I can't believe it's been almost 2 years since I left Ukraine and War started. 24th February, was the most devastating day of my life. Not only for my life but also for the entire Ukrainian nation. Memories are vivid, feels like it happened yesterday and now when I talk about that day, it seems like a story. Living in the past is the most horrible way of living life, you are just stuck in time and can't move on no matter what so ever. The truth of my life; was a bitter experience that changed my entire life yet 2 years passed. 24th February, 2022; like always I was in deep sleep around 5.00 am in the morning. Instead of the alarm clock, my phone was ringing loudly, and tons of text messages, and notifications piled up in my phone. I received the call and explosions started, loud noises, sounds of bombardment. It was a war situation that I had never experienced before. I still remember, after hanging up the call that notified me war started, I sat on my couch, completely blanked and shattered, I didn't know what to do. How would I know, I had never been in such a situation in my entire life.
Do you know brain shutdown mode? It's a phase when your brain stops thinking and completely goes to silent mode; I was having that phase that day. Panic started, outside of my apartment, people were shouting, and running around and I was just sitting on the couch. I wish I could explain the loud sound of the outside, it was dark, cold early morning, sun didn't even rise but from far away the flames from the explosions I could see from the window. Now whenever I think about that moment, I shiver. It was a moment of life and death and I was walking on a thin line of survival. How can I forget those moments because only I know how I had felt that day, that moment of 24th February 2022...
Now every moment feels like a movie scenario, a well-written script, or a novel but it's a reality, a trauma in my life. There are different types of people and you can actually witness the reality of people's behavior. Some people handle such kind of crucial moments in a very calm way, they think and figure out the solution; I envy them. Some panic and become selfish. Others become blank and lose the process of thinking because the brain can't think. After that day, my life had never been the same, it was all about survival and I survived.
Today I am calmly writing this post, sounds very strange but in time, you will be able to sort out your words in life. You can tell the story of your survival, a real-life experience. Nobody can understand the moment of breaking out of a war if they never get to experience it in person. I was more scared of nighttime instead of daytime. In the daytime, I was able to see everything outside but at night time, due to blackouts (when war happens, you have to minimize the use of lights); it's scary. I like darkness as well as I am scared of darkness. I had to move to the basement of the building to stay safe. Day 1, and day 2 were in fear but the days became worse when people started leaving and fleeing the country. People were leaving in front of me, they were with family, they had cars and I was there watching everything. The most painful part was living in the darkness, alone in the basement for 9 days.
As I mentioned, people become selfish when such a panic situation occurs. People only care about themselves and their safety, no one cares about others and I witnessed it in 9 days. Those 9 days maybe created a lifetime trauma in my life that I will carry my entire life but also those days gave me a lot of lessons. A foreigner who doesn't even speak the language has made all the way to a safe place to survive. I can't speak Ukrainian or Russian properly and it was a disadvantage, I couldn't communicate at all with anyone who could help me to flee in those 9 days.
It's a sad day today, not only for me but for the entire Ukrainian nation. It's 2 years of war in Ukraine and yet war continues. Many of you might be familiar with my entire journey of survival, how I survived, and how I ended up in Europe as a refugee. I am not crying right now, instead I am feeling strong. So many people lost their lives, loved ones, family members, or friends. I didn't lose anything except my own life. So I guess I am lucky that I am not carrying any burden of losing loved ones.
Life is cruel and shows unsympathetic moments from time to time...
Today Ukrainian community in the Netherlands; they are remembering and reflecting on the two years of the invasion of Ukraine. I didn't go anywhere, I am not part of that community anymore. A lot of things happened after coming to Europe, 2 years is a long time. I am tired, exhausted of all the traumas and moments. I don't have the energy to be part of any activities, it might sound selfish. I might be selfish because my experience taught me how to be selfish and self-centered. When I needed support the most, when I needed the help most; a lot did turn their back on me. So, why bother about others, why bother about what's happening, my presence or absence won't change anything.
I respect those who are still living in war zones, who are fighting for survival every single day, and who are trying to live their life after losing loved ones. The hardest life they are living currently...
Many stories are hidden but they need to be unleashed someday...
I really hope nobody has to live a life like mine; a traumatic life that stuck in the past. I am still going through psychotic treatment, still attending therapies, and taking enormous medicines to be better...
I wish for peace in Ukraine... No more war...
Slava Ukraini...
Photo Location: Kharkiv, Ukraine
February 24, 2023 - A devastating year of war in Ukraine
Love
Priyan...
I am @priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thoughts easily...
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All images used are captured by the author...
I wish with all my heart that you can now have as peaceful a life as possible.
I can't imagine, one bit, how terrible and terrifying it is to witness a war, but I know that no one should go through that situation.
I wish you much encouragement and may you continue to progress.
Take care of yourself.
I always carry guilt, and sadness in me but I feel a little bit better whenever I think that I am safe. I don't know how I dealt with that moment when the war broke out, even I still can't believe that I have made my way to Europe safely. The entire journey now seems like a story but it's an experience that left a scar on my heart and my soul...
I always appreciate your support and encouragement, thank you for always being so supportive...
I also have feelings like it’s happening yesterday 😭but we keep fighting ❤️🩹 I will waiting for you in beautiful, peaceful Kharkiv!!! soon! I hope so✌️💞🙏🙏🙏🇺🇦🇺🇦No more wars😭
I told you that whenever the time is right, I will go to Kharkiv and gonna meet you. For us, 24th February feels like yesterday, a phase of our life that we will never forget. Stay safe my dear and take care of yourself and your family...
