doubt or is simply not interested and wants you to roam around them.
The problem with them is they wanna tag and label everything in the box, think outta box.
You are so right.
Really good post for your life.
You have to know about invest.
Who is deserved it, and who is not.
I don't think we should try to prove our love for anyone for if we love someone,he/she will become aware of that. Otherwise they are not worthy of our love and time.
I just want to say, people who have no love and can not love, his life will be chaotic and his heart is always barren.
Beautiful post , thanks for sharing.
welcome... i always try to visited your post love u
By being yourself and not trying to please them. The harder you try the more likely you are to go away from who you really are and that can never be attractive and lovable.Moreover once the person knows you can be made to please them and controlled by their approval or disapproval that game is never going to stop.On the contrary when we love who we are we get in a flow and have a certain aura that is attractive (surely to right people).
I too have experienced what you tell me @nomad-magus . I am very sad. Your article is amazing.
Many. Many.
We want to save our beloved but this is impossible. Very sad, but every person needs to grow and find love within.
This post has received a 8.89 % upvote from @boomerang.