Perception Shapes Everything

I have always felt that a person's perception is everything... it shapes the way you think, the way you feel and what you do. Sure, your perception can and will change based on the experiences you have in life. One may perceive the world to be a lovely place and then something tragic happens and your perception changes. It can happen quickly.

This topic is kinda reminiscent of the fear topic we wrote about. We about to get deep. I can only draw from my own experience and when I think of perception... I think about the way my brother's perception is way different from mine when it comes to the subject of my mother.

My mother wasted no time getting pregnant again after having my brother. He and I are only eleven months apart. My brother wasn't even a year old when I was born. We lived with my parents till the ages of 13 and 14... and although we lived in the same household, with the same people, for just about the same amount of time... our experiences are completely different and therefore, so is our perception.

On the outside, people would perceive us as a normal, middle class family. Mom and Dad with a son and daughter... and if you came to visit, you were met with what seemed to be a loving and caring family. We played Dungeons and Dragons, Chess and Monopoly. On the weekends, we would have family outings and spend some time in the city going to French Market and Cafe Du Monde.

On the inside was a different story. My brother suffered emotional and physical abuse from my father, while I suffered emotional and sexual abuse from my father. My father, I believe, would have these brief moments of guilt and would try to be a father. He had a huge hand in giving me the appreciation I have for music and books. When he would work on his GTO, I would be out there helping him. Those moments were brief and rare and the monster was never far away.

My mother on the other hand... the good moments she and I shared were even more rare. My brother nor I suffered any abuse from her. Sometimes, when we had days off of school I remember sitting on the sofa with her, eating lemons and salt while watching her favorite soap opera. I remember her dancing the robot to "Freakazoid" during a Halloween party but other than those, the memories of her are ones I'd rather forget.

My mother and my brother had a different relationship, I'm not going to pretend that I remember a whole lot but things I do remember, she was always there to help him while I was pushed off to the side to figure it out on my own. That was my perception anyway. They seemed to be close, she was always there for him while I sat there on the sidelines longing.

Fast forward to the present. My mother has been gone for almost 30 years and it wasn't until I became a mother that my perception about my own mother changed. I always tried to give my mother the benefit of the doubt... being as young as I was and not knowing the real situation between my mother and my father, I was always easy on her for not being the mother I needed. When I became a mother, all of that changed. When I looked into my son's eyes I could not understand how my mother could do what she did. When I told her about the abuse, she did nothing. It got swept under the rug never to be brought up again. All the other things that I longed for didn't seem to matter as that alone was enough to change my perception. The minute I looked into my son's eyes, that's the moment I hated her and vowed to protect my son at all costs. That's what a mother is supposed to do right?

My brother, having a different experience puts my mother's memory on a pedestal. His perspective of our mother and our family life surprises me sometimes. I have to remember that even though we lived in the same house, his childhood was very different from mine. I don't have the heart to argue with him and explain to him why his mother is trash in my eyes ... sometimes it's better to leave those skeletons in the closet, because honestly, what purpose would it serve now?

Here's a side note... I found out as an adult that my parents had another child, a boy. I had another brother. The weird part of this story is they gave him to my grandparents to raise. We grew up thinking he was our uncle... our younger uncle. He found out after my mother passed and after my father was in prison that those were his parents and we were his siblings.

Imagine that for a second... you find out that you were adopted by your grandparents... your birth mother (who you thought was your sister) is dead, your birth father (who you thought was your brother in law) is in prison and you despise your siblings (who you thought was your niece and nephew) because you think they lied about everything. You see, when he found out about his birth parents, he went straight to his father which is also my father and he believed all the lies that my father told him. I tried to reach out to him, he couldn't be bothered and told me that he wanted nothing to do with a lying (C U Next Tuesday), and that was the last I spoke with him.

I can't hate him though. Even with everything I've been through I can't imagine what it's like to have that kind of news thrown in your lap. Can you imagine what news like that did to his perception? Maybe it's better that I don't.


This has been my Drop in the Ocean post about the topic of Perception for the awesome BuddyUP community.
Cool Electric Divider




Indeed true about perceptions, especially between family members. Friends also see people differently when they only see a kinder, gentler side.
Parents are suppose to protect their children. Your mother’s lack of support for you is unacceptable, especially with sexual abuse going on under her watch.
Your brother may see her as a saving grace compared to how his father treated him. Jail seems too good for him.
We have the ability to make our future a happier place with a change in perceptive. Much love 💕

Yeah Red, I agree with you that jail is too good for him... and in a twisted way, to me death is too good for him too. The only kind of satisfaction I have (and this is the dark side talking) is hoping that what they say about child molesters in jail is true... maybe some big bad muscle bound guy calls him girlfriend. (My feelings for this man are a bit strong ... for his beautiful bride too)

I wouldn't feel right telling my brother how I feel... I can understand his perception of things but he would never understand mine, but yes, I believe she was his saving Grace... and ya know what's crazy Red, sometimes I feel the way I do, and then feel guilty for it, like maybe I was just jealous or something. But then I shake that off.