I am surprised that it has been years already since this terrible war started, and in fact during this time other wars have started in other places. I don't understand how by now people have not learned to live in peace, but it seems to be something we will have to deal with for a long time. I didn't know your story as such, but since I read you here I guessed it because I know you are from there. Those memories will always be with you, but maybe they will heal a little with time, especially if the war stops, but I am glad to know that your family is also well.
We here in Caracas have had several concerts for peace and we have been singing a John Rutter composition, the last time was in November in a cathedral. We cannot be oblivious to what is happening, it is our own world. I don't know if you know this music, but I will share this video with you. The singers are not us, I don't have a video yet, but I am glad to know that other choirs invoke the peace of Ukraine through music. We really hope for the best for your country and for the world. We don't speak your language, but we sing the lyrics with all our hearts 🙏
Unfortunately yes and like you said, the world somehow forgot how to live in peace.
I used to live in Ukraine for 6 years, in Kharkiv City (East Ukraine near the Russian border). I moved to Ukraine to have my master's degree, to build my life and after finishing my studies, I started living in Kharkiv. I am an immigrant but it didn't make much difference later as I am a resident holder in Ukraine. I left my family behind when I moved to Ukraine so I was all alone by myself in Ukraine and rebuilt my life from scratch. I am now a war survivor...
Hive community knows me because of Kharkiv stories. My all articles were related to Kharkiv City and its culture. When the war broke out, the Hive community supported me a lot in real life and helped me in a lot of ways after fleeing from the war...
Thank you for sharing the video, it's amazing and heartbreaking. I appreciate all of your support for Ukraine...
It is terrible that it's been two years already, but it is what it is. Focus on your recovery as nothing is more important than that.
Yes, my recovery and well-being, and that's why I said I might sound selfish but I will focus on myself. Everyone has their own way of coping up traumas, I guess this might be my way of dealing with traumas...
Thanks, Erikah for always being there for me, you know I mean it always...
It doesn't seem 2 years since my friends were asking me how is the lady with the dog? Did she escape? Is she safe? I had to give them updates.
Sometimes, you have to be selfish and look after yourself. I don’t really see that as being selfish though. Sometimes, you have to self care. You and @blind-spot have come a long way and are still negotiating an extremely difficult path. You can do this! ❤️
Darn that moment, was unforgettable. My dog was young, almost a puppy, and untrained. I had a very difficult moment dealing with her, especially with all those sounds. I remember when we both were waiting in a queue near the Poland border for 8 hours, she was so hungry and I didn't have enough food for her. She was wearing a jacket and was exhausted because we were traveling for over 25 hours. Did I write about my experience when we were in Lviv near the Poland border, I need to check...
My doctors said I live in the past and a part of my brain is stuck there; that's why I have traumas and dealing with PTSD... Yea, our survival experiences seem like stories and I am happy that in the future I have a story to tell. Now, I guess it's time to focus on my recovery and healing process only...
By the way, how are you these days? I was thinking of having a chat with you...
You must have both been exhausted but you made it, thankfully. Labrador puppies can be difficult unless they are sleeping! I will direct message you tomorrow and we can have a catch up. X
2 years already? Damn, time flies! And sadly, not in the direction of saying that we accomplished too many things or had too many moments of joy. Which sucks.
I don't even know how to react to this post... I mean the danger you all are facing daily is surreal, and it's a reason of joy to have you here after 2 years since the madness started, but honestly, I really hope this will end. Everyone was hoping this was ending sooner but I just want to stop.
2 years passed and still couldn't even visit my home and city for once. Some people returned to Ukraine, some often went to Kharkiv and came back but seeing my condition, I cannot go there now because of safety reasons and my mental issues. I thought a lot of times about returning to Kharkiv but I couldn't. Because I don't think I will be able to handle any uncertain circumstances anymore.
Yes, I also want that because now it looks like a cold war. Last year, I had hoped that this madness would stop but still, now the situation is uncertain even though some cities in Ukraine are livable, especially in western Ukraine. The most saddest part is my home is in Kharkiv and close to the border of Russia...
We all are hoping for the peace... This war needs to stop...
Living on the border with Russia is definitely dangerous and horrible at the same time. I can't imagine how that feels but it's a life situation that no one deserves to deal with..
Hi,
No words are describing what happened and is happening in Ukraine or other parts of the world.
The more it's important to take care of yourself, so you can help others. Does sound very paradoxale during such times.
But I believe it's very healthy to choose for your own health. If something is draining you and not giving the energy you need. It's time to change, it might look selfish. It actually is, you are choosing yourself first, for your own well being. And that takes courage, aswell being very open about this!
In the end with sharing your story, you will uplift someone else :)
Take good care of yourself 🙏
Thanks for such encouraging words, I needed it. I try to be strong and stay stable as much as possible even though mentally I am completely shattered. Writing is one of my options where I can be very honest and open about myself. Also, it helps when I go through a lot on a daily basis.
Thanks once again for the wonderful words... Have a great weekend...
If you ever need a chat, blind-spot has my number :)
!gif hug
Via Tenor
I will collect the contact details from him :)
Priyan, it seems like a lot more has happened beyond your mental health issues these two years, and so far you have been very strong and coped with all this on your own. You've come a long way these couple of years, so continue to stay strong. You can do it girl.
Hi Pauline, yes I am still dealing with some mental traumatic events and my treatment is still continuing. I am blessed that I get necessary medical help on a regular basis. These two years were eventful, good-bad everything happened after fleeing from the war. It's true I adjusted and adapted to the circumstances even though I have fallen apart. Thanks, Pauline for always supporting me and encouraging me, it means a lot to me...
Take care...