I've never had trouble writing; It's always seemed easy to pour my thoughts out onto paper or the computer and, if anything, I've often got too much to say. Today though...
I've been sitting here looking at a blank page on my computer for a half hour or so. I'm trying to begin my dad's eulogy but can't seem to start. It's not like the words are not within me, they certainly are, more that I don't know how to summarise my dad's life in a succinct manner, one suitable for me to read at his funeral service in a week.
I'm always quick to offer people advice on writing so it's quite ironic I've had so much trouble today, although I'll admit I'm fatigued and probably over emotional which could be causing the blockage.
I was up all night last night, I just couldn't sleep, and had all sorts of thoughts and memories running through my head from the life I had with my dad and I thought it would be easy to put them down, but I have struggled.
It will come though, and will write words that honour my father, show him respect and that celebrate the life he created.
I have had so many messages and calls from people offering their condolences, many who shared an anecdotal story or two they recall of my dad, and it has been really nice to see people volunteering such amazing thoughts and respect his way; It speaks highly of my dad that he touched so many people, and I know he would be humbled.
I know the words will come, and what I write will be the some of the most open, honest and forthright words I have ever written, just as it was when I wrote my mum's eulogy. I hope to do my dad proud, to represent my family well, and to leave those listening with an indelible impression of my father.
I'm nervous about reading at his service, I know I will struggle to get through it from an emotional perspective, but I have decided to find the courage as I know my father would do so. I think it seems right for me to stand there and honour him personally, no matter how difficult it may be to get through. I will take heart from words my dad once spoke to me:
"Galen, just do your best. It will change between moments may be different in happy or sad times, but in all circumstances simply deliver your best and you will never suffer self-judgement or regret."
Thanks dad, I will, as you always did.
On another (happier) note...This weeks' #weekend-engagement post topic was announced yesterday...The prize pool is now 130 hive, the biggest yet! It's a drawing topic in honour of my dad who was an amazing artist. Don't worry, you don't need to be...Take a look here for the post and the entry requirements, which are few.
I hope you're all having a great weekend.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised.
Be well
Discord: galenkp#9209
Short sharp and sweet is usually the best for these sorts of things. Fortified with a dash of whatever your favourite beverage is. I lost my father when I was 19. Different situations, I'm sure, but know that you can hit me up for a chat if you need it. Let me know if you need a coffee and a vent session, I've got some time off coming up in the next few weeks. :)
Thanks mate. Must have been hard for you as a young 19 year old. Might take you up on that offer. It'll be a busy week though. Faith has an operation Wednesday. It's all happening.
Whats the 21st / 22nd look like for ya? It's two weeks of leave for me :D
Could be ok...I'll have a look.
Being in that position is not easy at all.
Take it easy on yourself G-dog. <3
Thanks mate. I'll bring it together and do my dad proud. My brother will be there with me to help read. Together we will rock it on behalf of my dad!
I'm sure you guys do! :) <3
Thinking of you. 💙
Thank you mini, it has been quite humbling how supportive the community here have been.
The words will flow from your heart, I am sure you will do him proud.
I'll certainly try.
My sincerest condolences. I understand what you are going through very well. My mom also just passed on the 20th June. I was ill prepared for this road without her and trying to find my feet has been so very hard. No idea how I managed to get the words out of my mouth on saturday past. We all spoke and we all cried and you know what.... it is ok!
Sending you, much strength, love and peace in your heart. It is not an easy road and the only way to navigate it (as I am discovering myself) is one day at a time and one step at a time.
Take care xxx
Oh Jaynie, I didn't know this. I am sorry for your loss.
It's such a terrible time and I swing from remembering certain things and smiling to being very very sad. It has been amazing how the community here has rallied and been so supportive, yourself included, and I thank you very much.
We're both on a similar road and may travel upon it in a similar, or different, manner however we will get to a similar destination...A place from which we can recall our loved ones so warmly and with happiness in our hearts that we shared their lives.
xx
Yes absolutely!!! 💛❤🧡 !tip
The moments come in waves... and I welcome the ones of warm memories and gratitude.
All the best for the memorial... don't be too hard on yourself. As my one brother and I laughed and agreed... it wasn't to win any awards, so just let it all hang out! 🤗
xxx
Lol, the let it hang out method I can do! 🤔😂
Hehehe 👌😉😬
🎁 Hi @galenkp! You have received 0.1 HIVE tip from @jaynie!
@jaynie wrote lately about: Lizzies Snippets - A Weekly Gardening Blog, Dedicated To The Memory Of My Beautiful Mom. Feel free to follow @jaynie if you like it :)
Sending tips with @tipU - how to guide.
I'm sorry man, I can only imagine how hard this can be.
I'm sure your dad was a great man, you'll definitely find the right words.
Thank you sir...Yes, I think I will...They are proving elusive right now though and it's frustrating. I'll not force it though, I have time, and want to do it right. Thanks for your message.
