in Inner Blocks2 months ago


Mom and me.


As those of you who are my friends know, my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in January 2020. The cancer was found by accident. She had gone to the ER the night of New Year’s Eve 2019 with extreme pain. The pain was kidney stones, but the scans found her cancer.

Pancreatic cancer is one of the most deadly and aggressive cancers. It is often not found until it is too late. Mom was lucky to have found it early. On February 24, 2020 she was admitted to the hospital for a brutal 11 hour surgery known as a whipple. During a whipple a patient has half of their pancreas, stomach, small intestine and large intestine removed. Then the reminder of the organs are reattached to one another. They also remove all of the gallbladder and various numbers of lymph nodes. Mom had 24 taken out. Post recovery patients typically need to endure weeks more of chemo to beat back all of the cancer.

But, mom never really recovered. She ended up in the ICU. She had pneumonia, blood clots, infections, sepsis, delirium, hallucinations, c-diff, unexplained leakages, iron malabsorption… she lost her ability to eat. She’s had a j tube for feeding and a nephrostomy tube for urinating ever since. She lost over 100 lbs. She was still in the hospital when Covid restrictions set in. She was there 360 days! For most of that we could not be with her, she had to fight all alone to stay alive. She never was strong enough to get the chemo.

Since coming home mom has mostly been bed ridden, or at least house bound. Too weak to go up and down the stairs to get out of my parent’s house. When she stays out of bed too long mom often gets violently ill. It is not a great way to live. But she is alive and every day I am so thankful mom is still here. Just a phone call or short drive away. She is the one person in this world who makes me feel utterly and completely unconditionally loved. When you have a good mom, no one else can compare.


Since coming home from her initial hospitalization in 2021, mom has been readmitted MANY more times. Usually for various infections or tube changes. Each time they do CT scans and bloodwork. Each time her cancer has not returned. Until now… 😪

My husband and I were in California from 2/12-2/16. A short trip for a concert and Disney. Our dogs were staying with my parents while we were gone. On Valentine’s Day my dad called us to say mom had been taken to the ER. She was in some pain with a fever. The ambulance came out and paramedics made the call she should be hospitalized. Everyone thought she had another infection. Tests confirmed this to be true.

Heartbreakingly, tests also confirmed her cancer is back. It can be seen in her abdomen on scans and her bloodwork shows high levels of cancer makers. None of this was there when she was last hospitalized in November. Mom and dad found out Friday afternoon. Dad told us Friday night when we arrived home from our trip and went to retrieve the pooches.

Mom is too frail to have chemo or to survive another surgery. This combined with the speed of the cancer’s appearance… her doctor believes it is only a matter of months until mom dies.

I am shattered by this news. I feel like all of the air in my lungs has been pressed out of my body and I am gasping for oxygen. We just lost mom’s mom (my grandma) on November 23. We are still grieving that, and dealing with the logistics of that. Being faced with losing my mom now too… it is too much. Too hard. Too overwhelming.

And while grandma had lived a remarkable and healthy nearly 99 years, my mom is only 77. She deserves so much more time. We deserve so much more time with her. Unlike my grandma she is not ready to go. She is scared, and heartbroken and it is all so unfair.

My mom is everything. She is the creator of all the magic and special moments in my life. When I am feisty and not standing for anyone’s shit.. that comes from my mom. When I am drawing, decorating for Christmas, confidently kicking someone’s ass in a game, or making a delicious sweet or savory treat… all of those parts of me are from my mom. Despite being married nearly 22 years, I think my mom is still the one person on this earth with whom I have spent the most time.

I desperately want more time.


I went to the hospital and sat with her yesterday. Just me, mom and dad. (My husband had to leave for Singapore for a stupid work trip and won’t be home for a week.) They hope to get mom’s infection under control so she can go home. She wants to die at home. When the infection is managed she will officially start hospice care. Hospice is end of life comfort care that is typically prescribed when a person has 6 months or less to live. She has already signed a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate). Mom has also declared this is the last time she will go to the hospital for treatment.

The visit was surreal. Talking about normal stuff. Talking about what mom wants for her funeral. Seeing her cry and grieve the life she still wants to live. Seeing her and dad talk about how he should sell their house when she is gone and get a place that is easier to manage. Hearing mom sort of joke about hoping she will get to watch the next season of Seahawk football. I can’t believe she might not be here for Mother’s Day, my 50th birthday in July, or for Christmas. Is Christmas even Christmas without your mom?

I have logically known mom wasn’t going to be here to turn 98, but being faced with the reality of that is super hard. I am simultaneously heartbroken for her, for dad and for me, but also heartbroken for the people who lost their mom’s much earlier in life than I will. What a huge life changing loss. There isn’t another love that compares to a mother’s love. Losing the security, confidence and feeling of safe harbor that comes from that love … it is crippling to imagine.

Everything should stop to allow a person the space and time to lose their mom. I am meant to go back to work on Tuesday and I have no idea how I will think straight. How can meetings and mundane shit still be going on when I am on the precipice of such a monumental loss? Life is just so fucking hard sometimes. 😪

Anyway… that is the story in my corner of the world. If your mom is still alive, tell her how much you love her (if you do), visit her, hug her, hold her hand, be thankful for every part of her that makes you feel like you. If your mom is already gone… I am filled with admiration at your perseverance.




