The most terrifying and beautiful experience
This year I made a plan to do one mushroom trip a month. Psychedelic mushrooms have the ability to heal your brain by connecting neural pathways that have been damaged and create new neural connections in your brain. There are many health benefits to doing these sacred substances and my goal for the year is to repair the damage that has been done to my brain from pharmaceutical medications and work through the traumas of life.
Prior to yesterday's trip, the most I had ever done was 4 grams. I have done several smaller trips and had good experiences with all of them. I was really nervous about upping the dose to 5 grams and as I was preparing everything for the trip, I opened up my mushrooms and measured out 5 grams in advance because I had a feeling that when the time came that I wanted to start the trip, I would only do 4 grams. So I just wanted to make sure that I had it all ready so that there was no chickening out.
I prepared for this journey by eating a light breakfast, hydrating and then fasting for the rest of the day. I prepared the space I was going to be in. I set up black lights, tapestries and a painting of a mermaid that my wife made. We have two singing bowls that I set up in the room as well so that my wife can play them and I can listen to and feel the vibration off of them. I spent time setting up a playlist of music and searched around on YouTube for some videos to watch during my trip.
At 12:45 in the afternoon, I ate the 5 grams. Then my wife and I went out on a walk. It usually takes around 30 minutes before I feel the effects of the mushrooms and the route we walk takes us along a canal and then up to a park, then we make our way back. It normally takes around 22 minutes to complete the walk, so I figured it would be plenty of time.
As we got back from our walk, I could feel the effects start to creep in. It hits me in the chest at first. It feels like there is a pit in your stomach and then you feel a vibration building in your stomach and chest. When this started, I went into my office and sat down at my computer to begin watching some videos.
I was trying to navigate my computer and things started to get really weird. My screen started breathing at me and when I tried to move the mouse around, my arms felt really long and the mouse felt so far away. I clicked on a video from Savej and settled in to start watching it. I think I made it about 3 minutes into the video when my entire body was vibrating so hard. Then the world begin to fold in on itself and reality began to tear away.
The video I was watching was full of trippy visuals, but when I looked around the room, everything was beginning to get really weird. These effects were coming on fast and hard and I knew I was not going to be able to sit here and I needed to get to my room and lay down. It was very disorienting as I made my way to the safety of my room. Fractal patterns began to appear on the edges of everything and they seemed to grow and spread. I turned on some music and laid down and tried to relax and breath into the experience.
There was no relaxing into this and I began to question why I did this to myself. Reality was ripping away and the world looked nothing like it was supposed to. Everything I was looking at began to glitter and there were rainbows of color shooting around the room. Things began to get very overwhelming because the sounds began to echo and repeat. My music sounded strange and otherworldly to me. I could see vibration and feel the vibration of the world. I looked at my hands at they were vibrating very fast and were blurry. It looked like I had about 8 fingers on each hand and they were made out of snakes. As they vibrated, I shook them to try and get them back to normal.
I think I was in the room for about 20 minutes when my wife came in and checked on me. She knew I was not doing good and that this experience was beginning to overwhelm me. When she was in the room, I felt safe as everything I knew about reality was imploding in on itself. She laid on the bed with me and just held onto me while I felt like I was having a panic attack. My entire body was cold and trembling and it was impossible to be still and I would just shake as the pulses of vibration shot through my entire body.
One thing that you want to do before a mushroom trip is to set an intention. My intention for this trip was to let go of the sense of control that I feel I need on everything that I do. I try and control every aspect of what I do and it feels like OCD or something. So to relinquish control go against everything that I know. Well, this mushroom trip was definitely showing me that I had absolutely zero control over any that was happening.
Psychedelic mushrooms have the ability to allow you to go deep within yourself. When I was able to relax a bit and really dig deep within myself, it felt like time stopped and I was just existing as a ball of energy. I had no body and I began to lose all sense of who I was and even what I was. I began to think about the human experience we are all having here on earth. Then I had a strong sense that we are eternal beings that have been around for a very long time and will continue to be around living different lives and having different experiences.
Then I began to think about this life I am having now and everything that I have been through. All throughout my life, I wore a mask to make it through one trial to another and life just seemed to continuously kick me and my family down. I thought about how we all just want to make it through this life and we are all just wanting happiness. As I was thinking about all of this, the visuals I was seeing were insane and made zero sense to me. It was like my reality was being generated by some AI and was being created as I looked at it.
Then I broke. I could feel strong suppressed emotions building up in me and I began to cry. I remember hearing myself cry and I thought how weird it was to hear me crying like I was a child again. I just held onto my wife really tight and cried as I thought about how proud I am of myself for navigating through this life and dealing with all of the shit that was dealt to us. Then I thought about how beautiful this experience of life is and that is why we do it everyday. In that moment, I knew that we as otherworldly beings knew what we were in for when we agreed to come to earth for this human experience and that our purpose is to love each other and learn from our experience here and help each other make it through this life.
The intense emotions and visuals would come in waves and they lasted around 4 hours before calming down enough to where I could begin to enjoy the experience and process what I was going through. 5 grams is a very intense dose and I do not think I will do that high of a dose for a while. But I made it through the experience and even though it was terrifying, it was also beautiful. My reality completely dissolved and nothing made sense to me, but I just kept reminding myself that everything I was experiencing was because my brain was working in overdrive. Everything I was seeing was the result of connections being made in my brain and my neurons firing like crazy.
This life we are living is a beautiful creation. We are ancient beings and it was nice to connect back to our source and have this little reminder. So as you make your way through today, just remember to slow down, and don't try and control every aspect of what happens to you. We are here for a short time in this life. Spend it bringing joy and happiness to others. Love is the strongest force in the universe.