!ENGAGE 25
ENGAGEtoday.Sorry for your loss.
When it was time for our father's funeral, my brother wrote a pretty decent one and he isn't one that is as good with words as you are. I'm sure that you will come up with something that is personal and heartfelt, it will come as you remember your experiences with him. (probably not when you are sitting in front of the computer waiting for it!)
Thank you for your words of encouragement. I've been taking voice notes on my phone as things pop up and I think that will help.
It's a hard time for sure, but we're getting through it. By the time the funeral comes around I think we'll be good to go.
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I like the start of it very much and I am sure the rest will follow soon enough.
Thanks mate, so hard to come up with the right words...But yes, once a few come the rest will tumble out.
as your father said; do the best. my dear friend. I'm sure you can do it. It is difficult to write some words for a person who is the center of his life. Writing for the hive is simple. You will get stuck in a lot of details while writing for your father. it will be difficult to find the right words. and most of the time your nose will tremble. Maybe your tears will come to the edge of your eyes to flow. but you're good at it. If your father hears you, he will be honored. I am sure. because of my bad english, i can't express what i want to tell very clearly. but I hope it was an understandable comment for you..I don't know if you would share your article with us. but I would like to listen to this conversation. and I wish your father to sleep peacefully again.
Your words translate well-enough and thank you for commenting. Yes, I am sure the words will come, the right ones, and that we will honour my dad's life well. I may share the eulogy, possibly edited slightly to secure people's identities. I will see how I feel about it. Thanks for commenting.
Actually you are really good at writing.I mean you can tell us what you feel,know or want with your writing...So you can do your best for this again...Let them feel these memories which are about your father and make him proud,maybe the last time. Rest in peace...
Thanks for saying this, I will do my best as my dad deserves that.
I have no doubts that you'd do a fine job mate. The stories coming in will help and i'm sure when the blockage clears there'll be plenty to say.
I agree with you, it'll come. I'd rather it was organic than forced.
We just got a lovely message from one of dad's students from 1955 (his first class). The young lad joined the military and became a Brigadier-General...He came from a very poor Malaysian family and dad supported and helped him through school, even bringing his family food. He credits my dad with his rise from poverty and his successful life.
Nice to receive his message. I will read it at the funeral.
Very difficult times i remember when my Dad died i just told it the way it was not trying to impress anyone just my true feeling about my amazing Dad the words just kept flowing out without even having a written speech in front of me , i just put it in point form and just elaborated on that it all came out fine 👍
I was thinking about dot points too, just as prompts, like you I think the rest will come out naturally.
Yep it's better then having 20 pages of paperwork in front of you , your great memories of your Dad will just flow out 👍
A bit of off the cuff story-telling is good. No one will mind if I fuck it up a bit.
I haven’t had a big loss like yours but I can guess how hard it is. I’m sure you will make your father proud. Rest in peace..
Thank you, I hope to. My brother will stand beside me and help me read it. Together we'll honour dad.
I have no idea what to write. I can't write a book, but how is a paragraph or two ever going to be enough?
I know. Pretty hard. I'm going to have a crack tomorrow. I think I know where I'll start. I want to keep it to no more than 8 minutes. With breaks to compose myself might be 10 minutes all up.
Being lost for words is tough. The emotional flooding is hard on you now. I can only send you far over the ocean positive romanian vibes. And somehow I know a tiny bit will get through.
I'll work it out although some positive vibes from Romania would be nice; Never had any before.
I'll work out the eulogy, I've just got to make a start. I'm thinking I'll just write and if that bit becomes the middle or end it won't matter. Making a start will see the words tumble out.
Yeah, once you start, it will come to you. It is pouring out rain here now, hope the vibes will get an umbrella lol
Nothing wrong with a little rain. Nice excuse to stay in and read.
Oh yes. I am currently on two books started now. Definetely a good hobby for rainy days.
Snuggling is another good pastime when it's cold and raining...One of my favourite things.
Oh yeah, that is so awesome. For the moment I have my pillow for that lol. Will snuggle. 😂😂
Sorry to hear that! While my dad is still with us, I’ve often sat and wondered what I’ll say at his funeral. Like you say how do you sum up a life in a few minutes?
I know my old man wouldn’t want anything mushy. He would hate anyone to reference him as a “hero” or anything like that. I think he’d love to hear the anecdotes because he always enjoys a good story so I’d be adding a few of them in especially the ones that paint a picture of the person he was and what he means to me.
Ultimately though you may have to accept that as wonderful as the English language is, it may not be able to describe every emotion you are feeling and the kind of relationship that can only develop over that period of time. The greatest writers of all time have been trying to achieve that for centuries and have only scratched the surface. Some things will always go unsaid but it doesn’t make them any less real.
