Like a lot of times, I got inspired by one of the great articles from the Hive... This time, it was a great piece by @surrealfia where she was writing about decisions, dilemmas and giving a helping hand or not, and I would recommend it to everyone to take a look... My vlog isn't about the same thing, but it has some similarities...
Now, back to the topic... If you like to help others, you have probably bumped into the "time-waster" type of people... From my point of view, people that fall into this description usually ask for help, and that part is OK... But, when you take your time and spend it on them explaining what should they change, how they should do something, or just share your objective opinion, they usually ignore all that has been said...
But, there is more... After some time, they come back with the same story and the same request... And you do it all over again, and of course, get the same result... You get the point? You are wasting your time on them as they don't listen, or they don't want to take action...
There is a difference between time-wasters and energy vampires, but that's another topic...
So, in the end, the problem isn't in time-wasters, it is in us! We are those who let them inside our world, we are giving them our time... But, if we don't do that, we have that feeling of guilt inside...
I have tried to explain my point of view about this problem in the video... Take a look...
Thank you for your valuable time,
~ph~
Music in video:
Growing Up by Scott Buckley https://soundcloud.com/scottbuckley
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▶️ 3Speak
I have experienced this quite a bit in my life & am finally at a point in my life where I am starting to understand I cannot help everyone. They have to WANT the help. You can only give someone advice or help for a while until you start noticing the vicious cycle forming.
It is hard for us to refuse to help someone at times, but you are right....it's a matter of respect on both sides. I gladly give my time to help someone but if they ask and keep ignoring what they asked me for, then after a couple of times, it gets old. You see the writing on the wall.
Unfortunately, we are in a society now where people get offended to get offended so that type of conditioning can play a factor as well at times. I will continue to help others as long as they help themselves. As a reformed people pleaser, I no longer allow my time to be wasted or manipulated by someone who has no desire to help themselves.
Great content, Zoltan, as always & btw, you might have inspired me to do another video soon ;) Have an awesome weekend :) 💗
I have actually, experienced the contrary of you are saying... After a couple of attempts to explain to someone that our "combo" will not work, as there is no communication, I get into that "sarcasm mode" that @rarej mentioned in his comment... But with that even, people don't get offended... lol... So, it's probably me and I have some major failure in my system...
and yes... We have to protect ourselves and our time and use it wisely...
Thanks for the comment and can't wait to see the video inspired by this one :)
How interesting - we experienced different situations with almost the same results. Every time I try the "sarcasm mode", people get butt hurt & offended. It's probably because they don't expect it from me! LOL 🤣 😂 (It doesn't stop me though lol...)
I will let you know once I make the video....you just need to stop inspiring me, darn it! 😂
@tanjakolader There is a reformed people pleaser here, if you need any guidance on your own reforming journey. 🙃
Ironic you used this phrase. I did a video today and you will see .... ;) And definitely always glad to help! :) @tanjakolader does great work as yourself. She is great! Blessings to you :) 💚
Awww thank you...
Yeah am in the process of not keeping on helping people who don't at least try.
My time and energy are valuable and priceless, so I'm very cautious in who I spent them on.
100% Truth! Good for you! 🙌 💚
I've come across quite a few time-wasters in my time. It usually starts with explanations and advice but once I realize the person is wasting my time, it can go 2 ways. If I don't care, I cut the person of. If it's a loved one, I just scold shortly them and tell them that we have already been through it. A little bit of sarcasm sprinkled in doesn't hurt either. Usually that works better than the initial advice itself.
As always, I will give your content a political twist and say that governments are the biggest time-wasters around, making us vote and invest our attention in the same garbage over and over again. 😅
ahahahahaah... I can confirm that! :)
Thanks, but you don't have to mention politician every time... lol... My life is so much better when I don't see them at all... lol...
Lol, I will keep that in mind. One political reference every 4 comments then.🙃
It's always difficult to treat everybody the same. I've always had some annonying customers that were bugging me more than all the others and you just want to get them served so that they stop bugging you. The problem is that you neglect the people who are actually very easy to please and who are much more interesting customers in the long term... I try to get rid of the annoying customers by treating them as badly as they treat me and I treat the easy customers well because I want them to keep coming :-)
hahaahah... I know this feeling... But, the problem is that type of customers are used to be treated like that... so, they don't care and usually come for more... lol... 100% proven in real life... 🤣
What you discuss here is so true and I think applicable to many of us.
I know I have a problem saying "no" when someone asks for help. But like yourself, when it happens a second and a third time for the same reason, I am not so willing to help anymore. I strongly believe that (and this is what I thought my kids as well) you can only help someone who wants to be helped. Someone who just keeps on complaining (and even battling with something), I believe such a person doesn't really want to be helped.
