Today, after having three additional five year old girls here for a few hours, I am even more grateful for Smallsteps than normal. I am also glad that we have raised her the way we have, as it is pretty obvious thay boundaries are not being set in all households, nor is any sense of responsibility of action, manners, situational awareness... My wife is tired.
Still though, nothing is broken and nothing needs too much cleaning or repair and overall, the kids were pretty decent.
One thing that I did find strange was one of the children had a security blanket with them. I thought that likbd of thing only happened in Peanuts with Linus. This is not my area, but is five pretty old for a security blanket?
The other day I saw a child that must have been near four years of age still using a dummy (pacifier) and it makes me wonder. Are parents that scared of tears that they can't take them away or, are they scared that their child will be grievously harmed by losing it?
Smallsteps was old in dummy standards in my opinion, as she was around two when she gave it up. Literally gave it up. We had a conversation with her about her being too old for it and that there was a baby bunny in the forest that needed a dummy. We then went outside and left it on a rock in the forest for the bunny family to take once we had waked away. We checked an hour later and it had magically disappeared (into my pocket) and she was so happy that she had helped a baby bunny.
The thing that made it easy was that the decision to give it up was hers and there was a good reason to do so. While the story is obviously nonsense to an adult, as an adult knows that a human pacifier is much too large for a baby bunny, it was something that Smallsteps could understand and act upon. While the truth matters, stories are very effective ways to deliver the messages of truth - *with a little poetic license.
As said, I am really grateful to have the daughter we do and while I know that many parents likely feel that way, I think they should be grateful. being grateful for what we have is part of the story that helps us to take care of what we have, to take responsibility for it. The story isn't enough, if action doesn't follow and it seems a lot of parents tell themselves stories, but they don't necessarily have the follow through.
"Mother knows best" might pass many lips, but when what the parent does is far from in the best interest of their child, it is an empty statement. Parents don't know best, they just know what they know and do the best they can, even if that best is pretty damn terrible.
In my family, I am "bad cop", a position that I never wanted, but have taken as essentially, Someone has to. But, while I am quite strict in many ways as a parent, I also temper it with a lot of fun, games, inside jokes and as a result, I have a pretty bloody good relationship with our daughter. She and I can have fun absolutely anywhere and we can talk about anything together, no matter how silly or difficult.
The other day as we were driving home from daycare, laughing about some random stuff, I told her that the world is a better place for having her in it and the quiet smile that I caught in the rearview mirror when she thought I couldn't see her, was one of the most lovely things I have ever seen in 42 years of life.
Right now, she is starting to find her own place in this world as she starts to expand her awareness from herself to include others into her considerations. She has always been sensitive to the emotions of others, but I think now she is starting to realize how she is able to influence their moods too.
A couple weeks ago I had read to her and kissed her good night and she took my hand and said for the first time, "I love you, Daddy" and she meant it. She was serious, not a throw away comment where she was repeating what she has heard from us. At least in her world and as far as she understands love, she was expressing exactly how she felt. I don't know if other parents remember the first time they hear that, but I hope to never forget it.
I think that over the last few months I have worked a bit harder to make sure that she knows that it doesn't matter what happens, she will always be loved by us, even if we aren't together. Not together for her at the moment is when I am at work and she daycare, or she at home and I am at the shops - but the idea of distance is there. If I was to pass, it is not a far leap from there to me being gone, but her still being loved by me. She doesn't need to understand all the details at this point, she just needs to hold the general storyline.
A few months ago, if things had gone another way, I don't think she would have had that story clearly at all and even though my wife would have told it to her, she may always question the narrative, as it wasn't from the Bear's mouth. we joke around a lot and make up many stories and non-truths - but she knows when I am tricking her and when I am serious.
Pretty much everyone can have children, but I don't think parenting is for everyone. Too many seem to see it as a lifegoal checklist kind of thing or have some kind of idealistic view of what it means, or what they want to get out of it. People talk about the sacrifice of time, money, effort, potential and even themselves - but I think that one of the biggest sacrifice made is that it changes our view of the world, takes away our own filters and introduces a thousand dangers that weren't there just a moment ago.