I'm rambling lol ... Thank you so much Red
Much love right back at ya 🖤🖤🖤

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Dear Monchie, You have nothing to feel guilty about. I think the passive-aggressive thinking is an effect caused by your childhood experiences.
Funny you mentioned ‘jealous’ as I was thinking your mother may have been jealous of you. ❤️

Thank you Red! I think so too. Passive-aggressive has always been a thing for me and I really hate that about myself honestly.

Funny story... a friend of mine wanted to use my house to meet with her medium. I am skeptical about that sort of thing... but she gave me a reading and said the exact same thing about my mother. 🖤

There must be something to it then, Monchie, if we both picked up that vibe. ❤️


Can that be my only reply to this post??? hahahahaha


you know... we tend to become fierce protectors when we see what the world can do. I dont understand why some people can't see what they need to do? I don't want to understand that perspective ever.

It's crazy though... wow. yeah. two kids. same household. even add in genetics! another kid - same genetics, different household. and all three perceptions - different.

I love that you show that our perceptions are under our control. things happen - and everyone will have a different reaction. but we do have control of how we allow that to shape our perceptions.

love you monchie

I know exactly what you mean when you just say yes!! Lol

But we truly are in control Dreemie. Look at you, Andy and I, the things we've overcome... one would think our perspectives would be that of a more negative nature and therefore alter our perceptions to a more negative view but we've beat the odds, and though we have bad days, or bad weeks, or sometimes bad months... we manage to not let that change our perception in a negative way. Bad things happen, it shouldn't define us. I Love you Dreemie 🖤

Posted using Partiko Android

Amen my sista!

couldn't say it better!

am3gas 4 lyf


Is perspective subjective? dammit let me not confuse myself anymore and honestly I don't want to go down a googling rabbit hole, also think that @thehive covered many of it in his opinion series.

The fact that screws with my head is that you are able to grow, view and learn new perspectives to asses the situation and how to move forward given all that information, which helps you perceive things in a much broader and I dare say truer scope that what they might. They refuse to shift their perspective and thus have a very narrow view of in regards to yours. It may be as much to do with finding a truth for yourself but you just can't pretend there are not others. By not shifting their perspective to include other perceptions they are only resigning themselves to stay in their little bubbles until it pops.

I've always tried to look at things from all perspectives Pen, that's just how I've always been. I find myself lucky that I can be that way no matter what my perception may be... (see what I did there?) I think I have this whole perspective/perception thing licked hahaha.

I often question where the hell I came from. When I look at my family as a whole I'm astonished that I am not crazy to be completely honest... well maybe a little crazy but not like straight-jacket crazy. They've come to take me away haha hoho hehe to the funny farm hahahha that crazy.

Different indeed! We have had very different paths in this world. Isn’t it fabulous that they have finally converged at this point? Your story has touched me. Immensely.

I understand your view of you uncle/brother and see the generosity in you. Your maternal love is very strong ❤️

Thank you Julia🖤

I do find it amazing to meet people from different walks of life. We all have something to offer and it's been awesome to learn from you.

And it's funny ... that's exactly what I call him when I refer to him my uncle/brother! And I can certainly empathize with him.

Much love @juliamulcahy 🖤

Posted using Partiko Android

Wow! Some drastically varying perspectives there, for sure. All I can say is I'm impressed as hell you have a positive outlook on life, and that you've been as strong as you are going forward and being a mother yourself. Peace and love to you and your family.

Thank you so much doll. I just can't see being any other way really. What's the fun in being a negative nelly and being miserable all the time... I know so many people like that and some of them have had great childhoods. The worlds such a beautiful place and you don't have to look very far. But that's why I keep my circle so small. That way I make sure my world is peaceful.

Much love to you my friend. 🖤

Wow, wow @monchhichi23! I know this had to be a hard one to post - you did, indeed go deep my dear.

So sorry that you experienced all that. I wonder if your mother had narcissistic personality...they do tend to choose what is referred to as a 'golden child'. That would explain the different experience you and your brother had.

It is amazing that you survived with so much awareness and courage that you were able to create the life you needed for yourself and your son. Love is such a strong healer and motivator. Glad you didn't close your heart.

Much love to you, Mon

Thank you so much @youhavewings. You are absolutely right... and especially the love for a child. The day he was born I didn't think I could love anyone or anything like that. He was so tiny and the thought that he came from me... I suddenly knew what a Momma Bear would and should do for her cub.

And I just commented to Pen how I'm astonished that when I look at my family I am astonished that I am not crazy lol and at least somewhat normal. My brother was definitely her 'golden child' ... and the funny thing is... I was a straight A student... never gave them any trouble and my brother was the complete opposite, he always acted out.

Much love right back to you, Wings 🖤

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