Dude you really expressed the process very well in writing! I remember my first trip on LSD, and I remember I felt the earth breath. It is just amazing you get this sense that everything is alive when undergoing a psychedelic trip.
Thanks man. LSD is an interesting substance and I am most likely going to try it once and see how it is. I have heard many great things that come out of an LSD trip. From everything we have been told about LSD growing up, it is kind of scary to think about doing it, but we have been lied to about these substances.
Big time! I think the only thing that is a concern, is the source. LSD itself is a relatively safe drug, but what else that can be in it can be dangerous. Or just plain no good, and maybe sometimes not even LSD.
This kind of trip is important for human lives even though it may be twice in a lifetime. I’m sure there were so many things you learnt that you may not be able to learn on a normal day
This is like an eye opener
Nice!
It was a pretty amazing experience.
It sounds like it was one of your most profound trips yet, encompassing many different feelings and emotions, as well as life insights.
Letting go of control and expectation in the trip is pretty vital for these strong trips, and at a certain threshold point letting go of the control aspect is not even an option.
You did really good preparation and intention work before going into it and it sounds like a trip you'll forever remember that was packed with insight and spiritual growth for you.
Thanks man. It really was such an incredible experience. I wasn't sure how it would go and how I was gonna make through the chaos.
Damn.. 5 grams and I'd still be in Neverland
lol. For a second during the trip, I was worried it wouldn’t ever end.
It's 10X more intense when you make tea with them. Hits faster and much much much harder.. but shorter flight time..
Such a vivid recollection. The AI art creations look dope man! Glad you powered through this intense trip & bless your wife for being there for you when you needed her most.
I only did 5g once and it was so long ago. I was totally by myself for it . Talk about a rewarding challenge.
This is exactly how I felt…
This post makes me want to do mushrooms again so badly. Idk how I’ve let it become 7, 8, or 9 years since my last trip. I honestly don’t even remember when it was. It’s just such a pain to locate them here in WV. My only option is to hit up people I haven’t talked to in years and hope they appear MAGICALLY 🍄
I couldn't imagine doing it alone. My wife definitely helped me through those hard times. Just like in life.
It's crazy that it has been so long since your last trip. I think you are due for a trip. Hopefully you can find some if you want to go through with it.
Every time we go on a trip like this we learn a lot and our knowledge increases a lot the way you share your experience with us our knowledge also increases All these things will come in handy whenever we come to such a place.
Thanks for stopping by and checking out my post.
Wow, sounds like you had quite the journey.
This statement is profound, and true. Love is the key.
Love is the strongest vibration in the universe.
Never knew that using shrooms fixed up ones brain. They scarred me for years and gave me one hell of a stomach ache.
That sucks you had such a bad experience with them. Hopefully if you ever try them again, you have a better experience.
So interesting that this came up, as my husband and I have been microdosing over the past few months, but really wanna do a big dose again (difficult with 2 under 2 😅). But we pondered to ourselves, has anyone ever been mad on shrooms? heard a story about a guy killing someone while "high on shrooms," how big of a dose would you even have to do?
And this answers my question: it isn't possible. The deliberating anxiety is difficult enough, but like you said, when you reach that point where you cannot move, cannot function... I typically do 3.5 grams for a "hero dose," and I know now not to exceed that territory, thanks to your post!
Thank you for sharing! Such a coinky-dink this came up while thinking about it 😄
I have heard that some people with certain mental illnesses do have a harder time keeping their shit together on mushroom trips. Certain medications can also affect how your body reacts to them. It is hard to tell how someone would react when their entire known reality is stripped from them. I see how it could cause some issues. That’s why these substances need to be treated with respect because if you don’t respect the mushrooms, they will remind you who is in charge.
Depending on your size and if you have an empty stomach, 3.5 grams is a good sized dose. My next trip is gonna be 3 grams. 5 grams is not something I would want to do on a regular basis. I am gonna give you a follow so I hopefully don’t miss your recap of your trip. I hope it is good for you and healing.
I have been using shrooms to alleviate the symptoms of depression and anxiety; however anxiety is still present during trips and it's so hard to fight 😅 Like you said, it's important to remember who's in charge, go with the flow...
I have seen your posts over the months and I recognize the things you've been going through -- it's a lot. I truly do commend you for the way you've handled things, and yourself. God bless, many happy blessings in the future! 🙏🙇♀️
Thank you. I appreciate the kind words. I know what you mean about the anxiety during a trip. It can be pretty intense. I have found that about two hours after I start my trip, having a little bit of cannabis helps to calm my nerves and it reduces any nausea as well. It also allows me to relax more into the experience.
That's good your wife helped you through the most heavy moments. It's nice to have someone near by when it gets too strong.
I feel ya on doing a big dose. Now you know your limit which is a good thing. Maybe just do 4.5 grams next time.. which is still more than the usual 3.5g dose.
I dont think I found my limit. I am sure I will go even deeper than this in the future. I am going to be varying the doses that I do throughout the year and get used to the effects of those doses. It is going to be an interesting experience.
Wow...what a trip! 5 grams is a lot! What kind of mushrooms did you take?
Thanks for sharing this.
Love is not only the strongest force in the universe, it's the only real thing in the Universe.😊
What type of mushroom did you use ?. I am concerned that if I buy online I may just get a generic mushroom with a synthetic psychoactive of unknown type added.
I don't want a synthetic psychoactive, I wan natural psilocybin
I am not sure what mushroom was used to make the chocolate bars I get. The bars are Mr Mushy and I dont think you can get them online. There are a lot of scam sites claiming to sell them, but they just steal your money. I am growing some B+ mushrooms right now and I can't wait to try them out.
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