A delight in solitude
When we were still getting to know more of each other, I remember talking to my boyfriend about my tendency to do things on my own. That I love solitude. I love dating myself, that I value me time, that there are just things I'd rather do alone. It was important that even before our relationship started, I had to establish how I do things and what I value most, or else we might end up fighting over it in the future.
I love to travel solo. I have been in the most dangerous places in the country on my own (Yup, Tawi-tawi, Basilan and Sulu).
I love to watch movie all by my myself and I won't be jealous of the couple sitting next to me. It pumps me up to think of watching movies when I backpack around the country: a movie in Rockwell, in Gensan, in Davao, in Nueva Ecija, in Albay. Even my friends had to adjust, there's this one movie I wanted to watch alone but they wanted to watch it with me. What I suggested so that I get to enjoy the movie as if I was alone is we watched it in the cinema at the same time but we seated 2 or three seats away from each other. They really went through it just to give way. And right after the movie we were united as if nothing happened. 😂
I went to a concert of my favorite singer/vocalist alone. It was such a great experience that I don't have to look after someone else's state or feelings or to check if they're enjoying themselves or not. I just had to lift my arms up at the first note of "Ang Huling El Bimbo" and I could be lost all night as Ely sang all the songs I grew up with.
I used to go to coffee shops alone not to get my dose of caffeine but to claim my glass of sugar (in frappe), a reward I give myself once a month. I just stay there alone, writing on my journal or scribbling an idea in my head and sometimes planning (or checking testpapers of my students before). There were also times I'd rush to my favorite coffee shop because people and things and events stressed me out.
I can practically be left alone all year long and I wouldn't mind. I love the company I get when I'm with myself.
An important date
On a holiday last November, I scheduled a date with yes, you got it right, me, myself and I. But unlike the usual dates I've had with myself, this time I decided to take it a notch higher.
"My hair needs a total makeover", I told myself one day. I had a few lined up events I was expected to attend in December. I thought it's best to show up after undergoing a glow up session, a major one if I may.
It was an afternoon of a Holiday when I traveled to Lapu-Lapu City. There were a few salons in Cebu City but in terms of hair makeover, there's only one person I trust and that's Ma'am Amor. She was referred by my workmate's wife back in 2019. And after experiencing her service, I told myself I'm not going to get my hair colored by someone else.
The pandemic affected the operation of Ma'am Amor's salon which later on led to its closure. But with many customers still asking for her service, she decided to open a home-based salon. I didn't mind getting the service in her home. In fact, I was happy to see that her salon's spacious, open area.
The transformation
What I love about her service could be compared to eating fastfood meals and home-cooked meals. In her salon, you'll never feel the service's rushed. Ma'am Amor takes her time and makes sure she delivers in all aspects of service.
She asked my opinion what method I'd like her to use in bleaching my hair. I told her to use the rubber-like cap with pinholes (forgive me for I don't know the exact terms) to bleach my hair. I dislike the effect of using foils to get hair highlights. I don't like to get solid straight-lined highlights eversince. Using this method, I still get to have varying colors in my hair but very mild, almost unnoticeable.
The catch is, it's more time consuming and tiresome to use this method than the foil one, but Ma'am Amor never complained and eagerly proceeded with my request.
They rinsed, blow dried my hair. I'm well aware that Ma'am Amor takes before and after shots of all her clients; she uses these to advertise her service in social media. With the help of her niece they used Tiktok to make a video of my hair.
When bleaching was done, it's now time to apply the hair color. I trust Ma'am Amor so much that I let her decide what color suits me best this time! I just told her I don't want it to be too light.
After roughly two hours of letting the hair color take its effect on my hair, Ma'am Amor checked it and to my surprise, she added another layer of color to it. I was starting to see the changes in color but had to wait for few more minutes. It was already dark outside and I'm itching to go home and stretch. Haha! 😂
And finally, it's time to rinse! Her home-based salon was fun and exciting. I particularly was fond of her makeshift rinsing area where she used a water hose. I truly admire her resourcefulness just to deliver her sought-after service.
Rinsing my hair was my favorite part of her service. I felt her soft fingers pressed against my scalp. I mean I can have my hair washed by her all day long and I wouldn't mind really. The manner she handled it reflected how she values her client's comfort and satisfaction.
And after a looooong day, she finally said my hair's done. It was time to take the after shots and continue with the video to complete her Tiktok advertisement.
It was one of the longest time of the year I've been seated. Imagine starting at around 1 PM and finishing by 7 PM, that's a long time just sitting! Good thing Ma'am Amor is very talkative and her nonstop, wide-array of small talks led to conversations that entertained me the whole time. Perhaps this is one of the reason why I kept coming back to avail of her service.