I'm intending to focus on his qualities and what that meant to the family and those he impacted. It's easy to have good things to say about my dad as be was a good person. I think I'll write something that says what it needs to, simple and respectful.
We recently listened for 2 hours to a guy that lost his wife to cancer and every word held all spellbound my friend.
Don't time yourself and allow your heart to speak.
Everyone has truth registers and they will feel your words.
Make a place for tears and just pour the words out.
That's what I do every time and I have never recieved any critisism for it.
Instead the people cried and laughed with me.
Hope this will help you!
They'll be a captive audience I suppose so will have no choice but to hear me out. I'm pretty sure it will work out in the day, it's not the first time I've had to do this sort of thing and I'm not a bad public speaker. I'm certain things will come together and we'll send dad off with respect.
Sounds great and I like your confidence.
Just flow from the heart and everything will be awesome.
All strength to you guys!
Will the siblings be there? Is it going to be a virtual type gathering?
I am a train wreck mess at these type of things.
It will not be easy, and that is what makes it real. The love and loss you feel is powerful stuff. Just roll with it bro. Cuz it is s'posed to be emotional and awkward. You got this...
My sister is here from Sydney and my brother, his wife and son will arrive from Queensland and they'll bring my dad's sister also. The two in Finland are unable to come of course. They were offered the virtual option but have declined.
There's limits at the funeral home because of the flu thing and we're not sure how many may arrive. We'll just do our thing and send dad on his way as best we can.
Thanks for your words. Much appreciated.
Hey, @galenkp.
You may already have written the eulogy by now. I just wanted to agree with you that I know you will be able to organize your thoughts and everything will turn out just fine.
For me, with the eulogy for my mother, it came down to finally deciding that good enough was just that, good enough, and that my mom's whole life, which I didn't even know that much about (even the part of it I was alive for) couldn't be summed up in so many paragraphs, and that it didn't need to be. Her life, or its significance, or whatever, wasn't dependent on or somehow validated by me getting facts, dates or stories straight.
I'm not sure what my own dad is going to want regarding his funeral. In trying to get mom's arranged, he said he would spare us all the work and not have one, but he may have softened on that a bit after it was over and he was able to see his siblings and mom's family and how the funeral brought the two together.
Or maybe that's just what I saw.
I wish you and yours well. I believe your dad is now in a better place. If some measure of relief hasn't yet come, I know that it will.
I think that's the key to it all...The fact that whatever I do will be enough. I won't be graded on my writing or performance and I believe no one there will take me to task over my eulogy. The main focus is that my family feels we sent him on his way respectfully and with honour. I like your point about the facts and dates thing...That's what I was thinking last night; Just say the words.
I have not written a word however by the end of today I will have many words written and I believe they will pain the picture and do my dad some justice.
Thanks for your kind words and sharing your own experiences. Many people go through this and sharing our experience with others is valuable and welcome, so thank you.
My pleasure. I'm one of many, it sounds like, which I think is good.
It seems when we get to a certain age, these kinds of experience become more and more commonplace until it's our turn.
In my case, I knew my Dad wanted to get up and say some words, and he ended up taking the better part of an hour free styling it while I took about 10 minutes for her eulogy, something that I couldn't write until a couple of days before because of what you were describing with emotions and memories, then ended up revising it somewhat again the night before her funeral.
In the end, there was no way to convey more than I did, and I still learned more about her by sitting back down and listening to my Dad. :)
So sorry to hear of your dad,
passing it is so painful .
Both my mom and dad suffered such painful deaths with cancers, it was so bad that l prayed for God to take them. But once they were laid to rest, I knew in my heart , they will never be forgotten.
They live within me now and always help guide me.
Cherish the memories and love them forever .
With love and respect, be at peace.
Cling to your family but have Faith, love will
see you though.
Sending hugs
Thanks for your kind words. It is appreciated.
Write first, structure later. Whatever you end up with will be perfect.
Yes, exactly. Been doing a little...I'll get there. Thanks Ry. :)
Sorry to hear of your loss my friend. It is a very final door that closes and it is very very difficult to absorb. Time does heal, and the fact that he lived a long good life must be some consolation...
Strength !!
Thanks mate, I appreciate your thoughts and kind words.
Don't worry mate, those words will come. I found it hard to do the same when my school mate passed from cancer years ago. I guess that you have so many wonderful memories together, that it becomes hard to summarise it so simply, as you said.
Eventually though, I narrowed down to the core of why my friendship with him meant so much, just that one of two instances down memory lane that reminded us why were mates. Lost now, but I'm sure you'll find your words again soon. Stay strong... Cheers and love <3
I suspect you are not alone in having difficulty writing an eulogy. Trying to write succinctly at such a time I am sure is difficult.
I just got done with the first draft. We are meeting with the celebrant later today. I'm pretty happy with it but will let it cool for several hours before looking at it again. It's difficult.