Secondly, I don't believe in helping someone by solving the problem (or doing the task) for them. I will assist, but that person has to be involved in performing whatever needs to be done. Doing it for them is a guarantee that they will be back with the same problem soon. They learn nothing in the process.
Lastly, what you refer to about customers asking about their computers the same afternoon after you have told them it will be ready in two days...
I know that kind of mentality and I find it extremely irritating. The whole thing is psychological. They often do it on purpose, knowing that if they keep irritating you, they will get want they want. They don't care whether it causes any inconvenience to you or anyone else. I consider it to be utterly rude and selfish.
We need to learn to say "no" without feeling guilty. Obviously, each situation has its own merit, but as long as we cannot say no, there will be people who will walk all over us.
Thank you for this much-needed message, Zoltan! Have a great weekend!
Thanks for your time and this great comment...
This is on spot! There are people that don't know what they want... which is the next level of all this + the thing that they want help, but actually don't, as you said... It's confusing, but I get what you wanted to say...
This is something that I TRY to do as much possible... I have learnt this on hard way, but I'm glad that I did... The perfect example is money... If you just give people money (loan), they will not respect it... If you show them the way HOW TO earn money, they will, if they really earn money by doing it...
It looks like a different thing, but it's just like DOING things for others... If you DO that once, you will be "that person that knows to do it", and you will HAVE TO do it every time... Regardless of the fact that that is maybe some trivial thing... It's just another easy button for time-wasters...
Have a great weekend!
Thanks for a great video @ph1102, and really great advice on how to deal with people wasting your time, and the part that they are taking time away from helping other people was something I had not thought about before, but very true, thanks for sharing, it's awesome.
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Thanks for the pick! It's an honor to be along with others in the TIA awesome curation post!
And if we don't think about ourselves regarding time-wasters, we should think about the others that need our help...
Cheers!
My husband is the only one and dog and cat whom pull me away from my things. other wise it all my fault.
But I want to do things myself at time I am going to do them. Also may the first time you teach. they not quit sure about the help they get. and have to come back ask again. it a circle.
Yes, that is the other way... If someone needs more details and that's why need some help... That's perfectly fine, and it shows interest!
The problem is NOT implementing learned things... and going over and over again through the same process...
Thanks for the comment!
Learning to say "No" when we need the most can be the most difficult thing for some, myself included. But I feel that I'm more selective and share my time with those who I really believe will be worth my time. It's in my natural form to try to help everyone but must focus on the right people. It's much better to help and give 100% to one or two than give 50% or less to a bunch and then only a few will worth it. And little by little I'm learning that it is ok to be selective!
Thank you, Zoltan, as always, good content!
Yes, it is hard to say NO... It's the same as admitting your mistake and moving on... We are usually those who are in charge to do whatever we want, as we are the owners of our life... Will others accept that or not? That's on them, not on us...
Thanks for your kind words.
Another great video.
I agree. Period.
As a person in the air freight industry I developed a saying...
If it is not alive or dead...it can wait...
and if it is a plant shut down that then you can pay & it will happen
Our time is valuable, and just because someone cries urgent/important it may not be.
It is our time, and we must train people to value that.
I will help and encourage over and over....but it is on my time
I am not 911 here to fix everything.
Huh... You sound a bit scary with your comment, but I like it... :)
You are absolutely right about "fixing everything"... If I know things that you don't know, that doesn't mean that I MUST be there and SHOW you... like NOW :) :)
I will try to implement some of your tips... :)
The art of saying "No" can help us with time wasters.
Truly said, the time they are wasting can be used for betterment of someone else.
Showing too early is not waste of your time but waste of their time also but may be they have lot of time and nothing to do.
Yeah... that was one of the main messages that I wanted to say... There is always a better way to use our valuable time...
Oh, yes... this is a case very often... Some people have too much "spare" time, and they think if they have, that everyone else has... lol... :)
Thank you @ph1102 for recommending my piece. I can't help but count how many times I have faced this particular situation. It is quite time wasting effort when the other person, without caring about anything else, decides to do the think that you have recommended Not to do. Let's not forget how disrespecting and disappointing that situation is. I don't think anyone really enjoys saying "I told you so". And yes although I still help but I think drawing a limit to the effort you're putting on is the best approach. That's what I felt.
You are welcome... You did a great post and inspired me to do mine...
Regarding this... We can be wrong, that's a fact... and someone can accept our advice, or not... But, if you didn't accept it for the first time, why do you coming for more? :) :) That's what is killing me... lol...
And I agree about drawing a limit! That's the moment when we have to say NO... As it has no sense doing it... and everyone lose...
Thanks for the comment and your time! Keep on creating great content!
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