So sorry to hear that! I'm sorry I missed this post earlier. Having lost both of my parents I definitely understand what you are feeling and it's incredibly hard. I hope she will make it for next football season too. Pancreatic cancer can be very aggressive or in some people it's slow... I feel so bad for her being stuck in the hospital for a year, I see why she wants hospice, I would too. If there's anything I can do!

I am so sorry about your parents. Although it is all part of the natural progression of life it feels so tragic.

What's even scarier is now I'll probably be the next family member to go... That's life! I hope it stays away for awhile longer yet though.

Such a sad situation. My thoughts and prayers are with her and you, for strength and some semblance of understanding and peace in all of this. 💜

Thanks KG 💜

My deepest condolences @dfinney
I am acquainted by a 50 year old friend that struggled with turning his life around finally from Drug dependency only to be diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer. It was discovered by chance. Then he was gone within 6 months.
Losing anyone close hurts.
This last week, my depression sneaked up on me after having laundered and donated away most of Deb's cloths. I still have another part-filled box of clothes yet to finish just sitting in front of her side of the closet.
The other night I heard her voice call my name.
There is never enough time.
I also wished to have more time with Deb.
Taking another deep breath.

It is definitely a miracle mom has made it over years after her diagnosis. My friend’s husband and one of my cousin’s husbands both lost their moms just months after they were found to have pancreatic cancer. It (and all cancers are so stupid and cruel).

It so hard to let go of your person’s physical possessions. Like it is weird to see a life time of stuff they needed and treasured and now it is useless. And it becomes more sentimental to us who are left cause it is physical evidence that our people were real and just with us moments ago. We have barely started with grandma’s things and everyone is hard to let go now. I still have her hearing aids and the bag of clothes she brought to my house in the spare room cause it feels weird to let them go. 😢

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I lost my dad in 2019 after his short fight with cancer and it's hard. Hard in ways that only folks who've lost a parent they loved can understand. It'll suck, and it'll suck for a while... but eventually you'll learn to anticipate the times that suck most and weather them more. I understand the helplessness and loss you already feel as I felt the same. I'm sorry.

I am so sorry about your dad. 😪 It is crazy to think of all the life that will happen “after”. That line between here and gone is such a mind f-ck.

Thank you for your kindness and your sympathy. ❤️

Gotta stick together in times like this. All the best. ❤️

My mom is close too, so I feel ya sweets. Fingers crossed for a 50th birthday with her.


dfinney, enginewitty sent you LUV. 🙂 (2/4) tools | trade | connect | daily

Made with LUV by crrdlx.

You must be killin' it out here!
@enginewitty just slapped you with 10.000 PIMP, @dfinney.
You earned 10.000 PIMP for the strong hand.
They're getting a workout and slapped 3/4 possible people today.


Read about some PIMP Shit or Look for the PIMP District


I am so sorry about your mom! So glad we can commiserate in person in just a couple of weeks. ❤️

So sorry you all have to go through this, I can't imagine how it must feel. I'm always just a couple taps away if you want to chat. Love to the three of you ❤️❤️❤️


Oh, my dear friend... I would tell you, to wave a white flag. But in my experience, that doesn't work. To be quite honest... life "really" sucks, sometimes. I won't type a bunch of blabber... Just know I send you and the family... Lots of love, comfort, and understanding... Love and light, dear soul...

@tipu curate

dfinney, wesphilbin sent you LUV. 🙂 (1/10) tools | trade | connect | daily

Made with LUV by crrdlx.

I wish the white flag would work. If it did I would have been waving that thing for the last four years! I know you have been having your struggles looking after your mom. It is so hard. ❤️

Oh dear, I'm lost for words.. I came here as I saw your post from today and it was linked to three other posts which I wanted to read first. I can read in this whole post how great your mom was and how much you loved her. She has done a wonderful job raising you, it shows in every word you speak of her.

I'm heartbroken for you that you don't have more time to spend with her to make memories. I wish there was something I could say to make it easier, but there is nothing..

My mother died last year, sadly we were estranged due to the ex I told you about, therefore I had not possibility to even speak to her when things were bad, I had no clue. I got the message after she passed through a friend of her who was informed. Even without being close to my mother, it still feels as if a part of you is gone, and I can only imagine how hard that must be if you have a great bond for life..

I'm crying for you reading this.. Stay strong sister <3

The bond between a mother and her kids can’t be overemphasized!!
It’s my definition of true love.
Shout out to all mums over the world

Wow... I just said a prayer for her, and will keep your family in my prayers too. May she still have many good memories left to live 🙏

This post has been manually curated by the VYB curation project

Thank you so much for your prayers. ❤️

I'm so sorry about your mom and everything she's gone through! 😢

If you need anything, just ask. I pray God brings you and your family comfort.


Dear @dfinney, you just got hugged.
I sent 1.0 HUG on behalf of @bulliontools.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, life sucks so much and no one deserves this. I'll keep you in my prayers, I wish you and your family strength to bear this 🫂 ❤️

Thank you. ❤️

When you have a good mom, no one else can compare.