For me, I have never been scared of death and still am not, but what does scare me is, if I'm gone, who will protect her? I have no answers at the moment and the world at the moment doesn't fill me with confidence that it will all work out for her best. What I can only hope is that when that time comes, she will be able to look after herself.
The world is better with her in it already, as she chose to help a baby bunny, even if the bunny never existed. I just hope that she will be able to build the relationship between ownership and responsibility, before giving all she has away. And learning who deserves her potential, and who her potential is wasted upon. For me at least, time as a parent is never wasted and she deserves the best of me, because my world is definitely better having her in it.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Good post indeed! Any post mentioning and promoting situational awareness is a good one. 😊
Also, it's good to see smallsteps llwearijg the unicorn dress I sent plus retaining her rock and roll nature at the same time. Lol.
Also, don't worry bro, if you croak it uncle G-dog will have her back. You can rest assured.
She loves the dress and had a ball with her friends. we kept it pretty simple and played a couple party games, like keeping balloons off the ground :)
You can take her for the early teen years :D
Lol, I'm an expert at balloon-off-the-ground - Although I always use a helium filled balloon so my prowess may be somewhat diminished by that.
Oh yeah, give me the hardest years to work with.
I carried a security blanket around till I was like 7 and look at me I turned out perfectly fine.
Smallsteps is adorable btw
Right, I have to immediately throw away anything that makes her feel comfortable!
:D
😁
lol, have fun doing it!
I'd just borrow other people's, share or just take the whole thing for a while then give it back. I'm 51 - still do it.
I guess you can never get too old for security blankets :)
Or people just find other substitutes, like a mobile phone.
your doughter look so pretty and brave heart. Wish her happy birthday in advance.parenting is not an easy task as there are lot of responsibility .I am also father of one son and always i try to educate him in right direction so one day he will be a man with good heart and humanity.
It is hard at times to bring children up well, especially when they learn so much by example.
I definitely know parenting is not an easy venture being an aunt myself. Having to unlearn certain things as we grow and interact with others and also find self awareness.
Please continue to grow your relationship with your beautiful daughter.
Some aunts/uncles are hands on - some are not there at all. It depends on the person. Parents generally have to be there - to some degree at least - some fail at that too. It is strange that something that is natural and part of our survival as a species - seems so hard for many.
I definitely fall into the hands on category. It can be really overwhelming at times. I can only imagine how parents actually go through it.
This is so funny..tho
You do have a great relationship with your daughter I must say.
I almost got so emotional while reading this post.
I hope I get to have such a cool relationship with my child when I eventually decide to have kids.
Do not worry so much about who will take Carr of her when you are gone, just do all you can while you are here.
She will definitely devise means to survive after you have gone based on the training you give her.
This was a really emotional post
🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧
Relationships with kids are fun to develop, but I imagine the worst part is when they are teens, as no matter what is done, they likely hate their parents :D
I'll take being a "bad cop" any day as a parent, you might not understand me now, but you'll learn to appreciate why and thank me later.
I hope she appreciates it later - or at least benefits from it :)
Sometimes it's the parents.
Sometimes there's brain glitches that aren't necessarily caused by parents, and most of them are minor enough that it's so much easier to just assume that the parents are clearly terrible at their job XD
I have known a few people like this x_x fortunately some of them while feeling like failures for not having ticked that particular box have at least realised that if it's just an item on a checklist they probably shouldn't in that particular case.
With the one here yesterday, it is a case of both I think, but don't know them well enough.
I know some people who had kids for the list and have been terrible parents. I also know some that had kids for the list and ended up being great parents, as they recognized the magnitude of their role.
you got lucky and you couple worked hard on rising her I know my aunt kids and truly pan in the ass when they come to my house
I think as a kid, I was a good visitor, as were most kids - what happened to children today?
I think I was the same I don't remember being a pain in the ass of my relative
I think that bringing up a kid is the most important, blessed and tiring stuff in life.
..but what does scare me is, if I'm gone, who will protect her?
This was the scare of my neighbour as well. He passed away and his daughter is able to protect herself, and your daughter will, too. All you should do is to leave her in much better conditions, especially economic.
I just worry about passing before she is capable. I think she will be able to take care of herself later - but at five, no. My wife is strong, but different.
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