And tada! My hair looked fantastic after enduring the entire afternoon! I have to be honest tho, I didn't like the color at first. I was too light for me, but later on when I get to see its color in broad daylight, I felt fantastic and I couldn't be more thankful to her for what she's done to my hair.
It was past 7 so I rushed out of their village where the home-based salon was located and rode a jeepney to reach home.
I never thought I'd spend the entire afternoon there, I even planned on going to this coffee shop nearby to continue dating myself but nah, time's not on my side this time. I reached a mall and decided to eat my dinner there. Unfortunately, most of the restaurants were closed. Gladly one of my favorite go-to place was still open so I ordered some of my favorites - chicken and Tropicana! Afterall, dating myself doesn't have to be extravagant.
An end note
I've always been labeled as a strong independent woman; each time I'd hear it, I'd take it as a compliment. There's something sexy in being independent, in the idea that you control your life, your happiness, your peace, your destination; that you don't need people all the time to remind yourself of your worth as a woman, your value as a person,
Following a tragic fallout, I made it a priority to love myself more. I realized no one can understand, love and treat me better than myself. If I couldn't even give the attention my self deserves, how could I expect others to do the same?
I make it a habit to date myself - from a lavish hair transformation to a simple cup of frappe in a coffee shop or a Netflix date with myself. I never fail to make time to show myself the kind of love it deserves. 😍
How about you? Have you tried dating yourself? How did you spend your quality time?
Living life intentionally every single day, she believes that there’s no limit to one’s potentials. Right now, she’s on the loose for the pursuit of endless holistic self-growth and development. She wants to light the way for others. She believes there’s no better way to leave a legacy than to pay it forward.
Her ultimate goal in life is to reach the state of enlightenment where there’s nothing but peace, love, happiness, and contentment - nothing more, nothing less.
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This urged me to not be guilty every time I spend for myself 😍 As long as it's not an addiction, it's okay. Thank you so much for this! I've been worried lately coz I spent a lot these holidays 😭
This paragraph I such a perfection! I can't say any more. Thank you so much for reminding us about self-growth, always!
Yaaasss, girl! Don't be as long as you're able to balance your time well with your family, friends and loved ones as well. 😍
Surely! Been blue lately coz there are items on my cart (for my dog, which are my happiness, haha), and I'm thinking of checking out at the end of the month. Yey! Thank you so much for the never-ending better perspectives. <333
Aweee, such a thoughtful fur mom @sellennee! I don't think I can be a fur mom, I can have dogs at home but you know there's a huge difference.
Omg yes po! They're really tiresome. I even feed them at 5 AM, way before my breakfast, haha. + the fur everywhere T^T A coffee with fur is really usual, lol.
I'd be dreading the idea of having them inside the house! And the poops, omg! I gave one of our dogs to my bf and now that dog has kids (2). they're too little but they poop all the time, INSIDE THE HOUSE. hahaha
Oh shoot! They need to be potty-trained po, but that takes a lot of time. That's a responsible thing to do of you, omg. And that's a lot for a person with work T^T
Knowing that other people can take care of them better, and letting them go is an absolute mindset <333
I see you list your Briggs-Meyers type. There is a definite tendency for us INTx types to find solitude, or solitary activities, refreshing and relaxing. I know many extraverts who would rather walk barefoot across broken glass than spend any length of time alone.
When I choose a group activity, I need a small group to avoid feeling overwhelmed. I don't tend to choose personal pampering when I set forth alone, but I have been known to plan a day of casually browsing book shops, sporting goods stores, and my friendly local game shop along with a stop at a park to watch the river or stroll through the trees. I haven't done that in a while, though. I need either snowshoes or the return of Spring.
!PIZZA
Heya @jacobtothe! I see, are you an INTJ as well?
I'm quite friendly and I can start conversations with strangers (in a huge crowd) but I don't last long. I'd find myself wanting to just lie in bed or isolate myself in a corner in no time. I like to talk but I don't feel comfortable talking for a long time with strangers and even people I know of.
There's peace in afternoon walks and strolling around the neighborhood! Glad to know, I'm not the only one being weird (as everyone around me thinks haha).
Thanks for dropping by!
Introverts and night owls are subjected to a world designed for extroverts and morning larks. Not fitting the mold is weird, but not wrong.