This is so true. My mom has been gone many years now, but I was very fortunate to have her until I was fully grown and then some.

I'm so sorry she's leaving you so soon. I know it makes you wonder how you'll ever survive, but I promise, you will. 💜💙💚💛❤️

❤️ Thank you.

This is really hard. So sorry with what you have to go through. When things that we can’t handle befalls us, we hand it over to God. I lost a sister in 2022 to cancer of the bladder. She was only 50, still full of life. These are the things that calls for reflection. “Life is a mystery “

All you need is more bond with your mom at this tine. And you need to stay strong for her, creating memorable time with her. Its going to be hard, but you need to try. Sending love to you all ❤️.

Only 50?!! That is way too young. 😢 Life passes by in a blink. 💔

So so too young. That is why we should live our life everyday with grace. Good and sound health is more than silver and gold.

Hope you are coping with everything concerning you mum.. God is your strength 🙏.

{{{ hugs }}}

I lost my Dad in 1997. Before, I couldn't imagine life without him in it and yet.... life has still gone on. Mom is 89 and appears to be in good condition for her age. She will be 90 in May. I cannot imagine life without her in it....

I agree, there is something weird, but weird isn't the right word, of how things can be happening that are devastating your life and yet the rest of the world still goes on at the same time.

I'm sorry you are having to go through this now.

1997! That is so much life you have had without him. 😪 I feel like the thought of my mom passing is heartbreaking, but then thinking about all the life that will come after… also totally overwhelming.

I hope your mom has lots of good years ahead of her. ❤️

I hope so too !

I always console myself in knowing that he wouldn't want me to be too sad too long and that he would want me to live my life to the happiest and fullest I could for whatever time I have myself. It still takes a while to except that and let it be.

😢 hugs

Thanks Dave. 😢

Oh @dfinney... I don't know what to say , except that I'll be praying for your mom, your dad, and you. It is really sad, @dfinney....
I am sorry.

Thank you. ❤️💔

I am so sorry to hear this @dfinney…😮
Spend time when you can with your Mom❤️

❤️ Trying. Hub’s has been super sick all week so i haven’t wanted to bring germs over to my parent’s house. But hoping to visit tomorrow or this weekend.

I hope hubby feels better soon, it’s no fun being sick!🙄
I hope the two woofers are keeping him company !☺️

Oh @dfinney-I so understand how you feel. (I lost my mom 15 years ago and my dad before that). Nothing and no one can ever take the place of your mom, and it's devastating when you are aware what is coming. It's devastating when you don't know it's coming. Your mom will live forever in your heart and your memories! Keep those close always!

My prayers are with you and your family.🙏🙏🙏

Thanks Liz. ❤️ I know most everyone will have to face this loss eventually, but it sucks. Because all of my grandparents (but one) and their siblings all lived well into their 90’s I always envisioned it would be the same for my parent’s generation… I would love 20 more years. 😪

I completely understand. Cheris the time you've had and the time you still have. Take care my friend; I'm not that far away and I have a good shoulder, should you need one.😘💜

Sorry Dfinn, it really sucks. I know exactly how you feel. The same thing happened with my dad. It was brutal and dealing with it and trying to deal with my mom during it wasn’t easy plus running my business. I was a wreck for a year straight. You need anything, you have my number.

I voted but had to come back to say , love life sucks these times. Mum is the being of us. I just let my mum read your touching blog. She says , did her mum read this touching article? She will love it. I wish you strength and will
Leave saying she will watch over you when the time is there.
Love Britt

I have been trying to write her a letter. 3 pages in and it is… I don’t know… it is hard to capture all the things I want her to know. But I will finish it. She definitely deserves to hear how loved she is. 🫂 ❤️

You poor girl, first your grandma last year, now your mum, that is way too much for a person to take.

Although it's going to be very difficult for you, you have to be brave and channel all your energy and love to your mum in her remaining days. Take care ❤

Truly sorry 😔😔

You received an upvote of 100% from Precious the Silver Mermaid!

Please remember to contribute great content to the #SilverGoldStackers tag to create another Precious Gem.

 2 months ago  

Thanks for sharing your experience with us!

You have been manually curated by @wesphilbin on behalf of Inner Blocks:
a community encouraging first-hand content, and each individual living their best life.

View or trade LOH tokens.

@dfinney, You have received 1.0000 LOH for posting in Ladies of Hive. We believe that you should be rewarded for the time and effort spent in creating articles. The goal is to encourage token holders to accumulate and hodl LOH tokens over a long period of time.


View or trade LOH tokens.

@pepetoken, you successfully shared 0.1000 LOH with @dfinney and you earned 0.1000 LOH as tips. (1/1 calls)

Use !LADY command to share LOH! More details available in this post.

@dfinney! Your Content Is Awesome so I just sent 1 $BBH (Bitcoin Backed Hive) to your account on behalf of @pepetoken. (8/50)

I am sorry that your mother is no longer with you. You are right, those who have a mother are lucky. And I agree with you so I will hug my mother as soon as I go home. I hope you have gathered strength and started living life again.