I totally agree!!! I think self love is highly important even if one is in a relationship. We must spend time with ourselves because that is one way of being able to nurture our growth. Btw Pat you look absolutely beautiful😍😍
Hello @lifewithera! Truly it is, but trust me it's difficult to find the kind of guys who'll understand this simple request. I'm blessed to have one supportive man. 😁
Awweeee! thank you so much! 😍
Yes!!! You are indeed blessed 🤗 it's hard to find someone who resonates with us nowadays 🤗🤗
Nice color, love it! 🥰
thank you @explorewithsasha ! 😘
Always welcome @patsitivity 😘😘
My early morning jogging before used to be my me time. Even if I have a running buddy, I sometimes join marathons by myself. It feels good to just finish the race without worrying if I'm being too slow or too fast since I'm by myself.
It feels good to be just by yourself, be lost in your thoughts and just enjoy the moment. Us ladies tend to worry about a lot of things. These dates with ourselves by ourselves every now and then are very important.
Hello @romeskie! I run alone 99.99% of the time! Except on rare moment when I ran with my boyfriend. It's nice to know someone agrees with me. I've heard people criticizing my dates with myself. But not gonna listen, I always do what makes me happy!😍
May a great week ahead come your way!
Gorgeous transformation! I miss dyeing my hair, when I still had hair. HAHAHAHA! I shaved my head after dyeing my hair for years. 😁
Amen! It took me years and a lot of failed relationships to realize this. I'm still learning how to do it until now.
Maybe I should give my hair some love, too. Time to visit my favorite barber, thanks to your blog! 😁
It took me two failed,almost relationships to realize this as well. 😌 Funny how we need to survive breakups just to realize how important self-love is. I just dream of a world where we don't need to be shattered first before we become enlightened on our worth.
That's true. I think those failed relationships are setting us up for the "one". When you meet him, you'd be ready because of them. Thank you, next, as Arianna G. said. ☺️
I think I met the "one" already hehe 😍
Oohhhh! I'm happy for you! Keep the fire burning. ☺️
we will, thank you Hannah! :)
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Totally salute you! I rarely met people who could date themselves. Before getting into a relationship, I dated myself. Going on trips, watching movies, dining out, everything I do solo. I love my me time. My girlfriend respect if I chose if I do things on my own just like how I respect if she chooses to do things on her own! Admire your courage! BTW, love the new hair! I can imagine someone's eyes are like 😍😍😍. hehehehe
Hey there, @asasiklause! Sus mag-meet naman unta ta ninyo this weekend if wala lang gyud ga Odette, huhu! Hopefully ma okay2x nata by February para we can pursue our plans hehe
Okay raman si bayukems sa buhok, na shock ra siya at first pero na orient raman before first kita nga Americana na iyang uyab hahahaha 😂😂😂
I also admire guys who respect their partners choices (Unta mo daghan pamo!) kay I know of girls nga di nlng gyud masunod ilang ganahan kay ilang uyab man magbuot. Paita!
From Cebuana to Americana real quick. Hahahaha.
Mao lagi ui. Looking forward na jd kaau ko sa atong yoga sesh and meet-up.
Respect is all we need ra jd dring dapita!
The most important thing anyone could do for themself is to realize what they are comfortable with and stick with that path. It is a very good thing that you had the conversation with your boyfriend, his decision to stay will be based on agreement. Self-love remains extremely important, loving ourselves will make it easier for other people to love us as well.
I am agreeable in all aspects! I remember telling (hearing from) my boyfriend how easy it is to love him (and for him to love me) since we've entered as individuals who've mastered the art of loving ourselves prior to the start of our relationships. One of my favorite things about our relationship! 😍
:P yeah, i prefer to 'date' myself a lot, but I never thought of it like that. I always thought of myself as a default loner, but with an optional social setting. :)
Your hair is real nice and will soon be a tiktok star!
Happy New Year @chinito! I am a [default] loner but using this to my advantage this time not just to veer away from the crowd, but to contemplate on things.
So pretty😍!!Mao jud niy leader sa among colored hair ron ba hahaha😂
Jessa gyud ni ay aw hahahahaha 😁
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Wow! That's so kind of you @hive-124452! Appreciate it. 😁
@ladiesofhive I should be thanking you and everyone behind LOH for starting a community where we, women, could express ourselves freely! 😁
i never tried this... i mean coloring my hair and I can't be sitting for 6 hours...hehe anyway, i also don't mind having me time...
Oh, this one's my third time @junebride. My first time came out hilarious hahaha I don't want to think about it now. but my 2nd and 3rd (current) came out fantastic. Now I walk like a VS model haha I know I'm very confident but this just adds a little courage in a way I couldn't put into words. hehe
You must blog about the first one hahaha
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